So ... 2017 Was The Year Of Tide Pods. 2018 Was All About Inappropriate Shooting Ranges With Moving Targets

Coconut has hair. Coconut has flesh. Coconut has milk. Coconut is a mammal.

cats are so fake like they’re theoretically related to apex predators and yet they weigh 8 pounds, sleep 20 hours a day, and scream if you feed them half an hour later than usual

Lol people who eat mushrooms are all like “mmmm ground pimple”

Please keep it going

My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

You are right and you should say it. No matter what your reasoning is, being a dick in retaliation to a dick is no better than being a dick to someone who has done you no harm

For what has got to be the 7,000th time, if you feel the need to defend a stranger on tumblr dot com by being snotty or hostile or worse... don’t.

I don’t want it. You don’t know me. You read my blog and perhaps you like what you know of me, but I am not your responsibility. Being a dickhead in my defense does not help anyone reach reasonable or compassionate conclusions and in the end it only causes more problems and stress for me by making me responsible for your bad behavior.

That is how people discover their fetishes

I want to have my mouth removed and a proboscis installed.

I've got two facts. First, an adult raccoon can fit into a hole 6 inches across.

Second, the human anus can stretch up to 9 inches across.

TLDR: Adult raccoons can fit in human anuses.

Hey gaud, Tell me a fact that'll haunt me for the rest of my days

Female hyenas mate & give birth through a 7-inch pseudopenis