Latest Posts by tomatomustache - Page 3

new ultrakill death screen is fan service to both masculine fantasy of becoming your role and feminine fantasy of making the protagonist/favourite character suffer

me when the game has a protagonist that is balanced between a well designed character and a proxy for the player to project onto, and said protagonist is stripped of their humanity to fit a cool (preferably war related) role

considering the new ultrakill death screen with the attempt to vocalise something and the emotional lines, the eye image, the fact v1 had a text thought during the second v2 encounter (before that i used to think it has no voice bc it doesn't need to be able to think in words at all) and what hakita said about thinking why all the machines bleed, i think it is now pretty obvious that the gutterman human tech is implemented in many of them to say the least.

which allows one to think that v1 might be the player, in a way: a human molded into the machine shape, stripped of the rudimentary functions like speech and given the new cool functions useful for slaughter.

considering v1 isn't the only machine cutting deep into hell pursuing fuel, it is also possible to assume that it's a new one every time you die. not very convincing but fun (to me).

Calling my gf “girlfriend” in the same cadence Solid Snake would say “colonel” is so fun

mgs women...

had sex to sonic the hedgehog 2 (1992) full soundtrack so we finish faster and have enough time to watch a movie before bedtime (it worked)

workout routine that slowly turns you into big boss (might or might not cause eye damage)

testosterone that slowly turns you into solid snake

my first digital line of action. messy but it's a start!

i stopped at 10 minutes bc i wasn't having much fun, having no idea how to shade and the lines being very messy and crooked. i think i should do a bunch of quick ones to learn to draw smooth intentional lines

the last pic is the first i drew. i tried drawing in digital a year ago or so, but idk where those files are, might've deleted them, don't even remember what it was

when snake takes miller's hand to get on the chopper in the end of ground zeroes, i wonder if he remembered the time he took the boss's hand on the bridge. back then, his world was crumbling because she was defecting, and he accepted the hand only to be broken (literally broken bones first and metaphorically in the operation snake eater in general). in ground zeroes, his world is probably crumbling again together with the oil rig, and a person who is close to him extends their hand to help him up. i wonder if he thought of it briefly before placing his trust in that person again, both times not having much choice anyway. i wonder, if he could go back in time, both to virtuous mission and ground zeroes, and if he had some other option, would he still accept the hand. both times he did it led to major changes in life and getting hurt.

ironically, the man who was a double agent stayed loyal to him in the next 9 years, and the woman who was immaculate kept her loyalties too but he felt betrayed.

at the euthanasia party everyone gets a sip of the forbidden lean

face practice during lunch break. the indian looking man is my emotional support model for face practice as it is much easier to draw him for some reason.

the personal features and exaggerated expressions still look wrong but at least now the emotion looks similar enough. we're getting there

the guy who is so cool (i have no idea who is he)

he's sooooo cool.

King Lear performed in the fire-damaged ruins of Teatro Municipal de Lima (c. 1999), conceived by architect Luis de Longhi

old sketch. Quiet 😁😁😁😁👍👍👍

she res on my urrection till i come. (back. (from the dead))

I chose to read this book while hiking the Camino de Santiago for two weeks with my mom. I’d Googled “famous books that feature the Camino” and this was the top result. While I read some Hemingway in high school, I realized I’d never covered this one. Despite what Google promised, I was disappointed that the characters do not hike the Camino?! They spend time in North Spain and the Basque Country, visit Saint Jean (where many start the Camino Frances), and drive (drive!) to Pamplona. In spite of feeling mislead by Google, there was so much that was evocative of setting in this novel; the descriptions of the countryside are evocative, luscious, and it felt an immense privilege to read these surrounded by the landscape I internalized day-after-day while hiking through it. 

When I picked up this book on the first day of my hike, I read first the non-fiction essay about Hemingway’s trip to the bullfights in Spain and I loved this; Hemingway is funny and likable and the way he refers to his wife as “Herself” both made me laugh and respect his awareness of his wife’s presence and charisma. This essay also demonstrated a self-deprecating humor I didn’t expect from Hemingway. His line about the appeal of bull-fighters made me laugh out loud: “The only way most husbands are able to keep any drag with their wives at all is that, first there are only a limited number of bull fighters, second there are only a limited number of wives who have ever seen bull fights.” Similarly, he ended the essay with a punchy, humorous knock at himself for having dishonored his family through no real bullfighting aplomb: “There is always that room at 5 Calle de Eslava, and a son, if he is to redeem the family reputation as a bull fighter, must start very early.” From my high school education, I recall Hemingway as “uber masculine,” a product of hyper-masculine tradition that spills over into and informs his punchy prose. But, reading this book as an adult, I found him to be—both in this non-fiction essay and in the novel—far more nuanced, far more self-aware in his discussions of gender and gender roles. His writing, too, is so more engaging than I remembered from high school: tight and confident in a way that does not feel like black-and-white thinking, but, instead, like numerous sharp observations of human complexities. 

I feel I didn’t appreciate Hemingway’s prose in high school; he’s a remarkable writer on the level of the sentence. Hemingway is doing something that seems simple, but—in that—is very, very difficult to achieve. The naturalness of Hemingway’s dialogue and scene-setting is key to his craft. Conversations occur naturally to the point of the reader’s confusion, as various other characters and events are referred to in a scene, and adjustment is not made for exposition or the reader’s understanding. This approach, therefore, feels like authenticity, like truly dropping us “in medias res.” I can’t think of another writer who does this as well as Hemingway. Yet, he pairs this authentic world-building with some (likely very authentic to the setting) blatant sexism and anti-semitism, which I struggled to parse as the opinions of the characters or of Hemingway himself. While Brett’s character is perceived by other characters through a time-period accurate sexist lens (women come out to gawk at her; Pedro Romero wants her to grow out her hair), it’s the comments about Jewish character Robert Cohn that most baffled my ability to separate the author from his characters. And while body shaming is directly stated (by some characters), the nature of main character Jake’s World War I injury remains consistently vague to the reader. It seems, I deduce, that he lost his penis fighting in the war, but this is always said in a slant way, that captures the emotional impact of the injury (and its impact on his potential love affair with Brett) more than the physical impact. 

The choice of a protagonist whose “manliness” is so fundamental challenged (in his own eyes, in the eyes of others) brings in an inherent and consistent complexity about gender and what is means to be masculine. From Jake’s injury to Brett’s characterization—Brett comfortably hangs out with all male friends, while calling them “chaps,” and occasionally the men refer to collectively to their group as “men,” while Brett acts as she wants, following her sexual and financial desires, wears her hair cut short and her shoulders bare, and she is labeled with a masculine name—the novel’s concept of gender continues to distort and tangle. When Pedro Romero, brilliant young bull fighter appears on the scene, much is made of his beauty and of his tightly-fitting flamboyant clothes (much in the way we might expect a young female person to be received). Brett wonders if his entourage had to “shoe-horn” him into those clothes. The original description of Pedro Romero, alone yet surrounded by his entourage, was my singular favorite image and moment of the novel: “He was standing, straight and handsome and altogether by himself, alone in the room with the hangers-on as we shut the door.” It’s a moment in which it is easy to deeply identify with Pedro Romero. In a novel where emotional evolution is communicated through what is noticed, focused on, and discussed, given the level nature of the prose, gender nuance takes on importance through repetition. Even though the conclusions about gender aren’t obvious, it’s clear that “something is going on with gender” in this novel. And the piling up of moments and details of gender nonconformity shifted my perspective about Hemingway’s relationship to gender in his literary oeuvre. 

Another shift in my perspective throughout this book was on bull-fighting itself. A staunch vegetarian, I know I would be quick to recoil at the cruelty of bull-fighting. But the depiction of the community’s buy-in and risk—everyone running ahead of the bulls, rather than non-implicated spectators out for a bit of entertaining bloodshed—the descriptions of the matadors, particularly the injured fighter and the kid who takes on all the remaining bulls in the essay (he is likely the inspiration for Pedro Romero’s grace and purity in the novel)—made the tradition of bull-fighting appear in a different light to me. What is it that is so alluring about a person rising to the occasion? About someone showing fortitude and brilliance beyond what we expect possible of humans? It’s incredible feats, like the Olympics, that move us: the grandeur and fascination of transcendence, the highest pinnacles of human physical and psychological acts—these capture our hearts and imaginations. And I could see bull-fighting, in its artistry and rigor, in this light. 

The beauty of bull fighting—its pure form, the version embodied by Pedro Romero—is placed in relief against the background of meaningless extravagance and frivolity of the characters who take center stage in this book. The novel begins in the decadence of Paris, as Jake, Brett, Robert Cohn, and their other friends—hilarious Bill and predictably pig-headed Mike—drink, eat, dance, and wile away the time. In spite of the seeming purposelessness of their lives, we see the hollowness Jake feels within this. We also see glimpses of the hollowness Brett feels within this, as she seems to seek over and over again the fulfillment, the thrill of love, while finding nothing of substance to sustain her. This is showcased in her “relationship” with the affluent Count, who buys her extravagant things and doesn’t pressure her into marriage or conformity along similar lines.

The novel’s plot is kicked into motion by arrivals: Michael (Brett’s finance) shows up in town; Bill (who I found hilarious, and read aloud lines like “the road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed animals” and “caffeine puts a man on her horse and woman in his grave” to my mom) shows up in town; Robert Cohn (who falls in love with Brett) returns. These arrivals spark a joint adventure as Brett and Michael choose to join the other three on their fishing trip to Spain, which spirals off-track as Robert Cohn falls for Brett, and Brett falls for Pedro Romero (or at least desires him and his innocence, his freedom), upsetting the stasis in which their lives operate. Through multiple lenses, community and isolation are examined and questioned. In Pamplona, Jake goes to church, and an extended (this is rare!) sentence builds Jake’s anxiety at being a poor Catholic, piles prayers on top of prayers, mapping the circuitousness of his thoughts. The arc of the novel seems to exist more inside Jake than outside of him, as he seems to seek toward some transcendence and restoration without understanding what these might possibly be. We feel this suffering in many of the characters, as they make choices so clearly against their own best interests—but this clarity is the privilege of the observer glimpsing a life, and not the clarity, Hemingway seems to say, of the one who lives it. 

have read "the sun also rises"/"fiesta" by hemingway. review below

i'd say it is a slice of life about bohemian american expats in paris with lots of casual conversations and description of their leisure, with a side of nature and bullfighting. although not explicitly stated by the narrator/main character, upon closer inspection the book is focused on how the virility (no pun intended, i can't think of a better word) of young men (and possibly women) was broken by ww1 despite wars being supposed to be both outlet and forge of virtue and merit.

i haven't read a lot of hemingway and not big on reading in general, but the intentional omitting of things makes it really good as well as suits the tendency of many characters to avoid thinking about some things. there are a lot of diverse and believable characters, both recurring and mentioned only once. their friendly chat and banter reminded me of philip k dick's "a scanner darkly" in some way. besides war, it depicts issues of living in immigration, loneliness and alienation in a city, scepticism, insecurity, discrimination, feeling emasculated and toxic polycules.

it also has an interesting depiction of a female character's life values but that is up to women to comment. although she also admits to feeling miserable most of the time, it seems she is better adjusted than most of the male characters.

it is sad that 100 hundred years later it is relevant (not talking for everyone) but comforting that people in the past felt the same way. personally i am going to adopt ways of coping depicted in it, such as group trips, spending time outside the city and competitive games/sports. note that any character probably wasn't supposed to be a moral role model probably even at that time: befriend people of other genders for the sake of good friendship, don't blame your irritation with a person on their nationality etc.

cw for this book are mention of discrimination, slurs (i counted 3), animal abuse, a bit of gore, alcohol abuse, consequences of war and a weird open relationship where no one is really happy.

i would also say it might be relevant for trans guys with bottom dysphoria but (ending spoiler ahead) main character doesn't think much about it and eventually realises that it doesn't even matter bc he and his peers are messed up mentally and a healthy dick would not grant a happy relationship. which still might be relevant but i'm not sure if it's the message anyone would be looking for :)

i had a lot of fun first listening to it on youtube and then switching to a paper book, highly recommend it. reading the litcharts review was a bit irritating for me and more gendered than it could be, but provided an interesting insight on where stuff i thought to be just "default" comes from and reflect on my own (civilian) life.

i wonder how long i will stick to my policy of using tumblr for fun light hearted things only with no arguments or "politics" (in quotation marks bc everything is politics really)

(i hope it's forever lol, conducting discourse about most things on social media rather than offline seems to be more bad than good)

nah, it is a personal preference (that doesn't match mine) but if it makes you happy, go ahead and write that fic about a skinny hairless twink bottom! dw, fellow trans men also write fics about their personal fantasies that have little to no relevance to me

it is a bit annoying at times that much of transmasc content doesn't match my preferences, but it's a reason for me to encourage those who create the content i like (or create some myself if i cared enough), not to complain about other content (ok mb complain a little to my friends in private), even if i find it weird or cringe

p.s. have read some reblogs and want to add that a fictional character doesn't have to represent the author's beliefs about entire group of people, and depending on genre it doesn't even have to be a thoroughly designed character. it represents what author wanted to write about, not what majority of real people are like or anything else

and if you form your impression on trans men (or any other group of real people) based on fictional characters (even worse if it's from porn) and not real people, then, well. don't, lmao, that's a wrong thing to do.

tl;dr as a grown ass man why should i care about other person's fan fiction preferences, chill

Showing the cis women who make fics about skinny hairless bottom trans men a trans bear with a strap so they get heart attacks

thanks!

p.s. it's enabled and sometimes i see it working but apparently these posts are not long enough. well, it is what it is, i should reblog less ig lol

i wish there was a way to put reblog under cut instead of having gajillion long ass mgs related text posts on my page

meme i stole from @/11thfempachi blog

i don't want to reblog the original post bc it's edgy and so is the entire blog, i have no idea how ironic or sincere this meme was meant to be but it's funny to me bc it's a comically badass raiden pic with edgy text. bonus funny points for raiden being "het partnered" if i get the op's vocabulary correctly, which means he could be one of the heterosexuals in question, which is more heterosexual coded than most mgs characters

being straight phobic or cis phobic is bizarre and doesn't seem a serious threat but still cringe btw

idk who would even want to disable tumblr ads, they add to the experience imo. i have a collection of screenshots. i especially like when it's in a language i don't understand or something very irrelevant (like "get a new comprehension on usa-china relationship now" or "learn how the habits of drivers from some usa state impact your daily life"), or it's unclear if it's a hardcore bdsm thing or a christian resource. or just so seemingly random thing that i can't even guess what exactly is the product

my tumblr ads are alternating between reminding me i’m a dyke and telling me to fear the space scorpion

i wish there was a way to put reblog under cut instead of having gajillion long ass mgs related text posts on my page

another big boss apology wall of text under cut

idk i'm pretty sure that being a tool is a major theme in mgs overall. solid snake is created to be a tool and his story is about accepting or fighting it. the boss willingly was a tool, and while naked snake didn't accept being used to create clones or the boss making him kill her, i think he still existed within a social group with those values and it definitely influenced him. i think his refusal to accept the terrible children project and his pw arc where he ends up disapproving the boss, as well as what we see in mgs4, shapes him into the character who begins to question the system if values that deems it ok to treat people as tools, even though he still acts within it and ends up going along with it anyway (note the portable ops ending - idc if it's not canon - and how he ends up doing the same thing using the very same funds even). also i think that he was influenced in that regard by the boss and her words that the worst thing you can do for a comrade is to have personal feelings for them; note how he told amanda she should start treating chico as a soldier rather than as her brother.

i kind of thought he is more distant from his troops bc of seemingly spending time in acc instead of some kind of quarters on the rig, but mb he is more attached to his men than ishmael.

tbh i'm very biased bc if i were venom snake i would consider myself lucky, even though i understand the whole bereft of his own identity thing, and it is easy for me to imagine that despite conflicting feelings he would gladly accept his role. doing an important meaningful thing for the project that is my (and other people's) dream, and also (in a way that matters) becoming the person who i deeply admire and respect and mb even worship? i value my identity but would trade it (not without some sadness but with little to no hesitation) any day; to me the whole venom snake thing seems like a metaphor for a particular masculine dream/fantasy/expected behaviour tbh (not implying that all men want it or that only men can want it or that it's healthy): you discard some parts of yourself in order to shape yourself into a "cool guy" and do an "important meaningful thing"

Venom snake as a character tells a decent bit by proxy about big boss imo. You design him, give him your name, birthday. Venom was a completely different person and character before ttp. Considered one of John's best soilders within this cult of an operation.

Whats his thanks? Your thanks as the player? Becoming him. Memories replaced, face reconstructed, and made to stand in for him so he can achieve his greater plan. Becoming the biggest tool of them all. Being a proxy of him. An extension. An extension to him and his legend. Given a measely thanks over a tape. Then sent to die in his place.

All for some elusive greater good for soilders. A bigger picture you'll never get to see.

That is your reward.

Now some people argue that at the end, venom clearly is on board with it even after finding out the truth, yet I'd argue that even if he is, that's because of the cult like mentality of msf. Like yeah to any soilder on that base essentially becoming big boss and playing a big role in his plan would probably seem like a dream

a quick lee van cleef

another attempt

line of action warmup below

this one was supposed to be better but i give up. might retry later, he doesn't even look angry enough(9

my favourite mgsv fan service moment, worthy of beating the final boss

catsruleokay user when brassica is mentioned

when she does anything to it at all