Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
I watched a random compilation vid of henshin sequences for most of the Kamen Rider shows (being Youtube, the top comment of course was “I like the bit where they say henshin.”) and well, I did want something different to watch.
I started off with Kamen Rider W, since a review recommended it as a good starting series, and I was pretty much shipping Phidari before I even saw an episode.
Also, Suda Masaki is omfgsodamnkawaii and I am just under the wire as far the Standard Creepy Rule goes. Although it’s more of a puppy crush, as in- I view him in a very similar way as I would an adorable puppy. Yes, I kinda want to mash his head into my boobs, but not in a sexual way. I have all these feelings that I don't know how to process properly. In the meantime.... so cute!
Then I started on a bit of Den-O because I liked the sword form henshin jingle. And Satoh-san, so impressed how he portrays multiple characters. I know it’s all in collaboration with the suit actors, still that’s a lot of work. Plus there’s the dancing, (and I love how Ryutaros’s special power is being able to summon backup dancers and create flash-mobs) and you did all that whilst sick? Damn.
And then.... well turns out I’m a bit too ADD to binge watch a series. Heck as kid, I was usually in the process of reading two to three different novels at any given time. Given that, might as well check out another series.
Wowowowowow Four-ze! Wowowowow Fun, ne? Man is Gen-chan tall or what? Love the interaction with Shoutaro in the movie, Taro club away! JK looks like a live-action version of Zaou Ryuu. I need more screen-time to determine do I love him for him or for his resemblance to my fave anime man-hoe?
Also, Kamen Rider Meteor- love the disco henshin theme.... is that small blast all there is? I can’t find it on Youtube. I can find a ten-minute loop of Shabadoobie touchie henshin (and why haven’t more people made that into a remix?! I sought out the loop because: 1: So catchy & 2: my brain was demanding "More!!! the henshin sequence isn’t long enough!”) So yeah, more disco please.
Got further through Fourze before oversaturation hit. Well, looking through the Kamen Rider wiki (I needed a guide for who the heck these other riders are that keep showing up in the fanfics) and since Heisei Phase 2 has the characters I’m seeing most, I’m focusing on that for now.
So what next? For some reason I’m still hesitating on OOO, and I don’t think I’m quite ready for Gaim. Zi-O? I’m waiting for the right fanfic to fix the time-rewriting first (Seriously, you try to take my フィリップ away and I will fucking cut you.) Maybe it’s just the fic, but Build looks a little too emotionally heavy at the moment.
Episode 1: I know these shows are marketing toys to kids, but holy crap guys, slow down. (Plus, the 90′s called- they want their colour scheme back.) Still, this looks- aptly enough- to be what the doctor ordered.
Episode 2: Love the op theme. Kagami Hiiro-sensei? You are being such a dick right now. Will someone smack this idiot over the head ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! IF YOU’RE ALL “SAVING THE PATIENT IS ALL THAT MATTERS”, THEN WHY ARE YOU DUELING INSTEAD ON FOCUSING ON SAVING THE PATIENT’S LIFE?! Someone grab this boy and give him an priority adjustment and ego-ectomy stat.
Episode 3: Why wasn’t Tagia given counseling? Proper intervention and maybe you wouldn’t have flushed a medical career down the toilet. So he got hooked on gaming and put it before medicine. You assholes gave him the driver and gashat in the first place. The game was implied to be faulty, (or at least, that’s the impression I got) meaning he was essentially given a mind-altering substance, had his priorities warped as a result and it lead to him loosing a patient.
So for that he got booted out the door, with the lack of a medical license now making him an unskilled laborer with an addiction problem. Of course he’s back and looking for a fix. (Are they gonna redeem this guy? Hope so. BTW? Love the hair, dude.)
Episode 4: “There’s no point if you don’t ride me.” Excuse me while I pause the episode and giggle for a while.
Ah, Ex-Aid, I think I’m going to like you.
Flashback time: In the analog days, most girls when they hit those teen years moved onto trashy romance novels. I, as what I believe they are now calling “Xennials”, was still stuck on sci-fi novels during the switch-over and by the time I was interested in such fiction, well I went right to slashfic. (Remember mailing lists?) Joined my first (and only) slash-list at 16. Despite the reigning 18+ rule, I was honest about my age and they let me in anyway. (Perhaps if only to keep an eye on me.) Then mailing lists kind of died off and it was onto web archives.
And that’s when I paused the ep and logged on to type this up. There’s a certain point in people’s lives, where to some degree, they mentally stop aging. On the whole, a lot of the time, I’m pretty much still 16 (Probably a good thing, apparently my mother’s still only 25.) randomly touring though my early 20′s and occasionally re-visiting being 7. Actually when I was in my teens, I think I was time-travelling on occasion to what might very much turn out to be my 70′s (”In my day....:)
Where was I? Oh- “There’s no point if you don’t ride me.” Said the tanned guy in the leather jacket to the clumsy naive young twink of a doctor. You can’t put that in front of me and not have me shed at least 10 years worth of maturity.
(Actually, lemme just check the fic count on this pairing.... ) Still kinda want to pair Emu and Parad, but I have got to start to try watching shows before I start paring off the characters.
More a combination of OAQ, possibly RAQ and ANAQ...
Occasionally Asked Question, Rarely Asked Question and Almost Never Asked Question.
Rare/Occasional: Gnarynhar?
Well, my preferred handle of Thordis is usually taken. Most people then go for adding a number, but, I just don’t like that, I need something I can resonate to, and a number just doesn’t work for me. I have sometimes used AusThordis, but that feels like too much work.
And Gnarynhar is easier?!
Well, no. (It is one letter shorter though!) And it’s a couple of noises of frustration put together, slightly altered and put into letters, but it’s something I made myself, so the resonance I want is there. Usually shortened to Gnar or Gnary by others,,,, it is a bit of a mess to type, I know. The ‘G’ is, well sort of silent, it’s there to twist your mouth as you pronounce the ‘n’ to get the right sound. Nyarr-nn-haarr.
Not easy to spell, not easy to remember, not even my first choice. But it’s mine, and... at least it’s never taken.
Almost Never: Professional Crazy?
I am on a disability support pension, heck I qualified for it back when I was, frankly, better than I am right now. I reason it out thusly: I am crazy. I get money for being crazy. Therefore I am a professional crazy.
My psychiatrist has said I’m not crazy, and I’m not saying having OCD = being crazy. In the end, it’s how I choose to self identify. Read Mara Wilson's article on OCD on Cracked.com Point 2 is where this comes into play.
Looking back into my childhood before the OCD developed, I can see at least one thing I did and say “Yeah, that was OCD right there.” But beyond that, I was always that extra bit different from other kids my age. Hitting (and mostly finishing puberty in primary school rather than in high school like everyone else also contributed to some of my quirks.)
Also, I seem to approach some things differently than most people. I took psychology as an elective in high school, and when I left high school, in the adult ed classes I took as an alternative. I’d be saying something in class, and the teacher was always cutting me off, saying I was off topic.
As far as I was concerned I was on topic, she just never let me finish, so I could show what I was saying did tie into the discussion. I was just approaching things from such an oblique angle, no-one saw the connection I was trying to make.
Plus my social skills were never the best, and towards the end of primary school I was starting to isolate myself. Then in high school, well my friends all went to a different school, and I was left with a combination of people I knew from primary school and didn’t get along with, mixed with strangers that mostly wanted to pick on me. I didn’t have friends in high school, I had acquaintances that occasionally weren’t interested in making my life hell.
So what little social skills I had atrophied, and as I moved closer and closer to my current housebound state, they withered even further. I see myself not only as an introvert, but shy. And for many years I really was. My classmates in TAFE did not see things the same way. But that’s because if I do feel comfortable enough to start a conversation, I tend to verbally hold people down and talk at them until they run away or beg for mercy.
Social interaction is important, Terry Pratchett put it something like “people need to be bounced around by the Brownian motion of society”. I, barely even watch tv anymore.
Roping that tangent back to it’s origin of crazy. It’s also a shorthand I use with my family. Anything related back to my OCD, requests, restrictions, explanations, instead of a long, frustrating explanation they know they’ll never fully ‘get’, it’s easier to just say “It’s a crazy thing.” and move on.
Sometimes it’s more of a discussion, with them offering suggestions, most of the time, I’ve already considered what’s been brought up. Other times, they can add that little piece I’m missing.... for a problem that by all rights shouldn’t exist. -I feel ‘crazy’ is an apt term.
I start with a simple question, and I produce another stream-of-consciousness wall-of-text attack. At least I paragraph it? ....time to look up how to put this under a cut.
Because what I want to say feels too much like making things all about me.
http://archiveofourown.org/works/6919726 Yep, back on a bit of a Red Dwarf kick.
The more I think on it, the more I have mixed feelings about this one. Although, maybe I’m slightly emotionally burned-out right now and am having trouble connecting. Or it’s just because the OCD portrayed doesn’t fully fit with my experiences. But that’s the problem with OCD, it’s different for everyone. Heck, as a teenager, for a while I was seeing a psychiatric nurse that specialzed in kids with OCD, and some of what I told her about my problems at the time kinda threw her for a loop.
Honestly, I’m wondering why this fic doesn’t reasonate with me more- the number of times in my teenage years, being locked into ritual behaviours that were part of my pre-bedtime routine. The times I’d mess up a step and have to start it over before I could proceed to the next one, or worse, have to go back to an earlier step and start from there, in tears because I had to start over, and all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.
Maybe it's the "voices" part. It's never been voices for me, heck, it's not even really words as the intrusive thoughts, it's never been that structured. For me, it was feelings. It was all coming from my own brain, just a part I couldn't control. And as it turns out, couldn't defy. ...Not without repercussions.
For years I was trapped in the glass maze, running the same paths over and over. "Normal" was outside the maze, I could see what it was like, but I couldn't experience it. Pounding against the glass only hurt myself.
My psychiatrist got me out of the maze when he gave me something else. The Dragon The Dragon has rules, if I obey the dragon, I stay safe under it's belly. But if I challenge it, I get stomped.
Different psychologists, all sorts of therapies. All to appease my mother. But that, it was all challenging the dragon. And I got stomped. And afterwards, for daring to challenge the dragon? It's rules got more strict.
Still, I kept following my mother's battle cry. Every different therapy a futile attack, every new therapist or psychologist a new lance. And all the while, me getting stomped, because even though I'd learned about it's punishment, I was still trying to appease my mother first.
So now, I'm effectively housebound. For a while I was bound to my bed, but even my parents had learned not to fight the dragon, and instead of a lance, gave me something better- my own cozy resting place under the dragon's belly. -A granny flat in the backyard.
I'm still living at home, but I have my own place. I pay rent, but it's covered by my pension, and I gain so much more than I could lose. The dragon's punishment is heavy- I can't touch anyone with bare skin, but I can afford the gloves that let me pat our dogs.
And best of all? My psychiatrist is not a lance, not a challenge to the dragon. More a Sage, from whom I purchase tributes for the dragon. ....I'm getting too into the metaphor thing, aren't I? - I'm medication only. The dragon's fine with medication. It's not an attack, it makes the dragon happy enough to rescind a few rules.
Translation being, behavioural therapy only made things worse, but meds and finding ways to work within the boundaries set by my OCD is not only fine, but has seen some small improvements for me.
So yeah, what was going to be a short post in place of a comment didn't work out, I put out a standard wall-of-text attack instead. -But I was right, it was all about me. Which is why I just left kudos instead.
Have I said too much? Probably. Luckily, no-one will ever read this. ;)