Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Social Awkwardness - Blog Posts
Being a writer and an introvert at the same time is a wild combo because my brain can dish out dialogue all day, but when I have to talk to someone It's like- Sorry, the word factory is closed right now. Come back in a few years then we'll make you that perfect comeback to the current conversation.
No, not the conversation that will be happening then, this one right now.
If you ever feel sorry for yourself just remember that I got scolded by the cashier at McDonalds’ because I was so socially awkward and couldn’t even speak when it came to my turn to order
Meet my first drawn (human) OC, Bessie and her Spinda!
Bessie is 12 no matter what it says on the info sheet.
She/her
Sometimes nicknamed (Messy-Bessie)
She is messy, disorganized and forgetful.
Spinda's trainer.
Headphones with Spinda's swirls on them
She gets nervous sometimes when talking to people, she doesn't know what to say most of the time and sometimes ends up staring at people.
Often overthinks things; sees problems bigger than they actually are
The slightest interaction with a stranger, or worse a person she knows but doesn't really know can make her melt over how "awkward" that was, but Spinda helps her come back to reality.
Spinda
Has no spots (i was just drawing Spindas but not this Spinda)
He/Him
I mean it has red on it but not spots
Neat, organized and polite
Bessie's partner
Wears a hat and scarf
Helps Bessie calm down and guide her on social situations (or smth)
I have a lot of pokemon oc ideas but i'm bad at drawing so they just live in my imagination. Fun Fact: I didn't mean to make an oc just bored in science and wanted to do smth with Spinda
If any of y'all who see this wanna do something with her like redraw her or give her an occupation or something be my guest!
I am “That Guy” or “To Live with Asperger’s Syndrome“
This is meant as a window into what it’s like “inside my mind” on a typical day of life... The struggles I face (and work hard to fight) on a constant basis. This in NO way is referring to any one individual or event. Rather, what it’s like (for me and likely many others) to live with Asperger’s Syndrome.
I am “that guy”...:
...whom 90% of the time is the only person out-of-the-loop / out-of-touch with the tone of intent (and actual topic-driven conversational flow) in any given multi-person or one-on-one verbal interaction.. while simultaneously being utterly oblivious to the fact “in the moment” -- Because I’m simultaneously expending copious amounts of energy to maintain an outward appearance of “being comfortable in my own skin” while I’m trying to participate in human-to-human verbal communication.
...whom is a hopelessly awkward-looking person who looks like I’m trying my utmost (yet failing completely) to *NOT* appear like I’m painfully-uncomfortable and panicked by any given “near-stranger obligatory ‘Hello! How are you??’ verbal exchange.
...whom rarely instigates an in-person conversation with anyone in the interest of “purely purposeless interaction” for fear that he’ll make a “fool” of himself by stumbling and stuttering over his own spoken words; which only serves to deepen his own sense of social anxiety.
...whom in most circumstances has to verbally rehearse aloud how I *think* my next upcoming conversation should / will go; even with my own mother. My near-constant racing, muddled and tangled thoughts prevent me from deriving any measure of true enjoyment from in-person encounters with fellow humans.
...who will *always* completely miss / misinterpret subtlety whenever it’s used in a conversation or even a purely-innocent and humorous remark in day-to-day social interactions; often leading to a potentially confusing reaction / response from me -- and in turn resulting in fellow humans finding me: socially-awkward, uncomfortable to converse with, insulting, condescending, odd and outright “creepy”.
...whom people will often go out of their way to avoid interacting with due to a past “social sin” they’ve suffered by me, which I’m completely unaware of.. as most people will *not* take the necessary time and effort to pull me aside, alert me to the issue (communicate how it made them feel [and why]) and ask me to re-phrase / explain what I truly meant.
...whom will occasionally realize (on my own) that I may have came off as “creepy / insulting / condescending” long after the fact. I will (to often) in turn mentally and verbally curse myself for my (inwardly-perceived) “stupidity”.. again, further-deepening my own sense of self-doubt and renewed feelings of social paranoia.
...whom will intentionally choose to communicate via written / typed word in the interest of self-regulation to avoid further humiliation, added social distress and potential future hurt feelings from yet another “communication FAIL”.
...whom will completely miss verbal and physical social queues a person is trying to convey to me in order to clue me into the fact that I might be making said person very uncomfortable or upset by something I’ve just said to them in an oddly-worded or “mixed-signal” fashion.
...whom will (whenever innocently asked “How I’m doing” by an individual) simply respond with a “Hi..ok..” coupled with an awkward smirk and nod; then will quickly “make my escape” from said person’s presence in avoidance of further “purposeless” conversation (as well as added potential of self-embarrassment or yet another social blunder).
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I want to conclude with an apology. I sincerely apologize to anyone I’ve hurt, confused or made uncomfortable as a result of my “Aspergian brain having its way” with my verbal (or typed!) at times painfully-awkward communications. I would never wish to cause anyone stress or embarrassment. I hope you can please forgive me and that this post helps folks to better-understand where I’m coming from in situations like this.
I also want to make it very clear that I absolutely do not consider Asperger’s Syndrome to be a “crutch” nor an excuse to justify situations when I’ve hurt / creeped-out someone by completely fouling up what *should’ve* been a pleasant verbal exchange.
To those (you know who you are!) that have exercised the necessary courage, patience and (most importantly!!) forgiveness to notify me of social issues I’ve caused (and in turn help me to properly adjust my approach to social interactions): I can’t thank you enough! You’ve truly made a positive difference in my life.. I do not take it for granted. If anyone ever needs to “pull me aside” and inquire about an “Aspergian hiccup” you may have experienced in any interactions with me, PLEASE don’t “be shy” about it. I realized recently that there are likely a *lot* of individuals I’ve come in contact with; and have probably at one time or another suffered stress, anxiety or a fair amount of “creep factor” from me due to this.
I consider myself *VERY* lucky to have met so many supportive, accepting and non-judgmental people over the recent past!
If anyone ever has any questions on having Asperger Syndrome and would like to learn more, please don’t hesitate to ask! I’m always happy to “further educate” folks with an interest in this topic. :-)
That all said, be kind to one another, people! Thanks so much for reading!
Whenever I go out in public it feels like unreal, my head turns into mush, my body goes numb, I can’t form a sentence, I can’t ask for a cup of water in a restaurant, I stutter harder than I already do, my whole body shakes, my head spins, I zone out and daydream, im literally so fucking awkward, my head goes completely dumb, my vision blurs and i feel like I’m fucking dying someone help fr
