Avengers Are Dumbasses - Blog Posts

Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer

Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.

Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic

Tony: oh no

Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend

Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?

Loki: I would love too.

Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird

Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom

Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?

Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.

Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.

Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!

Mr Harrington at decathlon: You’re all wonderful people so I don’t think any of you have ever broken another person’s bones before

Peter and MJ look at each: About that...

Harrington: Okay, I kinda expected MJ but Peter?! Why are you breaking people’s bones?

Peter: Cause fighting non lethally is hard without breaking bones. I either break bones or I kill them

Harrington having a panic attack: Okay. Okay. This is normal. Trauma forces people to make bad choices.

MJ: I’m proud of you loser.

Flash: whatthefuckwhatthefuck

Teacher: I think it’s a reasonable assumption that none of you have ever been shot.

Peter: Umm...

Teacher: Apparently I was wrong. Peter, what the fuck?

Peter: Hehe. Funny story. *jumps out the window*

Ned: Pfft- He’s out of here

Teacher: Do you know how he got shot?

Ned: Uh... *nyooms out the door*

Peter talking to a tired Thor: So what’s Loki to you?

Thor: The reason I get up in the morning...

Peter: Really?! That’s cool

What Heimdall watched happen:

Loki: Hey...

Brother

Thor: *continues snoring*

Loki: Blergh *stabs him*

I never sleep cause of you

Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?

MJ: Lesbians do

Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!

MJ: You heard me

Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is

Clint stuck in a chair: You may be asking “Clint, how did this happen? How did you do this to yourself?”

Natasha laughing to the side: Well kids, Clint has no clue either. He’s just fucking dumb.

Natasha pulling out a knife: Now let’s help this poor man.

Clint: *Indiscernible screaming*

Peter: Hey Clint, you’re an ass ass in right?

Clint: What?

Peter: You’re an ass ass in?

Clint: Kid, I have no idea what you’re trying to say

Tony while facepalming: He means assassin

Peter, randomly quoting the internet: Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad.

Tony, sleep deprived: That makes ketchup a smoothie.

Clint, for once actually knowing something: Too much sugar! It’s actually soda.

Natasha, exasperated and tired of everyone’s shit: Common sense is knowing that ketchup is neither a smoothie or a soda. It’s also knowing not to piss off an assassin for something as foolish as this at two in the morning.

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 2:

Vision

Scott

Shuri

T’challa

Rhodey

If I’m missing someone tell me and part 3 is probably going to be the guardians reacting

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki:

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?

Peter: A worst-case scenario

Tony: Sorry can’t relate

Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario