Friendship Breakup - Blog Posts

I had assumed

My bad— I had assumed we were closer than I thought we were. nights holding hands as the cold air crisped our noses, tears running down my face, arms intertwined, and your jacket on my shoulders.

I’m sorry— I had assumed we were close. nights crying on the phone until the sun rose to remind us to go back to bed. nights on the bench crying until 3am because he dumped you for another athlete.

I fear— I’ve assumed we were close. days sitting on the grass unveiling our fears that we’ve never told anyone else. laughing until we told ourselves it’s not worth it to k-ll ourselves right now.

I didn’t know— we weren’t as close as you said we were. And I’m sorry, I didn’t catch myself sooner.

i've discovered i have a new hidden talent ✨

I can sing and cry at the same time! super cool right?

how do i know this?

well every fucking time i have choir on a bad day i break down mid song and just silently cry my eyes out whilst singing "Video killed the radio star"

every day repeats and nothing gets better

I never feel happier

I'm trapped in an endless cycle of feeling nothing and achieving nothing in my life

Distancing yourself from your friends so it will hurt less when they inevitably leave you <<<<

laying in bed at night knowing she doesn't miss me as much as i miss her

she doesn't cry every night, begging for it to end

she doesn't lash out at everyone around her because she's so upset and angry with the world

she isn't in therapy because we're not friends anymore

She doesn't want me back and she never will

i hate feeling invisible when I'm surrounded by people

it's like i'm not even there, everything I say is ignored

no one notices when i'm trying to talk to them

i wish i actually was invisible at this point

cough cough my ex bestfriend who acts like she's never met me before

i hope you feel like shit without me <3

how can you look at me and pretend I'm someone you've never met?

Everyone keeps telling me I'm better off without them and they don't deserve me

but that's not how it feels, this feels like a punishment for me and I don't deserve them because I've never been worse without them

strike-slip

we were a transform fault

i see that now

strike-slip

i ignored the first earthquake

and the second

and the third

but this one was too big

and now its over

maybe it was never meant to last

or maybe i shouldnt have ignored the signs

I actually hate friendship breakups, like how are you gonna give your man that cheated on you a thousand times second chances..? But when I make one LITTLE mistake it’s a big problem.

What’s even worse is that I told them that exact same thing and they responded with “well you aren’t my first love are you?” Like excuse me erm.

Friendship breakups hit me so hard, every time I open my phone to check a message, I'm anxious it's someone's paragraph about how disgusting I am and how they never want to see me again.

This is like the weirdest non-anime post I’ll make but I recently cut ties with a long time friend because she prioritized her partner over her friendships.

For the longest time I would be so confused why someone who said they were scared to lose me, would fly me out to visit them and stay up at night talking to me would also leave me on delivered for 6-8 weeks at a time. And she was so strict about that being a non-negotiable about her. She was unemployed, didn’t go to school, and didn’t have a car. She would tell me that there would be nothing going on in her life because she can’t do much but play video games at home.

I would beg her to get back to me sooner because I didn’t want her to miss out on big celebrations in my life but she almost would. However, for some reason she was there for me for emergencies.

I confronted her about it because I no longer wanted to tell her anything because the being left on delivered hurt me.

We concluded that it was an incompatibility issue but she made a statement what brought so much closure. She genuinely believed and strictly followed the principle, that if you have a partner/dating someone, you don’t need to maintain friends the traditional way. You shouldn’t share anything more about yourself or make time for others because you’re not dating them. The majority of emotional intimacy would be with the partner. Like purposefully not put effort into a friendship anymore. That’s why she was so strict and even proud of leaving majority of her friends on delivered for weeks to months on end. She told me that she compromised with me by getting back to me within 6 weeks rather than 8 weeks like what she does with her friend group. Her comments made me feel like I was being too needy for being left on delivered for 6-8 weeks at a time. Doesn’t that just fuck you up? She believed it was abnormal to check up with friends once or twice a month. It was abnormal to know how they were on a day or week to week basis because she’s not dating them.

She got a little defensive when I responded back with that it sounds like you center your partner above all else.

People sure are interesting. She said it works for her other friends, despite her not knowing them very well. Also, all of her friends are dudes who she plays video games with. I wanted to tell her maybe the reason why they don’t say anything about it is because they know you refuse to change.

In all fairness, I guess I should have noticed I was her only female friend. Also she made a comment before about how her perfect friend is someone she sees for dinner twice a year. That’s not a friend, that’s a co worker.