Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Hey reblog this with a weird thing that made you realize you were in a cult, I'll go first.
Commentary channels were huge for me because they had to lay out their evidence and reasoning in a logical way, which is in stark contrast to supposedly well argued religious talks. But especially videoes bashing and explaining multi-level marketing schemes?! They discuss how these groups mislead existing members and their manipulative recruiting methods. Meanwhile I'm there agreeing that this are bad and even cult-like policies while in a evangelical doomsday group like "why is this so familiar đ¤..."
Actually, ex-Christians have earned the right to make fun of Christianity. It comes free with the religious trauma.
Kids who were called "one of the most deep spiritual thinkers I've seen" by their pastors are all apostates now
For me it was moral perfectionism, i would constantly feel like i'm evil and immoral. I would sometimes become a doormat and let others push me around for the sake of that sweet, sweet, moral high ground. And back when i was religious, i would cope with others pushing me around by thinking "they'll be going to hell anyways".
Open discussion: has anyone dealt with perfectionism that most likely came from years of religious trauma?
Growing up in a radically conservative Christian household, there were a lot of things that werenât allowed. It wasnât until after leaving the âfaithâ, and then taking time to fully deconstruct things, that I realized just how negatively it affected me.
Iâm autistic. And part of my autism is having special interests (that I obsess over to a degree that most neurotypical people think is ridiculous). But for me, my special interests bring me such joy and excitement and pleasure in my life. A lot of the time theyâre what helps me get through a tough day (and quite frankly, a tough world for me to live in).
When I discovered anime and manga, it was like cotton candy for me. The art styles, the animation techniques, the manga layouts, the characters, the vast array of generes, the easy to understand emotions portrayed - it was like this entire type of media had been designed just for me.
But one look at it, and my mom forbid me from watching and reading any of it. Because it was too âdemonicâ or âsexualâ (EX. Inuyasha-taking major inspiration from Japanese mythology. Sailor Moon-for showing off too much skin). Basically, it wasnât Christian, and thus, sinful.
Another special interest of mine is fashion/costume design. Growing up, though, it was subjected to strict guidelines. All because I had to make sure I wasnât causing a âbrother in Christ to sinâ.
Which, as a person who went from children to adult sizes almost instantaneously, not to mention grew into a curvy girl, made clothes even more of a touchy subject.
All of my outfits had to be inspected by my mom to make sure they werenât too tight or revealing or even have a print that was too suggestive, before they could be purchased.
Because of this, I was never able to feel pretty. I was never allowed to think of my body as attractive, let alone sexy.
Whenever I designed outfits or costumes in my sketchbooks - using a very curvy model as a way to feel like my body could be beautiful if given the chance - my mom would tell me to âfixâ them because they were too sexualized.
Iâm a proud Latina woman. My father and his family immigrated to the USA when he was a kid. Spending time with his side of my family are some of the happiest memories I have.
But because of the radically conservative beliefs of my parents (or maybe just mostly my momâs, since I canât recall if my papi ever setting any of this taboos), I wasnât allowed to celebrate DĂa de los Muertos.
This may seem like a small thing, like not being allowed to celebrate Halloween (which we werenât allowed to do either, and for the same reason as DĂa de Muertos), but when I found out about it as an adult, I was heartbroken that such a beautiful tradition was banned because it was deemed âpaganâ.
I was robbed of so much because of fundamental christianity.
I canât help but wonder how my life would have been different if I had been allowed to embrace major aspects of myself: my autism, my body type, my heritage.
Part of me is always going to mourn the years I lost. And I wish, more than anything, that I could go back and tell my younger self - the little girl who lived in fear and was forced to live by beliefs set by privileged white men - that one day, she would be FREE.
...was hard for me. From birth, I was raised in a radically conservative family of Christians. But even at a young age, I didnât feel connected to the beliefs I was spoon fed in every aspect of my life.Â
I was made to feel guilty for not having blind faith. I was made to feel like I was a horrible person when doctrine was explained and it still didnât make sense. I was made to feel shame for faking âmy beliefsâ. All for the sake of obeying my parents and being accepted by the only community I was allowed to be in.
But finally, after years of pressure and self doubt, Iâm finally free.
There are still things Iâm working on. I still am triggered and feel sick at the thought of entering a church or when I hear Christian music. Iâm still trying to push aside the anti lgbtq+ thoughts I get automatically, even though I know the only reason I was against them was because I was told I was supposed to be - and without that harmful religion dictating my thoughts, thereâs no reason why I should be against them.
And while I still have a ways to go towards a life where the trauma doesnât affect me all the time, I can see the progress Iâve made already.
When I hear someone - like my family or random person - talk about Christianity, I now feel the same level of indifference towards it that I feel towards other religions with flawed beliefs/doctrine.
Yes, every now and then I still have that sense of dread that if I donât believe in Christ that Iâm going to suffer in hell for all eternity (such a wholesome thought that stems from a religion that says its based on universal love), but for the most part, now I can remember all those Bible stories and treat them the same as Greek myths. I can respect that someoneâs Christian beliefs gives them comfort, but I donât have to agree with them to be in a relationship with them.Â
Finally, Iâm free to be on the outside and look in with indifference.