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I think the number one worst piece of traditional advice people give about being bullied is to "stand up to the bully."
This only works if you can make a convincing show of force to the bully, if you can convince them that there will be consequences to further attacks.
If you try to bluff a bully and fail (as is very likely, bullies generally have enough social awareness to pick their targets and to get away with bullying), the bully will punish you. Severely. Standing up to a bully with no credible defense or threat gets you pounded.
Instead, gather allies and confront the bully together. Cultivate authorities and destroy the bully's ability to get away with crimes or prohibited actions. Devise asymmetrical ways of retaliating, using any advantages you might possess. If possible, find ways to make your show of force without making an actual counterattack on the bully. That way you can maintain the moral advantage.
Don't escalate. Keep your responses proportional, even restrained, and your mind focused and calm. If you're more aggressive or harmful than the bully, you've either opened yourself up to being seen as the problem, or given the bully a justification to take even more harmful actions against you. Bullies often try to provoke this exact mistake, by getting their targets angry.
If the bully is a powerful group, which can't safely be confronted or resisted, it may be necessary to suffer some retribution, some punishment, and continue to confront or resist anyway, to send the message that no amount of retribution, however violent, will stop your resistance, or change your behavior.
Very true đź’Ż people who truly care about you will not talk shit about you behind your back. They also won't speak in code right in front of you in such a passive aggressive way is to try and change you without saying it. People who truly care are the ones who call or text you to just ask how you are or say they love you. People who care will give genuine advice, show genuine interest, and give a genuine shit about how your spirit is doing. People who care will try to help you even when they don't know what exactly you need, even when you don't know exactly what it is you need. People who care about you truly will tell you what they think or feel to your face, and won't patronize you just because you're not on their same level of ____. People who truly care will hold space for you when you don't hold space for yourself . To all those who truly care, much love to you. Pay it forward the best you know how.
Watch "RELATABLE 🤯 #adhd #adhdbrain #neurodivergent" on YouTube
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Watch "ADHD friendships ❤️ #adhd #adhdbrain #neurodiversity" on YouTube
đź’Ż "I'm just not a communicator... That doesn't mean we aren't friends. "
đź’Ż The Social Hangover: Autism and Social Events | The Art of Autism https://the-art-of-autism.com/the-social-hangover-autism-and-social-events/
https://the-art-of-autism.com/the-social-hangover-autism-and-social-events/
Watch "Autism and Problem Solving - Showing Love and Affection #autism" on YouTube
Yessss
Watch "Autistic Awkwardness with Group Conversation #shorts #autism #autisticcommunication #audhd" on YouTube
Watch "The Problem with Masking ADHD and Autism (burnout, etc.)" on YouTube
If you’re going through autistic+ADHD (auDHD) burnout, you may experience:
*anxiety
*depression
*extreme lethargy
*inability to ask for help
**memory issues
**loss of words or selective mutism
**reduced executive functioning (e.g., staying organized, making decisions)
**trouble bouncing back from daily tasks
*suicidal thoughts
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**Feelings of fatigue and constant exhaustion.
*Low self-confidence coupled with high self-criticism.
*Lack of motivation and drive to complete tasks.
*Anger and resentment toward responsibilities, obligations, and other people.
What do we need to exit the burnout realm:
Stimming and sensory stimulation/deprivation
Food, water, medications
Physical safety (e.g., a home, your bedroom, a place to stay that is away from harm)
Social support (e.g., can someone help you with chores? managing your schedule? explaining neurotypical norms going on around you? doing tasks that require engaging with others like making phone calls?)
Time for special interests
Time for sleep, recovery, and rest
If someone you know is experiencing auDHD burnout, be gentle with them, they're already barely holding it together with straws and Scotch tape.
Don't add to the burnout, requiring us to submit more energy spoons than necessary, and understand that the size of your energy spoons are different from those of neurodivergent people. We have less spoons to dole out, and they're tea spoons compared to your serving spoons.
Let us rest. Send us home early from work or class, let us do our work in the safety of our home environment during burnout phases. Everyday interactions that are energizing for neurotypical people are extremely energy draining for those with auDHD, especially during a burnout phase.
Help them if you are willing and able. Those of us with auDHD most of the time don't know or understand what exactly our needs are. Having a support system around that can see what is needed and offer assistance could mean the difference in those of us with auDHD between crashing or being able to recharge.
Be kind. This isn't the time to bully or make fun of the person with auDHD. There is no need to be a jerk in the first place, but we live in the real world, with real, neurotypical people who do not understand how our brains work so differently as to cause situations like burnout that affect others around the person with audhd. Just be kind, those experiencing burnout are already fragile emotionally and probably spiritually. Being a part of our support system as opposed to someone who is making it more difficult to survive this experience could mean the difference between recovery or crashing.
For those with auDHD, find support groups online. There are so many other adults experiencing auDHD and burnout in today's demanding neurotypical world. You're not alone in this.
Watch "A Guide to Workplace Inclusion for Autistic Employees (Autism at Work)" on YouTube
A professional manner requirement at the workplace is like requiring somebody in a wheelchair to walk in because that's the policy, but they're in a wheelchair, but the policy is to walk in. Get it? Neurotypical people cannot fully understand the neurodiverse brain, just as we cannot fully understand the neurotypical brain
Watch "Why Autistic Unemployment Is So High | Claire Barnett | TEDxVanderbiltUniversity" on YouTube
Neurotypical people often hold people with ASD to the same social standards when that is not a fair gauge for judgements. A few tips to be more accommodating for people with ASD:
Adapt your processes
Provide questions in advance
Don't use social skills as standard for competence
Provide clear communication
Provide accommodations
Give grace, this one is for everyone.
MJ’s Substack
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