Writeaway - Blog Posts

I've ran from you for the longest time, rerouting, changing every course of action, planning, doing and undoing myself a million times in hopes I'd never have to see you again. But after 4 years, there you were, resting amidst the peaceful scenery, shadowing over me, taller than ever, my worst fear came alive again, right before my very own eyes, as we drove past you that night. They don't understand the fear I hold within myself everytime we meet, it has only ended in destruction. Your aisles and walkways were lit dimly as the evening sun set in, all the colours eventually blending into one, yet with all the breathtaking beauty, no one will ever know your darkest corners the way I do. I dwelled in them for the longest time, letting myself suffer without knowing your intentions. I was ruined. A thousand reasons and excuses but I'll always know it was me, it was my mistakes and wrongdoings that led me down the black hole. Amongst my walls and shelves filled with pride and beauty, you and I put together, will always be my greatest disappointment, simply heartbreaking. Wounds and scars I thought were healed, now bleeds through the night, getting rattled by your memories. Morphine, codeine, prescript me something I should intoxicate myself with to forget you, because no matter what I do, all these pain and endless thoughts are fighting the last of me. With every avenue shut, and nowhere else to run, I hope and pray, may I never seek refuge in you again...

© Raina Rose.

I am happy I say, then I say it louder and happily to those around me in hopes that perhaps if I could convince them that I am, then maybe I will be too. I do it often, then I realize that everytime I hear the word happy my heart sinks, at how I'm making myself believe an emotion that I do not truly feel. Just for a brief second, my heart falls into my stomach before coming back up again with a smile. There, happy.

© Raina Rose.

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder, had I been a lot like her and less like me, perhaps you'd have fallen in love with 'me' too...

Sometimes I see her down the hallway and wonder, why you loved someone like her? Was it her hazel brown eyes that glistened amber under the Sun or was it her crystal smile and endlessly long hair?

Sometimes I see you sitting in that bench alone, floating away into another paradise, completely consumed by your thoughts. In those moments, I wonder if it's sadness that I feel when I see you, hurt that I couldn't be there too or love for the man who even in pain would choose silence and serenity over everything else. In those moments, I completely lose myself all over again, falling in love with you.

Perhaps I need not be anything like her, for to love a dream like you, one must be something different altogether...

© Raina Rose.

You showed me the sky

You showed me the stars

You showed me the boundless universe

And it's endless possibilities

You told me there is a world

Beyond everything I've known

Tales of wonder

And lands of dreams..

And when I gathered my wings

Ready to take the flight

You told me, you don't want me to fly?

The first time I got acquainted with grief.

Red blazing fire danced before my eyes, greedily engulfing my mother's body. The crackling sound of fire dominating any other sound caused by the crowd of people. The world faded around me as i concentrated on the sight in front of me. I wasn't even aware how many hours have passed since my mom drew her final breath. If someone told me to describe the hours subsequent to her death, I probably wouldn't be able to string four sentence together. Those hours had been hazy. I remember holding her hand with one hand and the other resting on her chest feeling her heartbeats as her heart heaved for the last time. I remember trying to get ahold of myself as the devastation hit me like wave of tsunami. The feeling of loss was sudden. I tried to think of all those impending arrangements and formalities I have to do, so I wouldn't break apart in a hospital room. After all, I have long since known of her illness. I knew what was coming. I had time to prepare myself. I shouldn't be loosing it like this. I managed to distract myself for almost five seconds before I lost it and as if a dam broke loose all the emotions hit me at once. The devastation, the loneliness, the loss, the confusion, the anger, I felt it all. The pain was almost physical, as if someone was ripping me apart limb by limb. I don't know how much time passed while I sat there sobbing hysterically. I don't know when people started coming in, awkwardly muttering their condolences, some taking me in a firm embrace as if they're touch will pacify the raging storm inside me. I wish it could but their solace couldn't reach me through the thick layer of sorrow. But I was still grateful for their presence. Even though their faces were a string of blurry images that I didn't care to acknowledge at that time, I was still grateful, especially when they stuck around and took over the cremation arrangements. I wasn't sure I could have taken care of things in my current state of insensibility. I guess, this was the boon of living in a small town. People always make time to stand by you. Either because they expect the same from you or they just don't want to appear insensitive, the reason doesn't matter.

In the process of breaking down, trying to pick myself up to give my mom a proper cremation and seeing her motionless body turning into ash something inside me went numb. I was tired. Tired of my mind being clogged up by emotions. Tired of life being so unfair. I wanted to stop feeling. I wasn't one to let my emotions take control of situations. Guess, that was before I had a brush with grief. And I was glad I didn't have anymore family, glad that I wouldn't have to go through it again. I kneeled near the ashes as the fire died down watching the thinning smoke still rising from the ash. I closed my eyes and tried to envision my life from this moment forward. And for the first time in life I felt burdened by life. For the first time I had no one to lean on. I was truly and utterly alone.

Not my usual thing to write so it'll be nice if you can give me any pointers. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated as well.

Character Development

When developing a character, I choose the role I want my character to play, then decide how I could make it realistic.

Take my character Remi Wolf, for example. Remi is always in the center of chaos, and she is aware of it. To save herself an emotional breakdown, she plans ahead. Some would call it being prepared, but when her doing it affects her everyday life, it slowly starts to be an anxiety disorder.

There are ways to portray Remi’s anxiety without saying she has anxiety, such as giving her noise cancelling headphones. Since she has been around chaos most of her life, she may be sensitive to noise. Remi could wear these in a classroom, in the cafeteria, et cetera.

As tedious as this task may be, putting a reason behind the tiniest detail not only helps the development of the character make sense, but it humanizes the character in a way where the reader can relate to them.

(Tip: Everybody gets anxious, but if it’s to the point where your anxiousness is affecting how you perform everyday tasks, talk to someone about it. Preferably, a doctor of some sort, but it helps to talk to your peers.)

If you have any questions regarding character development, or feel as though I’ve missed something, feel free to let me know!

Her

‪i could talk about the way she made me feel all day long, i had spent days and nights day-dreaming of the spontaneous adventures i longed to have with her‬

with my bare imagination, i could outline on a blank canvas the shape of her torso all the way down her hips

or the way her face lightened up when she shyly smiled

god knows how jolly my days would be with her divine presence

god knows she would be the cause of my sanity as without her, my heart turns wild and i lose my sanity unable to control my emotions and endlessly longing for love only she could give me

joy, only her eyes could give me, and freedom only she could grant me.

for her i would steal the sky a million times and over

for the joy she gives me has no price,

i would leap over mountains and cross oceans to simply listen to her speak of all her anime fantasies and all her favorite characters, to listen to her dreams and all the weird food combinations she loves.

Treasure. (Necesito un título xd)

Su relación es imposible. Sus mundos son opuestos. El es odiado y ella es amada. Ambos son buenos. El siente de más. Ella escucha de más. El se oculta aunque nadie lo ve y ella es invisible a pesar de que todos la observan. Son claramente opuestos pero se complementan. No se entienden pero se aceptan. No se besan pero se aman. Ni ellos mismos se conocen. Así que se descubren. Juntos.

El siempre valiente, serio, audaz pero triste. Su escape son las estrellas, la astronomía, la inmensidad del mundo que lo hace más pequeño a el y, especialmente, a su tristeza; que a comparación no es más que algo completamente irrelevante e innecesario. Teniendo en cuenta todos los astros, los planetas y universos. El tiene el pelo rojo. Tan rojo que a la luz cobra una intensidad tan anaranjada como el fuego, un fuego que de solo observarlo ya quema. Arde. El es una llama ahogada en una tristeza a la que se acostumbró. Es un guardia prestigioso, siempre serio y solitario. No hay nada que lo distraiga. Tiene una coraza ardiente que parece indestructible pero que no lo es. Sensible de alma y tan apasionado, nadie pensaría que después de todas las cosas que vivió y prescenció aún sea capaz de sentir algo. Si solo supieran que siente todo...el problema es que está apagado para mantener la imagen. Porque un hombre que siente es un hombre débil. Y un hombre débil no sirve para luchar, ni para nada. Aún así el parece fuerte pero es débil y eso no quita que sea uno de los mejores luchadores y protectores. Es un guardián. Es un ave fénix. Es una llama. Es una lágrima de fuego. El está maldito. El es Nikolay Yikantrovich. Mejor conocido como Nytro "el demonio de oro"... según ellos.

Ella es hermosa. Es luz. Es amable, es arte, es reina, es pasional, alegre y triste. Posee una magia incadescente. Ilumina de tal manera que mirarla parece un pecado. Un pecado que es necesario cometer porque nadie es capaz de resistirse. Es puro color. Es una estrella caída del cielo. Es un ángel. Es plata en estado puro. Representa la pureza y genera admiración y adoración. Ella tiene el pelo más blanco que la nieve pero los ojos más negros que la oscuridad. Verla duele porque observar sus ojos es un viaje de ida hacia un universo desconocido no solo para el, sino para cualquiera. Es un hoyo negro. Todo el mundo la observa siempre, no hay nadie que no la conozca. Pero la realidad es que nadie la vio nunca en realidad y no existe persona que la conozca de verdad. Es una joya esperando ser descubierta. Es el alba. Es música. Sus pies son alas y sus manos son notas. Es un ángel plateado. Un tesoro sin mapa. Es única. Es la sonrisa constante y es la lágrima contenida. No demuestra nada pero siente todo. Está vanagloriada y bendecida. Ella es Veryána Ketiré. Mejor conocida como Ryán "el ángel de plata"... según ellos.

El está dispuesto a descubrir nuevos universos y ella está dispuesta a enseñarle el propio.

Ella está dispuesta a atravesar el fuego para enseñarle que es un océano que no conoce. Y el está dispuesta a navegar en las llamas.

¿Una estrella de fuego? ¿O un fuego estrellado?

No lo sé, al fin y al cabo quizás sea necesario unirse para conocerse a uno mismo.