Actually Ocd - Blog Posts

if you have OCD that moralistic post it not about you. keep scrolling. i love you

why can anxiety cause psychical symptoms. why is it allowed to do that. i don't like that. no

I’ve often heard and seen mental illness be compared to having a lil demon in your brain but i disagree because demons are cool and sexy and my illnesses are quite frankly stupid losers. I think pyramid scheme promoter is a lot more fitting all things considered.

Having OCD is so weird and silly. Like, I know that there isn't a monster under my bed who’s gonna take my feet if I stand too close, obviously, I’m a logical adult.

But like,

There is, trust me on this one.

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)

canım o kadar acıdı ki artık her şeye gülerek tepki veriyorum. insanlar bu kız delirmiş diyorlar. bilmiyorlar ki kaç gece uykusuz kaldığımı, takıntılarımın esiri olduğumu, kafamdaki sesleri susturmak için neler çektiğimi bilmiyorlar. asla bilemeyecekler. O yüzden deliyim, bir problem mi var?

your honor,

i am not doing too hot

those depression tips actually work wtf 💔💔💔

cool fact! writing "you have no reason not to reblog this" or "reblogging this costs you nothing" or "every decent person should reblog this" or any other kind of reblog bait guilt tripping is extremely unfair to those of us with moral ocd / guilt complexes so please fucking stop doing it!

Expirience with OCD so far

Greetings bugs and worms!

This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on it—Maybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)

If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.

The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!

Reblog to teach your followers about OCD

(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)

I'm just posting this to see if other people have the same feels as me.

Possible tw: dermatillomania, self harm

Sometimes when I don't have anything to pick at I end up wanting to make something to pick at. I know it's a terrible idea and I haven't done it and I don't plan on it because I know it's bad. But I still want to pick bad enough to think that. It might be a mix of self harm related intrusive thoughts and dermatillomania brain.

I just want to know if anyone else has had any similar thoughts because it's making me nervous. I hope all of you are doing alright and please be safe <3

ok but, genuinely, one of the biggest reasons I love the Death Guard is that Mortarion is a petty asshole with undiagnosed OCD and I relate to that for some reason

i've been thinking a lot about mortarion recently because i read mortarion: the pale king and re-read lords of silence and it's so interesting to me how mortarion seems to have a lot of fixations that border on compulsions.

in lords of silence, vorx describes mortarion as having "relentless superstitions" even before the heresy. mortarion also has "an exaggerated interest in names, bordering on obsession" that has "only grown" since his ascension to daemon prince. mortarion's manse on the plague planet also seems to be subject to this:

"The gates are, like everything here, a parody. They are, it is said, seven centimetres taller than the Eternity Gate on Terra. Just seven. Mortarion did a lot of things like that -- petty things, mediocre digs at fate. The cupola is slightly taller than that raised over the Senatorum Imperialis. The walls are steeper by seven degrees."

mortarion's compulsions appear in mortarion: the pale king as well, particularly his fixation on numbers.

Sanguinius stared right back. ‘Help me understand this, then,’ he said. He pointed to one of the hills of corpses. ‘Those mortals, for instance. What are they doing?’ ‘They are tallying the dead of the Order,’ said Mortarion. ‘Why?’ ‘Because I commanded it.’

mortarion's behavior here is indicative of a larger trend within his character: his own desire for agency within a series of systems that do not allow him any. for example, lords of silence asserts the following:

"...it is said of him that everything came late, and with difficulty. He was the last to succumb to the full embrace of the pantheon. He was the last to arrive at the Siege. He was the last to retreat, it is rumoured, though others contest that."

mortarion is an agent of others' will. first necare, then the emperor, and finally nurgle's, and his compulsions appear to be a desperate reach for agency where otherwise he'd have none. furthermore, mortarion is fundamentally scarred by his youth on barbarus and appears to see himself in slaves and serfs. in mortarion: the pale king, mortarion is reprimanded by horus and sanguinius for use of excessive force on a planet ruled by small group of people who keep the rest of the populace heavily drugged, forcing them to work. his reaction is ultimately a reflection of his own trauma on barbarus.

furthermore, mortarion seems to be viewed as fundamentally broken by his brothers, which in turn fuels the death guard's us-vs-them ideology. (from mortarion: the pale king)

"The ship seemed unadorned compared to those of its brother Legions. The olive-green band of the emblem on its wings made the bone colour of the rest of the hull even more apparent. It was a machine that had been scraped raw. It was, Horus thought, a suitable chariot for his brother, and that saddened him."

"It was, Horus thought, as if no matter where Mortarion went, he never truly left the toxic world that had nurtured him."

Mortarion looked past Horus, up the slope of rubble to where the Angel waited. Mortarion was less pleased to see him. Sanguinius was so consumed by the illusion of nobility that Mortarion felt the Angel was perpetually looking down from on high as he circled an unreachable ideal. Why had their father instructed the Angel to come to Galaspar? Why not someone like Perturabo? He might have been an ally. And Sanguinius and Horus were so close. Mortarion felt a bond with Horus, but he knew it was not as strong as the one that joined Horus to the Angel. He was facing a united front, whether or not the other two would admit it, even to themselves.

‘We may hold this council aboard the Reaper’s Scythe if you prefer,’ said Sanguinius, sounding sympathetic now. The look in his eyes reminded Mortarion of their father’s sorrow, and he did not like it.

mortarion's nihilistic outlook seems to also drive a schism between himself and the other primarchs. mortarion views the Great Crusade with no love, contrary to the likes of horus and sanguinius who believe in the dream proffered to them.

An embrace was a promise of unity and comfort. That made it a promise of illusion. That made it a lie. He knew that Horus didn’t look at things that way. That didn’t change the truth of things. Horus was lying, only not to Mortarion. He was lying to himself. Mortarion put much more stock in his ceremony of poison. To share a draught of concentrated toxins with one of his warriors was to acknowledge the reality of their lives. He and his legionaries stood with each other, fought with unity, but never pretended that the ultimate truth of war was anything other than death. In the toast of poisons, there was no promise that could not be kept. It was an acceptance of risk, and of the inevitability of the end.

in fact, some of the only times mortarion demonstrates any affection or care are to his so-called lessers, including serfs and his own astartes.

At his side, Cinis nodded, watching in respectful silence for the manifestation of judgement. The serf was a favoured one, more disciple than servant. She took in all of Mortarion’s lessons and taught his precepts to the thousands who laboured for the Legion. Having come from neither Terra nor Barbarus, she symbolised the unity of all aspects of the Death Guard, and her understanding was profound.

mortarion first encountered cinis after liberating her world from the oppressive order aforementioned. in fact, in the pale king, mortarion actively chooses to humanize her, granting her the name cinis. in lords of silence, mortarion calls on vorx to fight "by [his] side, as we were before."

vorx earlier in the novel says this of mortarion:

In Mortarion, more than in any other, is conflict. Hatred was everywhere inside him -- of his father, of circumstance, of the Imperium, of himself. The poison of his foster world was hard to excise, and even if things had been handled differently by those in command, his would have been a damaged psyche.

mortarion's lack of agency directly ties into this. he views himself as being more similar to his servants than to his primarch brothers. the us-vs-them mentality returns.

ultimately there are dozens of examples of mortarion's issues across both novels and i have zero interest in regurgitating all of them. what is interesting are the implications about mortarion's character. mortarion's self hatred feeds into his compulsions; his trauma forces him to rely on them to regain a scrap of freedom.

his compulsive nature appears to contrast with nurgle's evident draw towards entropy, but i think this also fits with the nature of his character. he was the last to succumb. he continues to fight against the his own nature, because he doesn't know how to do anything other than fight. he doesn't believe in the kind of peace nurgle offers, so he can't accept it.

Heyyy tumblr, guess who got diagnosed with ADD. I’m the only person who’s surprised but yay.

My mom, every time I mention something I do is probably related to my autism/ADHD/OCD: Um, no. That’s just you as a person. You don’t need all these labels!

My neurodivergent ass, wanting these labels so there’s proof to myself I’m not alone and it’s not just me:

while I'm obviously happy that ocd continues to get more and more awareness, I do wish it didn't involve so much reassurance posting.

"I can 100% promise that you're not a bad person 💖" is a nice sentiment, and I'm sure well intentioned, but oh my god is it unhelpful.

OCD is so funny. No haha girl walk in even steps else your momma will die. Noooo trust me.

Someone needs to study the day after traumatizing events. I’ll have horrible flashbacks one night and then the following morning I’ll be completely fine, fully productive, back to watching Viktor edits and writing job applications with 2 hr sleep

God gives his silliest clowns the most debilitating ocd compulsions (I've replayed the same scenario in my head for 4 hours now)

me wiping the tears quickly before my mother comes in the room so she doesn’t realize it’s getting bad again

So, I have a morbid curiosity issue but also OCD and anxiety, so sometimes, when I fall down a rabbit hole of something just a bit too creepy (especially when it comes with creepy pictures, like this schoolboy9 thing,) I find myself irrationally afraid of stupid things. Like twenty-ish minutes ago, I was afraid of seeing that schoolboy9 guy in my closet if I got up to go to the bathroom. I knew it was irrational, but I was too scared of that to get up. So here's a solution that worked for me;

Reaction content for kids under twelve.

Seriously. Azzyland, Kyutie, and Reaction Time, Azzyland and Reaction time slightly more but Kyutie does have some more adult-geared content if you'd prefer that. I just watch a couple videos and boom, I'm feeling better and I can get up and do what I need to do. I recommend it.

(Also, those merging games! I know there's a trick with Tetris, where if you see something scary you can play Tetris for a while and it helps you forget whatever than thing was, but I've never been good at Tetris. But merge gemstones games, like Candy Crush or, my favourite, Enchanted Kingdom; Eliza's Adventure, those help me take my mind off of whatever I saw. Plus they're easier.)

PSA:

If you’ve never met someone with OCD before it can be confusing when you first hangout with them. It can be really rough for the person with OCD to have people questioning them about why they’re doing something or why they’re asking you to do something you think is weird. It’s okay to ask questions about the disorder and their compulsions or whatever, but it’s not okay to question the disorder itself, and it’s definitely not okay to ask the person if they’re joking.

A lot of people see OCD as a disorder revolving around organization, color coordination, etc. This can be part of it for some people, but for many people that is not the case. And for people who do obsess over those things, it’s not quirky. It’s not being a clean freak. It’s a disorder that takes time out of their life and is constantly nagging at them.

For most people, however, that isn’t part of it. I’m one of the messiest people you will ever meet and in no way fit the stereotype. That doesn’t make my disorder any less torturous or valid. So please, be understanding of the disorder and respectful of how difficult it can be for those struggling with it.

So when I turn the ac dial in your car back and forth eight times, be patient with me. When I turn to look at something and then have to do a full 360 a couple times, be patient with me. If I ask you to please stir your straw six times counterclockwise, be patient with me.

It may be difficult to understand, but please try your best to be accommodating. It may be a bit rough for you; it may get in the way sometimes. If you ever get aggravated at our compulsions, please try to remember how hard it is for us. We hate it too.

Okay this is legit though. It may be hard for people who don’t have OCD to comprehend how this could be an issue but it does actually trigger a lot of intrusive thoughts and it can start eating away at the back of your brain if you don’t reblog it. And then if you do reblog it you can continue to have intrusive thoughts about scrolling back like, “That wasn’t symmetrical. You swiped up more times than you did down, etc.” It really is an issue. Because especially if you’re like me, you can’t always fix the symmetry thing and those intrusive thoughts can be nagging at you for hours and there’s nothing you can do.

ik this has probably been said countless times but hey could y’all take a second to think before you post shit like “reblog this or you’re a Horrible Terrible Person” or “reblog this or you’ll have bad luck for _______” because i know it might not seem like a major deal but trust me, when ur a person with OCD and you come across that shit it’s like,,,, not very fun to deal with