Life Is Unfair - Blog Posts

I'm sorry that things are very hard for you, its very hard being neurodivergent and having to work jobs. I hope you are a bit easier on yourself, its okay to mess up. I think you're cool and I understand being trapped in such situation. I can't help or do anything about your situation but I wish you have some good time or free time for yourself sometime soon

Hi and thank you. I'm trying to be a little easier on myself, but it's kind of hard when you feel like a failure. On top of being abysmally inept in terms of anything social, I have the problem of being a young adult and steadily falling behind my peers. Every job I can get without a degree is terrible, especially where I live. The main problem is that I need one of these jobs to go to college and get a better one. I would kill to be able to do what I love for a living instead, but the way the world is going, it seems like I might just have to keep suffering. Maybe one day, I'll get to where I hope to be. I just hate to mess up, partially because of how I was raised. Nothing ever seemed to be quite enough. That, and anxiety, depressive tendencies, embarrassment, etc. Every little failure and setback will shatter me like an expensive vase, and it takes forever for me to gather all the peices and put them back together. That's another reason I can't go too easy on myself. It takes so long to recover. Maybe I'll get stronger though. Maybe one day I'll learn to be more resilient and life will be better.

All in all, things like this ask tend to give me a little more hope, no matter how small it is. Again, thank you for your kind words. I wish nothing but the best for you as well. I hope your life is good, fulfilling, warm, comfortable, and prosperous.

The sheer audacity! 😭

Tumblr: Let me introduce you to the people you’ve always needed in your life.

Also Tumblr: Sorry, they all live approx. 2 million miles away.

Why I Can’t Bring Myself to Tell My Friends I Love Them

I used to tell my friends that I loved them all the time. If I saw them doing something I thought was cute, or if they made an awesome joke, or if they tried their hardest on something, or when I would get the occasional rush of gratitude for them, I would tell them. Love was meant to be expressed when they were still there to receive it, and love was meant for everyone. I wanted everyone to know that love was meant to be given liberally.

Back when my ex best friend cared about me, she was so supportive. She would tell me that there was good in the world and there were things to be living for, and she would always be so happy and in love with life. She was a small person, with a round face and the warmest hugs, and she would tell me that I was worth it. That I was worth loving, that I was amazing, that I made her life better. My second new best friend does that too. She does all of that. They’re different people, but in terms of what they provide me they’re nearly the same, and in terms of appearance, they look similar. And that scares me because there’s a reason my ex best friend is no longer my friend, and to see the same feelings start for someone similar is terrifying.

When I finally acknowledged my first best friend after moving on from the last one, I noticed she was giving me everything my ex best friend couldn’t, but I was resigned to the idea that she wasn’t as verbally or physically affectionate. I still love that best friend, but those are my love languages, and I don’t usually get them from other people. And then my second best friend came into my life and gave me exactly what I wanted and needed that was missing from my first best friend. But now there’s a problem. Because my first best friend isn’t very verbally affectionate, she probably wouldn’t like it if I told her I love her, and even if she did, I would be opening up to her too much and that might push her away. My second best friend would absolutely love it if I told her I loved her, but I’m too worried that I’ll put all my energy into that friendship only to slowly realise that I’m not getting anything back.

I want to love them. I do love them. And I always thought it was a cliché motivation when a character was like “I’ve been hurt before and I don’t want to be hurt again”, but that is exactly how I feel and I couldn’t even trust my second best friend when she told me that she would always care about me because that’s what I told my ex best friend and now I hate her with a burning passion. I hate songs like “Night Changes” or “The One That Got Away” because they remind me that something you think will be infinite could end within a moment, and I hate reading fanfics where characters end up far away from each other with no possible way of regaining the relationship they had before and/or in canon because that’s the truth of life. People will come and go and you can’t do anything about it. Love is never going to be enough if it’s only going one way. Life isn’t a show where everything comes full circle; there are going to be loose ends and regrets and there will be no consolation or closure and everyone leaves eventually no matter how much you or they care. I love my best friends now but if I admit it to them then it solidifies the idea that there’s something to lose, and I can’t stand that. I don’t want to be hurt again. Despite how genuine my best friends may be right now, there will be a day where they don’t care. I don’t want to reach that day. I don’t want it to continue to that point. I don’t want to tell them I love them.

Screaming, crying throwing up, because I cant get the $70 professor plushie

Wtf. This has no right to be so adorable.

here are the rhythmic sds!! i am obsessed with tsum epel’s lil tippy tap dance…..

all animations/still renders (rythmic_623)

(if you’re looking for the bgm it is bgm_182 <3)