Tw Sh Mention - Blog Posts

It annoys me to see antis weasel their way into fandoms of media that so obviously panders to freakiness in all its forms. What the fuck do you mean that you love this character that canonically self-harms and cannibalizes and literally kidnapped someone to make him his human pet and gave him the surname of fucking CHICKEN LEGS, but shipping him with his comparatively well-mannered brother is just a bridge too far for you, something worthy of suibaiting? Why are you even into this shit if you can't embrace weirdness without spitting on it?

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what the hell is a gore blog are people just reposting sh or something ??

make tumblr safe for the gore blogs again

sometimes i forget cvtting urself n sui thoughts arent just silly goofy things

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW WEIRD INK IS?

(Saw a re blog and realized I didn't put a SH mention so I'm putting it here now. Thank you/gen )

So like he's such a little freak y'all, just imagine meeting someone that's a husk of what you think is supposed to be like you. And not to mention I like to think that he's extremely devoted to the Creators to the point it's beyond a worshipping of something higher than a God. Just imagine his hands digging into the canvases of his work and ripping it apart as he's isolated just because a creator didn't like his work. Imagine him hearing their mutterings but never commenting on it since Error looks crazy when he does it. Imagine his phalanges sinking into his porcelain bone until it cracks and he has to heal it later since he's clawing away until he can find substance. I think to others he's unnerving and not even in a funny way, since he's just so manipulative and off-putting. Like sure he can trick some people, but he's such a little freak to the point that he'll suppress his impulsive nature with the twitch of his limbs. I imagine the laughter of his delight as something goes right, that he's taunting and even so much as disturbing enough for Nightmare or Error. God I love imagining him whistling or singing to himself when all is quiet, when he's smiling and at first seems normal until you see that he's drawing something that's incomprehensible. God I love this terrifying fucker

Dream Sans

How could he have known? How could a child understand the sins of selfishness? Well, he's now older, and Dream is tired of it all

Headcanons below, please note some things aren't canon to the actual story because I straight up just changed it for my own idea of the AU.

Some CW is light self harm and mentions of past abuse and distressing panic attacks.

- Official height 5'7

- He/They

- Positive nihilist

- The embodiment and King of Positivity. A God if you will

- They're strict when it comes to the safety of others

- Naturally warm to the touch, he doesn't get cold easily if at all

- He dreams of other versions of himself, but can never find them. He wonders if they're even real

- Has a staff that turns into a bow & arrow or even a harp

- The harp is something he plays as a hobby, but the music that comes out can put normal souls to sleep and dream happy thoughts

- Cries loudly, sniffles and whimpers. He can't stop crying once it starts and he tries to hide his face

- open-minded, carefully optimistic, intelligent, serious, kind, well mannered, loyal, cleaner, creative, assertive, pacifist, honest, patient, charismatic, trustworthy, cheerful, and reflective

- They're self reflective, he reflects on things about the world and about others frequently

- He holds an air of maturity different than others, due to his time in the multiverse

- He does not get close to others, not often anyways

- He used to follow fate, but grew to revolt against it and even "make his own reality"

- Has a yellow powder that can put others to sleep if they're exhausted already or deprived of it. But, if they're well rested, it just soothes said soul

- He can read people very easily, often picking up on body language and details that not even the monster or human is aware of

- He loves any nicknames given to him and he treasures them since that initiates a deeper level of intimacy and gentleness that he lacks in relationships. However, no one is allowed to call him Sunny since that's what Nightmare used to call him. In turn, he used to call Nightmare Nighty

- He feels every emotion others have but can only influence happiness by giving it to others or taking it away

- He has synesthesia, able to see emotions and even smell them

- He loves the color yellow and so he aims for yellow outfits, but his favorite color is actually blue and purple since it reminds him of Nightmare

- The back of his cloak looks like a cloak that was ripped into a scarf, but it can magically form into wings

- His favorite flowers are sunflowers, poppy flowers, marigolds and lilies of the valley. These flowers actually are very symbolic to his past. I suggest looking at flower language :-)

- He is always reminded of his brother when the color purple or blue appears, so he sometimes collects jewelry with gems of those colors

- He encourages rest for others but he himself struggles to sleep and even resents it to some extent due to his bad dreams. He always has nightmares, never dreams. It's always the same scene, but it changes from time to time. It always ends with seeing his brother change due to the corruption

- He is capable of going into other people's dreams and altering them to something more positive. However, he cannot do this for himself and he is almost always forgotten inside the dreams he visits

- He doesn't lie unless necessary, since he hates lying in general

- His hobbies are playing the harp, writing poetry, and making flower crowns

- His favorite snack is bananas or apple pie

- He can't stand being near statues and gets uncomfortable since he has to constantly remind himself that they're not actually sentient in any way. He used to be one after all

- He doesn't understand slang very well since his form of speaking is very formal

- They have a love for architecture, often fangirling over large and elegant architectural buildings

- He has a pet owl, but he has to summon it first. It happens to be that of a golden color, as it appears to be that of a magic species. The creator says he has a fear of owls but y'know what I say screw that!(/hj)

- He is a bit of a germaphobe, but not to an extreme extent

- Very touch oriented, he learns best through touch and sensations. You won't see him without his gloves, however, unless he's healing

- He doesn't tolerate hatred towards others, as it reminds him of how he failed his brother while he was bullied and terrorized by the village of his past

- He is wonderful with children and loves to be around them when possible, he tends to gravitate towards lonely children in order to comfort them though, since it reminds him of himself and his brother

- He is the best at giving advice, as he has to learn the hard way of living by being alone for so long

- His relationship with Ink is complex as both were childish when they first met, but that doesn't mean that they grew apart. They don't hate each other or even dislike each other, but when they talk it's usually heavy conversations and rarely a friendly visit

- Surprisingly, he sometimes drinks, it's when he's beyond stressed and he has to drink a lot or use magical beverages to get intoxicated due to his high ass metabolism

- He's a workaholic, often pushing himself to his limits since it's all he knows

- He hates small talk since why bother when there's more to talk about? He can manage it but he sometimes can't tolerate it

- He loves making gifts for others and has an excellent memory, meaning that he knows what to give others based on their interests or wants

- He is practically a Disney Princess when it comes to animals, they just gravitate towards him and hes excellent with them

- Can be up stupid early and trains frequently

- Is the best at acrobatics and flexibility

- Deeply emphatic, but it was originally due to his magic

- Multilingual, he can speak every language due to his time in this multiverse. (Also, I think it's a cool power that benefits them.)

- He's secretly insecure about his aura, worried that people only like him because of it

- He is nostalgic for apples as it reminds him of his mother, but he doesn't really comment on it since it's not quite a trigger, but it's a sensitive topic since he can freeze up if he thinks too long about his past

- He has claustrophobia and a fear of being helpless, the idea that he can't move or do anything is triggering from when he was going through the incident and was a statue

- Sexless, they mainly just like masc or gender neutral pronouns

- Hates smoking, the smell brings them back to that incident

- He barely learned how to read and write as a child, so now that he's the God/Guardian of Positivity, he still struggles. He didn't get the chance to grow those skills, so his handwriting is shaky

- Fire in general is a trigger, he never saw so much in his life when Nightmare was Corrupted. He gets nervous near flames, and the scent makes him lightheaded or fall into a panic attack

- He is a healer, something he learned after he awoke from the stone. However, he has to wear gloves or else it can overflow into things such as plant life. He couldn't heal the mother tree though, he already tried

- His mentality didn't change when a statue, but his body did. He had to stay in his destroyed world and his mind was altered. He has since then grown, but his mental state is in constant distress because he feels like a child in some ways. He didn't know what he was doing when thrown into the world, but since then he's becoming more and more jaded

- On the aroace spectrum, he doesn't have any sexual attraction but it's possible for a romantic sensation to form

- His magic smells like something akin to green scents such as dew grass or fresh flowers, while his magic tastes like sweet citrus or the flavor of sweet lemons

- He noticed that Ink only cares about the AU rather than the souls inside, more attentive to the issues there rather than the overall improvement of AU conditions

- He often has a freeze response due to being in the statue for so long, frozen and unable to stop himself as he feels helpless to react to stress at times. It would only worsen with his own self deprecating nature. It took awhile to improve, however, and now he's better

- He can heal himself pretty well along with others as long as the injury is on a scale of 1-3. 4-5 on the injury level is more challenging. It takes more time and magic, this means that he can actually pass out due to excessive healing and exhaustion

- He follows more of a duty as a guardian rather for himself and finds it his job to fix these AU's. For awhile he just tried to make everyone happy, even forcefully, but as time grew he was able to see how this isn't good. He's better at understanding the flaws of constant positivity

- He's not used to receiving physical affection since he usually is the giver. If he was hugged he'd actually just feel like the sound of Lego bricks falling apart

- (CW: some self harm, skip if you need to) He has hallucinations sometimes, especially after waking up, of his bones turning back to stone sometimes. He ends up trying to chip away at his bone in order to remove that stone, panicking and ending up becoming distressed until it actually ends up chipping his bones. As a result, he covers up a lot and it's one of the reasons why he wears so many layers. He heals himself, but he avoids trying to see his bones so that the hallucination doesn't affect him when waking up.

- Before the Corruption, he lived with a world lacking technology. So, he only had drawings (if they weren't destroyed) or other natural crafts to remember Nightmare's face. He has kept one drawing that Nighty drew of the two happy safe in his inventory, often pulling it out and reflecting on those memories. He's desperate to return to when he and Nighty were happy, but he knows that's impossible and he feels selfish for it

- (CW: Past abuse) He wasn't actually aware of the extent of abuse his brother went through and in fact he was abused as well. He was constantly pleasing others, pressured, and manipulated by the village because he was seen as something "other." He was scared for his brother, often seeing him in distress, and as a result he would sometimes convince others to leave him alone in return to doing favors for them. He always offered physical comfort, and in fact he doesn't even resent his brother for what he did. Nighty was just hurt, and he understands that. Still, he feels like he failed him and feels awful for it. He doesn't know that Nighty doesn't actually truly blame him

- He knows ASL and actually had to relearn how to speak properly, he has a bit of an accent and a rasp in his voice as a result

- Finds Ink weird, especially since he doesn't know that they're soulless

- Never learned how to cook, but hes great for natural gatherings and identifying poisonous plants, berries, etc

- the arrows of positivity can kill due to the excessive amounts, its something he only uses with Nightmare as a result

- Excessive negativity can hurt him because of his soul literally turning into a positive apple

- Because his soul is something else in some sense, he actually can't get his soul grabbed by anyone, including Error. Error is one of the only select few that knows this, since he can always tell if someone doesn't quite have a "soul"

- One of the only things that can hurt him is Nightmare's negativity, and he in turn is one of the only things that can hurt Nightmare

- He can make someone "too" happy if he wished, causing them to smile so hard they're sore and laugh to the point of becoming lightheaded and out of breath. He doesn't do it often, but he's capable of it and it's one reason he doesn't feel even close to being intimidated by others. He's actually rather dangerous when he chooses to be, he just decides to enact mercy

- After eons of having his own happiness taken away by him and dealing with negativity more intensely than he did as a child, he slowly didn't realize that he was becoming something else for awhile and the only reason he hasn't fallen down is because he ate the last golden apple and thus is physically unable to

- He thought Nightmare died when he lost himself to the corrupt apples, and when he came to, he was stuck in his world mourning the death of everyone. The villagers, the only family he had. He tried to talk to the mother tree even when she was chopped, only to cry when no response was given.

- He was only able to leave his world when Ink found him, but there actually would be a single incident before that where he was found by Nightmare who thought he was the stone that was on the ground and crumbled. It didn't end well

- He hates silence. He hates it because when he crumbled and broke free from being a statue, he has never heard such silence ever in his life

Closing Notes: heourgh. Don't look at me, these two have made me genuinely cry before. Don't acknowledge me, don't even know I exist. I love them, always have

Thinking about Dust and how he would be so desperate to fix the Resets and force Frisk out only to realize that he can't reset after they tear their own apart due to their torture. In truth he literally just wants to stop the Human, but that doesn't mean he enjoys actually killing everyone. Those were the faces of his loved ones, it's why his hood is up- not to just "hide". They would recognize him, hood or not. I think it's out of shame, almost a disgusted act of trying to separate his face with what was once so loved instead of feared. He'd do so much trying to get them back, get his brother back. I think only if his soul fused with Papyrus' dust then maybe he wouldn't completely just off himself. He's so capable of doing it, but I think whether it was intentional or not, the part of Papyrus that stays is what kept him going even when isolated in the underground where he covered everything with dust. Just imagining him clawing at himself, destroying mirrors, his shaking hands as he sees the dust coat his gloves. He was taught to fight, but he wasn't taught to clean the remains of his desperation. When he's alone with no one but himself, small remains of Papyrus keeping him company, his sanity would just be worsened due to the eventual starvation he'd face. Slowly, he just becomes someone else who only knows that to stay alive he needs to attack before he can get hurt and be forced to dance once more. I don't think it's out of the question that depending on what timeline one follows, whether it's to the roommate one where a bunch of AUs are clustered in one timeline, or where he goes with the Bad Guy Sanses, he just doesn't want to be alone again and is okay with wherever he's placed

I swear he makes me normal, guys

Sometimes i feel like sh-ing then i remember

i already have cvts stinging that are extremely painful why do i feel like i need more? why isn't what i have ever enough pain?

TW talk of past sh, vaugely graphic, will trigger most likely

Bro fuck you mean I’m being trusted with a razor blade. There was something so healing about watching the same kind of blade I unwrapped to hurt myself so many times before run right over the same place, without slicing into me.

I feel so empty. I don’t know if I can pretend to be positive or anything anymore. I’m so tired of this cycle and I can’t keep going. I don’t want to keep going.

Everything is failing. I’m pushing everyone away. Nobody fucking cares about me or loves me anymore. I don’t even know the last time I’ve actually felt loved by someone else, not even my own partner.

I don’t even deserve that love anyways, and I don’t say that in the self pity type of way, but I sincerely believe im just an awful person. I don’t deserve the support or the love that I have.

I feel like a shell of a person. I feel like Everytime it almost gets better it just crashes down and it fucking sucks. It sucks so bad. Nobody fucking understands and nobody cares about me enough to even willingly try to understand. I’m so hurt about everything.

I’ve been distancing myself away from everyone besides one friend of mine, and that’s only because he’s readily available and is okay with me staying the night all the time. And now I have a weird dependency problem, now I feel weird when im not at his house or not around him because I can’t be by myself anymore.

I was by myself yesterday and I cut myself. I cut so deep in my skin that I almost reached the third layer of it. I broke my glasses and now they don’t even fit me anymore, they’re crooked. I broke my guitar stand so now I have to lean my guitar against my wall. I threw so many things, I slammed so many things, I cried until my throat was raw from screaming about how much I want to die in my pillow.

I want to die. I haven’t felt so suicidal in so long. I’m so tired of living. One of these days I’ll make my final posts on here because I can’t keep doing this anymore. I don’t know if anyone is reading these or even following me, honestly, but I’m not doing it for them. I’m just venting because I have never felt so fucking alone in my life. I’m not going to be here much longer

I relapsed and it didn’t fucking do anything of course I’m so tired I want to drill the blade into my disgusting body and just die and bleed out I fucking hate myself and my life I want to die

There’s no way you are complaining about him leading you on when you did that for 2-3 years. Karma’s a bitch and you need to actually k!ll yourself. It is so hilarious and so fucking rewarding seeing how much you are seething and coping over being led on when you have done worse to him. Hope you cut deeper and die. Kisses!!💋💋💋💋

"Treat others how you want to be treated."

That phrase is one I've heard all my life growing up, yet it's clear how my family wants me to treat them.

My uncles want to be left alone, even in the worst circumstances,

my grandma wants to keep in touch and love me always,

my dad wants nothing to do with me (same as my sisters apparently) my brothers want space and nothing but space and for their annoying younger brother to stay away

and my mom.. well,

if she wants to be treated as how she treated me, then surely I should kill everything she loves, throw her to a rap!st for 1.5 years, bring men around that will treat her like shit (oh wait she already does that herself), betray her repeatedly, destroy her room and let crackheads sell everything/destroy everything she has, tell her no matter what she is to upkeep the majority of the house chores (yes even with fresh SH! cuts), tell her her medical problems are not only a burden but a detriment to how I'M living MY life and that she needs to think of the family when she complains about anything, call her a bitch, cunt, monster, manipulative, etc., call her just to scream at her for manipulating my friends into helping her get necessities out of life, neglect her in a trap house for 6 years with no outside support except begging neighbors for essentials like hygiene products, drivee with her in the vehicle but almost crash it about 5 times each time, demean, aggravate, punish, abuse her as she's abused me.

...And then tell her that she's not allowed to seek outside help or support, and not even utter a single fucking word about what goes on in the house, because as she's told me over and over, what happens in the house stays in the house.

And she still thinks she deserves forgiveness? She treats me like a criminal not knowing she's a serial killer of souls and hope.

I've forgiven her actions of the past, but that doesn't mean the pain and absolute agony of a life I once knew just disappears.