Healingjourney - Blog Posts

Don't try to be the person who you or anyone else thinks you are 'supposed to be'. Just do your best at being who you actually are. #bekindtoyourself #healingjourney #wholesomememes https://www.instagram.com/raistlinsghost/p/CXEEodtrl6f/?utm_medium=tumblr

Echoes

Every shadow we cast on one another

drowns our light and leaves us blind

Observation and recognition

of their origins set us free

let us see reflections of ourselves

and what lies behind

Day- 02 ☕

Today was a day where I could do more , I could be getting the results I wanted but i didn't because the universe was testing me with a lot of troubles, distractions etc. But still I'm grateful because I have done something and I learned and i survived it 🪐🌸

🌷Physical:

Did yoga and breathwork together and I'm being consistent in it . ❤️

Did 16 pushups - a win for me .

💌Mental:

Found telegram channels teaching business and making money.

Started joe dispenza - Lewis howes podcast half way through it.

Learned new lessons.

Did journaling and intentions for the day .

🕯️Fallouts:

I did scrolling and it was bad because I felt bad after that .

Goal 01 : control anonymously scrolling through every platform available with focus, timer etc.

I wasted time and i don't even know where and i admit it .

Goal 02: Everyday, Do a feedback loop or reflection at the end of the day about the time spent .

Compared, I felt jealous and envious of others = human behaviour

Goal 03: Feel gratitude everyday for 5 mins with good music and do start manifest journal.

🌛Lessons learned today:

A person who is disciplined is the one who is free, others are just slaves to their emotions, feelings and instant pleasures.

You can always start again and again until you get better.

Tomorrow will be better and I'm here for it.

🌸🌪️🌊🕯️🙂‍↔️

It’s been quite literally a decade since I’ve had this simple Brazilian treat, and I have changed a LOT since I was that awkward, definitely-had-anxiety-and-other-fun-mental-things-that-were-untreated 18 year old that couldn’t stop stealing spoonfuls from the pot. My trip to Brazil had things happen that I’m still healing from, things that have made it too hard to go back to a place I adored. But I made beigadeiro last night, and it made me happy, and that’s a step in the right direction #brigadeiro #mentalhealth #healingjourney #metoo #songbirdbakingadventures https://www.instagram.com/p/CHIozHlDXsX/?igshid=d59imcrpmvjk

🌸That's the power of mine that I often question about. The unrealistic enchantment within myself, I can fall in love with everything.

I know, how effortlessly I can fall in love with almost anything, alive or not. Even when I'm in a prison, as time passes by, I would turn it into a temple.

Does it certainly makes me one of them? When I give rest to the monsters of the world, the weirds, the unusual, the madman,broken and bullied one finds peace within me and I, be a shelter to the loneliest beings treated the worst?

Why do I crave the smell of sadness, broken people? Why theres always a worn out rose for me? Do I deserve this? Or am I suppose to turn the beast into a prince?🌸

• PC Credit : Pinterest

💮Sometimes, it's not quite possible for you to be a healer or a pleaser everytime. It's not possible to cure or recover every broken heart. Some people are not wise enough to let the angels penetrate in their heart and cure them. you're a living being, and everyone can't possibly open their heart to you. You can't blame them either. They've got trust issues. You killing yourself can't be enough to make them trust you. Some may have never met you from your perspective, but they've met similar versions of you so they possibly won't open themselves the same way to you either. Indeed, help, as much as you're capable of, but only when you're asked to. It's not selfish.💮

| Picture credit : Pinterest |

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 masterlist

"𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨?"

𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐔

'To heal, it takes time. May be soon or not, I just hope you find yourself along the way'

This masterlist will serve as the journey of Prim/Shinsuke (me) healing both through Prim's Journey in Healing and finding herself as well as Me, Shinsuke, finding writing as a way to heal myself.

As a reminder, this series may mention trauma (which I will not elaborate or else it'll take us time) and if you are sensitive to it, feel free to scroll.

By this, maybe writing and making my oc cope or deal with it in a healthy way can help me heal too. As it is truly the time for me to heal and live my life with no chains holding me back. Again, this is my way of healing, you can read this whether you want to or not. It's appreciated

WELCOME TO TEYVAT! SHALL WE START THE JOURNEY OF HEALING?

THE CREATOR

Prim

THE JOURNEY

I.

Prologue

Chapter One: Mondstadt, City of Freedom

Chapter Two: The Comfort

Chapter Three: The Darknight Hero, Fairytale

Chapter Four: Dance with the Ragbros

Chapter Five: Dandelions

Chapter Six: One Last Dance

Chapter Seven: Rizzbedo and Death Stare

Chapter Eight: I'm just human

( NEW STORY QUEST UNLOCKED‼️)

"This is the story of the Almighty Creator, a journey that even Cathedrals and History books cannot record. But beware when reading, it gets personal and it will not only feel like invasion, but it will also feel disturbing. If you wish to proceed with this lore, then you shall have fun."

Closed Walls

Closed Walls: Prologue

Closed Walls: Chapter One

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐔

"𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨?"

'To heal, it takes time. May be soon or not, I just hope you find yourself along the way'

Prologue

Prim stares at the message she woke up to, there was nothing official in the first place yet she had caught feelings along the way. The journey that they shared was sweet while it lasted, but I guess people drift apart to the point they start to realize things they usually didn't realize when they were younger.

Maybe she could play Genshin to ignore the emptiness she feels, how she feels like she went back to her pre-quarantine self who feels pain and nothing.

Or maybe, she could just try to heal and think of what she feels.

But she feels nothing, ever since things kept happening, she continued to feel nothing anymore. The emotions, they're there. Yet she comes home, feeling nothing but a void of emptiness.

She decides to play Genshin, she's trying to fix Kaeya's build anyway. Awfully regretting she didn't level up Beidou's talents yesterday as well but she decides to let it be first, she needs to focus on Kaeya for the meantime before Beidou, then Kazuha, then Xiao.

TEYVAT AWAITS YOU, CREATOR!

Wait until 00:00 (The Next Day) before heading to Mondstadt

Prim blinks, thinking of it as just a new quest as she decides to do that after finishing her comms. She needs the primogems after all.

"alright, I guess I should do that quest"

She mumbles, even if she wanted to finish her Raiden Shogun Quest where she battles La Signora or Rosalyne. Yet her characters aren't built properly yet, it's like heading straight for suicide.

It wouldn't hurt to do another quest that isn't the Raiden Shogun's, yes?

Oh, how those were her last words in the real world.

Welcome to Teyvat, Creator! Are you ready to heal and create new memories?

In this quest you wish to heal the emptiness and to gain your emotions back, Teyvat hopes that we can help you as much as you helped us. By helping Traveller find their twin without giving up despite the others not being much of help, Traveller and Paimon will help you in your journey as much as you helped them.

Will you let us help the way you help us, Your Excellency?

As the start of my first SAGAU Series, I will take this as my way of healing. Whether it helps you heal too or not, it's okay. I just want to pour my feelings out, for every pain and numbness to be written so when I look back, I can be glad that I'm still here and made my way into healing.

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 4

The doctor came and told us she needed to have a meeting with us in another room. When we entered the door their was a lot of people inside. They started to present them self as experts, doctors, different nurses and a priest. Right away we knew something was terribly wrong. The told us that they’d found damage in his brain that’s was too severe for them to be able to go through with the lifesaving heart surgery he so desperately needed. They also told us there was nothing else to do than to turn of the machines keeping him alive. We were asked to wait for them to finish some preparations edited we could go and hold him for one last time. They explained that they would turn the machines of take out the tube and that we could hold him in our arms while he took his last breaths. We sat on the bed with him between us holding him and we almost couldn’t breath. Then something happened that none of the doctors could explain. He took a deep breath and started breathing on his own. They tried taking more tests and kept saying he probably would pass away any minute now. We sat in that bed for 24 hours before his breathing started to get worse. But yet once again he started breathing better and his saturation got up again. This happend 3 times during 3 days. The exact same course every time. Not one of the doctors could explain how he could still be alive. We started panicking and wanting them to try more. The problem was that his brain was to damaged to endure the heart surgery. After almost 78 hours I couldn’t stay awake anymore and for just one minute I fell asleep. That’s when he felt he could let go. He passed away in i hospital bed between us sept 18 2009 and we were now parents but without a child. How should we survive this?????

Too be continued…….

Ronan by @taylorswift is my healing song that can make me cry when I need it the most. Even when I feel I’m out of tears.

The second i realised it was possible to preorder from sweden I placed my order. 🙏🏻 I’m so happy , have been dancing around my kitchen floor singing my favourite 1989 songs for hours🙌🏻 can’t wait for it to arrive late October. ❤️ @taylorswift I’m so proud of you for re-recording the stolen versions. So inspiring to see you fight back when they tried to take you for granted. Will support you and your clever businessdecisions for ever. Truly happy for you that you finally will own them all soon. 🥂

Happy birthday Vincent wherever you are 🌈🎈🎁🧸Today is our sons birthday. He would have turned 14 and i often wonder how he would have been, looked and sounded like. This time of year is extra tough and all the memories of what we went through back then comes alive again. The song Ronan by @taylorswift describes my feelings and thoughts so well and it helps me cry even when I feel I have no more tears left. I don’t even comprehend how she manages to sing it without breaking down. I’m so grateful to you for this song❤️today we light a lot of candles in his colourful glasbottles hanging in the apple tree we planted in his memory. #hlhs #angel #loosingachild #ronan #taylorswift

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 3

His birthday is the day after tomorrow and this year he would have turned 14. He managed to get through the night and the next day around 11 am the helicopter finally was cleared to fly. Immediately they got him in there and flew him to the other side of the country. We jumped in our car and started driving the 7 hours to be with him in Gothenburg. When we arrived at the hospital we got a room at the Ronald McDonald house. A house where family’s can live close to the hospital. We where told that if everything went well we probably would have to stay here for up to a year this first time around. From the house to the hospital room it was like 100 meters and it felt good to be able to be so close to him. We had ended up at queen Silvia children’s hospital at the heart specialist centre for kids. They explained to us that his body had some problems since his heart stoped the first time and that he needed a couple of days to recover before being strong enough for surgery. We spent all ours awake by his hospital bed. Helping caring for him, holding his hand, singing to him and writing a journal so that we could tell him when he got older what we all had been through. Everyday the staff noticed small improvements and his vitals steadily got better. We could see that he reacted to our voice and when the staff told us the machines showed he was stressed we sang the song we sang for him when he still was inside. This always helped and almost immediately his vitals got better and his heart rate improved. On day 7 he finally was so strong that we got to hold him skin to skin again. So scary to hold him with all tubes connected the every part of him. We sat there scared to move and it was an amazing feeling to finally being able to hold him again. Next there was a final X-ray planned to check that everything looked ok before the surgery.

To be continued……….

Writing this listening to Ronan by @taylorswift

This song has helped me so much and I can’t even understand how she manages to sing it without breaking down. It’s a incredible beautiful song that helps me out words to my grief. Thank you Taylor for this one❤️

Love your smirk and the smile in your eyes,

I can see you and how hard you try.

This summer has been anything but cruel,

Your surprise song versions gave us so much fuel.

The Eras tour is the best thing, beyond my wildest dreams.

So amazing to feel alive again after watching all these live streams.

I’m definitely the lucky one to get to watch the sparks fly, don’t blame me for loving this so much I want to cry.

So grateful to live life (Taylor’s version) by heart, I know it’s not the end just the start.

You create a better place in this world all days. I will love you Taylor forever and always 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙

Today I’ve been looking at photos of our son and thinking of him a lot. Now its about one week til his birthday. This time of year is extra hard because it’s brings up so many memories. After dinner this evening is was loading the washing machine when Ronan by @taylorswift started playing on my phone and I broke down completely. Crying like never before in a pile at the floor. It has always felt like a really sad song but today the words reminded me more than ever of the son we lost. Sometimes I really need too cry like this to heal. Thank you Taylor for all the music you’ve created that helps me sort my feelings when I need to. 🙏🏻❤️

How I try healing and coping through @taylorswift ‘s music after loosing a child part 2

We lived really close to the hospital and we arrived there in under five minutes. It’s now around 9 am. The nurses behind the glass looked at us and just continued talking to each other. Finally they came out and asked us to follow them into a examination room. We got him out of his car seat and put him on the table. As soon as we laid him down he collapsed and the nurse picked him up and ran inte to another room. We run after and in the matter of seconds several doctors and nurses came running in the room working on him. We just stood there in the back of the room frozen by terror not knowing what’s happening. After a few seconds one of the doctors turnes around and says. Just so you know, he might not make it. Then we both fell into a pile on the floor not even being able to breathe.

In what seems like forever they managed to get him back and after getting the hold of all necessary equipment they tell us they are going to try to move him to the ICU.

Now they do a really thorough search of what’s causing this. And after several tests, ultrasounds and X-rays they find that he has a birth defect on his heart called hlhs. We find out that several of the hearts bloodvessels are to narrow and connected the wrong way. It Also means that the left chamber of his heart is severely underdeveloped. He also has a hole between to parts of the heart.

They inform us that to have a chance he needs to be transferred by helicopter to the other side of the country to a hospital were they specialises in children’s heart diseases and there he will need the first of many heart surgery’s immediately. That if every thing checks out he will have 95% chance of a long life just not like a professional athlete. It will be a struggle with many surgeries to fix the heart and then most likely a heart transplant in his 20,s. We’re also told that we most likely will have to live at the hospital the entire family for his first 8-10 months. So now all we have to do is to wait for the helicopter to arrive so that they can move him as soon as possible.

The hours went by and when we wouldn’t stop asking they finally tell us that their sorry but the helicopter hasn’t passed the i inspection and hasn’t been granted permission to fly. They continue testing several times but it just don’t pass the inspection.

Now even the doctors are getting really concerned and tell us that he really needs to be moved because they aren’t used to treat so small children with such a severe condition’s . Now they start to gather an expert team through videoconference with experts from the entire country. They decide he needs to be moved immediately to the closest specialist hospital if he is going to have a chance surviving the night.

I get to see them loading him in to an specialistambulance and then they put me in a taxi. We drove really fast for about 1 hour. The taxi stayed right behind the ambulance the entire time. We arrived at the next hospital around midnight. And now their experts were working every minute with him to get him to survive until the helicopter would be granted to fly.

To be continued

I think it’s very important to emphasise that there can be so many versions of you existing within the same existential reality, side by side. You don’t have to abandon your core to succumb to any socially engineered version of you that only brings about peace in the latter and not within you :( it’s okau to admit that different people placed contextually in different settings will inevitably bring out different sides of you! That doesn’t necessarily imply that you’re forgetting your ground :) to each their own. It’ll always be upto you to show any or every side of you to a person <3

You offer so much of yourself to people every day, and you still have more to give. While I’m not trying to encourage you into engaging in any behaviour that could possibly drain you, that requires a lot of effort, time and thought. I just wanted to tell you that you’re really brave to be putting up with everything by the end of the day regardless of what it has coming your way and still shooting back again, even if that means doing nothing ‘supposedly’ productive and laying in bed :)

gentle growth is still growth, slow growth is still growth, fast growth is still growth, steady growth is still growth, messy growth is still growth. It’s as simple as that :), growth isn’t linear <3

For all that your heart has seeped in through , for all that you have continued to give, for all that your being has continued to hold, for all that your skin has embraced, for every promise that you’ve thread onto for yourself, to see you on the other side, you made it :) I see you now and you still remain, every bit of you still remains, you made it to 2023. Happy new year <3

You’re going to reach a point where you look at a person and you can tell what all has changed ever since the last time the two of you spoke, you’re going to realise that they have new hobbies and gifts and interests, maybe even people, encompassing them, and you’re not a part of it. This is your strike to pick up on the fact that you’ve walked through the times you knew you couldn’t have passed considering the emotional barrier tugging at your wrists like restraints, you’re going to look at those hands and realise that pressing onto the palms of your memories doesn’t sting as much anymore, the shade of your skin has risen again, dancing in your embrace like velvet sheets that lay beneath :)

maybe this isn’t the time for you to hold a hand, maybe this is the time for you to reach down your pocket and find the Candy you were supposed to have a week ago and laugh to yourself. You have a life, and you’re living it. The departure of a person does not stop that, and it was never about the pace was it? you’re living proof of that. To remember and to savour the very last thought of a person is human nature, not a weakness.

Anybody who chooses to wear their vulnerability on their sleeve, never chose to hold up a sign saying “weak”, let’s get that belief out of our systems, you’re just as strong as you were before you asked for help and after you received the guidance. THAT is the belief that remains unshakable.