Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Twst quotes #05
Yuu: Alright, which one of us is gonna check outside?
Ace: Not it!
Deuce: Not it!
Grim: Not it!
Yuu: … None of you are as dumb as you lead on to be.
-
Yuu: ARE YOU-
Ace: Fucking.
Yuu: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Ace: Fucking.
Yuu: IDIOT!
Leona: … What was that?
Ace: Crewel banned Yuu from swearing, so I'm helping them out.
-
Ace: Not gonna lie, I'm kind of afraid of Kalim…
Yuu: As you should be.
Ace: No, for real, he's just really-
Yuu:As. You. Should. Be.
-
Ruggie: The results are in, I'm afraid you have updog…
Leona: What's updog?
Ruggie: Jack! Get in here, I told you I could do it!
-
Yuu, grinning: I have acquired a knife!
Crewel: Put it down Yuu.
Yuu: You have magic! I have knife. Fair trade! *sprints away*
Now why would you say that 😕
Malleus: I just figured out child of man is planning a surprise party for me.
Malleus: What should I do, Lilia?
Lilia: Surprise them back!
Lilia: Don't show up.
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Idia: Being gay isn't a choice. It's a game and I'm winning.
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Ortho, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK?? Ortho, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!
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Idia, lying on the floor, depressed: I'll never be a cop. I'm gonna have to be a robber.
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Ortho: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Idia: Ortho, what did you think a tiger shark was?
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Ortho: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.
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Idia: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
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Idia: Where have you been all day? Ortho: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.
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Ortho: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost! Idia: That’s called murder and I heard somewhere that it was illegal.
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Idia: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play? Ortho: Did you just make that up? Idia: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once. Ortho: Idia: A really long fortune cookie.
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Idia: N... No! Ortho: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???
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And another one done!! Woohoo!!! I'm having some real fun posting all of these.
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Epel, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea?
Vil: Tea.
Epel: Wrong. It's coffee.
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Vil: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Rook: Even better!
Vil: What the fuck did you-
Rook: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.
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Epel: Dammit, you ruin everything!
Vil: You're welcome.
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Epel: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Epel: An apple a day can also keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
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Epel: You're alive.
Vil: There's no need to sound so disappointed.
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Kidnapper: We have your child
Vil: I don’t have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
Vil: Oh god, you have Epel
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Epel: And now for a gay update with Rook.
Rook: Getting gayer.
Epel: Thank you, Rook.
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Epel: Quacking in my boobs over this
Epel: QUAKING*
Epel: BOOTS* FUCKER.
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Epel, acting tough: You guys don't want to mess with me.
Vil: Yeah, Vil will straight up cry in public. Don't try them.
Epel: Exactly, I will straight up-
Epel:
Epel, tearing up: Vil, why would you say that?!
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Vil: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?
Epel: Do you make any other kind?
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Another One Done! Yay!! Btw, do you think I should and write headcannons, x reader, etc? I wanna try, maybe.
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*While waiting outside the principal’s office* Jamil: What are you in for? Kalim: Oh, they just want to know if it’s cool if I miss my classes tomorrow to run sound and lights for a presentation in the auditorium. What about you? Jamil: I stabbed a kid with a screwdriver. Kalim: Kalim: Kalim: We live very different lives. Jamil: Yes we do.
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Kalim: So you like cats? Jamil: Yeah. Kalim: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Kalim: What are you eating? Jamil: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Kalim: I like you, don't I?
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Kalim: I don’t know, this plan seems complicated. Jamil: You once said that about an orange. Kalim: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges you don’t.
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Jamil: Is something burning? Kalim: My burning love for you of course! Jamil: … Kalim: … Kalim: And the kitchen is on fire…
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Kalim: Jamil is playing hard to get. Kalim: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.
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Jamil: You have Crayons? Kalim: Yes, I have— Jamil: You're— how old are you? Kalim: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.
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Jamil: Don't go to the kitchen. Kalim: Why? Jamil: I saw a spider. Kalim: Well, did you kill it? Jamil: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...
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Jamil: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.
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Kalim: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism. Jamil: And you came to me?
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Hey I've been gone for a while, I've been busy playing Genshin Impact & moving. But I'm back now!!
Cop: You ran a red light.
Floyd: So did you, hypocrite.
Cop: I was following you.
Floyd: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.
Cop: Get out.
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Jade: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.
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Azul: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”
Azul: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.
Azul: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!
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Jade: You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time.
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Jade: Sweet dog you got there.
Divus: Yes, this is our new drug sniffing dog.
Jade: Still training huh?
Divus: What do you mean?
Jade:
Jade: Never mind.
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Jade/Floyd: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.
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Azul: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.
Jade/Floyd: Awwww-
Azul: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."
Jade/Floyd: Oh.
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Azul: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
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Azul: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.
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Floyd: Hello friends!
Jade/Azul:
Floyd: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling
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Riddle: Who the fuck broke the toaster?
Deuce: It was Ace.
Cater: It was Ace.
Trey: Ace broke it.
Ace:
Ace: ...YOU PROMISED-
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Riddle: You're a loose cannon, Ace.
Ace: No, I'm not.I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Trey: I think you play by your own rules.
Cater: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Riddle: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Ace: No, I'm just a reckless renegade.Deuce is a loose cannon.
Deuce: * smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Ace!
Cater: I'd say Deuce's more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose.That's an entirely different thing.
Trey: Now I'm just confused.Is Ace a loose cannon or not?
Riddle: All right, put on a pot of coffee.We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
Ace: *groans*
Deuce: Aw, man.
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Riddle: What’s something you guys are better than Ace at?
Deuce: Mario Kart.
Cater: Yeah, video games.
Trey: Emotional vulnerability.
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Riddle: Where's Ace, Deuce, and Cater?
Trey: They're playing hide and seek.
Riddle: Where?
Trey: I don't think you get how this game works.
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Deuce: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Trey: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Cater: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Ace: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Riddle: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
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Riddle : Favorite horror movie?
Trey: It
Cater: Saw
Ace: Annabelle
Deuce: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics
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Riddle: My life's complicated enough and the last thing I need is more drama.
ADeuce: Hey, Housewarden
Riddle: Hello, drama.
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Ace: [Jumping from one trouble to another] Parkour.
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Website: Choose your password.
Trey: *Types Riddle*
Website: Password is too short.
Trey, wiping away a tear: I know
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Trey: Calm yourself Riddle, you are being far too unfair.
Riddle: And you are being far too forgiving.
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I don't remember where I got these from, but if I manage to remember I'll add the links or what not.
Leona: I think I'm falling for you. Ruggie : Then get up.
Your oc / (Y/N): Are you trying to seduce me? Vil: Why, are you seducible?
Epel: We’re getting married, bitches! Jack: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.
Deuce : Amazing! Ace , your just like Sherlock Homeless! Ace : IT'S HOLMES!
—Random School Game Show—
Host: And for your final question! Please identify this statue.
Ace: …Like are we supposed to know that??-
MC: *slaps buzzer* A 20TH CENTURY RENAISSANCE STYLE GOAT GARGOYLE-
Host: CORRECT!
Deuce: How could you have possibly guessed that?
MC: I attend all of Malleus’s Gargoyle Appreciation meetings.
Malleus: *from a distance within the crowd* YOU DO CAAAAAARRREEEEE!!!!
Azul: How has your day been, Mc?
Mc: Well, no one died.
Azul: Those are your standards...?
Mc: I can't expect anything better when I'm friends with Ace, Deuce, and Grim, who have one collective brain cell that they lose frequently.
Azul: I, I see...
Mc: If you do that again I will throw you out the fucking window— what are you doing.
Ace: Checking how high the drop is, to see if it's worth it.
MC: If we die, I’m going to spend the rest of our afterlife reminding you that this was all your fault.
Ace: That’s cool, I wouldn't mind having company as a ghost.
Ace: I have a solution.
Mc: Thank goodness.
Deuce: It involves fire.
Mc: Absolutely not.
Crewel: Ive decided that I won't punish you pups.
Ace and Deuce: Thank god.
Crewel: The Prefect will.
Yuu:(In the distance) Tweedle Dee and Tweedle dumbass!
Crewel: God, help you.
Ace: Please just whip us or something!
Deuce: Am I Dee or dumbass?
Floyd: My brother says I'm a catch.
Riddle: Well, if I caught you, I'd throw you back into the ocean.
The first years are the friend group equivalent of chaotic tumblr posts. I shall not elaborate any further.
Since Y’all liked the last one, heres something somewhat similar:
Ace : A good friend of mine made an entire Cards against Humanity Deck including us, and we played it at like 4 am.
Also, one of my closest childhood friends of now 11 years, the way we first met was he insulted me, and then thirty minutes later I peeked at his notebook while he was drawing (our beds were next to eachother) recognized Sans from a meme, and then managed to bullshit through an entire conversation about Undertale without him suspecting I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.
I made a joke about it a little less then a year ago, thinking he knew by now, but no. He looks at me and the conversation goes:
“Are you telling me our entire first interaction was you just fucking improvising through a discussion of a fandom you didn’t know shit about?”
“Wait you didn’t know?”
“NO?!”
“You genuinely believed that I knew what I was talking about then for 10 years?!?”
“Surprisingly, yes.”
Deuce: I was biking with my sister, and she accidentally biked straight into a fucking lake. Also when my dad looked me dead in the eye after receiving one of my graded tests and goes
“How the fuck do you answer Maine four times on different questions and be wrong for all four times.”
Bonus Adeuceyuu combo: Me and two of my childhood friends once linked together to grab something we saw in a river, turns out it was just a broken fishing rod.
Also another on me and the above two friends meeting: The first thing one of them did was insult me, and I genuinely have zero memory of how I met the other.
Basically, we met at a sleepaway camp as kids, and for some reason, our sleepaway camp had some wackass shit, but one of them was this game. I don’t remember the name of it, but you had to go in groups of 3-4 and tie ribbons around each staff tent/cabinside without getting caught (and keep in mind each campsite and Cabins were very spread apart) at midnight, and the first to return to the cafeteria, where the staff were waiting, and did so after tying them all, on won.
Kids age 12-17, in the middle of fuck knows where in the woods Long Island, running around in the dark unsupervised with only any light bringing items they brought themselves.
So me, and we’ll call them C and M, teamed up. It’d take too long to go into full detail, but it was a very Prologue Mines fused with Camp Vargas core adventure.
Bonus First year gang in general : Me and three friends were waiting for something I genuinely don’t remember in an abandoned dorm area and got extremely bored, and one of them could do a perfect Donald Duck impression, and another a really good goofy, and this somehow led to us having a fake reality tv show verbal bitchfight as Donald, Goofy, Mickey and Minnie for a solid hour. We all regretted not recording it.
Cater: My friend from Wales entirely forgot about the existence of timezones and called me in the middle of my history class. Her ringtone at the time was just a clip of her screaming “Bread”.
How my teacher didn’t figure out who’s phone it was is beyond me.
Trey : Made Russian Roulette Spilt Cupcakes for a large group of my friends, and one is allergic to strawberries, while another’s favorite is, so I very specifically placed the strawberry filled one on the complete other side of the table with the intention of slipping it in after she picked her two.
Some fucking how, she ended up with the Strawberry one, which I had tied with a bow (basically the ones with bows mean they contain an allergen, and the color is the allergen. Ex: Strawberry was BRIGHT FUCKING PINK.) I’m to this day not exactly sure how, but my best guess is she traded hers with whoever originally got the Strawberry one before we ate.
Luckily, I told her partner, who had been my baking partner in crime and convinced me to add in the strawberry after I said it might be a bad idea, to bring two epi pens just incase.
Riddle : I am around 5’3, and I had a friend (?) who was 6’2-3 in middle school. We had almost the blatant definition of a Floyd and Riddle Dynamic, but he’d out of the blue be extremely sweet to me (kinda like that comic in the anthology), only on days I was going through shit. When I tell you I genuinely thought I was hallucinating when he did though-
Also, I yelled at him for nailing, yes, NAILING, a flag on the ceiling reading :”el sábado es para los chicos” (Saturday is for the boys) In the fucking Spanish classroom. Since nobody was as tall as him and the janitors didn’t notice it, it was there for like a week.
Che’nya : My friend and I have an ongoing inside joke where whenever we spot the other through a window in the hallway, we text the other “behind you” or “to your__”
Leona : I brought a pillow with a silk pillow case (gift from my mom) to a sleepover once, and my friend went “You trust leaving me in the room with this?” and I genuinely responded “Its a pillow, why wouldn’t I trust you.” entirely forgetting that Silk can be pretty expensive.
I felt so bad bro.
Ruggie : My friend once dared me to get a one plate of everything during a party. I misinterpreted this and brought a mostly to full plate of each thing, including water bottles.
Turns out they meant balance one of everything on a single plate.
I did not, infact, return the seven brownies, four cupcakes, two cookies, twelevish tangerines, popcorn and god knows how many grapes, but everything else was returned or snatched by friends.
Jack: My friend was throughly convinced she knew where she was going when we got lost outside at one of the biggest malls in fucking America, and we ended up walking a good 4/6th of the perimeter before finding the target (the store, we were still fucking lost) , which we called her mom to pick us up at.
Bonus: My friend, a few dormmates and I were at Starbucks and this random woman comes up to my friend and goes “Hey, they got my order wrong, want my drink?” and I was literally trying to give him this face of “BAD IDEA”. Yea so he ignored the obvious and drank the whole fucking thing and was bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day. (This one could also work for Jamil I suppose.)
Floyd : I was once walking with a friend of mine and jokingly said Trees are giant salads.
This motherfucker breaks off a branch of the nearest tree, takes a fatass bite, drops it, and goes “I want a refund.”
Jade : Randomly got interrogated my mushroom hunters—-
(I kind you the fuck not, MUSHROOM. HUNTERS. Basically, they go out to hunt/find/ forage for rare mushrooms. Atleast thats what they told us?! I wasn’t paying much attention, I was busy petting their dog tbh)
—While camping, my friend and I had zero clue what they were talking about, so she just pointed in a random direction and they thanked us and left.
The same friend also introduced me to mica, but always called them Mermaid Scales, and we more than once walked around in the water looking for them, I was the only one that would literally stop mid-trail to pick some up though. I have a massive collection.
Also she never let me live down the fact I once trapped myself in my tent with fucking dental floss overnight just to see if I could, then couldn’t undo it in the morning, and our adult / guide / trying to keep us alive person had to cut me out with a knife.
Azul : This one very specific time as a kid I was talking to two identical twins, who were standing on each side of me, wearing the same outfits but color reversed, and nearly had an internal breakdown trying to remember which was which, so I just did verbal gymnastics around using their names.
We later literally spent two hours fighting for ours lives together and I shit you not I STILL COULDNT REMEMBER THEIR FUCKING NAMES.
Kalim : Went shopping with my badass grandma and somehow left with a Second Hand Valentino (the brand) dress for $50 and a free bracelet one of the employees gave me because ….I actually don’t know.
Also, I got trapped on a really high up indoor water slide with my sister because the water entirely stopped (we learned later the water machine tied to that ride blew up) , and where we were was like a weird slope like between two drops. We couldn’t get back up, and going down was too risky without water bcs we could go splat.
There was like a window ish on the ride, so like a smart 8 year old, I start calling for help at the top of my lungs. My sister (10) also did this. There was this guy who I guess heard us that we nicknamed Chad because he looked like the most stereotypical 2000’s beach movie love interest lifeguard and was dramatically looking around for where the voices were coming from but NEVER LOOKED UP??
Anyway, My sister got us out in the end because she found a hatch and managed to open it, and I shit you not there was a spiral staircase with a gigantic fucking sign reading “DO NOT CLIMB STAIRCASE.”
So obviously, my sister chucks me across the gap onto the staircase and then jumps over herself, and we end up spending another 40 minutes after that fiasco trying to find our parents while i’m pretty sure Chad was trying to find us.
After the 40 minutes we just assumed we were now orphans and went back to where we left our keycard and low and behold our parents had just come back from wherever they had fucked off to.
Also Chad found us and felt super bad, and bought us a smore cake?!? Someone throw him back in time to be his destined role as an extra in Teen Beach Movie. The cake was great though, but that was one hell of an 8th birthday lmao.
Jamil : My friend from India (jokily) Divorced me after my dumbass asked her if Chai was an ingredient used in Chai Tea.
Spoiler Alert : Chai IS THE TEA. Apparently, asking for Chai Tea is the equivalent of saying “Can I have some Tea Tea please.”
Yea safe to say I felt real stupid in that moment.
Epel : My sister once locked me in the bathroom so she could test her new makeup on me. She left for one second and I kid you not I snuck out of the window.
Random bonus : Me and my cousins for some reason ended up roughhousing outside after one of our older cousins weddings, and I judo flipped a whole ass 17 year old man at age 12 and I felt so powerful in that moment.
Also If you saw about the ranch in the previous post, me that gang had an anonymous cookie provider who would leave us two tins of fresh cookies every day around 12ish pm, usually behind the kitchen or outside the equipment shack.
Yes, we tried to catch them once, No, we didn’t succeed. Also nobody wanted to risk loosing cookie privileges, so we didn’t try again.
Rook: Once scared the living shit out of my online friend by texting him “I am now several miles closer to your location.” . He lives in South America, and I happened to be in Florida with a friend, so I thought i’d be funny.
Vil : I was going to a cosplay convention with a friend, and instead of bringing like a normal amount of makeup, my indecisive ass brought basically a whole suitcase worth of it.
Also won a costume competition at my boarding school for Halloween, and wasn’t even aware there was a competition until the year after, when a good half or more of my dormmates asked me to do their makeup because they’d heard I was really good at it.
Idia: Ok, so, long story, but my friend invited me and two mutual friends to see Sweeney Todd on Broadway w/ the og cast. However, I was the only one who didn’t know we were going anywhere, because he thought his mom told my dad we were going to see Sweeney Todd, while my dad thought my friend told me, but also he was suspiciously alluding to it, maybe unintentionally
So I show up in a blue hoodie with a bad pun on it, mildly ripped sweatpants, mismatched socks and bright rainbow crocs. Not very “going to watch a musical about cannibalism and Serial Killers” attire. But it gets worse.
So around the 3/4ths into the first act is when I usually get snacks at musicals or plays, since they’re usually just finished setting up and theres no line, so I’m in and out and don’t miss much.
Well, I did that as usual, and its important to know we had front row balcony seats, because…
I slipped on my friends playbill on the way to my seat, and my fucking left croc went flying down into the seats below us, and hit an older woman in the head right at Sweeney did the first oofing, and the stage lights go red for a moment in this scene.
I felt so bad, and was literally too embarrassed to go get the shoe myself, so one of my friends got it for me. Apparently the lady thought it was somewhat funny (thank fucking goodness)
Ortho : My sister and I were biking once, and found out some reason the coats we had (school merch from field day I think). had the biggest fucking hidden pockets known to man.
So the next time we went out, she for some reason decided to put our dads entire laptop in there.
Also bonus: My friend once invited me over to their house to help with their costume, and when I came over, the costume was literally a gigantic trash can. No, not the actual object, They were literally making a giant trashcan costume.
I helped but still remained mildly confused in the process.
Malleus : I had a good friend who lived next to a graveyard, and sometimes we would just go on nice walks in the graveyard.
Lilia: Another Wilderness one: We were making Pasta, and one of the guys in our group was playing with a large thing of moss, tripped, and the moss got into the fucking pasta.
One guide said “Nature Consequence, we can still eat it” while the other screamed they were going to get fired.
Also, me and a friend were singing bo-burnham on a hike, and for some reason we had this stupid ass idea of making a fake fishing rod called…..
“The Child Catcher.”
(The irony ony of us both being 14 at the time so technically we were children)
We found a good fishing rod like stick and a vine, tied a vine on, and I kid you not we carried that thing for MILES. We also made a fork with a flatly shaped stick and a rock named Reddie.
Yea living in the woods does somethin to ya I gotta say.
Bonus: One of my childhood friends had a very giant dog, and one time we had a sleepover, she was laying infront of the other side of the door when we woke , and because of the way the door was, we couldn’t get through.
So my genius solution was to climb out the window (this was on the second floor) , Cha-Cha real smoothed to the nearest other window, go through there, and lure the dog away with a treat.
It worked.
Silver: Went to this make your own dipped popsicle thing with a good friend of mine, and watched in pure horror as she got a mango popsicle dipped in dark chocolate and rolled in fruity pebbles.
Another one: I was at a Sleepover and there was this tent like thing that was meant for tiny people (aka me, not really it was for toddlers but I was small enough to fit at the time), and at some point in the middle of the night, someone tripped on the tent and it entirely collapsed on me, and not only did I sleep through it, I ended up being the last person to wake up because they all saw the tent collapsed and assumed I was already awake.
Also I was camping once and I rolled away from my tarp and somehow down a road, and my friend said when she found me there was just several butterflies and caterpillars on me. I originally didn’t know but I found a caterpillar on my head that morning and apparently it was poisonous (I was fine and I named him Bob)
Sebek: I was in an escape room with some friends, and I discovered that a key we had gotten in the very beginning worked on another lock, so I did that, and later one of my loud friends finds a key and is SPIRALING because she can’t find what it unlocks for like 30 minutes, and after several minutes I realized, unintentionally slammed my hand on a desk and screamed “OH SHIT.” with zero context.
That experience was actually my first time in a escape room with friends, and not my family or a bunch of drunk strangers in suits + my concerned mother.
Second years : My friends in the priorly mentioned group consisted of who I’ll call N, who was doing 70% of the work, we had R, who was angrily searching for the lock to the key, we had T, the birthday boi, who was randomly making jokes about the 1930s, S, who genuinely forgot he had a key item in his pocket, and A, who dramatically serenaded the paintings after misinterpreting a clue and me, who kept accidentally unlocking shit ahead of time.
Third Years: Prior to the other mentioned event, we had gone to a small improv event that ended up being just us, and the poor guy running it kept giving us scenarios and random conditions which we would absolutely make the craziest shit from.
If I remember correctly, one of the skits was we were supposed to be a school board, and the condition was when someone said an idea, you had to say yes.
The result? a organ harvesting business thats front was a school, and everytime someone got detention, one organ of theirs was sold, and the funds went into funding the biogenetically engineered creation of Hatsune Miku and Cat Boys.
For some reason this skit also led somehow into atomic glitter and cocaine missiles, selling souls on Ebay with express shipping, using Sephora Products and Instagram to spread our propaganda, making meme complications of our crimes, and nuking the Bermuda Triangle.
Ask no questions because I have no answers.
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Yea thats it for now! Enjoy!
:3
Edit: Additional ones I just thought of for staff:
Crowley: Once had to bike around a shit ton of bird corpses lining several yards of sidewalk to meet my dormmates at a lighthouse, went to the wrong lighthouse anyway, and had to bike back through it.
Bonus: Not One I did, but my Dad once preheated the oven to 350 degrees without realizing there was a pizza box in there, then left the house a few minutes before it caught on fire so my sister had to stop it. (I was upstairs and did nothing, as foretold in the Ace one)
Sam: I have a penchant for finding or somehow receiving the randomest shit:
I have 6 pool sticks yet no pool table,
A Hunting Bullet from 1947 and a Modern Handgun bullet (both found in the woods pretty close to eachother while camping)
Jeff the Third Croc (A bright orange mens size 11 croc I acquired in the woods while ironically wearing bright orange crocs)
3 Mardi gras Masks (I’m from Northeastern America and have never attended Mardi gras)
A 1923 Copy of the complete works of Shakesphere.
A weird necklace someone gave me that looks like some amulet thing in a movie.
An old fashioned wall phone with no wall or numbers.
A Tsuyu Asui figurine that glows in the dark for some reason, it wasn’t advertised to do so. (Nuclear Weapon?)
Several pieces of shattered Ancient Clay pots I found and tried to put back together.
A piece of coral with a whole ass plant growing from it.
5 pounds of mostly artwork and a rock from a friend (art of their ocs.)
A gigantic Blue and gold sombrero (and the sombrero case it came with)
Coyote skull from my Texan Friend (She apparently killed it herself which makes me more confused and concerned on why she gave me its skull)
A broken fishing rod me and two friends chain linked together to pull out of a lake.
And some other weird shit.
Crewel : I used to love giant fluffy coats and still do. Will wear them in the summer.
Vargas : I walked to school in a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops during a blizzard to prove something (I don’t remember what)
Bonus: On my first day at my new school last year , I climbed to the roof and jokingly yelled down to my friend “I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!”, then threw an eraser at him.
Also apparently I’m the first student to ever get to the roof and not get caught, yet here I am self incriminating myself. Oh well.
Trein: Wrote over 100,000 words in an essay out of spite.
———
I still have more dumb shit I’ve experienced but I have once more run out of characters.
Stupid Shit I’ve done/Gotten myself into by accident/been dragged into as Twisted Wonderland Characters:
—————-
Ace : Heard my sister screaming bloody murder downstairs and didn’t do shit because I assumed she was watching a horror movie. Turns out there was a fire in the oven.
Bonus: Sniped my friend in the eye from across the Cafeteria with a Ketchup Packet, Meant to hit his glasses, but he repositioned them at the last second.
Deuce: Answered Maine four times on a Historical Geography test and was wrong all four times.
Cater: Threw my phone out of the window in a panic after seeing one of my Idols followed me back.
Bonus : Accidentally convinced a transfer camper from Wales I was from London after I quoted something in the accent to myself in the showers and was too awkward to tell them I wasn’t when they struck up the conversation.
(I am from America, and the camp is in America.)
Trey: Accidentally created a puddle of Dark Red Icing and Stepped in it four times in a row while making a cake at 2 am.
Bonus : Befriended and helped out the owner of a French Bakery down the street when they started out, they ended up becoming really popular (rightfully so, her stuff is amazing) and now I either get free shit and/or Friends and Family Discounts.
Riddle : I have read the dictionary on multiple occasions out of sheer boredom.
Bonus: I once read the bible and marked down verses. Im not religious I just needed to win an argument.
Leona: Slept through an earthquake and 3 ambulances coming to my house bcs my sister was hurt.
Ruggie: Waited for families going inside to pass by and asked them to hold the door for me so I could sneak into a VIP rooms for free food. (Usually only at fancy hotels but luckily this strategy is flexible when your 5’2 with a baby face.)
Jack: Used to Smash open large rocks containing Crystals or Quartz at the beach as a kid, and now I have a large collection of them.
Bonus: I have extremely good hearing, to the point I hear into the negative decibels up to -15 - -20 (according to the audiologist this is rare but i literally don’t know shit about audio and decibels) so my old dormmates used to try and bribe me to tell them what I heard about certain things or themselves.
Bonus 2: Almost got shot by an illegal hunter while in the woods with my sister.
Floyd : Cracked my skull open at the pool, lost consciousness for a few seconds and woke up in the water calling for help, then got confused on why I was calling for help.
Bonus : A Sea lion once came up to me while I was scuba diving and did little circles, bumped its snout on my mask and just followed me the whole time in a very gleeful manner as a temporary homie.
Bonus 2: Apparently ate / took bites of my moms library books as a little kid (????) according to the librarian.
Jade: Taught myself to untie my hands with my hands behind my back, tie by hands behind my back with my hands behind my back, deciphered, translated and memorized a fictional hieroglyphic language, Read from Act 1 to Act 6 of Homestuck, and accidentally discovered how to disguise Chocolate Ice Cream as Pistachio; all within the span of 2 weeks. (I had covid and was A-Symptomatic)
Bonus : Lived in the Woods for 7 months (in total), had a large bag of mica and Almost Drowned in a tent when there was no moving water nor rain. (Basically, I was asleep, Woke up underwater, nearly went back to bed, then shot out of my tent screaming “My Tent Titanticed!” )
(It was like 3 am don’t judge me)
Azul: Somehow ended up with $2200 dollars in $100s in Monopoly at the end of the game. Also have been stuck between two identical twins while talking with both and boi that shits TRIPPY. (I also almost died with them later but it was fine)
Bonus: I lived on a middle of fuck knows where island during the spring and summer up until covid, yet I absolutely despise eating fish or Shellfish, and the smell often makes me nauseous.
(Bonus 2: I love shiny things, but very specifically fancy looking keys. I also had a weird obsession with signing a shiny contract after watching Ariel. Another tiny thing Is I own a Flotsam and Jetsam Scarf which I chuck around when Floyd or Jade pisses me off ingame.)
Kalim : Got distracted by a cool leaf while at a fancy resort in Xatapa, Mexico, and waddled off from my parents and explored around to try and find more, somehow managed to get extremely far and ended up lost in a whole different city for 6 hours while trying to find my way back.
Bonus 1: I had an obsession with Kiwis for awhile as a kid, and our neighbors house had a Pangium tree that reached over to our yard. (It was planted before either families moved in so we didn’t know) I thought it was some kind of strange Kiwi and ate one. I didn’t like it and was like “Oh maybe its not ripe” and waited 3-5 months then tried it again, same reaction, repeat process one more time.
I went to my parents out of curiosity and asked them what it was, and so after some process I am unaware of but I think my mom brought one of the fruits somewhere, we discovered what it was.
Pangium contains Fatal amounts of Cyanide if not properly prepared. I was fine but for the love of anything please don’t try eating it like little me did.
Bonus 2: I’ve Almost died more times than I can count on both hands and feet. Im not an heir or something fancy I just have wackass luck.
Jamil: Once had to talk my sister out of jumping off a tour boat because our cousin dared her to.
Bonus : Managed to make French Toast in the middle of the woods with Dehydrated Milk, Cinnamon, Three Eggs I stole, and a loaf of bread we got once a month. Also made 3 kinds marinated chicken in the middle of the woods.
(My Cooking Style is literally “just trust me bro.” I’m like Lilia except it actually works and is edible)
Epel : Whenever we went applepicking at my Grandfathers house, I’d climb into the trees and throw or pass the apples down. Sometimes I actually wish I could sit in trees more often shits comfy.
Bonus: My Mom was a Champion Horseback Rider as a kid, and sometimes took us to this Dude Ranch I shall not name for my own privacy, but I’d run around with this group of kids and this one herding dog like a damn movie protagonist, sometimes go riding horses, or the one time we stole a tractor and near crashed it (THE REGRETS I STILL HAVE-) etc.
The WHIPLASH from that to going back to a whitewashed Northeast suburban town is insane.
Rook: My Cousins and I, and sometimes the kids at the priorly mentioned ranch, would play the most intense games of manhunt (basically really intense hide n seek at night) ,
I mean wearing camo if you had it, alliances, little dollar store walkie-talkies, code words, binoculars, climbing in trees or hiding in bushes/tall grasses/Hay to “scout”.
I hid in a large pot/vase more than once and another time on a roof, and (ONLY ONCE, DO NOT DO THIS IM STUPID) under a car.
I still remain the top in last man standing points. Mostly bcs I’m stingy with rescues but shhh
Vil - Accidentally poured a lot of liquid eyeliner into my eye, was literally crying out Eyeliner for 30 minutes. Also taught myself to run and jump in heels as a kid because I thought it looked cool in movies.
Ortho : Unknowingly was Hacking my Elementary School Databank for several years,
I genuinely thought it was normal to go on the school website, press a few buttons and be able to find a friends address if I had a playdate and needed to tell my mom where the house was, a parents phone number if needed communication with my friends parents , and mostly ignored the other general info.
I didn’t even know I did this until my dad told me a few months ago that I almost got suspended for it but by the time they found out it was the end of my last year there. ;—;
Idia: Accidentally acquired both a Nahida and Eula in Genshin and was genuinely annoyed at the time, they are now my most powerful DPS’s…
Bonus : I own a shit ton of original Japanese first edition Pokemon Cards my cousin gave me, (they are probably worth more than me which is neat), and I have a giant pile of Pokemon plushies I have infact fallen asleep on or in on multiple occasions.
Bonus 2: I was playing Breath of the Wild, and my very first thing I did after getting off the plateau was beeline for the castle. I actually got all the way up and took out 2 blights but the Wind one kicked my ass.
Bonus 3: Got confessed to and asked out by a guy I did not like nor knew very well, and I panicked, said “Maybe, Sorry no.” And ran into a wall. Also have crawled through a chute to avoid an awkward situation as a kid (do not recommend its dusty and definitely not safe)
Bonus 4: Once didn’t sleep for 5 days.
Malleus : Accidentally attended a Private Party and a Private Funeral in the same week. I was not invited nor knew anyone present. Stayed there for most of it because I was too nervous to say I wasn’t supposed to be there. Whoop.
Bonus: Got nicknamed the “Trip Curse.” By my Old Dormmates because everytime I went on a trip with them everything seemed to go to shit or get hella chaotic.
Bonus 2: Another camping one: Once woke up at night with a shit ton of fireflies just chilling in my tent. It was serene but also I genuinely thought I was hallucinating for a few minutes.
Lilia: Literally will hang upside down anywhere I can, its so fun bro.
Bonus : I know an extremely large amount of useless historical information, and once genuinely realized I know more about poison than what flour and eggs are used for in baking.
Silver : Once befriended a wild horse ( Im like 90% sure he was a Chestnut).
I called him Clover the Dog like horse because he was honestly just a golden retriever in the body of a horse.
This is great and theres alot of sweet moments, but then theres the times you have a giant horse galloping full speed at you for attention or trying to nudge you affectionately and nearly pushing you into a creek in the process.
Sebek: Got groundstruck by lightning once. Also I am often told I have a loud voice.
Che’nya : a good friend of mine and I have an inside joke at school where if we see eachother through a window (my school has alot of indoor windows for some reason?), we’ll text the other “Behind you.” Or “To your left.”
——————-
Theres more things I can think of but I have run out of characters and this is getting too long, so ye!
@needztosleep
THIS KILLED ME HELP— I TAKE IT AS AN HONOR. CAMPY/BAD CGI 2000’s MOVIES RAISED ME.
Stupid Shit I’ve done/Gotten myself into by accident/been dragged into as Twisted Wonderland Characters:
—————-
Ace : Heard my sister screaming bloody murder downstairs and didn’t do shit because I assumed she was watching a horror movie. Turns out there was a fire in the oven.
Bonus: Sniped my friend in the eye from across the Cafeteria with a Ketchup Packet, Meant to hit his glasses, but he repositioned them at the last second.
Deuce: Answered Maine four times on a Historical Geography test and was wrong all four times.
Cater: Threw my phone out of the window in a panic after seeing one of my Idols followed me back.
Bonus : Accidentally convinced a transfer camper from Wales I was from London after I quoted something in the accent to myself in the showers and was too awkward to tell them I wasn’t when they struck up the conversation.
(I am from America, and the camp is in America.)
Trey: Accidentally created a puddle of Dark Red Icing and Stepped in it four times in a row while making a cake at 2 am.
Bonus : Befriended and helped out the owner of a French Bakery down the street when they started out, they ended up becoming really popular (rightfully so, her stuff is amazing) and now I either get free shit and/or Friends and Family Discounts.
Riddle : I have read the dictionary on multiple occasions out of sheer boredom.
Bonus: I once read the bible and marked down verses not because I’m Christian I just needed to win an argument.
Leona: Slept through an earthquake and 3 ambulances coming to my house bcs my sister was hurt.
Ruggie: Waited for families going inside to pass by and asked them to hold the door for me so I could sneak into a VIP rooms for free food. (Usually only at fancy hotels but luckily this strategy is flexible when your 5’2 with a baby face.)
Jack: Used to Smash open large rocks containing Crystals or Quartz at the beach as a kid, and now I have a large collection of them.
Bonus: I have extremely good hearing, to the point I hear into the negative decibels up to -15 - -20 (according to the audiologist this is rare but i literally don’t know shit about audio and decibels) so my old dormmates used to try and bribe me to tell them what I heard about certain things or themselves.
Bonus 2: Almost got shot by an illegal hunter while in the woods with my sister.
Floyd : Cracked my skull open at the pool, lost consciousness for a few seconds and woke up in the water calling for help, then got confused on why I was calling for help.
Bonus : A Sea lion once came up to me while I was scuba diving and did little circles, bumped its snout on my mask and just followed me the whole time in a very gleeful manner as a temporary homie.
Bonus 2: Apparently ate / took bites of my moms library books as a little kid (????) according to the librarian.
Jade: Taught myself to untie my hands with my hands behind my back, tie by hands behind my back with my hands behind my back, deciphered, translated and memorized a fictional hieroglyphic language, Read from Act 1 to Act 6 of Homestuck, and accidentally discovered how to disguise Chocolate Ice Cream as Pistachio; all within the span of 2 weeks. (I had covid and was A-Symptomatic)
Bonus : Lived in the Woods for 7 months (in total), had a large bag of mica and Almost Drowned in a tent when there was no moving water nor rain. (Basically, I was asleep, Woke up underwater, nearly went back to bed, then shot out of my tent screaming “My Tent Titanticed!” )
(It was like 3 am don’t judge me)
Azul: Somehow ended up with $2200 dollars in $100s in Monopoly at the end of the game. Also have been stuck between two identical twins while talking with both and boi that shits TRIPPY. (I also almost died with them later but it was fine)
Bonus: I lived on a middle of fuck knows where island during the spring and summer up until covid, yet I absolutely despise eating fish or Shellfish, and the smell often makes me nauseous.
(Bonus 2: I love shiny things, but very specifically fancy looking keys. I also had a weird obsession with signing a shiny contract after watching Ariel. Another tiny thing Is I own a Flotsam and Jetsam Scarf which I chuck around when Floyd or Jade pisses me off ingame.)
Kalim : Got distracted by a cool leaf while at a fancy resort in Xatapa, Mexico, and waddled off from my parents and explored around to try and find more, somehow managed to get extremely far and ended up lost in a whole different city for 6 hours while trying to find my way back.
Bonus 1: I had an obsession with Kiwis for awhile as a kid, and our neighbors house had a Pangium tree that reached over to our yard. (It was planted before either families moved in so we didn’t know) I thought it was some kind of strange Kiwi and ate one. I didn’t like it and was like “Oh maybe its not ripe” and waited 3-5 months then tried it again, same reaction, repeat process one more time.
I went to my parents out of curiosity and asked them what it was, and so after some process I am unaware of but I think my mom brought one of the fruits somewhere, we discovered what it was.
Pangium contains Fatal amounts of Cyanide if not properly prepared. I was fine but for the love of anything please don’t try eating it like little me did.
Bonus 2: I’ve Almost died more times than I can count on both hands and feet. Im not an heir or something fancy I just have wackass luck.
Jamil: Once had to talk my sister out of jumping off a tour boat because our cousin dared her to.
Bonus : Managed to make French Toast in the middle of the woods with Dehydrated Milk, Cinnamon, Three Eggs I stole, and a loaf of bread we got once a month. Also made 3 kinds marinated chicken in the middle of the woods.
(My Cooking Style is literally “just trust me bro.” I’m like Lilia except it actually works and is edible)
Epel : Whenever we went applepicking at my Grandfathers house, I’d climb into the trees and throw or pass the apples down. Sometimes I actually wish I could sit in trees more often shits comfy.
Bonus: My Mom was a Champion Horseback Rider as a kid, and sometimes took us to this Dude Ranch I shall not name for my own privacy, but I’d run around with this group of kids and this one herding dog like a damn movie protagonist, sometimes go riding horses, or the one time we stole a tractor and near crashed it (THE REGRETS I STILL HAVE-) etc.
The WHIPLASH from that to going back to a whitewashed Northeast suburban town is insane.
Rook: My Cousins and I, and sometimes the kids at the priorly mentioned ranch, would play the most intense games of manhunt (basically really intense hide n seek at night) ,
I mean wearing camo if you had it, alliances, little dollar store walkie-talkies, code words, binoculars, climbing in trees or hiding in bushes/tall grasses/Hay to “scout”.
I hid in a large pot/vase more than once and another time on a roof, and (ONLY ONCE, DO NOT DO THIS IM STUPID) under a car.
I still remain the top in last man standing points. Mostly bcs I’m stingy with rescues but shhh
Vil - Accidentally poured a lot of liquid eyeliner into my eye, was literally crying out Eyeliner for 30 minutes. Also taught myself to run and jump in heels as a kid because I thought it looked cool in movies.
Ortho : Unknowingly was Hacking my Elementary School Databank for several years,
I genuinely thought it was normal to go on the school website, press a few buttons and be able to find a friends address if I had a playdate and needed to tell my mom where the house was, a parents phone number if needed communication with my friends parents , and mostly ignored the other general info.
I didn’t even know I did this until my dad told me a few months ago that I almost got suspended for it but by the time they found out it was the end of my last year there. ;—;
Idia: Accidentally acquired both a Nahida and Eula in Genshin and was genuinely annoyed at the time, they are now my most powerful DPS’s…
Bonus : I own a shit ton of original Japanese first edition Pokemon Cards my cousin gave me, (they are probably worth more than me which is neat), and I have a giant pile of Pokemon plushies I have infact fallen asleep on or in on multiple occasions.
Bonus 2: I was playing Breath of the Wild, and my very first thing I did after getting off the plateau was beeline for the castle. I actually got all the way up and took out 2 blights but the Wind one kicked my ass.
Bonus 3: Got confessed to and asked out by a guy I did not like nor knew very well, and I panicked, said “Maybe, Sorry no.” And ran into a wall. Also have crawled through a chute to avoid an awkward situation as a kid (do not recommend its dusty and definitely not safe)
Bonus 4: Once didn’t sleep for 5 days.
Malleus : Accidentally attended a Private Party and a Private Funeral in the same week. I was not invited nor knew anyone present. Stayed there for most of it because I was too nervous to say I wasn’t supposed to be there. Whoop.
Bonus: Got nicknamed the “Trip Curse.” By my Old Dormmates because everytime I went on a trip with them everything seemed to go to shit or get hella chaotic.
Bonus 2: Another camping one: Once woke up at night with a shit ton of fireflies just chilling in my tent. It was serene but also I genuinely thought I was hallucinating for a few minutes.
Lilia: Literally will hang upside down anywhere I can, its so fun bro.
Bonus : I know an extremely large amount of useless historical information, and once genuinely realized I know more about poison than what flour and eggs are used for in baking.
Silver : Once befriended a wild horse ( Im like 90% sure he was a Chestnut).
I called him Clover the Dog like horse because he was honestly just a golden retriever in the body of a horse.
This is great and theres alot of sweet moments, but then theres the times you have a giant horse galloping full speed at you for attention or trying to nudge you affectionately and nearly pushing you into a creek in the process.
Sebek: Got groundstruck by lightning once. Also I am often told I have a loud voice.
Che’nya : a good friend of mine and I have an inside joke at school where if we see eachother through a window (my school has alot of indoor windows for some reason?), we’ll text the other “Behind you.” Or “To your left.”
TWST Incorrect Quotes #2
——————————
Ace: “Did I gain anything from this experience? No. It was completely and totally uneventful.”
Cater: “He kissed a guy!“
“No I didn’t!!”
“Yes you did?”
“DIDN’T!”
“Diiiiiiiiddd!!!”
“DID.NOT.”
“Did-Diiiidd-Did-Did-a-did-a-did-a-did!”
Trey : “Ahem, Uh, I can break this tie-“
*𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑢𝑝 𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝐶𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑀𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑚 𝑜𝑓 𝑖𝑡.*
“He totally did.”
——————————-
I CAN TOTALLY SEE IT
“Now, the Second Prince of the Sunset Savanna is said to be one of the grumpiest and most violent animals when woken up prematurely, capable of turning even the strongest people into sand within seconds if you’re not careful.
As you can see, he’s napping right now, so I’ve set up 4 speakers around him, each programed to play the Barbie Theme song in about 2 minutes.
I’m a trained professional in combat, but you probably aren’t, so don’t try this next part at home kids!”
TWST Incorrect Quotes #1
___________
Lilia, breaking in to the house: “C’mon you old cunt we’re going on an adventure! : D “
Baul: “How bout’ get fucked mate.”
Lilia, dragging him out of the door by his collar: “How about you’re a wanker :) “
___________
TWST Incorrect Quotes #1
___________
Lilia, breaking into the house: “C’mon you old cunt, we’re going on an adventure! : D “
Baul: “How bout’ get fucked mate.”
Lilia, dragging him out of the door by his collar: “How about you’re a wanker :) “
___________
That's bs Ace, you're always a prick-
Deuce: 13 year old me would’ve been both perplexed and in awe of who I am today *smiles sweetly to himself*
Sebek: 13 year old me me wouldn’t believe I’d get this far…
Ace: I would fight 13 year old me, I was a prick
Deuce: was?