I Hate Tagging - Blog Posts

Merry Christmas! Santa Claude is here!

I need to put a shelf up on my wall but for now the only part of my bookshelf with enough space for my picture frame is subsequently also the one where I have all my 'children's books' so you can bet your socks that there is now hatsune miku fanart next to my collection of horrible histories

The amount of INCEST in anime i have seen is just diabolical 😔 i watched sword art online w my brother when i was like 7 and had to WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THE FACT THAT INCEST EXISTS..

Hey! I read the fics you've written for Teddy Pierce from the Christmas Chronicles and I love them so much, I've been trying to look for more fics of him but can barely find any! I was wondering if you could write one where it's like right after Christmas and Teddy gets sick with the flu or the stomach bug or something and the reader ends up taking care of him even though he insists on powering through it on his own? No rush tho! :)

Stuck in The Sheets

"This is torture just one kiss won't kill you!"

[Sick Teddy Peirce X F! Reader]

Word Count: 1.4K

Warnings: Tooth-rotting fluff, teddy acting like he is dying, coughing and just being sick, Teddy has an attitude, Teddy is downbad, Reader is referred to as an angel (not in dialogue), Fragile masculinity? (teddy wants to be 'manly'), and first "I love you" is spoken.

Amazing request, I hope I did it justice! I already had them dating before, I don't know if you wanted a sick confession. I had so much fun writing this, to me personally, I feel like Teddy is a very mushy sick person. A "man cold" type. So I hope this matches with what you wanted! Thank you so much for the request, remember this is how I imagine things, so if you dislike it, make your own. ENJOY!

It was only a week after Christmas and Teddy blamed those "elves" Santa had for getting him this sick. Although his mother claimed it was just the flu, for all he knew it could be some form of rabies from them. Ok that was dramatic, but part of him believed this is what he got for not believing in Satna. This was his revenge. He was going to die, he had every right to be dramatic, he was bedridden. Coughing, his throat was ever so dry, he had a huge headache, and not to mention his temperature was 102 degrees. He felt like he was dying a pitiful death. He didn't want his girlfriend, you, to see him like this, but with his luck, his sister called you and asked you to come over. Forcing him to endure the pain of looking like a fool before you. He was thankful to an extent; he would have something pretty to look at before he went. You thought he was being unreasonable. He just needed to give it a few days and he would be ok. To him, you believed he thought it would never end.

Being the wonderful partner you were even though you had just gotten back from staying at your grandparents' house. Since that was where you had Christmas at. You made your way to his house after getting some distressing messages from his younger sister. Personally, you didn't remember when you gave her your number, but right now that didn't matter. You knocked on the door, his mother answered, inviting you in before telling you what you already knew. "Teddy isn't feeling the bes-" In the middle of her sentence his voice was heard yelling for his sister to leave his room. He sounded so sick, poor thing. You thanked her and excused yourself to be with your boyfriend. Climbing up the old steps to his childhood and present home, they creaked slightly. Gently you made your way to his door, something you were so used to. If the situation was opposite, it wouldn't be since he for some reason refused to enter through your door. He preferred your window late into the night, it seemed to be his favorite.

"Go away." He grumbled as you knocked on his door, causing a laugh to stir inside you. You opened the door anyway, slowly walking inside. His head turned slightly, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of you. Stumbling on his words in his sick voice, still managed to grumble out a few words, "I- I didn't mean that for you..K- Kate wouldn't leave me alone." Causing you to laugh, stepping inside his room fully. The door closing behind you with a small click. Just shaking your head at him. Gosh, he really was just an awkward teenage boy, but he was your awkward teenage boy. "You didn't need to come, I'm fine. Kate was being stupid, you just got back, go home." He continues. He knew it was most likely stupid and pointless, you weren't just going to leave. Especially because he looked terribly sick, like almost a Victorian child dying of the plague. You weren't going to leave. How could you? Even if your lovely, angsty and 'manly' boyfriend insists he will be fine.

You let out a small laugh again, walking closer to him. Before sitting down beside him on his bed. He was sitting up so he was only a few inches from you. "I brought you soup, it's downstairs with your mom." He shook his head, obviously annoyed with you. Sometimes he hated how nice you were, hated how kind you were to him even before dating. Gosh, even when you both were playfully bickering the words you spoke never sounded harsh. You were an angel, everyone in town knew that. Why did you pick a kid who stole and hijacked cars? That was beyond him. That didn't mean he was ungrateful, he loved you to death. He didn't want to be the first to say those three words. He was supposed to be the man. Right?

He grimaced at your words, still a bit lost in thought. "I'm fine I promise, you can go home and unpack." Stopping himself before he said please. He couldn't remember the last time he truly said that word. He knew you wouldn't leave, even if he pleaded with you. That just wasn't who you were. Couldn't blame him for at least asking. Sitting beside him, you wrapped him into a hug. Catching him off guard a bit, he hugged you back, holding in a cough. To not force the moment to end due to your worries. But it was bound to happen as soon as you pulled back, he started coughing like a maniac. Causing you to hand him is water that sat on his side table. He nodded slightly as a thanks. Amid his coughing he managed to speak, "I'm serious. I'm fine." Now you were getting annoyed at him, he was obviously not fine. He was sick, very sick. Why wouldn't he just let you take care of him?

You shook your head slightly, playfully. "If you're not sick I'm Jack Frost himself, don't give me that." The words spoken had a hint of an attitude, but he kept giving you an answer you weren't going to take. He knew that, his sister knew that, even his own mother knew that. No matter what, you would still be here. "We both know I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me." Smiling, you pull him into another hug. This hug was more playful than the other one. His head was in the crook of your neck as you pulled back slightly, resting your forehead on his. It was so sappy he thought he may throw up, at least that's what he would tell his friends. He wouldn't tell them how he wanted to relish in the moment until he felt better. He was so in love it hurt but he couldn't say...

"I love you." It was faint, almost too faint. If he was too lost in thought, he would have missed those three words you spoke. His cheeks flushed up, unaware of how red your cheeks had become. Letting out a shaken breath, he spoke as softly as you spoke those three words, "You love me?" You nodded shyly, your foreheads still pressed together. Quickly he pulled back his eyes, finally softened speaking even more quietly, "I love you too." A smile crossed your face at his words. His face was almost as red as Saint Nick's hat.

He pulled you close, he wanted to kiss you. More like needed to kiss you but you pushed him away. Not wanting to get sick. He frowned, looking like one of those sad puppies on commercials wanting you to buy their product. "This is torture just one kiss won't kill you!" He furrowed his eyebrows, he was going to get that kiss. "Come on, you told me you loved me today. I think I should get a complimentary kiss." Now he was just acting a bit cocky. Can't blame a man for trying, could you? You shook your head for probably the hundredth time today. Laughing slightly at his child-like antics.

It was getting late and your parents would rather die than let you sleep over at your boyfriend's house. They nonstop said "hormonal teenagers can't be trusted". Whatever, you smiled before leaving. Making sure he knew where the soup you brought him was and that he could call you in the afternoon tomorrow. You didn't want him randomly calling you at 3am even though that was most likely what would happen. Kissing his forehead before you left, to his fake displeasure. His eyes couldn't hide how he felt, it was the biggest look of love you had ever seen. Then you exited the room. The same small click behind you as you shut the door to leave. Saying goodbye to his mother and sister before walking home. It took you a bit, but after you got home, you laid in your bed for a while.

Starting to unpack your clothing and other stuff from Christmas up in Chicago with your grandparents, you felt something in your throat. Before you started to cough. That damn boyfriend of yours.

Thank you so much for reading this, this is my first request so I hope I did well. Christmas in February?! Yes yes I know, not to mention I have a few drafts I should post. But let me know if you have any more requests! Love you all! If you see any grammar mistakes or spelling, just let me know! I'll fix it right away to make sure everyone has a wonderful reading experience.

@mostly-natm

My entry its like super rushed but eh i love the original drawing and wanted to throw my hat in the race so tada

For J.

One day you won’t be little anymore. I can see it happening already. You’re almost as tall as I am. Your voice is getting deeper. It’s still cracking at this point and now we can’t sing the songs we used to sing together. You’ve always been my brother, but one day you’ll grow up. It feels like you’ll outgrow me eventually. I think I’d die. You’ll move somewhere far away. I won’t see you every night at dinner and I won’t be the uncle to those three kids you’ll have. I won’t have any kids of my own, but if I did, I’d like to think they’d know you. 

I hope you never leave. I hope we still talk in person and exchange funny stories thirty years from now. I’ll always take your side. Fuck wrong and right—you’re family. And one day if all the shit you’ve gone through catches up to you, I’ll swear on the Bible in a courtroom in front of the law and god, and I’ll tell them that you’re innocent—I’ll be your alibi—even if I know you’re guilty by my own eyes (even if we haven’t talked in years, even if your fingerprints are on the knife). Cause the day you called me brother was the day I decided not to take my own life. 

Simon sleeping

Here's the second part with the ones I liked less I guess

pulling all nighters for no reason is so fun like bitch the only person available to talk to rn is the moon and you also aren’t doing anything productive wtf is the point?? i mean at least i’ll be up early to get all cunty for school so yay (?)

Blind as a bat

I got better. I'm gonna post a new chapter? No. I'm going to do more random scenarios with a head-canon that's not mine.

So found out i was not really sick, i was passing through emotional fever. Which is when you are not physically sick, but when you receive some horrible stimulus - like fear; sadness; anger; anxiety; etc. - excessively, and your brain gets sick. What affects your body and makes you feel symptoms such as fever, headache and etc. I stayed like that for about three days and now i'm better. What am i gonna do? More scenarios whit Tova's head-canon.

Galahad’s pov.

Galahad always knew who his father was, the horrible weeping monk, his mother made sure of making that clear to him, even if he didn't really know why. When he heard that his father was a horrible man, he thought it was because he was an ugly person. It was far from his head about the things his father did.

He didn't know about the atrocities his father committed until two springs ago, when he asked his mother and grandfather to let him spend some time at his house, and his mother went completely crazy. She started saying how bad the idea was and tried to persuade him to stay with her, when she saw that it wasn't working she threw everything she could. Mom was desperate, she seemed possessed by something, and began to scream in tears that he was a horrible man who killed and tortured his own kind and that Galahad should not go to his house, or he would suffer until he left there.

He got terrified and ran to his room to escape his overprotective mother's tears. He couldn't believe it, he thought the horrible man his father was was just because he didn't look good, not that.

Now, two springs later, he was brought into the fey resistance when he lost from his mother, and was living with his father; a boy the same age as him, but much more energetic and who wouldn't shut up, he liked him, the name his was Squirrel, but his father called him Percival when he did something wrong; And another man, older than his father, he is dark-skinned, and with a bit of fat under his big muscles. Galahad thinks he swears excessively and drinks too much, but he is very nice and admirable. His name is Gawain, he is the hero fey, the green knight. But the only green thing about him is his eyes.

It has been three lunar cycles since they all began living under the same roof, and Galahad had taken note of a few things. Squirrel has a very light hand, so I have to keep my things well; Gawain is gluttonous and shows a lot of physical affection towards my father, but they are not lovers; And my father is nothing like i believed.

His father wasn't an ugly man, in fact really pretty, and he looked much more like him than with his mother. He had few tear marks, but Galahad didn't have any either, so it didn't matter much. His hair was still auburn, so he probably wasn't even in his thirties, which meant he became a father at a very young age. His real name was Lancelot, which in their fey mother-language meant “To Protect/Serve” or “Earth’s fire.”

Lancelot did not deny that he committed horrible things against his own kind that he would never forgive himself or expect to be forgiven. Gawain kept saying that if the gods forgive him, he should forgive himself, but that doesn't mean much into Ash culture. The gods are not always right, they make mistakes, like we do.

He learned many things about his father, and things he likes to do with him. Very often people question whether his father is really his father, he doesn't know the conditions under which he was conceived, but he’s sure he is Lancelot's son. They have the same blue eyes, the same golden streaks among the red in their hair, except that his father's hair is darker due to age, the same body type, the same smile. The only things he inherited from his mother were his facial shape and skin tone. But other people didn't know that, so their dialogue most of the time went like this:

“Who’s your parents?” Someone asks

“My father’s Lancelot.” I respond, and the confusion rises in their faces

“... Like… in the weeping monk?” 

“Former weeping monk.” I promptly defend. That wasn't my father's title, so I don't see why people should insist on using it.

“Are you-”

“Yes.”

“But you two-”

“We’re gonna look more alike when I grow.”

“You have-”

“I’m gonna get my marks when my first rituals are done.”

“...”

“Stop questioning it. He is my father.”

“... okay. Sorry.”

They were always the same questions. They didn't even need to go beyond two words for me to know what they were going to say. Sometimes I even joked that no, he wasn't my father and I was just a child that he kidnapped and started taking care of, and then denied it. But it didn't matter what anyone else thought or said, Lancelot is my father. And he had a feeling he was starting to really like it.

His mother didn't have time to braid his hair every night before bed, he didn’t balme her, she was a single mom. His father on the other hand. Today he did a simple braid, the kind that didn't squeeze his head, his hair was always curly in the morning. He might not be the best dad, but he was trying. And now he has a brother! He was noisy, but still, he loved him. He loved his new family in every detail. Well, maybe not the murderous part, but that’s aside.

Ashfolk red-heads are my love now. So sorry, but i'll keep stelling this very often. @lancedoncrimsonwings

So i couldn't quite sleep, so i did some Lancewain hadcanons. But noting too much.

Lancelot likes to be the little spoon cause he feels safe and protected, but he also let's Gawain be the little spoon when he has a tiring day.

Also, Lancelot sleeps in the position with his leg hooked up. And slowly curls up into a ball everytime he has a nightmare, which is pretty often, and Gawain hugs him over since the beggining of the sleep, which esses Lancelot's nightmares.

Gawain loves to hug Lancelot from behind, cause, plus teaching him that not everything that comes from behind is a threat, he can smell Lancelot's hair and rest his face on his shoulder (the Gawain's actor is just one centimeter taller than Lancelot's actor in the series so that's easy.)

Lancelot, despite still having his guard up against anything that comes from behind, can smell Gawain from miles away and know when he's coming to hug him from behind and he lets it because he likes being hugged by him. It makes him feel safe because Gawain has strong arms and hugs him tightly. Gawain doesn't know any of this.

Gawain is a almost-bear type body and I won't go into detail about that.

Gringolet and Goliath meet and even with Gringolet's violent tendencies, they get along incredibly well. This was probably the first sign Squirrel read about how he was going to get two fathers by the end of the year.

Squirrel read the signs of their relationship before they did. Like that quote "How long have they been in love?" "Shh, They don't know." "What do you mean they don't know?!"

Lancelot has a tendency to self-harm with his own body - wounds made by nails and teeth - and Gawain has to help him to heal it. Lancelot always feels guilty and looks like a kicked pup, Gawain reassures and gives him love and tight hugs.

Squirrel was terrified when he discovered that Lancelot used knives to self-harm himself and since then Lancelot stopped using knives to do this and started using his own body. Gawain didn't approve and Squirrel started keeping an eye on him but at least he didn't cut himself anymore.

Gawain taught Pym to be a real healer after he heard about what happend in the Red Spear, as he himself was a healer. Lancelot saw the way they were intimate and how he taught everything to her and thought they were dating. When Pym found out she laughed her ass out and explained that they were like siblings and had nothing like that between them, since then it became an inner joke between them.

Every time Lancelot gets too much angry he speaks with a french accent or actually starts speaking french/mother language around the house. Gawain thinks that's hot but doesn't dare say it to him.

The first time that Lancelot's anger doesn't go away, Gawain shamelessly flirts with him, thinking that this will ease him a little, as happened with his former partners, actually Lancelot pins him against the nearest surface or just grabs him by the shoulder and takes him to the room and "takes control". Gawain thinks twice before doing that again now.

Lancelot learned to cook well to survive, so he cooks for Gawain and the others as a form of affection. "Let's make food together. (I'm the only one who cooks, you look cute in the corner. You don't know how to cook. Don't mess with my food.)"

@lancedoncrimsonwings

Maybe i'll do more after i finally get some sleep.

Okay then, this is the drawing I did as a test for the Weeping monk's face. The drawing isn't that good because I'm not very good at drawing faces and also because it's a test drawing so I wasn't that worried about how well it would turn out or not.

The proportions are wrong; the eyes are the wrong shape and have no pupils, and the tears are worse; the mouth looks weird; I don't like the beard; he's bald; It's definitely one of the drafts I liked the least, but I'll let it go because I did it at dawn surviving on coffee.

I did dance headcanon and i am absolutely happy about it.

Yes you didn't read wrong. I was peacefully doing a ballerina drawn during one of my classes, and i remember that ballet dance was patented by the french. More specifically Louis XIV. And it's okay that ballet actually originated in Italy, but I'll politely leave that in the corner. With all due respect.

there is the unfinished drawning if you're interested:

Now, who else is french? Exacly. Lancelot du Lac. But i didn't wanted to do a cultural dance for Lancelot and the Ashfolk and leave Gawain, Squirrel, Pym, Nimue and the Skyfolk aside. They're a big, dysfunctional, but happy, family. So i decided to make a cultural dance for both of them and i'm going to explain why in this post. Which probably will be quite long.

The ashfolk and Ballet.

As i have said before, i know that ballet is not originally french, but italic. If you didn't know about this before, yes, ballet origins are italic. The dance came to France when Catherine de Medici married whit the King Henry II of France. but it was only patented by Louis XIV, the Sun King, years later, and it became popular among high society.

And i do know france have a lot more of cultural dances like: Cancan, quadrilha, gavotte, minuet and more. But reading each of them to try to fit it and not be stuck in the stereotype, i realized that, no, none of them actually mached whit Lancelot personality. And not just Lancelot. His family was incribably cristhian in the legends, and strict too, so the other dances didn't fit what i was looking for. So that's why i chosed ballet as the ashfolk cultural dance.

Lancelot/The Ashfolk and Ballet.

Now, when i talk about Lancelot in the weeping monk adaptation, the first thinga that came to my mind are his past abuse and his melancholy. Obviously how absolutely pretty he is too, but that's not the point. And whit the past abuse and scenes like: When Carden slaps him in the face because he asked for mercy for Squirrel; We see how he is constantly expected and forced to be rigid and up to standard one hundred percent of the time. Which, depending on which perid we see, matches whit how ballerinas were treated.

Most people from outside see the ballet houses - As we call from where i'm from - by the pictures and shows, but also by those overexaggerated pictures from internet where we see the ballerinas's foot and bodys badly hurted by the sneakers and the injuries caused. And a lot of people believe that ballet is like dance moms, I don't know if that's the correct name of the show, but that actually doesn't happen. I'm not saying it never happens, but it's not how you see or think. It's not just delicacy and elegance, but it's also not just demands and frequent pressure. As a former child dancer, I know that there is a lot of pressure on dancers, even children, and depending on which house you're from, you can end up having an abusive house where you are excessively demanded and overstandard.

Having explained that. Ballet is an elegant and graceful dance, but it takes time, strength and a lot of dedication. And of course, with many expectations about perfection and rigid routines and trains. Which matches Lancelot's personality perfectly. "Perfect" steps with elegance and lots of training and effort. The difference is that if Lancelot had had a ballet house, he would have ended up in an abusive one with obvious problems but which no one dares to comment on.

Lancelot doesn't talk much in the show or in the legends, and the ballet is not a play with words, but rather one where a story is told through music and movement, which is perfect for our darling who barely speaks.

Ballerinas at first don't wear pointe shoes, their feet were flat on the floor like in any other dance, but over time it was added to make the ballerinas look bigger and elegant, and Lancelot also fits into this, along with most French people.

Ballerinas' bodies are thin and yet very strong, and by the looks of Lancelot's as well. You can't look at my face and say that that man eats three meals a day healthily, that's a lie that not even the devil can forgive.

Ballet is known mainly for its elegant jumps, endless pirouettes and, as my little sister calls it and I think it's incredibly cute, "kicks in the air" - which would be the splits and opening the legs in pirouettes. Lancelot has a similar fighting style, with lots of kicks, somersaults and spins. What I particularly like to think of as an adaptation of his cultural dance to a fight. so he has at least something from home nearby every day, even if not in the best way.

Ballet pieces were formerly known for paying homage to Greek myths, love, nature and life. Which refers to the fey nature and how Lancelot became known for his love for Guinevere in the legends.

Everything mentioned is a way of explaining why Lancelot suits ballet better than the other dances I studied, even if I tried to avoid stating the obvious.

The ashfolk and ballet culture

Now listen to me carefully. Yes, bale is a very delicate dance that needs rehearsals and that wouldn't make sense in something like: Simple dance at a cultural celebration because the music was nice. But this can get solved.

For this type of occasion, I like to think that the relaxed ballet dance on lighter cultural occasions where they simply want to dance, could be in the style of Marianela Nuñez's dance in Don Quixote in 2013 in the first act, just more relaxed and with more improvised movements.

Their clothes would also be less elegant and more focused on comfort due to heightened senses. And of course, because they have a type of connection with fire, the clothes would be vibrant and with more handmade details attached to the clothes.

But when it was for the plays and presentatios they would use what we usually see in the ballet shows, but more adapted to their time and conditions.

Lancelot and ballet presentations i see him doing

Lancelot in the weeping monk have this melancholy attached to him. When you talk about the weeping monk the fist thing you'll say about him is: "He's depressed." And there is just so much presentations knowed for their melancholy and saddnes and death as their signature mark too! The most famous is Swan Lake, but i can also see him doing ballet plays like: Giselle, Sylvia and The Corsair, etc.

He would totaly do the black swan and you won't convince me the contrary; The act two of Giselle is totally him; I won't mention Corsair and Sylvia cause i cannot put into words what i'm feeling about both plays righ now, i'm still in the overcoming phase, but if you waavth it you'll get what i'm saying.

Scene time!

Squirrel was eagerly telling Lancelot about the cholheita ritual they would do next spring, telling him every detail about their dance and how Nimue, Pym and Gawain were excited about it and how incredible they would look prancing the gods in their traditional clothes.

The little one spoke like a rattlesnake without stopping to breathe, and Lancelot, as always, listened to everything without any problems with the one-sided conversation. At one point in the conversation, Squirrel changes the topic to how he would love to see other spring celebrations and other people's dances. And then came the inevitable question:

"Hey, what's your cultural dance? Do you dance?" Squirrel asks looking at him with those big curious eyes.

Lancelot wanted nothing more than to rigidly deny and end what he knew was coming in the bud, but the boy spoke so eagerly and with so much enthusiasm about the subject that he didn't have the heart to lie to him at that moment. He sighs and accepting his fate for the next few hours, responds. "Yes. In my village we danced ballet. I danced my share of times while I could."

"Ballet? like that delicate and elegant dance that makes you stretch to the maximum, full of jumps and things like that?" He asks with those eager eyes and fingers clenching in anticipation.

"Yes, that same one. I was a ballerina."

"That's so cool! You not only dance, you dance ballet!" Squirrel speaks excitedly, almost jumping from where he was sitting. Excitement was written everywhere on his body. "Oh oh, can you do that thing where you stretch your leg up there?! eh.. I forgot the name, but you know what it is."

Lancelot smiles at the boy's imminent excitement, almost enough to smell it. This was going to be a long evening.

Additions.

I thought about talking about the cultural dance I chose for the skyfolk too, but this post is already too far away so I'll leave it for another post. The dance is not very well known, but you will agree with me when you read the next post.

If you've read this far, congratulations, you're a champion. Thank you for your time and patience.

@lancedoncrimsonwings

Lancelot's tears part 2

Warning: not so small text.

So, those days i got myself thinking "Lancelot crys a lot in the legends. Probably because he was raised only whit women and he didn't grow up whit the pressure of 'real men don't cry' bullshit. It's funny cause in the show he was raised to be a weapon and only by men paladins. It's kind of contradictory... wait hold on-"

Well my mind just give me de awsome information that PERHAPS Lancelot and his cousins, Lionel and Bors, might just had swapped their fates whit each other in the show. Why, do you ask? Let me give you some of those beautiful reasons that almost made me want to drown myself in coffee and medicine.

In the original legends, we know that Lancelot's mother, Elaine, ran away when the castle they lived in set on fire and give young Lancelot to Viviane, the Lady of the Lake or Lady du Lac, which in the show we know as Nimue. And in some other versions he is kidnaped, or more like taken away from his mother's arms, by her. And we all assume his biological mother is dead. While Bors and Lionel are taken by Claudas and his son, and held in captivy for a time (it's not telled how many time exacly), until they kill Claudas' oldest son and ran away whit the help of Claudas' youngest son.

By the time Lionel and Bors had been whit Claudas they were treated like prisioners and had only permision to go to church or be in the surroundings of the castle whit vigilance, and they would be punished for any bad action if i remember correctly. If that's a wrong information then pardon and please correct me.

I strongly belive that Bors is too religious cause of the trumas he passed during this period of the sequence of trumas in his life. The parents death, the kidnap, and the fact that he couldn't leave or go to any place other than the church. And all of this happend when he was young, but not so young as Lancelot.

They don't cry as much as Lancelot does. Probably cause Lancelot was raised whit only women and had much more freedom to cry and expose his feelings, meanwhile, for what i belive, Lionel and Bors had been whit Claudas and i'm pretty sure he has the "swallow the cry, or i'll give you a real reason to cry. Suck it up." kind of guy dealing whit them two.

In the show we see that insted of being raised whit women, Lancelot was raised whit paladins men, worse than that, church man-blood men. NO OFFENSES. And that he probably was kidnaped and treated like an animal or a demon/prisioner. Really similar whit Lionel and Bors don't you think? It gets worse. Cause we see Lancelot suffering and asking the father if he loves him, but we don't see him cry when he totally should in front Carden. Really weird the similarity happend twice, huh?

Lancelot was raised by men, kidnaped, treated very poorly from the very beginning, and doesn't cry in front of his abusers. Exacly what happend to Lionel and Bors in their story.

I think i made my point very clear, and i think you get what i mean.

Ok what the fuck does this have to do whit Lancelot's tears?

Not satisfacted whit giving me a headache from all this comparisons, my mind decided to give me more. Lancelot and his cousins swapped their storys/fates, that means Lionel and Bors scaped and now are living whit an adoptive mother looking for Lancelot. And perhaps Hector also sufferd the same fate, cause both brothers, Lionel and Bors, were kidnaped and kept imprisoned in the legends, then maybe it would make sense if Lancelot and Hector were whit the paladins.

But what about Lancelot being a total cry baby? He can't cry anymore. He'll have to learn how to express his feeling all over again.

My ADHD mind jut gave me the most perfect headcanon were, at first, Carden would not make them supress his feelings cause he knows that if he did, they would break and turn their backs to him sooner or later. But he had to do it. Why? Cause Lancelot is and the others are ashkids, and the ashfolk has a devine cry.

Devine cry. (Let me explain myself, alright? I promisse this can be good.)

As i was creating a reason for the Ashfolk marks in Lancelot's backstory story, i wrote about how Aed, the red, Celtic God of fire, created the ashfolk out the first ashes that fell after the very first fey fire being summoned on earth. Or the second version and particularly my favorite: the ash folk and fey fire were created of Aed's tears when humans murdered one of his creations, his tears burn the earth where it were killed, and so the ashes fell from them. Aed not bearing the suffering, takes the ashes and creates a new form of life, made to sense the danger whit their noses and capable of desgising among the nature. Marking their faces whit tears and as black as the ashes they were made from. Giving them the ability of making fey fire and a cry closer to his own suffering than the humans.

Whit that, the ashfolk were made, and whit them the protectiveness of Aed and the fey fire. The ashfolk had one regular diferential in their cry, they didn't cry very often, cause no one wanted to mess whit Aed new creation after seing him cry and get mad, but one day a person was stupid enough to mess whit of them. And they cried.

"When the humans heard the cry of the young ashkid, they could not describe it other than a beautiful sound that at the same time made their souls break into ten billion pieces. They claimed to hear a cry closer to an angel than to any human."

I thought about making their tears black, but then i trowed it out cause a human, a man-blood, would never call black tears beautiful. So insted, i'm thinking about their tears as something very clear, a transparent but angel-like tear that fall from their eyes like waterfalls. And I'm absolutely pleased whit that.

This would explain why Carden had to supress the ashkids feelings. Cause everytime Lancelot or any other ashkid cried, Father Carden heard about how the paladins cried along whit them until they pass out, and the ones who didn't went to cry in his feet begging him to free the childs.

Because the ashkids cry were so devine, so angel-like, in the sounds and color, even in the way it fell from their eyes, that any human would simply not bear to hear it. And whit that, Carden toke the decision of supressing their feeling, even if he kew it was a bad decision.

Time to imagine the lil scene (lancewain as always.)

[strawberry blonde]

As Guinevere and the raiders has arrived, they brought news whit them, as always, but this day something went diferent. Guinevere come to the healers tent, were Lancelot and Pym worked. She went whit the especific notice for Lancelot, and asked for Gawain's and Nimue's presence because it would be something they would need to hear later. What she didn't expect was that Lancelot would completely burst into tears when he heard the news.

The Red Spear had come whit the news that two ashmans were found by the east-southeast, one whit red hair and the other whit redish-blond hair, both whit green eyes, and the red head had a lion swened in his chest.

When the information left her lips, she heared the most soft and breaking heart sound she had ever heard in her life.

Everyone in the room turned their faces to Lancelot, founding him now leaned against the stone table they examined the pacients, the clearests tears they ever seen rooling down his cheeks as a waterfall, his tear marks seems to get clearer as the tears flowed. His sounds were so quiet, yet so breath taking, so lovely and painful that for a moment, the ones present felt their knees weaken. He looked like an angel crying.

Guinevere had to left before she herself cried, but she didn't know she wanted to cry.

What anyone knew, is that the ashmans in the east-southeast were Lancelot's cousins. Which he didn't saw since he was kidnaped as a kid. And even with all the training and preparation to suppress his feelings, he couldn't hold back his tears hearing the news that they were alive, and on this land. Tears were rolling down his eyes before he could realize it.

Gawain couldn't belive what he was seeing. Lancelot was crying, and he sounded absolutely devide. He looked so broken, yet so beautiful.

His body doesn't seem to move for a moment, but then he readily moves to comfort the crying man, hugging his body slowly and carefully. His heart broke a little more when he felt Lancelot flinch from the hug, because of he wasn't used to that or any form of affection.

Within seconds he feels his friend's facade break and bury his face in the crook of his neck. The almost non-existent sobs seem louder now that they are so close, Lancelot's tears wet the fabric of his shirt, and without even knowing why, Gawain's own tears begin to silently descend.

Apologies

This actually went way bigger than i thought, so if you read it till there, either you are really hiperfixed on the weeping monk, or you just had a fucking time. Either ways, thank you for reading.

Hunted kisses for you ❤️

@lancedoncrimsonwings