Mental Wellness - Blog Posts

Okay guys I’ve got another comic going on now :). This one is actually written by @ineedseveretherapy and it’s called Truth Or Dare. I kid you not this made me cry. Call me sensitive but man I couldn’t get this out of my head until I decided I HAD TO DRAW IT.

So with permissions from the creator (thank you again, by the way) I started drawing. I struggled so hard to not put as much detail and color and attention into this comic like Warfare because I really like the story, but I knew if I did my main comic would suffer, so I hope you guys are okay with messy sketches haha.

But for real, give this story a read I really like it and there are two parts. Please mind the trigger warnings and tags. This comic and the story does cover heavy topics about suicide so please be careful. Thank you all so much for the love and support you guys are all incredibly amazing. God bless you all! ✝️

On Journaling

Hi, so i LOVE journaling. im obsessed with it, i love talking about, its my main personality trait, i try to convince everyone i meet to journal (and have succesfully convinced many of my friends to do so).

I would like to talk about it, and answer questions about it. More than anything i think this is an interest and hobby of mine that has become so integral to my being and i cannot live without it and i think its super super helpful and fun. Obviously for many people it isnt helpful or inspiring but it could be! give it a try! so here is a LONG post about my basic journaling practice, why i journal, and how i became consistent and happy with it.

My journal collection.

Currently im actively using a 3 notebook system, and i have 4 total journals. the first (A) is my regular journal one that i will habit track, write my goals, ramble, diary entries, collages. anything. the second is my commonplace book (B) (the most recent additon) which i use to collect information i want to reference back to (everday reciepes, facts, excersizes/activities) and i also use it as a on the go notebook since its small enough to fit in my purse. 3rd (C) in my system is my planner. its a blank notebook that i draw a calender in and use it for to-do lists or things i need to remember, its the messiest of the 3. the 4th is a bit of a wildcard, i have a journal that i am making for a friend and they are making one for me and we trade them once they are done. fun little bonding activity, i do more prompts and artistic collages and lists for them.

I am pretty picky but also broke so i wanted to share the types of journals i use. type A is currently a art creation sketchbook (im canadian so a win for us) i adore it and its a good length of pages for me since i can finish them quickly and they are thick enough for me to draw in on occassion. B is a A6 spiral bound blank muji notebook, small enough for my purses and i like the hard cover so i can flip it over and write even without a hard surface. C was a gift, a grid notebook a freind got me but i have in the past used an A5 muji blank notebook, im the least picky with this type. Just no lines, my handwriting is messy and lines get in the way.

My History + Why

so i have been doing diary writing of some sort since i was a kid, if very sporatically. i was definitly inspired by dork diaries <3 and i for sure think it was a way for me to talk to someone about the traumas i was experiencing without guilt or shame. I have journaled on and off for years. i started taking it a bit more seriously in highschool, I'd finish one journal every like 2 years/1.5 years. last fall i had a pretty thin notebook that i didnt love that i had for oct-dec since i didnt want to start a new nice one so close to the end of the year and for some reason i just poured into it. i think the goal of finishing it was motivated 1. because i was excited to use my new one for the new year 2. i was very conciously working on my mental health and developing new hobbies, 3. i was away from my friends, and 4. I decied that instead of having the like 5 journal system i previously did (why idk) and being so precious about it i would mush them all into one and build from there. this year I have finished 2 journals and started my 3rd one yesterday. not even that i was trying. infact my first journal of the year i thought was so beautiful so i was a bit precious about it sometimes. It just got solidified as a habit, and i needed it as a coping mechanism. its definitely something i use more when I'm feeling lonley or my friends are away at school, but even during the summer i love it. I dont force myself anymore which is a wonderful feeling.

The biggest change i made to become consistent started with me noticing how bad of a vibe my journals had before. i only ever journaled the bad things or the things i was too embarassed to say. So everytime i picked it up i felt BAD. i stopped using my journal at the time half way through and started a new one with the express mentality that i was going to do both good and bad things in one space. make it my life. I started writing out my goals semi regularly, documenting good days like my birthdays, journaling while waiting for friends at cafes, sticking in receipts and packaging, doing pretty/ugly collages, all while also journaling through late night breakdowns, difficult times, therpay sessions, and coping strategies. i used it as a place to extend my joy AND process my sadness and mental health. the point is, make your journal a confidant. Its so helpful for me (a chronic oversharer) to write stuff down and then if i still feel the urge to talk to someone i do. this doesnt limit my social interaction but enhances the conversations i can have because I have already processed parts of my emotions.

So generally speaking i journal because its helpful and fun. I suspect i have ADHD and i also dissacociate from my depression/anxiety so i forget things. both good and bad. so i need a record of not only my plans but also the good things that happen in my life. Nostalgia runs deep in my bones and i cannot wait to read these back as i age. every year i wish i had journaled more in my childhood. its also a way for me to process my emtions and feelings without spiraling, i write slower than i type so it forces me to slow down. I also feel like externalizing my emotions to a book gets them out of my head. there are a few anxiety reducing things i have learned that help A TON

You dont need to be consistent about it, there has been days or weeks where i dont touch my journal because i dont feel the need to. But because of the years of practice i know when i havent been thinking about my emotions or I feel like my brain is a mess that i need to. Even when i've just had a really really good conversation i know its something i want to write down. sometimes i will type entries into my phone and either print them or copy them into my journal.

My journals, past and present, are some of my most prized possessions. PLEASEE feel free and encouraged to ask me things or tell me about your journaling practice!!!!

things to do when u realize u feel shitty

so i have alexithymia (emotional blindness or challenges in recognizing, expressing, sourcing, and describing one's emotions) and i often dont realize why, whats causing me to feel that way, or even if its mental or physical shittiness. so here are things i try to do to reset.

so the first step is obviously realizing the feeling at first, is your brain making you feel bad about yourself? do you feel like theres no point in doing things? do you feel stuck? or has there been any drastic change in energy in a short time? these may look different for you, but learning to notice even something as small as do i feel Good or Bad, you dont need to get caught up in what specifically it is.

FIRST and foremost, medications. did you take your meds? vitamins? please do so if you can. if you've missed the time window that you are meant to or cant for another reason, no guilt please, its ok we all forget.

move! change locations. even if its just where you are sitting in bed from one side to the other and sit up if you can. i try to move to my desk chair. sometimes just sitting up can change the way you feel drastically.

this could also mean move as in take a walk around your room, stand up on your phone instead of laying down.

do a Task, or Activity. copy a journal spread from pinterst even if it takes like 3 hours. write some lists, make a bracelet, play a game. focus on something you like. very cliche advice i know but its great to allow yourself to do something you like.

get a snack/water. unfortunately hydration is important even tho its annoying. make it super cold, put some lemon or mint in there if you want. its all about making it a) more fun and b) different sensory experiences. if you are hungry go down a mental list of most to least effort meal and find what you can do (cook from sratch, add stuff to ramen, eat it plain, get a handful of nuts or fruits, etc)

open the curtains/blinds, let the outside in a bit. even if its dark out open them and look around and close again.

face feels gross? do some level of skincare, exfoliate your lips and put on some vasesline, brush and floss your teeth (love floss picks). if you have bangs wash them in the sink.

if weather + mental permits, go outside. even for 2 seconds to look at it

shower=full reset and rebirth. not a bath, a shower. let the water hit you and soak your hair. do as full of a shower as you can. use so much moisturizer (if you can) with a scent you love. sensory goodness is very helpful. this usually works for me to pull me out. often the reason why i feel shitty is actually just me not realizing my hair is dirty, or i need alone time, etc which is acheived by showering.

aligned with that, put on new clothes, either comfortable and lounge clothes that are good sensory, or you need a new fun outfit because you have been wearing the current one for too long and its irritating you in a way you dont notice.

clean something, same as the food go from most to least effort and find out what you can do. organize 1 drawer or your whole house. my go to is usually rearraging my bedside table top and drawer. because for me thats where i keep things like my journal, headphones, letters from friends, body butter, etc its a chance for me to help future me access this little self care station.

make your bed so you have a clean cozy place to lay and sit, unfortunately a made bed is more comfortable

in general, treat yourself like a littel guy, talk to yourself like a toddler even if it feels silly, the part of you that feels bad is basically a toddler throwing a tantrum tbh. silliness is often a precursor to feeling Good. these things feel so so hard but each time you do them despite feeling bad it will get easier i promise you, you will get good at what you practice so practice trying.

if all of these things seem too hard, or you cant do them, the main thing is thats ok too. and if you dont feel 100% better after doing these things, that is also ok. the truth is some days things will be hard and that is your body telling you to relax, or sleep, or that it just wants to have an off day. no day is wasted if you are still here to see it.

(a lot of these tasks can be made easier by doing prep when you are feeling Good, which is part of the reason why i made this list, but i might do another post on prep stuff. )

the urge to cut is so strong but my parents are always coming into my room after I've been up there for like 10 minutes since I gave them a letter explaining everything. I'm such a hypocrite but still

My therapist kept asking me about my emotions and sorta how they feel and I was saying how sometimes it’s hard to understand how I’m feeling and how to express what I’m feeling. That sometimes it takes me a while to register what’s going on. That I mimic people around me to fit in with them more. That when a friend is expressing a lot of emotions I don’t really know how to react. That I often mask how I’m feeling.

AND GUESS WHAT

She said she I showed a lot of symptoms of autism and that if it’s okay with me she was gonna keep evaluating me over time.

ITS HAPPENING GUYS

I MIGHT FINALLY GET THE DIAGNOSIS IVE BEEN WANTING FOR YEARS

Positivity post time!!

CW: food

One thing that I’ve really struggled with while being depressed is eating enough. So, one thing I’ve been working on has been making sure I eat. Ideally at least one meal a day, but snacking thru the day is better than nothing.

Today I ate three meals! There have been several days like this recently and I’m so incredibly proud of myself. It’s just one part of my recovery, but it’s an important part. I’m starting to feel a lot better.

Learn to get up again.

You will most likely face challenges in life. If not, touché, but for most of us, there will be feats we attempt to undertake, and fail at. Or things that happen which we really didn't want to happen. Or things that don't happen when you really want them to. It is reasonable to assume this is an inevitable fact for all humans.

Because of this, one of the best skills to learn in life is getting back up when life kicks you down.

And it doesn't have to be a major thing. It can be, but major events have the aspect of "wow, this was a major thing, I really need to make a dedicated attempt at moving on" which smaller, more common misfortunes sneakily sidestep. But no matter if a loved one died, or your partner dumped you, or you relapsed, or if you didn't get into your dream academy, you must get back up sooner and later. And most of the time, you will, but training your mind to have a structured framework for getting back up is an incredibly liberating exercise once you get it down.

All of the examples I just mentioned have happened, one way or another, to me throughout my youth, and back then I was not nearly as well-adjusted or happy as I am now. This is not because I grew out of the phase where bad things happened - there's no such thing - but because I learnt to deal with loss, grief and how to get back up after I relapsed. Instead of channeling my emotions into selfhatred, shame, scratches and drunken weekends, I eventually trained myself to get back to where I was after reality kicked me out of flow. (I'll get to the exception in a moment).

I remember the first time it properly happened. I had my first high school exam, and I had done a masterful amount of prepwork... at least by my standards. Seriously, though, I was feeling great about it and actually looking forward to presenting and- I got the lowest passing grade. Now, to put this in context, my whole life I had gotten mid to high grades without putting in any effort, and always been told that if I just put in effort I could make it so much further. I was not even sad when I recieved my grade - not cuz of stoicism, but because I was so genuinely flabberghasted I did not know how to react.

As I went home, my mood gradually decreased, especially as everyone around me kept asking "what went wrong", and I continually had to supress the urge to tell them "Oh I actually put in effort this time, like you said!". But that evening, I had finally gotten to a point where I was mentally capable of comprehending the grade and the entire experience. So I ran it through again, and this time, I asked myself "What went wrong" like everyone around me had done before. And truth is? I don't know what went wrong. Even now, I don't get it. But back then it seemed pretty clear what was gonna happen now. A lifetime spent without effort was rewarded, the first time I really tried I was punished. And yet, the conclusion I came to that evening was "Eh, it was probably a one-time thing", which was an out of character level of maturity for a 15 year old boy with virtually no work discipline to present. And no, to this day I have no idea how or why I came to that conclusion back then, either.

Now, back to the whole "getting back up" thing, you may find after particularly important and/or traumatic events in life that you can't just return to everyday life. Maybe there is a new feeling in your mind that you know you can never get rid of, or maybe a part of "normal" dissapeared completely from your life. In these cases it is more important that ever to have a structure in your mind, so that when one aspect of life comes crashing down, the rest remains intact. You have to be emotionally prepared to adapt, because life doesn't wait for good times to kick you in the nads.

And this, near the end of a very long rant, is probably going to be the only time you will ever see me encourage religious-esque activity. Cuz asking yourself "what does the universe/God/Joe Roagan want me to learn from this" is plain and simply more effective than asking yourself "what can I learn from this" when you're facing something that sucks.

Humans are social creatures. Imagining the personifcation of your inner voice as a friend that wants you to be happy is a tool that shouldn't, but does, work for me. Maybe it will for you, too?

Stillness has a way of pulling everything to the surface. The dreams you have tucked away, the fears you don’t speak out loud, the memories that still echo, and the questions that still don’t have answers. It’s when your guard is down and the world is quiet that your soul speaks the loudest. Even in the weight of it all the wisdom is still unfolding, the thoughts and feelings are not here to torment you, there here to show you the truth of your heart, what needs your love, your attention, your healing. Allow the quiet to soften what the distractions may sharpen. Allow your soul to feel heard so that you can understand the map of your heart and move in the direction of what’s purposeful and true.

Be mindful, your compassion can turn into self sacrifice in an instant.

I have a deep appreciation for people who take care and responsibility for their own health. I have huge admiration for those who pour into themselves and create balance so that their mental wellbeing is a priority. I have loving respect for anyone I care for who doesn’t cause me to continually worry about their physical, mental and spiritual health so that I too can balance the love I have for you with the love I need for me.

Today's one of those days, so I'm trying to keep myself grounded. Stay warm and rested folks 😌

the way my mood switches back and forth from being depressed out of my mind to feeling like i’m on cloud nine at least 100 times a day is so exhausting actually

no one:

me: 😞>😐>😁>😞>😐>😁>😞>😐>😁>😞>😐>😁

trying to keep up with writing while trying to keep up with promoting my writing while trying to keep up with work while trying to keep up with taking care of my mental health aka the reason why all these things are so hard in the first place is so hard!!!!!!

taking breaks isn’t an option for me unfortunately. my mentally ill brain needs a routine to keep the wheels turning. it sounds like self torture but trust i’ve been through worse, this is light work for me!!!!!!

(i don’t think i’m human anymore)

Miss when i had the energy to bake stuff ૮ ◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა

I am waning.

I feel as though I am in that final phase of the moon where it begins to vanish from the sun's light and hides for a few days - as if it's recharging.

Except I'm not recharging.

I'm simply spent. I have no motivation, no sense of hope, no desire to do anything... I just want to lay in bed and not exist. I have not contributed anything to the world these last three weeks and I'm on the edge of simply wallowing. I suppose I already am.

I have met obstacles and simply given up, neither going around them or over them. I simply sit down and accept that I cannot go any further, that I can't do anything better, that I'm not making any progress.

It's in every faucet of life. I've let it leak into my main responsibilities, but it started in my hobbies, my creativity, my self-care and health. I've gone back so many steps on simple things I've been trying so hard to do better with.

Drinking water? I gave up and now I'm dehydrated.

Walking outside? I'll just sit at my computer and scroll endlessly, hoping something catches my attention.

Hobbies? No thanks, I'll just sigh and flick YouTube shorts away over and over again.

I'm unhappy with myself. I don't feel good. I don't look good. My mental health is low. I am at a loss of how to pick myself up. I'm hoping my therapy on Thursday helps.

Thanks for reading.

While I feel good at the start of my day, it always begins to slow down, and the weight of depression settles in. It's hard to motivate myself to do anything and even if I do get it done, I feel as though I haven't done enough and have to keep going. I have to do a lot to feel I accomplished anything and by then I'm overwhelmed mentally. It's not a good feeling.

This is so average for most people, but for me... it's quite the difference (as you can see). I am a housewife, and I have a hard time motivating myself to do any kind of exercise, but today I walked. I walked and I enjoyed every moment listening to music in one ear and the frogs singing in the other.

The weather was perfect, and I felt so good about myself. Being outside in nature really cleared my head and I could breathe so easily with the fresh air. I feel so at peace, so calm and content. Fulfilled.

I am proud of myself for taking the first step. My hope is to do this at least 3 times a week, if not more. I would love to do it 5 times a week, but I know I need to start slow. My desire to get to a better weight and further from the diabetes that runs in my family is strong.

I want to be healthy, and I want to love my body.

Time to overshare!

Therapy was a bit rough today, but I made it and I have goals to achieve. I'm keeping my head up.

Also considering joining a gym...

70 F outside with a soft breeze. It's a beautiful day and all I wanted to do was sit in my front yard and exist.

So, I did. I quietly existed on the ground for about 20 minutes, just allowing myself to be. It was refreshing, comforting, and I felt that everything was going to get better.

February has been a rough month with lots of ups and downs in my mind. I know it hasn't been terrible, but my anxiety and depression have created this image of failure in my mind. I was ill over my birthday, I didn't do anything romantic for my husband over valentine's, I wasn't able to take part in the simple photography challenge I set up for myself because I just wasn't motivated.

This all gathered up inside and makes me feel as though I wasted February. Winter should be about rest - the calm, silent season before the colorful rebirth of nature. I think I'm ready for spring.

I think I have sat still long enough that I am simply wallowing in the quiet and unable to relax. I live in a state of anxiety, so it's difficult, but I am ready for life. I'm ready to live.

I need to stay positive, to stay motivated, to allow myself to take days off to simply exist, but I want so much to enjoy the world around me and feel connected to it.

I'm optimistic.

Tonight, I let go.

Of all the pain, despair, misery, and images that haunt me on this date. I release them to the wind, to the rain, to the earth and let them become nothing but distant memories of my youth. I move forward holding the love, the warmth, and the joy that those years with you brought me. I will celebrate the life of all of those I hold dear. I will not dwell in death, but I will flourish in the gifts you all gave me.

This day has held me hostage for my entire life, but I felt you today. I felt you in that moment where the rain picked up and you cried with me. I felt your acknowledgement of me, my love, and my promise to surrender my grief. I stood lighter, the world felt brighter- my ears even popped, and I could hear more clearly!

I will carry forward the happiness we created.

Today is difficult. I am not ready for it.

November came in like the first freeze of winter. Beautiful, but cold and frustrating. I didn't take time to prepare for the change of autumn into winter. I didn't concern myself with the shortening of days and the long stretches of night. This led me into a whirlwind of panic and November clung to me like ice.

December won't be "my month", but it will be a collection of days I will work through bravely. I will continue to move forward and I know I will trip and stumble, but I have to keep my head up and I can't let those moments hold me back.

So I hope all of you welcome this final month of 2024 and all of its challenges. I hope you hold onto the happy memories of this year and use them as your strength while we coast into the next.

It's been a rough two weeks. Today has been the first time I've felt any kind of peace and my mania has settled. I forget that handwriting things is such a treat for me. Though I dislike my hand writing, working slowly and jotting things down in a "pretty" way really gives me a sense of peace and accomplishment. Today I started writing recipes from websites I like down in a notebook. It'll work for now. I even got help.

I know I was going to separate all my FFXIV stuff to a side blog, but my husband and best friend are right (as usual) and know me. I go through phases of wanting to organize everything and then giving up and combining it all again because it becomes a hassle. I think I need to step back from social media for a while soon. I believe it's getting to me.

I think getting more hands on is definitely my goal for the next month. To do more instead of just peering at it from across the table.

Seasonal depression is trying to creep in. I am doing my best to push forward and keep going. I have to remind myself it's okay to take things at my own pace, even if it slows down for a few days. As long as I am not stopping.

i am out of spoons today. im trying so hard to do the bare minimum and then the rest i can make up. its okay to take a day of rest. it's okay to take your time to do things. as long as they get finished in the end! just remember to take care of yourself.

having a rough day today and i keep having to remind myself that it's okay to have an off day. but my mind keeps telling me i'm the worst for taking today "off".