I Made A RedBubble!

7/2/19

10:20pm

6lbs down in a week so far, pretty excited about that.

370c for dinner, the only meal I eat.

Half a bowl smoked,

In such a weird fucking mindset today, I don't understand. I don't understand this feeling in my chest. What are you trying to tell me?

Slept 5 hours today, but not very good.

My mother is talking to and potentially dating a man I'm not very fond of, I hate it.

What is this fucking feeling engulfing me? 

me: Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the time? Ha. I don’t even care. I don’t even care, not even a little. You want to ignore me fine. Go ahead. I don’t even care. You think I need your constant presence and attention. Laughable. I was alone way before I even met you. Pure childs play. Don’t even @ me. Don’t even bother saying anything to me. I don’t need or want it anyway. 

me 1 minute later: *sobbing* I’m sorry please don't leave me. Fuck I need you. Where are you. What did I do wrong. Was it something I said two months ago? Have you left me like she did, ghosted me?? If I attempt to reach out will you block me?? What did I do?? Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sor- me 1 minute after that: *trying to think rationally* He’s probably just sleeping. Hes probably busy with schoolwork. Or babysitting. Or the bank. Or family stuff. Or- me 1 minute later panicked: But he always messages you morning. Even when hes busy. He would have let you know. He would have said something if he was going to be away...What if something bad has happened?? What if something horrible has happened to him?? What if hes hurt?? What if something happened to his family?? What if hes suicidal and not telling me and I’m going to lose him??? Oh god oh fuck oh no oh fuck oh god me: What if hes just ignoring you? What if he just doesn’t want you anymore? What if he hates you? What if you pissed him off and didn’t realize it? What if- me minutes later:.....Fine. Don’t talk to me. You think I need you to message me all the-- and repeat forever.  

Suicide attempt or just a fuck up?

Who knows.

?????

How can I feel guilty and horrible like I'm cheating on someone not even interested me

 That I'm not even with?

Damn me for loving him too hard and too much...

I just get so lonely and scared without him...

There is no specific amount of time a switch can take. Some systems switch in a split second, some switch within 30 seconds, a minute, five minutes, or even hours! It all depends on the system and the reason for the switch.

-Casper

Rainbow aura quartz

requested by @tiny-dragons-castle

x x x | x x x | x x x

Can I die please?