“Not You”

Clint: There’s only four ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way, the Nat way, and the Clint way.

Rest of the Avengers : ???

Clint: The Nat way is the faster way to the right way, the Clint way just creates another problem to cover the original problem, which leads to a snowball of problems no one understands.

Avengers play Cards Against Humanity

Black Card: _____ that's how I want to die

Tony: Alcoholism

Steve: Doing the right thing

Peter: Vigilante justice

Natasha: Pretending to be one of the guys but actually being the spider god

Bruce: Science

Clint: The biggest blackest dick

Thor: Powerful thighs

Harley: Poor life choices

Scott: A fully dressed female video game character

Shuri: The entire internet

Hope: Multiple stab wounds

Bucky: The Great Depression

Sam: A perfectly cylindrical vagina

T'challa: Depression

Pepper: Dying

Rhodey: Being black

Wanda: Being a motherfucking sorcerer

Loki as Czar: '...Being a motherfucking sorcerer, that's how I want to die.'... Preach.

I have one chapter posted and about a dozen in working progress. It’s called Genetic Soup.

P.s I know it’s a stupid name. Think of any good ones and send them to me.

The spider that bit Peter Parker’s was from a cross-species genetics lab right? Think of the possibilities for fanfiction and headcanons.

P.S. I’m starting an au oneshot book about this. It doesn’t exist yet though. It will be on Wattpad because I can’t find my drafts on Tumblr ever. @adopted_by_hestia is the account

Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer

Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.

Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic

Tony: oh no

Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?

Peter: A worst-case scenario

Tony: Sorry can’t relate

Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario

Loki is more easily irritated by Thor on Thursday. He’s grumpy and sad but Thor doesn’t understand.

Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:

Tony:

Peter:

Bruce:

Natasha:

Clint:

Thor:

Steve:

Bucky:

Sam:

Loki:

Tony: It fits -_-

Tony: Guys, I’m stuck on a word

Harley: What is it?

Tony: Another word for bottom, 5 letters.

Harley: Peter.

Peter: Wait-

So Zeus without all his dick children

Hey not to sound evil, but if I had the power to cast lightnin bolt on anyone I wanted, I'd use it on people who inconvenience me even slightly

Loki: I’m like a candle.

Thor: In what way?

Loki: I’ll burn your house down if you leave me alone.

Thor: Again, that’s called arson. It’s illegal.