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Blotched Ink - Blog Posts

4 years ago

Law and order

What the hell has happened

You all want the same thing

Peace love and harmony.

We just want freedom

To explore our own minds

To walk across the land

We was giving for free.

We stand with hands in the air

Chanting we just want to be heard

While your stood on the line,

Distorted face , a devils eye.

We was placed upon earth

By your mother and mine

I was giving life , by a wife ,

But I did not choose

To be put upon this world

Which is falling apart in front of me.

I did choose to have a mind

Not to be controlled by the side ,

But to many sheep are falling for the governments lie.

Your hitting innocent humans

While you glare with your power

Think your better then any other .

I don’t disrespect you job

But why do you defend the slobs

And not your job

Which is to protect your family and mine.

Not to use the bat

Given you to by the mighty rats

To a innocent man without a hat

We have no weapons , just a voice

We beg you can hear ,

But we know we fall upon deaths ears .

If we was to bring shields , bats and the world

You would be the ones running for the hills.

We out do the majority of you

But we still carry nothing

We don’t throw stones ,

Our hands are clean

We don’t carry a gun

Just a empty thumb.

We can all play games , believe me so,

But you lock the most powerful men in a zoo,

If them wild animals were let out ,

Your power would no longer be felt

As they would out do the devil in you.

We unite as one with out any cause

Millions of us , face off demons

Who won’t let us become one.

We are told violence is wrong

And we agree can’t you see

It’s just me .

I have no riot gear, My skin is my armour ,

A shield is my face , as I have nothing to hide ,

I don’t carry a baton , I carry a lantern ,

To show you the light , in the darkest point of your life.

I bring my energy , you carry a taser

To zap the life

Straight out of me .

We beg you to see

We are peaceful in this sweet lullaby

We only want to be free.

@trueemotions91


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4 years ago

I don’t want to see

What is hidden beaneath the leaves

I’m scared it will shake my knees

Something I ain’t ready to please

I beg you

Don’t shake me to hard

I fall to fast

My soul won’t last

If you make me shiver

My heart will quiver

I don’t know when to stop

That’s when I lose the plot

I’m sorry

I can’t stumble

Upon these troubles

I want you to be happy

And

To show you inside

Would make us both the perfect disaster .

@trueemotions91


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4 years ago

When I was young

I thought I was strong

Thought life was just a laugh.

Till the voice in my head ,

Kept screaming for a chance .

Showing me things

My own eyes

Could never believe .

I ignored the noise

A racket in my brain

Used to tell the fucker

To just go away,

Always screaming at me

A fight against the other.

always in the inside

No one else can hear my brain

It sent me crazy

Used to screw

Wanted it to just escape

But it wanted to stick like glue .

Who was this screaming inside of me

I used to ask the fucker

But it would never accept the anwser .

I learnt to listen

And accept it

that’s when my words started flowing

It started screaming a little less louder

Then I realised it was me against my self

The devil and angel balancing me out

Till I accepted

That’s what my life was about

To find peace with my other self .

@trueemotions91


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6 years ago

Its the place that haunts me

I always thought it was people who held memories.

It was all the moments you have with people that stays

But how wrong was I

I went back to a place so mine. So familiar; Yet so distant now

The place that was once mine

And it was at that moment I realized that it is indeed places that hold moments and memories

Every path I walked yesterday, every step I took

Reminded me of so many people and so many moments

I could literally look back and see myself doing all sorts of stuff

With all the people I love.

When I told people they thought I was hallucinating

Or said I was being very filmy.

But trust me, I could see that all

Feel it all.

A sense of loss was felt

All those time that I spent there with all of them. It all just drifted back.

It was like there was something holding me back. 

It felt I could be with all of them at that moment.

I was happy as well as sad at that particular moment.

I had left back the whole idea that its not places and things that keep you the memory.

It’s at that moment that I realized that its places that haunts me.

The places that made me feel so much.


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7 years ago

The first piece I ever wrote for tumblr. Its been months now and it brings back a lot of memories...

Lost

He saw me that day, but just walked away. I looked at him, at his deep brown eyes that said a thousand words, sang a hundred songs. I saw that he still loved me but yet decided to walk away. If I ask him, he would say that it’s for my own good. But I fail to understand what is this good that I have without him. What is that he does not want to make me a part of his life?

I asked, I screamed but he just turned away.

Well I know all this just sounded a bit too melodramatic, but trust me it isn’t. Whatever he did to me at that wedding day walking away from me was just not fine. Yes, my fiance “the love of my life” just walked away from our wedding without even looking at me.

My beloved father who had been separated from my mother for the past 15 years, to whom I have not talked more than a couple of times all this while decided to turn up for my weeding. The problem was not he coming to the wedding (even though that was my main intention behind not inviting him) but his reaction. Like any other melodramatic movie father, in the moment of “kanyadan” came when my maternal uncle was giving away my hand, this great man created a scene stating nobody else other than him can do that. Well if he had been there when I wanted him maybe I would have let him, I definitely do not need a father for namesake. So I decided to go against it. And seeing this drama my would-be in-laws decided to grab the opportunity, as they from the beginning had a problem in my parents being separated. So my fiance’s mother took him by his hand and grabbed him out of the hall… and I stood there staring at him walking away with his mother as a four year old kid being denied of his favorite toy. This was crazy, crazy as ever.

My dad dint stop there he accused me of not inviting him for the wedding and challenged that without him I could never get married. Well I dint want to anymore. My friends, the literal love of my life came up and made sure the drama ended. The humiliation, the heartbreak, the frustration all that came stemmed up and all wanted to do was run away, run away from all these eyes staring at me, from all the fake sympathy I was going to get. All I did was run, reached my room packed my bags, took my wallet, my passport and took a cab to the airport. I had no idea where I was going. I dint want to cancel my holiday and go back to US because again I will have to explain stuff there. All I wanted was to go somewhere.

With no idea in my head as to my destination I was sitting in the airport when suddenly my phone beeps, I get a call from an unknown number, at first I ignore thinking it is someone wanting to know where I was, but then I decided to pick it up at the third ring. It was the hotel confirmation for my honeymoon. Well I dint have my “honey” with me but I guess I could go there and get some peace of mind. I decided to go, checked in, it was a 3 day package, and as I was not among the girls who would morn over ice cream.

I went in, ordered some alcohol, took a long and refreshing shower and sat in the balcony watching the beach, drink in one hand and a cigar in another. I wanted to just stay like this, away from all the mess, all the confusion that just was there in my life. I dint want to take up any trouble right now. And my phone was lying there dead just like me, I dint switch it on after coming back, I dint want anybody to know where I was, and come for me.

Finally after three days of seldom loneliness, alcohol and sleep I realized that I dint do anything to come under hiding. I decided to go back, face everybody because it was not me who walked out of the wedding; it was not me who couldn’t take a stand against the person I loved. He did that, if there was anyone to be ashamed of, it was him. After being in love for bloody 8 years, and knowing me in and out, if he has done this to me, then it is not me who deserves this isolation. I switched on my phone, there were hundreds of texts and calls, I ignored them all knowing it would all be the same from different people. And then my phone buzzed, it was him, Imran, well I dint want to talk to him, now or forever, I did not pick up his call, nor did I reject it, and then came a call from my aunt, she at first scolded my which was obvious as they did not know where I was, what was I doing, and when I told her where I was and what I was doing she relaxed. She said Imran had called a number of times, and that he wanted to apologize and get married to me and me alone. But I did not. She said that he had come home every hour hoping I would have come back. I did not want to see his face.

Finally, in the evening when I  decided to check out and head back home, I heard a knock at my door, I thought it was the coffee I ordered and told the person to come in, but mistaken was I, it was him, he was standing right in front of me, looking right into my eyes this time, wanting to explain a thousand things, but I dint want to hear even a single thing he had to tell, all I said was a small good bye, hugged him out and told him to leave, not just from my room but from my life.

He wanted to speak, opened his mouth but maybe realized that it was all in vain and just left.

I am not going to be melodramatic and say that “all men are one” or that “I hate men” or something. I just lost trust in him, and in the whole thing called as “love”. And this trust once broken takes a lot of effort to get healed, to be gained back, and so I guess will be my case, as for me it will take another lifetime to trust someone and fall in love all over again.


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