C&D Book Update #5

When people think I'm a man they treat me better than when people think I'm a woman.

It brings me back to that one time I was on this school show, acting as an old, male historical figure. I welcomed the incoming kids from other schools and taught them this one little song. We all had a good time. But some of them (mainly the adults) kept asking me: are you a boy? Or are you a girl??

Like, the hell should they care?

I had short hair, kinda deep voice, just a teen, but my voice was high enough and my face feminine enough that it made them doubt.

And does that even matter?

Yes, it does. Because when I tell people I'm technically male, they bite their tongues and don't say nasty shit.

And while being nonbinary myself (and I can't care less about what other people think of my gender), I can't help thinking:

What horrible world for my sister to grow up.

I wish we can all make it a better place for women, one day.

Fav bands/singers

6arelyhuman

Three Days Grace

My Darkest Days

Matt Walst

Lady Gaga

Sid Dorey

Marina

Halsey

Inuday

a world without trans people has never existed and never will

prints

Couldn't write anything with my damned and awful sound system. It just refused to work properly. I had to buy a new sound box and now I'm hearing "Control" by Halsey. Thank goodness yodo yodo I'd actually go crazy without proper music

TCIK Original Book Update #7

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY

MY FIRST BREAKTHROUGH

IF I SOUND CRAZY, IT'S BECAUSE I AM!

finally

finally

I came across this old animation I first saw when I was like 12? And it sparked so many ideas! I totally wasn't prepared for it, and it opened my eyes!!

I still have like, to work on 70% of the book (that's still a mystery to me), but the dots are doting now. The lines are lining. The floor is flooring. Things are feeling alive, and I feel like I understand the theme of the fic for the first time. The feelings. The vibe.

I got the main character's backbone yesterday, and now a specific scene's vibe (and some repercussions for the entire fic...)

I'm so happy

My favorite song.

My fav anime

Saint Seiya (original series + Hades; boring to most, precious to me)

Moriarty the Patriot (150%)

D.Gray-Man (I love Noahs and the biblical themes)

Dan Dan Dan (funny and chaotic, just how I like it most)

Steins;Gate (the original one. Mindblowing)

Fullmetal Alchemist (crazy, I love both adaptations)

Planet Survival (super wholesome, best ending)

Tokyo Ghoul (I know, the manga is better, but whatever)

Madoka Magica (oh the feels)

Cherry Magic (wholesome)

Code Geass (+)

Darker than Black (I loved the season with the sniper girl!!! One of the best characters and openings ever)

Yu-Gi-Oh (the last season is the best)

Psycho-Pass (interesting)

The next animes I want to watch:

Bungo Stray Dogs

Heaven Official's Blessing

Magi

Animes I hated but had amazing osts:

Monochrome Factor

Vampire Knight

Coração

Do alto do céu, Ele olha em teus olhos. Vê o que ninguém vê, O brilho esquecido, A dor que em silêncio não cede.

Sinto um peso no peito, O eco de uma ausência sem nome, Uma ferida sem cura, Alguém sem solução.

Eu cruzaria o mundo, Daria meu sangue, Seria teu pão. Já não posso ser menos Do que Deus pediu de mim.

Ser assim, Um tanto diferente, Um risco na maré, Um passo além da linha. E mesmo que me tentem calar, Sonharei mais alto. Terei algo a te dar.

Nem que tenha de dar Meu sangue, Minha carne, Minha última prece. Pois sei que tu podes mais. Sempre mais.

Mas me pergunto, Quem, do alto do céu, Fez do vento um anjo? Quem o moldou Para salvar minha dor?

Ele fala, mas não o ouço, Sussurra, mas temo entender. E se um dia se for, O que restará de mim?

Mesmo se o céu for azul, Se as nuvens dançarem livres, Algo em mim será cinza.

Mas um anjo me diz: "Há tanto a fazer, Tanto a dar, Para tornar alguém feliz."

E eu, Que já não durmo cedo, Que luto contra meus próprios fantasmas, Ainda rezo. Pois as palavras não têm fim, E se Deus não muda, Alguém mudará por mim.

Dar força a quem desiste, Dar fé a quem persiste, Desfazer a maldade, Firmar o perdão.

E mesmo que tudo se desfaça, Que tudo seja ilusão, Ainda há algo que resiste: A força do teu coração.

Já não tiro mais fotos, Já não busco respostas. Se tudo vem do nada, Que sou eu, então?

Peço mil dias de perdão, E ainda assim, Persiste em mim A força do meu coração.

Não há mais jeito... É o meu talento... Despeço-me de mim mesmo E entrego a quem quiser. Eu sou um. E por isso, Eu vivo.

A ti. A ti. A ti. A ti.

O amor floresce como uma flor de verão, Breve, intensa, Indomável.

Penso, falo, sigo, faço, Como o vento, sem pouso certo. Arrasto ilusões, Desfaço mentiras.

E se tudo me for tirado, Se o que desejo se apagar, Movo minha própria alma E sigo meu coração.

Não é fácil. Mas há de ser feito.

Penso, falo, sigo, faço, Como se nunca fosse chegar. Tento, canto, caio de cansaço. Onde está o céu?

Penso, falo, sigo, refaço, O amor há de resistir. Pois é da fé que vive em mim.

IT'S LIKE A HUNDRED NINETY NINE DEGREES, WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT WITH ME, DOING IT WITH ME

C&D Book Update #4

HOW I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WRITING!

I've been spending what time I could spare fleshing out chapters 57+. I ended up having to add a 700-words-long chapter as chapter 58 due to some emotional milestones that didn't feel earned enough. And I ended up with the best lines in the whole book? Somehow? I had to write it like, 3 times. First it was all about a robbery, then I just didn't want to write anything on robbery anymore, then I started writing a whole different chapter. A bit difficult, but I managed.

Now I'm having a blast with chapter 59. It was mostly written already (I said that I finished the first draft in another update), but I had so much fun adding these little silly details. I still need to change two flirty lines that aren't strong enough... but that's what the 5th revision is, right? RIGHT???!!!!

I'm still working on chapter 59, and I think I can manage 40 too today. Only, 40 is soooo complex (on a planning perspective) I don't know how long it will take.

Well, sometimes I surprise myself and it takes like, 5 hours.

Other times, 5 days.

Just normal F me.