Sitting Alone

Feeling anxious because something reminded me that I am not special & irreplaceable for the people who are special & irreplaceable to me.

No matter how early you read the poem 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost, you are going to understand it completely only in your 20s.

It's so easy to forgive what someone said to you but it's so difficult to forgive what they say about the people you love the most...

So make sure you don't say anything wrong about someone in front of their loved ones because they might eventually forgive but they would never ever forget.

What it feels like to

What it feels like to break a bond that was never there

What it feels like to wake up from a dream and realise reality is here

What it feels like to know that you are not the one

What it feels like to think someone unknown has left you abandoned

What it feels like to know you were never good enough

What it feels like to live in a bluff

What it feels like to expect too much

What it feels like to have a wrong hunch

What it feels like to consider love would come by

What it feels like when the one you like breaks all ties

What it feels like to have a void

What it feels like to not being able to avoid

It definitely feels too much

It's so much that you eventually give up

It's so elaborate that you get numb

But you still think what it feels like to...

I care

Sorry but I care

I know the anger on my face kills you

I know my rude ways make you sad

But do I have a choice

Every word I speak out of love you take for granted

Every thing I ask as a well-wisher you consider nagging

Yes the world exist and you need to bother about it

But how to explain that in front of that world I see you

Your pain and problems are my concerns

The worldly affairs don't worry me

I thought our relation was different and we shared a special bond

But every time you hide your pains you just break another chord

I know I am not the best nor I stand for you without rest

But yes I feel and your moods make a great lot of deal

Seeing people bother you, grieves me equally as it does to you

But just because I don't say doesn't mean I cannot feel you

You always think I don't care or understand

While in reality I am just confused how to take a stance

I don't know what to do because you never express your expectations

And when I share my expectations you just consider it insecurities

I know I am not what you want and I know I cannot be what you want

This is what aches me brings the anger to my face, the rudeness in my ways

Sorry for all of that

But I care is all I have

Suicide

As a child I really loved the idea of suicide and kind of glorified it in my mind. It seemed perfect in all ways, you don't have to suffer in old age, you don't have to suffer from the pain of any terminal illness. It was just like if things are not going well you can end things whenever you want. I always liked the fact that suicide gives you the right to end your life as per your wish and instead of someone or something having the ability to end you.

But now a lot of time has passed, I am an adult and very thankful that I found a reason to not do something so 'awesome' as suicide. Because now I am mature and has realised that the notion behind my glorifying suicide had no base. I have realised that Yes when we try to hang ourselves we are the ones to remove that stool from under our feet but the rope we use was given to us by someone else. In simple words we want to end our lives but only because of others and how they treat us, which is obviously wrong. One more thing I realised growing up is that like we got hundred reasons to procrastinate our work, we also got hundred reasons to procastinate the idea of suicide. And for me just a single one was sufficient to keep me alive and also to teach me how to love life.

Maybe you need more than one reason to keep up living but I know you have those reasons, so just find them and cling to it till you start loving yourself and the surrounding. If I can move on everyone can and you know if I would have opted for suicide back when I was a kid, maybe I would have never been able to face all those failures and then enjoyed overcoming them. Challenges don't make your life miserable but they make your life unique. Just like I love to wear a unique dress to a party, I also love having my set of failures and challenges which make my life unique.

Finally, when you feel like ending your life just cling to the 'some' reasons around you to live till the time you start loving your life. Because suicide is stupid and everyone definitely realises that one day.

Sometimes you had planned so much about a life with a certain person in it, that even a picture or a memory of them today can make you feel completely empty from inside. Although you were happily living your life on your own till yesterday and its been years of not being in touch with them.

I wish I knew you before I knew you

Nobody loves me the way that you do

Wish we were friends when we were kids

I think it'd still feel just like this

I just can't stop missing you

When it gets late in my hotel room

Tell me what time you're coming through

Why did I get so hooked on you?

Knew you by Kailee Morgue

Found the diagnosis to my problems...

Autophobia

Morbid fear of solitude, or of being left alone, abandoned or ignored.

P.S.: Solitude is often good but the rest are just dreadful.

Winners don't have such remorse

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that a lot is lost

It's summer but you still feel the frost

Everything and everyone is around

But you still can't listen a sound

It's not your life but a trap

You are actually a piece of crap

Your to do list is overflowing

Your courage to start something is slowly going

It's not like you have to start afresh

But where you are standing now, seems nothing more than a mess

Your ambitions are enthusiastically parading

Even though all your motivation is fading

You are somehow willing to leave

But just too scared to believe

Supporting hands seems to tease

Ah! hope you knew, who you want to please

Feel like you have an empty soul

You are too tired to feel not only this but all

You want to speak

Although you are scared that your secret of being a coward might leak

You are not a loser, ofcourse

But you also know that a winner doesn't have such remorse