I Think My Most Narcissistic Trait Is The Fact That I Would Be Uncomfortable Being Friend With Another

A nonbinary child was murdered recently and I’ve been reporting multiple transphobic comments misgendering them, mocking their death, and deadnaming them. But they stay up. Tumblr won’t do anything about it. But they drop everything to permanently ban a trans women.

Really shows their priorities.

hey maybe, when people with npd tell you not to call abusers and rapists and the like narcissistic just because they're horrible people, view it not as us defending abusers or trying to control how victims talk about their trauma, and more like i as a survivor don't wanna be fucking put in the same category as an abuser or rapist for no fucking reason because you can't bring it upon yourself to spell the word egotistical

Me: ah yes it’s nice to be in a part of the internet where I can let my guard down and show my true—

My brain: impress the other narcissists

Me: what?

My brain: you have to impress them

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

Aside from my seething and raging I will say that I fucking love narcissists. You do not deserve the way the world treats you. You do not deserve being looked down on and shat on and dehumanized and threatened merely for having a traumatic condition beyond your control. You are good and there are people who love you. And I know it hurts sometimes, but that is okay. It’s not your fault. You are not a monster. You are not an abuser. You are not evil or cruel nor are you some unstable unhinged child or whatever other ugly things others or your own brain wants to tell you. I love you, you deserve safety, and there’s always gonna be people in your corner fighting for and fighting alongside you.

We really need to stop moralising emotions.

A kid who gets angry when they get hurt is not somehow ‘worse’ than a kid who gets sad. They are not less deserving of love, sympathy, and affection just because their natural response is anger.

Adults are allowed to be angry without being evil or immature.

Like literally any other emotion, anger, when successfully regulated, is GOOD for you to feel! And pretty much any emotion can be harmful if it gets out of control.

I’m making this posts from the perspective of someone with ASPD, but this applies to other ND people too as well as NT people.

and ableists say that this sort of shit doesn’t happen.

What I'm actually saying when I defend people with stigmatised disorders: “Please don’t spread harmful stereotypes, not everyone is like that, it’s really hurtful to people who struggle with it.”

What people seem to think I'm saying: “Abusive behaviour is absolutely okay if someone’s mentally ill, it’s discrimination not to ignore red flags, please walk up to the nearest person on the street screaming at nothing and offer them your couch to sleep on.” 

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

npd + psychosis culture is believing you play a pivotal role in reality that no one can know about for their safety but also REALLY wanting appreciated for it.

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