Ex Evangelical - Blog Posts

This is EXTREMELY real. I would have people regularly tickle or touch me even if I told them not too. Once a teenage boy around my age essentially chased me becuase I wouldn't let him pat my shoulder and no one said or did anything.

Your wishes and autonomy aren't respected because wittness aren't allowed to be people. Just "one of Jehovah's Wittnesses"...

hate hate hate the jw greeting of physical contact. i dont want to hug 30 plus people every single meeting ugh. even worse is when youre walking past someone and they like squeeze your arm or rub your back like no!! i dont want that!! please!!

to be honest its most not about the touch (though when im already overwhelmed and stressed it doesnt help) but my lack of autonomy.

i feel like i cant say no. i feel like i have to hug everyone and i hate it so much. sure, i could refuse, but i know id be made to feel bad by the jw wanting one.

idk i just wish i could go to a meeting without getting touched for once

After everything with moving away, leaving the cult, graduating, making real friends, and being able to be openly queer... I still miss my parents so much

They treated me awful and still haven't really apologized. They're all sad I'm not in contact with them but have done nothing besides decide "I guess we should stop messaging since they asked us to". This is safer for me but God I want parents. The bond between parent and child and the security of having a guardian to rely on is a privilege ripped away from me.

I love my found family, but wish my biological ones were what I needed and deserved.

You're very right but I gotta point out something insane in this image

WHY IS THE RAINBOW FLAG UPSIDE DOWN?! IS IT SO CURSED IT CAN NOT SAFELY BE DEPICTED IN RELIGOUS MATERIAL? DO THEY OBJECT TO GOD'S PROMISE TO MANKIND THE RAINBOW ??!

at least the watchtower images are still funny

Now that I'm POMO interactions with parents are weird. In a way I'm fortunate that my family is still willing to talk to me, but they still suck as people. Their abusive and continue to misgender me and be manipulative. It was really hard to say that "no, I don't want to meet up rn even for a meal" because I know how many people desperately wish they could have that offer. Even knowing how triggering it would be I almost said yes because I miss my parents. But I guess I more miss having parents I can trust and support me, than them specifically.

For the apostate ask game:

3. Have you gotten emotional support from friends in deconverting/deconstructing? Would you like more support? Have you found any online?

7. Do you like angels or demons?

3. Yes, I have! As I realized I no longer believed I tried to reach out to people outside of my cult to reconnect. I was very surprised about how many people were happy to hang out again, and when I told them my situation were super supportive and understanding! It was so affirming when one of them told me how brave and proud of me they were for leaving. I also found out my closest friend in the cult was also questioning shortly before I formally left. Being able to maintain our friendship and be honest about our experiences has been so nice.

While I was still with my family and PIMO I really appreciated this blog as a way to vent and see others with similar experiences. Now that I'm out of immediate danger, I'm doing a lot of trauma work in therapy. I've got a lot to work on but I think I have sufficient support for now.

7. Oh 100%. Unfortunately Jehovah's Witnesses don't have as much artistic flair with their worship, but other's religious imagery was always seen as taboo. This makes it fun now lol. I'm also very into religious studies. I think the psychology and cultural parts of religion are fascinating now that I've spent so much time dissecting my old faith.

I finally moved out and told my parents I was leaving the cult. Moving was fine i suppose but the phone conversation explaining my stance was much more emotional than I expected.

My parents aren't the type to question their beliefs so I wasn't going to put effort into explaining myself, but they kept pushing. They had preconceived notions that I was just bitter or foolish and kept poking only to have me explain how their bigotry made my life hell. My dad tried to play off the slurs and awful things he said as jokes only to have to come to terms with the fact that I grew up feeling unlovable and disgusting because of him.

Now I'm waiting for them to decide if they ever want to talk to me again. They're crushed but still miss the point. Rather than realizing "homophobia bad" they took "we did homophobia wrong". While I can't say I wanted to spill so much to them, I'm happy that they have to live with what they've done.

I just secured an apartment!

So I finished my college classes recently and spent time looking at apartments. I found one that fits me really well and I'm so excited!

There is so much in my life that's gonna change after this, which is scary, but I'll finally be free. No more meetings, or lying, or dealing with my shitty parents. I might finally be okay, ya kno?

Also I now know about about apartment hunting, so if there are any PIMOs or others who have questions feel free to ask. I had to get help from my parents and they purposely gave me scary information to discourage me from moving. So, if you don't have someone to shoot stuff off of I'm here.

I want PIMOs here to know that there are "worldly people" kinder than you can imagine. Friends you'll gain that aren't conditional in their support. New experiences you never even considered, but that bring you immense joy. Parts of yourself that you'll find and can now let free.

Your life isn't over for waking up, it's about to begin.

The amount of times I decided religous trauma related breakdowns/nightmares were "a sign from God" is honestly crazy. How can you connect that you are miserable because of the cult but not reach the conclusion "I should leave".

I find it increasingly difficult to put effort into convincing people I'm still a believer.

It used to be a normal and subconscious process for me. You just say what you know you're supposed to and that's the way you will always be. It was casual survival. Now, I'm outgrowing this persona. I feel more and more like an individual who can actively have their own thoughts without guilt, and then having to turn around and restrict that hurts. I spend so much of my time having to listen to their drivel and act like I agree, despite the now obvious logical fallacies and bigotry.

I don't know how much longer I can even let the mask i show my family "be molded by Jehovah".

Another thing that gets me is how they use the growing visibility and acceptance of queer people as the most obvious sign of the world's depravity. Even though, they have no reason to get so upset besides "the bible says it's bad in our outdated translations". Other things like sleeping together outside of marriage should be a similar sin within their rules, but it doesn't hold the same disgust to them. Regardless of what they say, they're obvious bigots.

So when they tried to fearmonger by saying that "they let middle schoolers twist morality with GSA" it wasn't surprising, but I wanted to fucking scream.

Meetings really only exist to encourage my deconversion at this point. I don't know how saying that "feminism making women think they should be fully equal in the marriage is damaging" will make me, an afab person, agree that God knows best lol.

Like no. I don't know about you but I don't want to be in a position where my partner can abuse me without consequence.

Hey reblog this with a weird thing that made you realize you were in a cult, I'll go first.

Commentary channels were huge for me because they had to lay out their evidence and reasoning in a logical way, which is in stark contrast to supposedly well argued religious talks. But especially videoes bashing and explaining multi-level marketing schemes?! They discuss how these groups mislead existing members and their manipulative recruiting methods. Meanwhile I'm there agreeing that this are bad and even cult-like policies while in a evangelical doomsday group like "why is this so familiar 🤔..."

I'm at a full time internship and I've come to the conclusion I'm not career driven. As a witness who decided to go to a four year university I'm seen as nearly career obsessed because I've simply dedicated time to get a job. Its frankly sacrilegious that I'm working full time as a young adult. When I talk about what I study at all they are uncomfortable and push the conversation to how "Jehovah can use my talents". While people typically won't call me out they are always "concerned". They'll start treating me like a pet project they can 'fix'. This has led to my perception that I must love work, when really, I just dont want to hate my job like most witnesses.

The way I've seen abuse normalized as a Jehovah's Wittness is appaling. I know so many people, including some in my family, who are stuck with abusive partners under threat of excommunication or "sinning against god". Few victims ever leave and those who find out about the situation often praise the victim for putting god first by staying.

On the other hand children are told their value exists in being fully obedient to their parents to please god. You are explicitly told that even if the parent is wrong or listening to them upsets you, it doesn't matter. Yet, they're surprised when abusers flourish.

Members can't acknowledge this because their relationship with the organization is the same. You do everything you're told, often in your worst interest, and you can't leave.

Meetings really only exist to encourage my deconversion at this point. I don't know how saying that "feminism making women think they should be fully equal in the marriage is damaging" will make me, an afab person, agree that God knows best lol.

Like no. I don't know about you but I don't want to be in a position where my partner can abuse me without consequence.

For me it was moral perfectionism, i would constantly feel like i'm evil and immoral. I would sometimes become a doormat and let others push me around for the sake of that sweet, sweet, moral high ground. And back when i was religious, i would cope with others pushing me around by thinking "they'll be going to hell anyways".

Open discussion: has anyone dealt with perfectionism that most likely came from years of religious trauma?

¡¡TW: Sexual Topics/My dad being creepy/evangelical Christianity!!

No bc one of the worst things ab growing up evangelical is realizing that everyone saw you as nothing but sexual from the age of like 12 onwards. Like my dad wouldn’t let me downstairs w/o a bra *even when he was the only guy in the house*, and I just had to be ok with that??

Like my dad and stepmom offered to put me on birth control when I got a bf in high school and when I said I didn’t want to sleep with my bf my stepmom went “Then why do you hold hands?” Like every person you hold hands with you wanna fuck. (If that’s the case call me a whore-)

And it doesn’t help that I was overdeveloped from a young age (C cups at 12 now a E at 19) and I started binding early on in my teenage years bc of the dysphoria, then KEPT binding bc it stopped my dad’s friends from looking at me and my dad commenting about my chest being “out all the time”

And he thought this way about me since I was a kid. He KEPT thinking about me like that and probably still does today. He never touched me or said anything outright (I mean he did tell my older sister and I that if we weren’t his kids he would date us) but it’s still so unsettling knowing those thoughts were there.