Schizospec - Blog Posts

The amount of posts I see on here, especially about delusion-related stuff, that are like "I don't experience this and admit I don't have a good understanding of it at all, but anyway here's my opinion on why something those who experience it do is harmful" is so annoying.

Holy shit, if you straight up know you don't know enough about this topic, just shut the fuck up. You don't need to share your opinion on shit that doesn't include you and you have no actual idea about.

this is schizo (I am not creative with names) and his head is full of rocks!

your art is super cool btw!!

this is damian doom and xe is Trying his best

Hello! wanted to ask some questions about schizoaffective bipolar type; because we've been dx'ed with bipolar type 1 already but aren't really trusting of anyone in psych-therapy circles to reveal any details about my schizospec symptoms. Aside from the fact that psychiatry in my corner of eastern europe is very anti-dx in general. I had to fight to get taken seriously with bipolar for them to finally stop giving me antidepressants without mood stabilisers kind of deal.

What makes bipolar be schizoaffective and not just bipolar with some schizospec symptoms? How does schizoaffective manifest for you? i've read enough regarding actual dx criteria for schizoaffective and i would fall into schizoaffective but i wanted to hear a first-person point of view.

Feel free to ignore this if you're not comfortable, or dm me instead if it's more ok for you.

thank you!

Hello! I totally understand being hesitant to disclose psychotic symptoms. It’s for different reasons but it took me a very long time to get proper treatment as I was unable to understand that my symptoms were 1. indicative of a disorder 2. severe enough to warrant treatment. Luckily where I live I have access to a lot of resources for psychotic people, so I eventually have found a regime of medications that helps me to think clearly.

I think for me the difference between bipolar with psychotic features and schizoaffective was that i was in a near constant state of psychosis before treatment. In bipolar, usually psychosis is sort of treated as the end of the road: the most severe mood symptoms can get. Honestly there’s a ton of disagreement over what schizoaffective even means. Personally I define my version of schizoaffective as schizophrenia with bipolar episodes, but that’s my personal definition and definitely doesn’t apply to everyone.

Before treatment I was constantly confused and unable to take care of myself. Some of my psychosis was related to my nonhumanity (I consider my god/angel identity to be endelic due to this), but not all of it is. And my nonhumanity is definitely not all psychotic. I really am a fae creature. I know a lot of my beliefs would be written off as crazy talk if I explained them to my psychiatrist. But ultimately I know myself best.

Human definitions for mental conditions are flawed and very subjective/fluid. Unfortunately, I love labels so I choose to identify with the diagnoses I’ve been given.

Sorry if this is a very long rambly response. I love talking about this sort of thing. If you have any more questions/discussion feel free to dm me!

Hello hope you're doing good. Question, if you want to answer: what does catatonia feel like for you? I watched a friend have her first catatonic episode last year and she didn't have a good memory of it afterward. I'd like to get some idea of what goes on there. Obviously if this is an unpleasant topic ignore

There are different types of catatonia and not everyone will have the same symptoms; I dont even have the same symptoms every episode. So my experience is just that; mine.

Withdrawn catatonia feels like being stuck inside my body. I can see and hear everything going on, but I can't react to it as normal. It's kind of as if I'm externally inanimate; I can't move (or can barely move), but if you move my limbs for me they stay in whatever position you put me in. I often get stuck in uncomfortable positions because one of the first symptoms I usually get is abnormal or exaggerated movements (and Im hypermobile so its even worse).

It's very hard to describe the actual feeling that goes with it though. It's like being drugged by your own nervous system. My body feels like lead and all my processes feel slowed. Even though I am aware, depending on the episode and trigger I may be confused and/or dissociated.

But I also experience excited catatonia, which is pretty much the opposite of what I described. I cant slow down. I either cant speak or cant communicate normally. I'll repeat things over and over, I'll do the same movements over and over - which usually ends up with me hurting myself. I feel very panicked when I experience this. It doesnt happen as often as withdrawn type, though. And when I do experience it, its usually a severe episode where I flip back and forth between withdrawn and excited.

For me, withdrawn episodes are usually triggered by stress like - dissociation, anxiety, and trauma. Excited episodes are usually triggered by autistic/schizophrenic nervous system overload. Both can be related to/triggered by psychosis, and there's decent overlap between my catatonic episodes and disorganized speech/thinking episodes.

So yeah. If anyone's ever wondered what it might be like, now you know.

songs that are relatable to people with schizotypal personality disorder

Ladytron- destroy everything you touch feeling a lack of empathy towards others and destroying your relationships with everyone you know 

Jack stauber- baby hotline wanting to seek professional help when your at your lowest, psychosis/anxiety 

Cristianmirror- the mind electric 4 demo - struggling with mental instability and not being able to tell reality from delusion

Balde and bath- Bloody sink I feel like think song relates to those who suffer in silence, with crippling anxiety and paranoia to the point they will have panic attacks in public 

Black Sabbath - paranoid obviously paranoia that an entity or a person is out to get you yet no one sees it but you

Marc Demarco- chamber of reflection this song could relate to the feeling of isolation and loneliness as people with schizotypal will often ghost or push people away due to paranoia that others will hurt them 

Cannibal corpse- hammer smashed face relates to those who actually killed or experience wanted to kill (not all people with stpd experience this though keep in mind)

Radiohead- creep a song about feeling isolated as you don’t fit in can relate to those who struggle to socialize as they are seen as awkward or eccentric 

perhaps I was meant to be alone I hurt people or they hurt me, I do not trust them. I’m stuck in a form of self isolation I choose to be isolated the only person I felt safe around is my friend with anti social personality disorder man I love him he’s legit my only friend I confide in. Schizotypal is not fun it’s harming

I was hallucinating again the other day and I was so terrified :(

I had a psychotic episode yesterday and the maintenance saw my hell of a room when I was outside now I’m embarrassed

Last night I was terrified to fall asleep because I felt like I was being watched again :(

In the corner of my room I saw a statue of similar to those in meso America it scared me

I’m probably going to be alone for the rest of my life I cannot trust people

Anyone else homicidal instead of suicidal?

I can’t take it anymore I’m going insane

It doesn’t matter who it is if anyone tells me they love me I think their lying

Why is everyone lying to me :(

I was crying yesterday I’m tired of having schizotypal personality disorder, I’m tired of accusing people of stuff, I’m tired of being paranoid, I’m tired of thinking people are doing rituals on me, I’m tired of thinning entities are watching me

I fear I am getting worse I do not trust my therapist or my psychiatrist to tell them this

Anyone get scared to sleep to sleep because they feel entities watching them

I’m getting suspicious of a family member trying to make me sick

Schizotypal is like having thoughts that people are out to get you and your mind convincing you that your friends and family don’t like you

Sometimes I’m ashamed of having schizotypal personality disorder because when I do research, I see loads of serial killers and I think to myself will I become like them? 

I’ve been feeling an entity watching me for the past couple of weeks

Hey I'm gonna be super super vulnerable here. I'm here to say as a psychotic I HATE the representation we get. We aren't scary. We aren't evil. We're dealing with a horrific mental illness it's way scarier to be in then to witness. I want us to be seen as normal people who have lives and passions and families and jobs. I go to school and get awesome grades I'm medicated AND I'm a silly little guy who hates the idea of hurting people for no reason. We are people. I have a somewhat stable life. I want you to help me destigmatize this mental illness and others like it.

not endo but sharing this + also adding on the note that a lot of their posts could be triggering to people with psychosis or paranoia, i checked their blog and YEAH! as a paranoid schizospec person... be cautious guys yeah

i& advise endos to block @ifuckinghateendos , some of their content is upsetting to see . this is not an invitation to harass them , i& assume they are a satirical blog .

stay safe , please !

it bothers me so much when "mental health advocates" are only supportive of the "acceptable" symptoms and disorders...

people who "advocate" for depression but call others disgusting for having trouble showering, or people who "advocate" for trauma survivors but say you shouldnt express your trauma in art or talk about it because its "triggering"...

people who "advocate" for BPD but demonize NPD and ASPD as if they arent in the same cluster...

people "support mental health" until it isnt relatable. people "support mental health" until it cant be romanticized. people "support mental health" until symptoms disrupt life. people "support mental health" until symptoms are noticeable and not easily hidden.

you are not an advocate if you do not advocate for us all. you cannot be a mental health advocate while also talking badly about people with personality disorders, including ASPD and NPD. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you make fun of autistic people who are visibly autistic. you cannot be a mental health advocate if you call the police on someone with psychosis for talking to themselves in public.

if your entire "advocacy" revolves around demonizing more "severe" symptoms or disorders, and romanticizing the "good" and "relatable" symptoms or disorders, you are not an ally. you are feeding into stereotypes.

i have ASPD and NPD. the amount of hate i see in "advocate" spaces is honestly shocking. if your entire advocacy revolves around "helping depressed autistics escape evil narcissists!!!!", you are not an advocate, you are ableist.

people with stigmatized disorders or symptoms should not have to water down the way they experience life and describe their personal symptoms and experiences just to avoid being called bad people. by demonizing some disorders while romanticizing others under the guise of "advocacy", you are spreading misinformation and reinforcing stereotypes. you are worsening the stigma for people who already struggle. you are harming everyone with struggles, because a lot of society does not see a difference of "good" vs "bad" mental illness. to ableist neurotypicals, we are all bad.

you hurt the entire community by excluding your own.

you advocate for all of us, or you help none of us.

Psychosis vent drawing (version 1 is more accurate to how i feel but its a pain to look at lol,,,)

Do not use or post my drawings anywhere.

(reblogs are okay)

I will always stand in solidarity with the psychotic and schizospec community.

If you don't judge people for saying "sorry adhd brain" in public, then don't judge people for saying "sorry schizophrenia brain" in public

If you correct people when they misuse the term "ocd" then you need to correct people when they misuse the terms "psychotic", "delusional", "hallucinating" and "schizophrenic"

If you don't stare, laugh at or fear a stranger in public flapping their hands, then you need to do the same for a stranger in public talking to someone who isn't actually there.

If you give a trigger warning to sensitive topics then you need to give a trigger warning to unreality and false information as a prank.

If you want to normalize medication like antidepressants you also need to normalize medications like antipsychotics.

If you don't like people without your disorder joking about it online and report it as harassment, then you need to do the same for the tons of nonschizophrenics making "schizoposting" memes to make fun of us.

Just please include schizo-spec and psychotic acceptance into your mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance. We are part of your community whether you like it or not. We are constantly stigmatized, misrepresented and made fun of. We do what we can to help you, please return the favor.

Mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance is an ongoing action. We will get nowhere in the long run if we split the community into the "in" group and the "out" group. We could all accomplish so much if we worked together. But you need to include the "weird" people that don't fit into your aesthetic and don't fit the social norms.

Us psychotics and schizo-specs have been struggling for years and have been the only people fighting for ourselves while the people we plead to barely see us as human. If you are nonpsychotic and nonschizo-spec, you can help us more than you realize. Please include us and stick up for us the same way we have been including and sticking up for you.

the female sounding voices that i hear are somehow comforting most of the time

the male sounding voices on the other hand, hate me

i love the fact that toby canonically has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia (schizoaffective disorder)

i finally have a character to project my mental illness onto

HEY HEY HEY WANNA JOIN A MOSTLY SAYA NO UTA THEMED SCHIZO SERVER???? THEN YOURE WELCOME HERE ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

(note: the server is dead and were trying to revive it)