Word Vomit - Blog Posts

I’ve learned my lessons hard but,

I’ve learned my lessons well

Sometimes I'll be scrolling through Tumblr, and I'll see a post that I'll relate to, as is the human experience. But I don't reblog a lot of things, because it feels to me that if I do that without setting up a 'name' for myself, for lack of a better term, no one will want to be friends with me, so I think, oh, I'll just post that but in my own words and I realize, no, just be yourself -_-

Don't know why I'm posting this, but hey, gotta post to get followers ✌️ anyways I'm just making Mac and cheese 😂 wait. Is it Mac and Cheese or Mac n Cheese? I'm gonna stop now.

They gonna beat the shit outta each other LAKDAKJFSKF

your discord pfp and your tumblr pfp are locked in a room together. what happens?

Hihi have you ever thought of planetlord as a god at all? I always get "a god born from the stars" vibes from him. ^_^ what do yoh think hed look like and what his personality would be like

Y. YOU. THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS QUESTION.

okay. so i've never really thought of a concrete origin for him, however i've always drawn him with lots of astronomy-related imagery.

well. apart from my first ever drawing of him. which is rather dull.

but here are some of my more interesting early drafts

my current Planet design, however, does look rather godly

i do quite like the "god born of the stars" headcanon though because it's rather vague and fits into my whole idea of him having unknown/uncertain but decidedly (though ambiguously) divine origins, which is sorta close with my similarly unconcrete headcanons for Spoke (headcanon being that he's some humanoid creature that's possibly immortal and has probably been around for a few millennia)

i'm loaded with design headcanons though, namely; Planet's hair is fuckin,, like those god ponies from mlp in the sense that it's all flowy and cloud-like. it also reflects different stars and constellations at different times. meanwhile, his cloak is a glimpse into the distant universe, though pinpointing the exact location is rather difficult

i guess i sort of see him as a keeper of space knowledge? like he's a living record of where the heavenly bodies of the universe are and have been.

tldr i see him as having an ambiguous astral background. he (like my hc for Spoke) is possibly immortal and has been around for at least a few millennia (though has only recently, ie lifesteal, interacted with mortals). he's a walking talking record of the universe's heavenly bodies (planets, stars, etc) and it's all really cool. that's all. can you tell i like Planet.

hey so like. how do you interact with people online

not sure about what the consensus on tone indicators is but personally, aside from maybe like /s (sarcastic) and /ref (reference) i don't think they're all that necessary

like ?? most of them can't convey anything more than what using your words can't do already. Many of the abbreviations also mean something else in different contexts which counterintuitively makes communication even more unclear (ie, pos meaning both "piece of shit" and "positive", etc).

that and they operate under the assumption that everyone knows what each one means (especially with more sort of obscure ones like /nf, not forcing or /nm, not mad)

being more clear with your words also just reads more genuinely, eg,

"can you help me study tomorrow? /nf" vs "can you help me study tomorrow? it's fine if not :]]"

"your eyes are really big /pos" vs "i love your eyes !! they're really big n remind me of my cat :D"

i am unfortunately guilty of laughing at slash-derogatory jokes tho </3 ("Deepnest /derogatory" and the like)

Bakugou Katsuki the kinda guy that'd get canceled for saying the f slur (he never apologizes nor does he clear up the confusion by admitting that yes, he can say it)

genuinely going insane about how "we're scholars, not soldiers" (Babel, RF Kuang) fits in with Arcane. something something Jinx and Ekko are both brilliant prodigies born in an environment that forced them to be fighters something something Jayce and Viktor, for all their involvement in the conflict, were still inventors at heart something something

wholeheartedly agree !! however !!!! i hope u don't mind me inserting one of my own headcanons here : Prime was a consistent source of comfort throughout his life. he stayed devoted throughout all the trauma he faced, clinging to his faith like a lifeline. it's all he has.

then he dies. and the hell he wakes up to does not align with whatever version of the afterlife the Church of Prime believed in. it's wrong. it feels like a punishment. but what did he do wrong ? he stayed faithful despite everything and didn't even expect anything in return. but, what, is he expected to live in this void forever ? it's called limbo, isn't it ? so when will it end ? why is this even happening to him ? he did everything right, didn't he ?

back when he was standing on that pillar, he thought about the warm embrace of his god, but was that selfish ? the thought seldom came to mind that he'd ever get some sort of reward for his faith, but he didn't expect to be punished.

and then he's pulled back, back to the land of the living with little more than some white in his hair to show for it. there are bruises, yes, but he has been beaten before. the bruises on his face don't –can't– account for staring the eternal void in the face with only the taunting voices of what could hardly be called a "host" of ghosts as company. he's kicked back to his normal life with a bloody nose, some white hair, and even more reservations about getting touched than before, all while his faith, his only constant, is in pieces. if all he's done wasn't enough for his god to even look at him, to even acknowledge him, to give him a sign, then does that change how he deals with everything in the future ?

anywayssss yes cTommy was a good religious boy and then he saw hell and it was empty so :]]

hot take or whatever but I don't think ctommy would have religious trauma. prime was, unarguably, a source of comfort for him through the entire story and never did his relationship with it take as drastic of a turn for it to give him trauma

and this isn't about headcanons btw this is about people using this (in my opinion incorrect) take in serious, canon Analisis

Complete word vomit but like what if viktor decides that whatever the 'arcane' is too dangerous or comes at too high a cost and starts The Glorious Evolution from there?

Maybe he feels responsible for whatever the weird magic orb thingys are and decides that all of this mess (not just with the hex core but also with zaun and piltover) was due to human error so now he thinks he has to help people by getting rid of their 'flaws' like they're ability to make the kinds of mistakes he made in s1.

We know he already doesn't want the hex core to be around anymore so why would he suddenly become infatuated with it?? Like sure maybe it has an influence over him, but I seriously doubt it would last all season

Plus viktors whole Thing is helping people why would he stick with the hex core and all it's bs if it means either vaporising people or shimmer? Viktor is smart that's like the first thing we know about him I feel like he'd find a way out of the hex core's thrall

Idk I just don't really want to watch hex core bs for like a quarter of next season, I'll still probably like it tho

Something i've noticed.

So recently, i've been rewatching Httyd: Rtte, and have noticed something about Heather that I wanted to comment on, even if other people have, too. While I feel that emotionally, Heather was ready to be a spy for Hiccup and the Riders, strategically, she was not for a multitude of reasons. She had been out on her own and away from people for a good period of time, and even when she had been around Hiccup and the rides in DoB (or RoB can't remember when she was introduced), her people skills were quite lacking, and she had never been in a trade where strategy and lying are quite common. On Berk, for the most part, Hiccup and the Riders were very straight forward with her. She was very guarded with her information, unlike Johann who had carefully crafted a persona to distance his actual self from Hiccup, and give information away quietly. Heather was not quiet about information that she dropped. She told them every single mission, and that itself was a huge indicator that she was the mole. Take Viggo when he's introduced in "Maces and Talons, Part 1". When I first watched the show, I didn't notice it, but coming back and watching the way that Viggo introduces himself to both Heather and Dagur (because while he may have had more suspision towards Heather, her and Dagur are still siblings, they could both be in on it) he immediately clocks in on the fact that at least one of them is lying about their allegance. "They say there are two ways to be fooled: One is to believe what isn't true, the other is to refuse to believe what is." He knows. He knows that one of them is lying. The way that he's framed, the way that he looks back at Heather and Dagur, there's an immediate sense of unease that comes with that situation, and any viewer can feel that with the music and the way that Viggo speaks. Coming back around to Heather, I believe, at least to a certain extent, that she knew that Viggo was onto her. I mean, the man took her out onto the cliffs and talked about weeding out the "wrong-doer in our midst" which is inherently a set up that neither Heather nor Hiccup realized. During Viggo and Heather's talk, I found myself paying attention to Viggo and the way he was talking to Heather. His body language is very calm and somewhat comforting given the circumstances. He puts his arm around her, and immediately is open and honest with her- at least, that's what she thinks- he calls her "my dear," and trusts her with this big mission of apparently finding out the mole, which in Heathers mind is proving to him that she's trustworthy and can handle information. He's giving her a chance to prove herself, or prove to him that she's the mole.

It's brillant, in a way- because who else besides Heather knew the information about the Flightmare? In his own words, Viggo told her to "keep it to ourselves," and Hiccup and the Riders just so happen to know exactly where they are exactly when they're coming? It was very obvious. And, if this had been played right with Hiccup and Heather, they could have avoided this situation all together. If, quite frankly, Hiccup and the riders had let Viggo have the Flightmare, they could have exponentially gained more information because, at least for a little bit, Heather had proved herself to Viggo. So, Tdlr, Viggo is the best written villain of Httyd because of the way that he critically understands people. I truly think about what would could have been if Viggo had been the one to mentor Hiccup. I know that this is probably obvious, but I did want to word vomit about it. So, uh, bye!

“It’s not fair!” “It’s not fair!!”

Echoing in my mind The cries of a child Not allowed to be a child 

Please don't remember me fondly

Remember me as the one who held your heart so softly, the one who loved you without restraint even when your love for me was a tangled mess which took years to unravel

Remember my patience and devotion as I sat at your feet, then how you crushed them under your heel

Remember me with pangs of guilt and regret when you think on your habit of assuring me I was safe with you then abandoning me once again

Don't remember me fondly, remember you killed me

I don't know that I've ever heard a more apt turn of phrase than "consumed by depression"

It swallows me whole without remorse and I wonder if this is the time I am truly consumed

It’s dark in here Feeling my way through my feelings Like an ancient overgrown jungle labyrinth Sight stolen, hands outstretched Escape seems impossible And it only grows darker

Some Days

Some days I love myself.  Overjoyed to help others feel useful A treasure whose bliss is creating bliss Worthy. Loveable. Hopeful.

Other days I hate myself. Overwhelmed with feeling useless A burden and toxic to everything I touch Unworthy. Unloveable. Hopeless.

Some days I wonder if I will ever get back to some days.

You spin me around

like we're pinning the tail on the donkey

Yesterday this, tomorrow that

contradictions and half-truths

Until I'm dizzy and can barely walk straight

and you end up with a tail on your forehead

Collected

You collect hearts    the way others collect shells Shiny hearts full of love    you are too scared to return Holding them to your ear    to admire the way they admire you Then back on display    until your ego needs another stroke There my heart sits in your display case,    dripping love and devotion Among the other trophies,    stolen by the heart collector

Dolly

I am your dolly You pull me down from my shelf    when you've nothing better to do To manipulate and pose me To play pretend Until another toy    catches your eye Then back I go Lifeless and empty    on my shelf

#need something to grab onto #to ground me #feeling lost #hold my hand #before i float away

Chase me Not because I am worth the chase But because I believe I am not

My eyes ache And I can’t tell if it is from lack of sleep Or all the crying But either way I blame you

the darkness i thought it would consume me but here i am with my light shining through

how can i feel  so empty and yet so full  all at once

I am a believer Always wanting To believe In the good in people In something bigger That promises made Are promises kept

It took a long time And immeasurable disappointment To become this distrustful But I’m really not

On the inside I still believe In you

And I believe You will break my heart Again

You tainted my book

The one where all my words go Every other page soiled With thoughts of you Poems of adoration And lines of punishment My devotion literally Written all over it

You tainted my heart

I wonder sometimes  - okay, more than sometimes - if your inner demons  - those bastards; fuck them - let you feel what you actually feel  - not just the watered down emotions which manage to filter through your walls - would you be able to love me  - would you be in love with me -

lost abandoned help me find me love me

My moon

My moon shines for me.

I look from below, darkness clawing at my body.

I feel the icy fingers of self doubt.

I feel the heat of the blade of my own hatred taking ever opportunity to bury itself into my brain.

Before you I was on a path so empty.

Without you I'm lost, a broken compass, taking on water in the storms I chose to sail.

You believe in me.

I take your hand.

I'll wound you. I'll hurt you. I'll make you have moments of doubt, and unneeded pain.

I can pretend it's obsessive behavior, my need for validation, my weak value in myself.

Ultimately I can't follow that wire the one that ends at my mouth, the puppet of my mind, I look deep to find the source to see where the wire originates... If I had my way, I'd rip that fucker so hard out of my body and pray I was the man I wish I was with you.

I can't.

All I can promise is every mile down our path, every word spoken between us, every moment you give me your time, that I'll spend it showing you my love, my respect, I'll cut you when you need it, I'll care for you after, I'll strive to put you first and try to get you to feel it every day I am allowed.

All I can promise is I'll try to wear out that connection, to pull and wiggle, to break the internal connection, to render that wire useless, or all least render it unable to control it, with the force it has.

I value the moonlight that shines on me.

Thinking about the days when you virtually do nothing. How even though they arent physically productive, mentally they're the most productive thing you've done in a while. It's a day where you can ease your mind and not be on a constant go go go. So in the future if someone ever calls you lazy for giving a day to yourself, just remember that it's okay to take a day to yourself every so often