Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Before I delve into the issue of this, I need to discuss my pronouns discourse because this is important to what I want to say about this.
Preview:
(If you haven’t seen/heard about it yet, my pronouns are considered cultural appropriation because the word Fae comes from the Celtic people and therefore I can’t use them since I’m not Celtic, even though if you do your research, 1. The term didn’t even come from the Celts, and 2. most Celtic/Pagan people don’t care/like it when you use those pronouns???)
Anyways, onto the crux of the problem.
As someone who uses Fae/Faem, Fae/Faer, and She/Her,
I dealt with a few people who not only regards my pronouns as problematic because of the discourse, but also those same people who only ever uses the She/Her pronouns because I still present/align/identify with mostly feminine orientations.
Look, if I ever talk to you, one of my most repeated phrases would be “please use Fae/Faem (and/or Fae/Faer pronouns depending on my mood), those are my preferred pronouns! Though it’s okay to also use She/Her!”
But SOME people don’t understand the importance of me stressing that, instead opting to willingly ignore that and ONLY use that set.
I’m fine with that, I’m perfectly fine with being referred to as She/Her, although granted very annoyed.
But recently, it’s gotten to the point where I’m just straight up considering on ditching either all of my beloved pronouns sets, or one of them which then instantly gives me dysphoria because whenever I think about getting rid of one, let’s say one of my Fae sets, (that one is my MOST PREFERRED pronouns) it sets me off and instantly gets me into fight mode because I want those sets but my mind says “you can’t though, it’s not normal to society-”, and I hate it, I hate that I have to PROVE that I can use them, I hate that I have so much of cisheteronormative ideology shoved into my head from media and society as a whole.
I hate that I have to constantly correct/say to people to try to use ALL of my pronouns sets.
Like I understand if you don’t understand how to use it in conversations f2f and/or in text forms, or accidentally mess up with using them at first.
That’s understandable, it’s fine.
But I wished you TRY to use all of them for my sake. I wish you COULD use all of them, and you definitely could, but instead you choose the “easier option”.
Ignoring it.
That’s not flying by me anymore.
The only reason I’m adding my two cents here right now, is because I want to add my own opinion, my own beliefs into this mess because I think it should be said out loud for everyone to see and read over.
Please TRY.
Please TRY to use ALL of my pronouns.
It isn’t even that hard to just TRY.
Really, all you have to do is TRY to use all of my pronouns. If it’s really hard to get used to/understand, just ASK the person on how to use it and/or if they have links to HELP you on how to use them. I’m sure that person, as well as very much me, are more than willing to send those links/help out.
It isn’t that hard, go try it out yourself.
Sorry for the long mess of thoughts, gotta say it from my POV.
Thank you for reading all of this, enjoy your day/night.
- Seri’s Ted Talk.
Reminder that if someone uses multiple pronouns and one of them is usually associated with their agab, don't only use those and not alternate between the others, especially if the person in question has a preference for their other pronouns that aren't usually associated with their agab.
I feel like there's kind of this idea that "Oh x person uses pronouns that might be used on them because of the way they present or their agab, it technically isn't misgendering since they use those certain ones, so I'm just going to use the pronouns I "associate" the most with them!" Like no. Use those pronouns because that's their pronouns. If a gnc/queer woman is using he/him and she/her, use both and if they have a preference for one, use that certain set more. Regardless of how YOU personally feel about them.
Same goes out to she/her and he/him gnc/gay men. Use people's pronouns because that's what they want, that's what makes them comfortable, and you should respect that. Don't let your internal biases get in the way of that. Folks like me who use multiple pronouns, notice when someone uses one set more than the other because they probably have a set image of me in their head that mostly feels akin to misgendering me and or misinterpreting my identity and why I use the pronouns that I do.
Stop assuming things about people. She/her simply is she/her. Same goes for he/him. They/them. It/its. Etc. Literally NONE of those equal a certain gender, alignment, presentation, or identity DESPITE popular cisnormative beliefs. You don't know why someone uses the pronouns that they do right off the bat (don't pretend like you do) and folks aren't obligated to tell you either. Even if you find out, don't let that sway your mind/opinions on anything about them cause that can lead you to misgendering them other ways. Don't let cisnormative norms and ideals surrounding pronouns, get the better of you.