Shigaraki Angst - Blog Posts

Done with life or nah?

Summary: You're already losing yourself. But what happens if someone you love and you thought cares about you, hurt you? You already feel like ending it all, maybe he could help you. Help you end everything. The pain, the suffering. After all, he didn't really love you right? Or maybe you could start a new life?

Warning: Cursing, Depression, Loosing a limb(read to find out who), angst, (not sure how I am supposed to note these but feel free to help me!)

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You lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, deep in your mind. The usual thinking about your life decisions. This has become a routine for you every night. `Was it worth it anymore?' `Am I really useless?'. Lifting yourself up, you make your way to the bathroom. Your hands push the door weakly. You stand in front of the sink, sighing after catching a glimpse of your miserable face, you turn your head down to look at your feet 'I hate myself'. Quickly your right hand opens the cabinet under the sink, hand clumsily searching for something. Finally found it, you take a look at the knife. A knife that Toga gave to you as a present for your birthday. The perfect knife for killing people, most importantly killing yourself. You lost in your mind again, thinking if you really should do this, if you should just end it all. Often you see yourself as a burden, as someone who holds the LOV back. Maybe if you weren't there, they would be happy. After all, who would want someone as worthless and useless as you are. "Who would want someone like me?" You repeated. Yeah maybe he is right. Slowly you lift up your left arm, you stare at it sadly while also feeling the anger rising up. Tears threaten to fall. From the wrist up, your hand is completely gone. 'Yeah he's right" you smile sadly while holding back tears.

The members noticed the change of your behaviour. The girl that used to smile a lot, making jokes to cheer them up, playful but at the same time serious is now gone. All that is left is a girl that is desperately trying to survive. But again they decided to not say anything. They already have a hunch of what happened that may be causing it.

_____________

You just got back from your patrol. You know just the usual making sure there aren't any heroes out there that might already catch a smell of the base or else you all need to hide elsewhere. Feeling extremely tired you're hoping you would get some rest instead of comforting your boyfriend, Shigaraki, for the hundreds of times. Now don't get you wrong, you love him for all your life and would sacrifice yourself for him but recently things haven't been the best. You pushed the door to your shared bedroom, sighing to yourself miserably when you caught a pile of dust laying on the floor. Looks like the world will turn against you today too. `There goes another one'. It seems like another mission has gone wrong. You make your way to the corner of the room, having noticed your boyfriend scratching himself at the corner. You cringed at the blood on his body. "Babe? What happened?" You kneeled down in front of him. "Nothing, go away"

You sighed already knowing that this might take a while before you get the rest you needed. "Come on, Shiggy. I know something went wrong. Di-Did a mission failed again?", you tested your luck but when red eyes instantly snap towards your direction, you know you fucked up. "What do you mean by again?" he spats the words while glaring at you. "Do you really think I'm that worthless like you? I'm better than you, you stupid bitch!", You flinch. Trying not to make it worse, you try to explain yourself "No! I mean-" "LISTEN HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU'RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE I WANT YOU TOO. I COULD JUST KILL YOU INSTANTLY WITH HOW USELESS YOU'RE TO ME NOW. HOW USELESS YOU'RE BACK THEN"

"Someone who couldn't even save their own family when they are right there" He knows he is being irrational when you only want to help him but he couldn't help but push on one of your nerves.

Now the word keeps on ringing in your head. You smile to yourself remembering the accident 10 years ago when you can't even save your own family from the fire that happened because your brother couldn't contain himself when he discovered his quirk. The only reason you can't save them is because you have the same quirk. You can't fight fire with fire. It's only going to make it worsen, so you just watch as everything goes downhill. Watching with your own eyes, your own family burned alive or so that's what you told them. But little do they know, you didn't even want to save them, not at all.

"Fine. Do whatever suits you. I'm tired", You ended the fight right there and then. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" He spat out, standing up. Immediately you back away, giving him space. "It's not like I can help you since you won't tell me anything at all" you turn around. "You? Help me? Some weaklings can't possibly think they can help someone as good as a god like me." He smirk. You smile despite the ache in your heart.

"You don't even have a good quirk"

Now that's got your attention. "Excuse me?" You turned your body toward him, feeling deeply offended and hurt. Your quirk isn't "weak" or special. But it's pretty strong. It's a fire quirk that is almost the same as Dabi but the difference is you can change the colour to any colours you want, so it's easier for you to blame the fire to anyone else since you don't have a permanent colour while Dabi's fire is a beautiful and fascinating blue. It always gets you off guard every time he uses it. Even you can't copy the colour perfectly.

"What the fuck did you just say?" You glared at him, extremely pissed off. "I said your quirk isn't that great" he smugly said. "I mean take a look at your own quirk Shigaraki. It's not that special either. Not to forget what it did to your own family" You slam a hand on your mouth. You went too far and you didn't mean to. Shigaraki eyes went wide open and he's fuming with anger. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to go that far!" "FUCK YOU" You hear footsteps outside the room. The others must have heard you guys fighting for a while now. "Fuck babe. I'm sorry I didn't mean to!" "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT"

When both of his hands started to reach out for you, you immediately backed off. "SHIGARAKI PLEASE!" You pulled your hands away from him and tried to turn around when you heard the door open. When you feel pain shooting down your left arm and you're screaming bloody murder. The pains are shooting all over your body causing you to scream in agony. You feel someone pulled you away and brought you to the bar outside. They quickly cut your left hand's wrist to avoid it spreading. "Take a deep breath. It'll be okay" You hear Toga said after calming down. You cringe at the pain you feel in your left arm. "Here take this" Dabi placed pain killers in front of you. Without hesitating you just gulp down the pain killers, just wanting the pain to go away. "You okay?" Dabi asked. "Okay? OKAY?! WHAT THE FUCK DABI?! I JUST LOST MY FUCKING LEFT HAND! I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY" You cried but when you feel Dabi hugged you. You feel guilty for screaming at him when all his done is just helping you. "'m sorry. Scared" he nodded. "It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm here for you. We're here for you" he calmed you down. After a while, your crying slows down to hiccup.

"Y/N........." Dabi feels you tense up when you hear Shigaraki's voice. "Baby? Please I'm sorry" you don't reply to him. You heard his footsteps coming closer, making you hug Dabi even tighter. You feel Dabi lifting you up "Oi Oi Oi Back off" Dabi back away with you in his arm, clenching his teeth. He can't help but feel the hatred growing in his chest after seeing Shigaraki use his quirk on you causing you to lose your arm. "Dabi. 'm scared" you whimpered. "Shhh Shhh. It's okay. I won't let him come near you" he promised, bouncing you up and down still trying to calm you down. Even he himself feels irritated with Shigaraki.

Toga's hiding you and Dabi from Shigaraki sight. The others are ready to prevent you from hurting more than you already are. They all have a soft spot for you but won't admit it. "P-please" he begged them, eyes burning with tears that were leaking. But to his disappointment, none of them moved from their spot and he knew he couldn't even begin to convince them to let him see you. For him to possibly apologize even if you won't accept it, the least he could do is try. A couple minutes pass that feels like hours, you finally whimper from holding the pain due to the room getting so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Eyes snaps to you, Dabi clears his throat sending a glare in Shigaraki's way "I'll end you if I have to" and immediately retreats to his room. For a second you thought that he's bringing you back to your own room so you clutch your hands on his jacket and quietly whispers "'m don't wanna go back Dabs". "I know I know. I'll never bring you back in there even if you want to" he shushed you. He opens his door and closes in on his back making his way towards his bed. "Sorry my room might not be as nice as yours. There's only one bed so I hope you won't mind my body as a company" he chuckled making you smile a lil. A proud feeling is booming in his chest seeing that he makes you smile. "There's the sweet smile I have been missing"

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And ever since you've been sleeping in Dabi's room. Shigaraki tried talking to you a ~couple~ hundreds of times but you never glance his way to even notice him. Slowly but surely he has given up his hopes and instead tries to send you notes at least once a day to let you know that he's sorry. But it got burned by Dabi before it can reach you. And that makes you feel a lot more better at the thought of someone protecting you from danger.

Your eyes burned with tears at the memory, shaking your heads hoping that it'll go away. You sighed miserably while still looking at the knife. Should you?

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Maybe a part 2 if you guys want? This is my first post so please ignore the mistakes (tell me). I'm not really a writer and English is not my first language. Hope you enjoy it. There are two possible endings maybe shorts one but we'll see.

May I request an angsty scenario in which Shigaraki has to leave his fatally injured s/o behind during a mission?

The Mushroom Cloud (Shigaraki x Reader)

*GIF not mine*

Summary: Shigaraki promised to come back for you in that warehouse. Promised to save you, pinned under exploded debris that crushed your legs to nothingness. The ambush wasn’t supposed to happen, but neither was the explosion that occurred after. “Fine, you can come. But if your ass gets blown up, don’t come cryin’ to me.”

A/N: Ouchie, this one’s gonna hurt y’all, just sayin’. As an author, I’m kinda required to want you to cry over this, so feel free to tell me if you do. As always, hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2012

        The mission wasn’t supposed to be easy. There were an enormous number of risks that came with it. 

        “YN!”

        You had fought so hard to go with him, arguing every point and saying that you wanted to stay by his side. Impatience had won in the end, and in a fate-sealing way, your wish had been granted. 

        “Fine, you can come. But if you’re ass gets blown up, don’t come cryin’ to me.”

        It was only supposed to be a joke. A little jab at you to show just how much he really wished you hadn’t joined the mission. 

        They were blowing up a warehouse heroes used to hold supplies. First aid kits, medicine, anything else they would have needed in case the League of Villains had struck in a dangerous way. Decidedly, the group wasn’t too fond of the heroes possibly having an upper hand in the event of one of their attacks, so they struck.

        “AHH!” 

        It was an ambush. Not even from heroes bound to a code to preserve all life, but from the country’s army. Soldiers trained to kill had flooded the enormous warehouse, firing at every moving target in their range until they had all fled.

        You were one of the few they hit. 

        “YN!” Shigaraki cried out your name once more, pushing past fallen shelves and barely managing not to trip on the pill bottles they previously held. He followed your moans of pain, sprinting in the general direction of where they originated, along with where he had seen the flash of orange. 

        Fired bullets echoed through the hollow building, bouncing off the metal walls and filling his ears as he searched for you. 

        There. Trapped under a tipped forklift, you whined, banging against the machine with a hopeless desperation Shigaraki had never seen before. It drove a sliver of fear through his heart as he crashed to his knees beside you, barely holding back his own tears at the sight of your crushed legs. 

        The angle at which they were bent was so wrong. Your knees had caved in on themselves, curving in a direct opposite way of how they should. Blood pooled on the floor beneath your thighs, directly where shattered glass from the machinery’s windshield had impaled your flesh. 

        Your hands were shaking, covered in your own vital fluid as you let out strangled cries, pawing so desperately at the too-heavy weight. 

        “YN! YN, look at me!” Shigaraki’s hands were trembling just as much, each finger begging to scratch at his neck in a nervous twitch. It was like he didn’t know what to do with them; first, he hovered them over your legs, then the weight above them, then finally on your face as he directed it to his. 

        “It hurts,” you wailed, banging your head against the concrete floor below. Hot tears trailed down your face, and in the distance, the other villains tried to fend off the army soldiers. 

        There were just too many. 

        Shigaraki was at an age now where he knew when a battle had been lost. Everyone would have to flee and recover before the next attack on the heroes. But shit-- he had to get you out of here first. 

        “Shh,” he hushed, scrambling for more words. He didn’t want to feed you-- or himself-- lies. “It’s- you’re-” he choked on a sudden weight in his throat. Something like a snake coiled around his stomach, tightening and tightening until he couldn’t speak anymore. 

        In situations where Shigaraki lost his composure, you were always the one to take over for him. You were the one in your relationship that kept a level head, spoke with slow words, and always calmed him down. 

        So even though it hurt, fuck it hurt so much, you knew what you had to do. 

        “Tomura.” So much blood had drained from your body that when you lifted a hand, you almost flinched at how contrastingly pale it was compared to the liquid covering it. Nonetheless, you cupped his cheek, wiping away the small tear that had leaked out from under the hand. “You have to go-”

        “NO!”

        “Listen to me-”

        “NO YN,” he shouted, voice just barely audible above the grenade explosions and gunshots. “I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not happening.”

        “Tomura… you can find me later. You just need to get out of here now.”

        He opened his mouth to protest once more, only to duck his head at the flying debris of a nearby blast. 

        “Just come back for me later! Get the others out now, and I’ll wait for you here.”

        “YN…” A bitter taste of pure bile crawled up his throat at the sight of your mangled legs, but he knew better than to try. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn’t strong enough to lift the machine off you. Your solution was right; leave now, and come back later with someone stronger.

        He hadn’t realized it then, but you already knew there wasn’t a later.

        “Okay. But you better not do anything fucking stupid until I come back.” Anger flared in his stomach at his utter incapability of handling the situation. It disguised the hopelessness he felt, the despair in knowing he couldn’t be your knight in shining armor. 

        Heroes be damned. Shigaraki wanted to be your savior right now. 

        “Okay.” You mustered up the best smile you could, but it faltered with every unbearable twinge of your paralyzed legs. Even if you did make it out of this, somehow, you would never be able to walk again. 

        After pulling away the hand on his face, he pressed a kiss to your lips. It was needy and frantic, a half-ditch effort to display your love for each other for what could be the last time. 

        When Shigaraki pulled away, he saw blind faith in your eyes, but read it entirely wrong. 

        He thought you trusted him to save you. 

        You believed he was strong enough to move on from losing you. 

        “Don’t. Go. Anywhere.” 

        “I’ll try not to.”

        And with that, he rose one last time, gathering up his fallen hand and pressing it back to his face. Red pupils trailed up and down your body and its surroundings, memorizing the exact situation so he could find you later. 

        “League, retreat! Villains, fall back!”

        At the call, his allies stopped their attacks. Flames stopped caressing fireproof soldiers. Knives, swords, and anything else flying at the heavily-guarded soldiers ceased in their movements, and suddenly the building flooded with stomping feet. 

        He was almost surprised that was all it took, until he realized that everyone else was just as desperate to escape this hellhole as he was.

        The League would take this loss. But Shigaraki would never forget what it had cost him. 

        Navigating the large warehouse was easy; though it was almost the size of a miniature airport hangar, it was mostly clear aside from the occasional wooden box and metal shelf stocked with health supplies. Through the fingers splayed across his face, Shigaraki trailed after his fellow villains, following them as they fled through the nearest garage door and into the surrounding forest, darkened with the dead of night. 

        I can go back for her later.

        I can’t save her now.

        Later.

        Later.

        Later.

        “Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered, scratching at his neck when he finally caught up with the others, all stopped at a tree so far from the warehouse that it was just barely visible through the thick brush. 

        Heavy panting combined with the natural hoots and calls of nature as everyone tried to catch their breath. Dabi slumped back against a tree, sliding to the ground and dropping his head back to let out a long groan. Toga followed suit, along with Twice and Spinner and before long, everybody was sitting in some way, dead tired from fighting on their feet for what felt like hours. 

        As the last left standing, Shigaraki knew he was catching curious glances from the others, but he was too anxious to sit. His eyes, puffy from having to leave you behind, shifted over every villain at his disposal. Which one would be strong enough to-

        “Tomura.” Kurogiri, looking ever so restless in the shape of a constantly-fluttering, black cloud, eyed Shigaraki confusedly with his yellow gaze. “Where is YN?” 

        “I had to leave her behind. Now I need someone to go back with me to-”

        He felt it before he heard it. 

        The force of the boom. The wave of pure heat against his back, propelling him forward a good step or two. Then the white noise. 

        Nothing could be heard. All he saw was the trees around him blowing wildly from the blast. If he could, he would have heard your scream. The explosion. 

        Pure horror encompassed his face as his eardrums pounded. 

        No.

        NO GODDAMNIT!

        Without a second thought, Shigaraki turned back toward the building, shouldering his way through bushes and weeds until he found it. Or what was left of it. 

        Of course, the warehouse was unusable now. It had been ravaged by the League of Villains, looted of all its purpose. 

        Of course they would dispose of it.

        A ploom of ash and smoke floated up into the sky, almost drowning out the moon and stars. 

        The smell burned his nose. Charred metal and scorched earth, tainted with a hint of death.

        “No,” he whispered, so meekly he barely noticed he’d even said it aloud. 

        The hand on his face falls to the grass with a dull thump. 

        He couldn’t stand it. His knees wiggled underneath him until they finally gave out, allowing him to pathetically crumple to the floor. His lips quivered, his fingers twitched, his chest ached all at the sight. 

        Nothing. There was nothing there. Ash rained from the sky, floating into Shigaraki’s hair as he slumped forward, slamming his palms against the blackened dirt. All that remained of its existence, of your existence, was a perfect circle of burnt ground. 

        “No.”

        God, if he had looked closer into your eyes, he would have seen it. The despair. The utter hopelessness that came with knowing your fate. That came with knowing you were going to die, and nothing could stop it. 

        You had hid it with a smile, and sealed it with a kiss. 

        “No, YN.”

        He slammed his hands against the ground, screaming and shouting with every pound. 

        “NO! FUCK! NO! I WAS COMING BACK FOR YOU! I WAS GOING TO SAVE YOU!” 

        That’s not what you wanted. What you really wanted was for Shigaraki to not share your fate. You had been trapped by it, unable to move and only to embrace. The last thing you ever desired was to drag the love of your life down with you. 

        His body convulses with each sob as he curls in on himself, pressing his face into the dirt and letting out his strangled howls of grief. 

        “God- fuck, I was going to save you, YN,” he nuzzles his face against the ground, wishing it was the skin of your shoulder he loved to kiss so much. “I promise. I was going to come back for you.”

        Shigaraki hadn’t just lost you. 

        No; it was never that simple.

        Everything he ever had, the future that was in his grasp-- all gone up in a cloud of smoke. 

        The promise ring you wore.

        The smile on your face.

        The child growing in your stomach. 

        He had truly lost everything.

now playing…

stay soft by mitski

↺ |◁ II ▷| ♡

cw’s!!: some angst and fem! reader (reader is referred to as a woman and uses she/her pronouns) :]

wc: 916 (my longest posted yet!!!)

imagining shigaraki who announces to the league that he found a temporary place to stay a few weeks after the base gets destroyed, answering zero questions as to how exactly he found a place for a group of villains to stay after they had seemingly exhausted all of their options (“someone owed me a favor” was all he had said. none of them believed him).

they’re all confused when they arrive at a relatively residential neighborhood. they’re even more confused when their boss walks up to the front door of a random house as if he’s done it a thousand times before (he has. he’d always crawl back to this doorstep, always looking a little small and wounded).

and — not to be repetitive — but imagine their shock when the sweetest looking woman opens the door. you. you’re all smiles and sugar, giving their boss a wide smile before greeting the rest of them and inviting them inside. they’re practically gawking at the way you dote on them as if they’re normal houseguests and not a group of strangely dressed villains.

the blonde girl and the two men in masks are the only ones that introduce themselves (himiko, jin, and ‘compress’. you recognized them from tomuras previous explanations. he thought they were all pains in their own right, you couldn’t bring yourself to agree). the others stay close by tomura, allowing him to guide them through the new environment (as if they had much of a choice). he hadn’t said a word since the nice woman opened the door, even ignoring spinners insistent, whispered questions.

tomura suddenly stops, gesturing to three doors. “we’re taking up these two rooms, the garage, and the living room.” he points to the last door in the hallway. “that’s the bathroom. figure it out amongst yourselves.” he explained flatly, making his way back to the main area of the house with nothing else said. they were left with more questions than when they had initially gotten there.

their boss had settled into a couch by the time they wandered back into the main area, slouched against an armrest with that blank look he wore whenever he was lost in thought. you had taken to the more talkative three, smiling softly as you answered their questions while offering them mugs of something warm (you couldn’t help the softened look in your eyes when you saw the brief shock in their expressions at the gesture).

it was quiet for a while after that. peaceful, even… until you dropped a mug while trying to tidy up your kitchen. it had been a while since the league had seen their boss suddenly so alert, no hesitation in his movements when he briskly made his way into the kitchen. they had braced themselves to hear yelling or some form of harshness. anything to express his displeasure towards the sudden interruption to his thoughts. only, that’s not what happened. at all, actually.

you were a little more frantic, murmuring soft apologies while crouched down and picking up the larger shards of ceramic. only the three at the table could see what was going on, but the quiet way everything was handled was enough for everyone to connect some dots. tomura hadn’t said anything, simply moving down to your level to help you pick up the bigger shards.

when he finally spoke, it was like witnessing a different person. ‘soft’ was an adjective the league wasn’t familiar with. they didn’t have the privilege of really knowing what that word meant… they understood it better now though, with the way their boss was reassuring you in a quiet voice. his words were scolding as per usual, (even you weren’t immune to his small lectures urging you to ‘be more careful’) but he said them with a lightness none of them had heard before.

and then you touched him and suddenly they understood (those who witnessed it, of course). the contact was brief, just a small, grateful squeeze to his shoulder. something so easily overlooked by the general population… but they knew their boss well. they knew the weight of the small gesture. it was so painfully normal, he didn’t even blink an eye at the small touch.

the three at the table — who usually had had so much to say — could only spare each other small, knowing glances. the others that had settled on the couch still looked expectant, as if waiting for the storm that was soon to come pouring down (they could’ve waited years, it was never going to happen).

the league stood at your house for two weeks after that, the interactions between you and the members short but sweet. tomura had bunked in the garage, walking into the house throughout the night with the weak excuse of having to use the bathroom.

they decided not to call him out on his lie.

you remained kind even as they were leaving, wishing them well and softly urging them to stay safe. only himiko noticed the look you and tomura shared as he walked past you. a secret something she was sure only the two of you knew the meaning of. she found herself foolishly hoping that the pretty lady who had taken care of them would be okay.

you found yourself foolishly hoping to see them again (in another life, maybe. things would be better then.)