The Duality Of "If You Even Imply That Being Aro Or Ace Condemns Someone To A Sad And Lonely Life I Will

infp secret #38

i hate change, and i’m afraid to fall in love.

i hate watching my friends, my siblings, my cousins become a different person, and leave behind the people that used to be enough. i watch once stoic and independent people become whiny and clingy. i scroll through their instagrams that used to be filled with the adventures we used to take, and now it’s filled with their selfies of them and their “boo”.

they tell me “oh, just wait until you get a boyfriend!” well if that’s the cost of finding love, i don’t want it. people that i’ve let in close, let them see the real me– i’m not abandoning them for a boy! who do i fall back on if i desert the only other people besides my family that have stood by me? they are my family! 

maybe that boils down to commitment issues. i’m not really sure. i know, at our cores, infp’s have to be true to themselves, and the thought of me sacrificing the person i’ve become and all that i am for the sake of a boy horrifies me. 

i guess that’s why i’m still single.

Anyone else sad they’ll never get to see a live thylacine?  Me too dude. 

An experiment in graphic design– drew the thylacine in walnut ink and the rest is photoshop

you’ve heard of long-term partners, now get ready for:

long-term friends that don’t get bored and abondon you as soon as they are in a romantic relationship

why do i have to find an actual job instead of being the apprentice of the old witch who lives in the woods?

Dragons are basically fish, when you get down to it.

There’s no such thing as fish. The word doesn’t have any taxonomic meaning. It’s a word we’ve used to describe everything from hagfish to goldfish, even though a coelacanth is more closely related to a camel than a salmon. But because they inhabit the same ecological niche of “vertebrate animal with gills and fins,” we call them all fish.

Likewise, there’s no such thing as dragons. We call anything that fills the mytho-ecological niche of “dangerous animal that blocks the way” a dragon. And that’s why any kind of argument of what does and doesn’t count as a dragon is moot — wyverns are dragons just as much as a jabberwock or a jaculus or a tatzelwurm, not because they’re closely related in a biological clade but because they fill a narrative niche.

Dragons are also lobsters, but that’s for unrelated reasons.

BBC News

Final Tasmanian tiger's remains found in cupboard - BBC News

The pelt and skull of the last known thylacine are identified in Hobart, solving an 85-year mystery.

!!!!

"friendzoning"? i think we should talk about romancezoning. as someone who's aro, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable if someone says they're romantically interested in me. i guess it could be a little flattering at first, but the idea of, like, my close friends secretly wanting a romantic relationship instead is. not a pleasant thought.

It was kind of a dick move to create animals that require air, then confine them to the freaking ocean

I don't know what I'm doing..

how did you /know/?

now here’s a common question: how do you know you’re aro? 

Since aromanticism is a lack of attraction, a lot of people spend years just… assuming they’re allo, simply because they don’t know that they can be aro. I know I did. So, here’s a list of some things that helped me figure out that I was aro, and then some extra from various other sources I’ve read over the years, formatted in such a way that my ADHD ass can actually read the whole thing.

Imagine someone attractive. Literally anyone, by any measure. I used to take those quotev quizzes when I was younger, the ones that would tell you which Harry Potter boy would have a crush on you, if you remember those, so I did this one with I think Fred Weasly (there’s your Casey fun fact of the day). Make sure they’re someone you like. Now imagine kissing them. Do you want to? Is it enjoyable in any way? How? If not, pick someone else. What about them? Now imagine them confessing their UNDYING LOVE to you. How’s that feel? 

This one works best if you’re 1)romance repulsed, and 2)not ace (aka if you’re ace this might just tell you if you’re sex repulsed. Also good to know! but not what we’re looking for).

Do you ever get confused about people not just… dropping a crush? Do you “chose” who to have a crush on? For me this felt like “hmmm he’s [conventionally] hot, guess I’ve got a crush on him”, which. Is NOT how that’s supposed to work. Apparently.

This one’ll work if The Heteronormativity Was Strong when you grew up, but may work regardless. Also squishes are easy to confuse for crushes! 

Have you ever had a crush on someone? What did that feel like? Was it bad? Good? It’s supposed to be less like the anxiety of preforming onstage (if you hate public speaking), and more like the rush of a roller coaster drop. Something that could be described as “bad” or “anxiety”, but also something that a lot of people seek out. A crush is supposed to be a net good (for the record I don’t know this from personal experience, not really, but figuring this out helped me realize that I had not had a crush. ever.)

This one still works best if you’re romance repulsed, but should work regardless of your sexual orientation

Have you dated someone? How did it feel? Did you resist “completing” relationship milestones, such as first kiss? Did your partner ever get frustrated with, for lack of a better term, you not meeting their needs? Did you feel that they went to fast, even if you took months to build up to anything? I did! It sucked.

DO NOT DATE SOMEONE TO TEST THIS oh my god please don’t, it sucks so much, I nearly ruined a friendship because of this, if it hasn’t happened already do NOT date someone just to try. Unless you really think you can make it work! If you really want to because you think you’ll enjoy it or it’ll make you life better, go for it, but don’t go into a relationship you don’t want or aren’t ready for because you feel you have to. Anyway this one works best if you’re a socially anxious wreck like me who needs everyone around em to be happy, all the time.

Have you found yourself IDing as bi, or pan, and it just… not really fitting? Or maybe you’ve found yourself going in circles with other IDs, cycling through because none of them really work? For me, this was “hmm, don’t wanna date boys, so I guess I wanna date girls, but I feel exactly the same about boys AND girls, so I guess I bi, but-” just around and around and around. Very unproductive! which is why it took me what, five years to figure out I was aro whoops

this one should work for everyone! if you’ve experienced that. But let’s be real, if you’re here, you probably have. 

And those are the five things that helped me realize I was aro, placed into convinient bullet point format, with shiny colors and bold. I hope this is helpful!