Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
What I find immensely disappointing and hypocritical is the stubborn refusal by cishet people to understand queer identities and feelings. They claim their reason for non-belief is ignorance, but have they ever tried to come out of their 'ignorance is bliss' bubble?
Cishet people are quick to reject any literature or media which involves - or talks about the the lives and experiences of - queer people; they say that they're unable to relate, hence it would simply bore them or go over their heads.
How is it possible to understand people if you're not ready to see their point of view? How is it possible to understand people if you're not ready to listen to what they have to say? You say you don't want to read a book about a non-binary character, not fair, but we'll assume it is as to not offend your little cishet feelings. But when somebody tries to tell you that non-binary identities are valid and that sex≠gender or that a person's feelings matter more than what YOU perceive or assume their gender to be based on their genitilia/chromosomes/sex organs, you immediately reject even the possibility of their existence by claiming that you haven't heard about anybody like that/ you just don't get it/ it's hard to understand when you haven't gone through it.
Books and media don't just provide knowledge, they show you perspectives you've never imagined before, they talk about the lives of different people, they help you empathize, they help you understand different cultures, genders, sexualities, feelings- and claiming to "not getting it" is fucking bullshit when you refuse to even acknowledge these resources which would let you gain knowledge and understanding.
I recently saw a person comment how a certain sexuality wasn't valid and that it was "common sense", to which another person replied, telling them to read a certain book wherein a person talks about their experienced. The former mockingly said that they didn't have time to waste reading about matters which were bullshit in the first place and stuck by their argument - refusing to listen to a person who both, who was experiencing it themselves and had read a book about the same. What the actual fuck?
How does this even remotely make sense? You are rejecting a person's identity - a totally valid identity by the way - while not knowing a goddamn thing about it, assuming you didn't have to because it's just "common fucking sense"?
Common sense is not common anymore. And I don't mean it in the "you're stupid, shut up" way - I mean it in the "common sense in this context, is an illusion created by the cisheteronormative culture we live in to reject and shame any sexuality or gender which does not fall under 'heterosexual' or '(cis) male and female' categories. Moreover, it is a form of gatekeeping where asslicker queer people refuse to acknowledge any sexuality other than gay, lesbian or bisexual and any gender other the binary genders.'
So no, your ignorance isn't "common sense", it's erasure and prejudice and your refusal to learn and unlearn concepts means you're blatantly rejecting the truth about the world, you're ignoring the world for what it actually is - fluid and ever evolving.
Before I delve into the issue of this, I need to discuss my pronouns discourse because this is important to what I want to say about this.
Preview:
(If you haven’t seen/heard about it yet, my pronouns are considered cultural appropriation because the word Fae comes from the Celtic people and therefore I can’t use them since I’m not Celtic, even though if you do your research, 1. The term didn’t even come from the Celts, and 2. most Celtic/Pagan people don’t care/like it when you use those pronouns???)
Anyways, onto the crux of the problem.
As someone who uses Fae/Faem, Fae/Faer, and She/Her,
I dealt with a few people who not only regards my pronouns as problematic because of the discourse, but also those same people who only ever uses the She/Her pronouns because I still present/align/identify with mostly feminine orientations.
Look, if I ever talk to you, one of my most repeated phrases would be “please use Fae/Faem (and/or Fae/Faer pronouns depending on my mood), those are my preferred pronouns! Though it’s okay to also use She/Her!”
But SOME people don’t understand the importance of me stressing that, instead opting to willingly ignore that and ONLY use that set.
I’m fine with that, I’m perfectly fine with being referred to as She/Her, although granted very annoyed.
But recently, it’s gotten to the point where I’m just straight up considering on ditching either all of my beloved pronouns sets, or one of them which then instantly gives me dysphoria because whenever I think about getting rid of one, let’s say one of my Fae sets, (that one is my MOST PREFERRED pronouns) it sets me off and instantly gets me into fight mode because I want those sets but my mind says “you can’t though, it’s not normal to society-”, and I hate it, I hate that I have to PROVE that I can use them, I hate that I have so much of cisheteronormative ideology shoved into my head from media and society as a whole.
I hate that I have to constantly correct/say to people to try to use ALL of my pronouns sets.
Like I understand if you don’t understand how to use it in conversations f2f and/or in text forms, or accidentally mess up with using them at first.
That’s understandable, it’s fine.
But I wished you TRY to use all of them for my sake. I wish you COULD use all of them, and you definitely could, but instead you choose the “easier option”.
Ignoring it.
That’s not flying by me anymore.
The only reason I’m adding my two cents here right now, is because I want to add my own opinion, my own beliefs into this mess because I think it should be said out loud for everyone to see and read over.
Please TRY.
Please TRY to use ALL of my pronouns.
It isn’t even that hard to just TRY.
Really, all you have to do is TRY to use all of my pronouns. If it’s really hard to get used to/understand, just ASK the person on how to use it and/or if they have links to HELP you on how to use them. I’m sure that person, as well as very much me, are more than willing to send those links/help out.
It isn’t that hard, go try it out yourself.
Sorry for the long mess of thoughts, gotta say it from my POV.
Thank you for reading all of this, enjoy your day/night.
- Seri’s Ted Talk.
Reminder that if someone uses multiple pronouns and one of them is usually associated with their agab, don't only use those and not alternate between the others, especially if the person in question has a preference for their other pronouns that aren't usually associated with their agab.
I feel like there's kind of this idea that "Oh x person uses pronouns that might be used on them because of the way they present or their agab, it technically isn't misgendering since they use those certain ones, so I'm just going to use the pronouns I "associate" the most with them!" Like no. Use those pronouns because that's their pronouns. If a gnc/queer woman is using he/him and she/her, use both and if they have a preference for one, use that certain set more. Regardless of how YOU personally feel about them.
Same goes out to she/her and he/him gnc/gay men. Use people's pronouns because that's what they want, that's what makes them comfortable, and you should respect that. Don't let your internal biases get in the way of that. Folks like me who use multiple pronouns, notice when someone uses one set more than the other because they probably have a set image of me in their head that mostly feels akin to misgendering me and or misinterpreting my identity and why I use the pronouns that I do.
Stop assuming things about people. She/her simply is she/her. Same goes for he/him. They/them. It/its. Etc. Literally NONE of those equal a certain gender, alignment, presentation, or identity DESPITE popular cisnormative beliefs. You don't know why someone uses the pronouns that they do right off the bat (don't pretend like you do) and folks aren't obligated to tell you either. Even if you find out, don't let that sway your mind/opinions on anything about them cause that can lead you to misgendering them other ways. Don't let cisnormative norms and ideals surrounding pronouns, get the better of you.