When You Walk Behind Your Group Cuz U Walm Too Fast But U End Up Kicking Their Heels

Moss Graffiti: A How To Guide

I've got two facts. First, an adult raccoon can fit into a hole 6 inches across.

Second, the human anus can stretch up to 9 inches across.

TLDR: Adult raccoons can fit in human anuses.

Hey gaud, Tell me a fact that'll haunt me for the rest of my days

Female hyenas mate & give birth through a 7-inch pseudopenis 

I already have this ability. I just don't know anyone rich enough to use it on.

You’ve unlocked the ability to eat the rich, what do you do with your newfound power?

So ... 2017 was the year of Tide pods. 2018 was all about inappropriate shooting ranges with moving targets to practice on. 2019 is all about being the moving target

Please keep it going

My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.

Wayne Dyer (via books-n-quotes)

A reminder to myself and others: It’s important to let yourself rest when you need it 💙

The funny thing is that it isn't always trucks

do non americans know that sometimes you’ll just see lifelike human testicles hanging off the back of peoples trucks