Heavy Vent - Blog Posts

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I can't stop crying... Something has happened. I almost lost him. He scared me so much. It happened so suddenly.

I wasn't even scared that much the first time. The first time it was just a joke went wrong, triggering him slightly, that we scared each other and talked it out. This time I almost lost him...

He wasn't prepared for my answer. We talked about life and future. I said I might not even be here tomorrow because who knows what might happen, it's life. That's the right way of thinking for a christian - being prepared for end any moment.

After hearing that he wanted to end his life.

I talked him out. I think I did, he said so himself.

But I was scared

I was so, so scared

And still am

This never happened to me before

I don't want to lose someone I care about. Not again...

As I'm typing this I'm crying again

I'm scared I won't receive a "good morning <3" from him when I wake up

Today I had to leave the farm to go to town and perform at our uni's gala. We got first place. I arrived back at the farm at night, safely. We got stuck literally near our small temporary houses and had to wake up some of my groupmates in the middle of the night to help move the car. All is well.

I have to sleep now and wake up very early, but I can't. Not after what happened.

But hey, at least the night sky was beautiful

I'm going to sleep

TW: HEAVY TOPICS, BUGS

made a bunch of vent thingys idk what to call them

and no, these are not made to be aesthetic. these are actually vents, from the heart. i chose these images because they resonate with me, not because theyre aesthetic. anyways there are a lot of canine ones, prob cause im canine kin??? idk they just kinda felt right to use but uh yeah :/

TW: SUICIDE, VIOLENCE

i want to die. i am so tired of everything. im tired of waking up every morning, just to feel like shit. im tired of having this body. im tired of being myself. im tired of going to school, and im not fucking ready to get a job in the future. i am so tired of every little thing this world has brought upon me. i want to scream. scream until every little thought in my brain leaves. and i want to kick myself until my face caves in. punch myself until my whole head is bleeding. stab myself, until my heart stops. bash my head into a wall, until my brain cant handle it anymore and shuts down. i want to scratch and cut at my skin until its covered with bright red. i want to destroy myself. beat myself until theres nothing left. i have cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. but now, i cant get anything out of my eyes. i just have this glossy look, and i just feel dead. i cant tell if im even human anymore. the way that people treat me, and see me. they see a human girl, a normal human girl. i see a monster, a person who deserves to die. and im happy that i will some day.