Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Loner Life - Blog Posts
Jughead jones is literally my spirit animal
My aesthetic is crying in beautiful places.
Just Me
I need to finally accept the fact that I’m alone. I tried to open myself up to help and friendship and support & I’ve had to demand it. It did not come freely. I don’t think this is going to change. It hurts but I accept it.
I think pretty soon, I’m just going to have to diminish my contact with others. Keep it to only public scenarios like grocery stores and barbershops. Leave personal ties behind me. I wish things were different but there nothing I can do.
I wish that I didn’t have to keep changing myself to fit into this world. I’ve really come to like who I am as a person, and I thought I was bringing something good to the world. I find myself having a harder and harder time everyday. Being myself makes me only feel more lonely and like I don’t belong. I wish no one would ever know this feeling.
So much of the time I feel like I don’t matter. And I think I do, but no one else seems to think so. I’m not sure how I’ll manage to be who I want to be and also remove myself from society. So much pain. It doesn’t matter. My feelings don’t seem to matter. How can I value myself when no one else does? I’m conflicted. I’m hurt. I think I really should just leave everyone alone.
Maybe one day someone will hear me.
(11.11.17)
20’s
I thought my 20’s would be different. I thought it would adventures with my friends, lots of nights in the arms of someone I love, and working like a dog making a name for myself in my career.
It’s not like that. I spend most of my nights alone and forgetting my value because I’m so lonely. As for the career thing, well goddamn me for thinking my path forward would be more sensical.
Tonight is just one of those nights where I’ll probably cry, listen to sad songs, burn gas driving around then come back home accepting my fate. The loneliness I feel hurts my skin, my head and my heart. Why does living feel so overrated? My thoughts feel like they’re on shuffle. I wish I wasn’t so tormented. I thought I’d found peace... I guess it’s back to the drawing board.
(11.6.17)
I just wanna get away from it all, ya know?
