Avengers Play Cards Against Humanity

Steve: Stop saying 'I wish' and start saying 'I will' to become a happier person.

Peter: I will my parents and uncle didn't die.

Bucky: I will I didn't fall off a train and get brainwashed.

Thor: I will Loki didn't die agai-

Steve: And that's enough sharing for today, everyone!

Did you mean:

My girlfriend turned into the moon

𝒪𝒽 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓁𝑒𝑔𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃

I carry around a lot of random stuff.

Levy, DMing: You lose your balance and fall backwards. As you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Gajeel, remembering he had four jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

Harley: F*ck Flash, he’s being a dick, I’m gonna steal his car.

Peter: you can’t do that! it’s illegal! You shouldn’t do anything that’s illegal, it’s wrong!

Harley: Why are you acting so high and mighty? you’re a vigilante, that’s illegal too.

Peter: It’s only illegal when you get caught. And unlike you, I don’t get caught.

Do you guys want to chose the winning card for my cards against humanity with the avengers? 

Everyone proceeds to look at him weird

Peter: My parents died when I was a child, I watched my Uncle get shot and everyday’s despair when I go out at night

Flash: Penis, what the fuck?!

Peter: You’ll know what I’m talking about soon enough

Also Peter as Spider-Man at a press conference: I promised my class I would explain a comment I made after being told to write about our happiest childhood memory. So here it is. *takes mask off*

Mr Harrington: today's activity is easy! Just write about your happiest childhood memory!

Peter: my what now

Pepper

No one else does anything on the same level as Pepper fucking Potts

who did it best tho 😂

Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?

MJ: Lesbians do

Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!

MJ: You heard me

Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is

Don’t normally do this but the song made my day.

@everyscript