Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Cried on my way to work today
Screaming empowering songs in the car but not feeling them
Yesterday was one of the harder days
I lost you...again
And no matter how many times we’ve already been through this, the pain never lessened
24 hours, from “Hey we should be spending more time together” to “We should end things here, I can’t do this no more”
World? Crushed
Heart? Broken
Again and again and again
Loving you ruins me
But
I
Just
Can’t
Stop
~ excerpts of me moving on ~
There’s this girl. She just thought of your smile and the way your hand runs through your hair that has gotten way too long again.
And she cuddles up in bed and wishes you would be next to her, snoring, but unintentionally pullin her closer to your chest.
There’s this girl. She remembers every minute you two have spent together and she gets sad whenever you are gone for too long.
And she sits next to her friends who are making fun of her for falling for a guy that isn’t even her type.
There’s this girl. She thinks a lot about her Ex lately, but only because she’s afraid that you might turn out to be the same as him.
And she tells herself that she isn’t in love.
And she keeps repeating that she does not want to be in a relationship with you.
And she is writing about you, hoping it’ll clear her mind.
And she hates remembering every time your friends talk about the girls you’ve had, even since you two have been spending so much time together.
And she keeps telling herself that you two are not in a relationship.
And she acts like she doesn’t care.
And she is trying to look at other guys as well, but somehow it does not work for her the way it seems to do for you.
And she keeps a smile on her face.
And she keeps laughing.
And she keeps coming back to you.
Tere’s this girl. She’s sad, she’s hurting, she’s breaking. But out of habit, she keeps the canvas up.
Don’t keep hurting her. Don’t give her forehead kisses when you’re doing the same to any other girl you’ll meet on the weekends.
Don’t tell her how much she means to you when you’ll go out partying knowing she’ll be home alone waiting for your call that you’ve made it home safe.
Don’t keep hurting her. She does not deserve that. She deserves better. And if you know that there are guys out there that could make her happier than you because they’d make an effort and try, let her go.
Don’t keep that girl for yourself if you’re not planning to think about her smile whenever you need comfort.
There’s this girl. She’s typing this. She’s crying.
She fucked up.
“I don’t love him, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that deep down I know that I could love him, but my body just tells me not to. I know that I would love every little feature of him. His stupid jokes, his deep questions he always sends me right after work, his way of telling me that he likes me, the way he wraps his arms around me and puts his head on my chest like he would like to melt into me, his tickle attacks whenever he notices that my mind is zoned out again, his texts in the middle of the night whenever he’s out with friends asking me whether I’m still awake because he misses my voice and would like to call me but doesn’t want to wake me up, his hand running up and down my spine just out of reflex as soon as I’m next to him, the way he smiles at me when he sees me smiling already and so much more. Oh god believe me I know I could love him with all my heart. What’s wrong with me for not loving him?”
“Give it some time. I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like that before, maybe what you experience is love, real love I mean. Maybe you are just so overwhelmed that your first instinct is to build up a wall, but deep down you know you could love him. Maybe you need to let that wall down to see that you’ve loved him all this time already.”
“But what if not? What if this time I’m the heartbreaker?”
“At least you would know that you’ve tried.”
“I don’t want to know that I’ve tried, I want it to work.”
“Then make it work.”