Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
You’re a Queen When No One is Watching-
Why is it, in the late darkness of night,
When beasts roam my bedroom floor and monsters reach out from beneath my bed,
When everyone sleeps, but for the wild imagination lurking behind my eyes,
When I’m at my loneliest and most vulnerable,
My most wild, euphoric, depressed, inspired and wisest self,
That I am at my most beautiful?
When I decide I will no longer attempt to succumb to sleep’s blissful embrace,
When I enter a room with Alice’s looking glass,
And see the circles beneath my eyes, the gentle curve of my lips, and sharp lines of my once full face,
Why do I look like a goddess of war, the judge of your soul beyond death, the unstoppable, raging force of a true queen...
Why does the real me choose to show herself when there is no one there to see the rawness of being a real human being...
When no one is there to love the part of you that you love yourself.
The you you hide,
To save that last little bit of light from the darkness of others...
Another thing I hate:
When you fuck up and people try to tell you didn’t.
Because I very obviously fucked up.
Like BIG TIME fucked up.
In front of 30+ people.
And they still have the audacity to tell you “you didn’t do bad” or “no one could tell”.
I just want someone to look me in the eye and say “yea, you fucked up. That was absolute shit. But you’re gonna kill it next time. So when you’re done crying, let’s go get waffle cones.”
I just really need some honest, passive aggressive support.
I realised something today. You cannot count on anyone but yourself
Although I don't have supporters, I will be the first to support myself.
I think the goal is not to be perfect and try to change everything of us (or others too, as we project on them our "dark" sides) but to accept ourselves despite our imperfections and "flaws". No matter how much we try, we'll always end up doing or saying something that can be considered wrong or bad, even unconsciously. And that's completely okay. We interface with different people, and we cannot please everyone or we'll just go crazy. But we need to please ourselves and give us a break. Be kind with ourselves as we're just trying. Appreciate who we are, light and dark. We'll always make mistakes, we'll always make a wrong choice... Sure we can try to change what we really do not appreciate, the coping mechanisms that are hindering and making us suffer (the ones we're not even aware of), but we need to remember there's no recipe to be perfect as there's no real perfection. We can always try to be better but we cannot reach that perfection we aim to as it doesn't exist. We cannot be that to feel accepted and included, to feel seen and valued, to feel less alone: people change their mind as the wind anyway. But we can see all of who we are and welcome our darkest side and try to feel more content and... not make us feel alone by abandoning and neglecting a side of us that still exists and needs our love, even if we accuse it to not let us be accepted by others. Maybe if we accepted it, accepted our whole self, and knew us... maybe we'd feel less alone, more apt to see our light within without having to compare to others and more open to others too.