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It Will Be Okay - Blog Posts
& you know what it actually IS lifechanging to smile at strangers & say please & thank you & goodmorning & compliment someones outfit & help someone in need & be more accepting of loving other people just because they are other people!!!
i hope that in 2025 u get to take more walks, read more books, connect with more people whom u love and who love u, achieve ur goals (even if ur goals are having no goals and just living in the moment), exercise fun hobbies, move from a place of self-direction, and weave together a beguiling assortment of beautiful little moments. remember that no feeling lasts forever. love u
they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"
we were never meant to be permanent
not in
mortality
so the story behind this, today, is that I got emotionally attached to a class I only have for three months ish. that's college for you.
and we came to the end of our time together today sitting around a table, slamming markers and gatorade down in a game in Portuguese I felt so content even knowing it was coming to an end even with the primal fear of someone aboard a speed train about to reach the end of the track one day, it will be permanent but not in this life I will see you all again on the other side Even if I never see you again in this mortal life
It comes down to the principle of Gatorade. That's what I call it because I remember a time when I was a kid that Gatorades were a prize. You could only obtain them by playing soccer because the other kids' soccer moms would bring Gatorade and CapriSun and all those glorious things your parents didn't get for you. Basically, you can't have one Gatorade forever. Makes sense, right?
But what if you could make a Gatorade last forever? What if you were in that one glorious moment forever? The sun shining off the thick clouds in the late golden hour, illuminating the greens and blues in the mountains around, the wind your best friend so exhilarating, the satisfaction of completing a soccer game you loved not for anything in particular other than the fact that you were outside and alive and proving yourself alive and you have a Gatorade.
Make that moment last forever. Now, what do you lose?
Years from now, you'll be at a movie night with friends. You will be scrunched between two people you love on a couch, or maybe curled cozily into a corner, or marinating in a beanbag with a super soft blanket. The movie is the greatest movie you've ever seen and it's only augmented by being cozy with true friends. One day you will finally achieve that skill you spend years trying to perfect. One day you might even learn to cook. You'll meet someone new a thousand times, then a million times. You'll even get to meet the same person again and again if you try. There will be so many people that come and go in your life. So many hobbies and loves and passions and YouTube recommendations.
You will change as a person and maybe you will be scared to. Maybe you'll long for the comfort and safety and glory of the Gatorade in the fresh air.
But if you remain there forever, you will never meet your best friend. You will never have that cozy movie night and never accomplish that tricky thing. You will never encounter so many things to love. TV show or drawing styles or color palettes or characters or songs. You're going to make an awesome PowerPoint one day. Would you give that up for the Gatorade you've already had?
As mortal beings we are confined to a timeline. Time-bound. Afterwards, though, we'll get to be whole, and let me tell you time isn't a problem for God. We'll get to remember each moment of joy we got to have down here on earth. We'll get to live each of them all at once if we want, and be with everyone we love all at once, forever, and I know I'm a mortal and probably butchering this description of what comes next because heck it I've not been there yet but that's sort of what it'll be like.
It's possible for everything we want to be permanent to be permanent in eternity. That's the point of eternity. That is not the point of mortality. The point of mortality is to do many things, experience many things, keep moving.
(As for the loved ones who stay in your life? They change, too, and that's beautiful.)
We were never meant to be permanent in mortality. The permanence comes later.
Today's one of those days, so I'm trying to keep myself grounded. Stay warm and rested folks 😌
Day 11: Cruel
This was rather difficult to figure out what to draw. In the end, I came up with a feeling that I'm certain a lot of us struggle with. It sucks, but it's also kinda reassuring to know that it's not an uncommon thought, and we're not alone in this
“Just stay alive, that would be enough” - That Would Be Enough, Hamilton (2017)
I love that this quote (out of context) is kind of a reminder that you being alive is good enough. You don’t need to do something crazy with your life or do something amazing for you or your life to matter. You just living and being on this earth is enough.
Today I feel sad, because I wasn’t feeling feminine. Yesterday I got school work done, cleaned my room and did other chores, you know why? Because I felt feminine yesterday, I felt really good.
It’s days like these that oddly affirm my feeling of being trans.
To my trauma buddies, i hope you had a better, or even good (shocking right) day. i just want you to know that you are not alone, and even though im a stranger on the internet, im proud of you for being so strong. if its safe, you should get some water, if its not, i really hope it will be soon. remember, you have to take care of yourself too. you're amazing, and you can do this. <3
ps, keeping some water in your room makes it easier if you have to stay in there for hours at a time, also, stash some snacks if u can
DENY US AND BE DOOMED
Sending my love to everyone feeling lost or scared atm. I'm with you.
This is a time where we cannot be divided
Never become comfortable.
Never stop wanting better because you deserve better
Update on my last post
i did the exam and it seemed to be ok, managed to stay calm throughout it. last final done, school year done! to those of you still doing exams you've got this :)
