Haruka Sakurai - Blog Posts

amusement park :)

Got in to MILGRAM recently , you can probably tell who my favorite characters are.

has haruka's old & dead soul been possessing me bc If I dont listen to it's not my fault for one day I start having withdrawals I have been looping this song for DAYS for goodness sake

what shipping discourse looks like in milgram

as much as I love the "prisoners are from different eras/timelines" theory I think we just gotta accept that haruka just got his age wrong, I mean he never said he was *surely* 17, he was literally confused himself lmao

Haruka

Yikes. Poor kid. I never “liked” Haruka as a character (by which I mean I was not extraordinarily invested in his character, not that I disliked him or anything like that) but I do feel sad reading the recent release.

Sometimes a parent can do everything right and still their child ends up doing something horrible. Sometimes its genuinely not the parents’ fault. but I’ve found that’s honestly a less common scenario; most children that commit extremely violent offenses are like Haruka in a way, where their parents materially failed them in some capacity. I’d say 95% of any juvenile defendant I see had parents who perpetrated, ignored, or encouraged some very serious problems that led to the crime itself.

Its not to say that a child has NO agency; they are capable of moving, thinking, talking, breathing, killing on their own without any influence by their parents or in spite of a parent’s attempts to curtail bad behavior. But, it’s overly myopic to assume a child’s misconduct MUST, categorically, be because of their own intrinsic traits. Haruka’s killing of animals in secret was stated to be because he was happy to find something inferior to himself- but that inferiority complex stemmed from the way he was mistreated. In that way, Haruka’s parents had given him attention after the pet killings, it likely wouldnt have changed anything, because he was excited by the newfound attention; it is their original lack of interest which spurred his self loathing and desire to regain their attention. If they had put him somewhere where he could seek targeted therapy, maybe that girl would still be alive. Nurture can be more powerful than nature. It is entirely possible that he could have been a normal child with a normal life absent that neglect, and that he’d just need targeted help for whatever developmental disability he suffered from.

Having parents neglect to address or flat out ignore a developmental disability is not a novel idea even in the USA. Actually, if you look at cases that are similar to Gabriel Fernandez or Anthony Avalos, you’ll find many people abuse/torture one child to death because of a special hatred for just one of their children based on something trivial- for those two it was perceived homosexuality, but once you dive deeper, you find parents doing the same for children who have developmental delays. So although Harukas treatment seems cabined to neglect, and not physical beatings (unless I misread), he does remind me of those cases in a roundabout way. To discard or reject a child because of a perceived negative trait.

I feel very sad for the parents of his first victim as well, to never know who killed my child; or if they did, eventually, to know my child was murdered by another child who promptly murdered a second victim because neither the system nor Haruka’s parents were willing to accept the reality of Haruka’s situation. Killing animals is a warning sign that cannot be ignored. But, once again, at that point he needed more than just corrected behavior by his parents. He needed true and genuine psychological help.

It is very sad all around. While I cannot stand the thought of a child murdering my pet just because my screams of anguish made him feel connected to the world, and while I cannot myself fathom how someone can feel even temporary joy that they murdered someone they knew was weaker and less physically able, I can simultaneously feel sad that Haruka was so monumentally failed by his parents.

He was on his way to becoming a serial killer, and he could’ve been a perfectly functioning member of society.

To that end, his reaction during T2 and his ultimatum parallel, to me, his excitement when he was getting attention from his parents after being caught killing animals in his neighborhood. Giving him T1 innocent and then T2 guilty was basically us neglecting to address his psychological issues in T1 and then only turning to give him that attention in T2, like how his parents neglected him until he was brought in by police. Hindsight is 20/20. Maybe if he were guilty T1 it would have been better. Then again, it would perhaps affirm his belief that he is inferior and he maybe would have attempted to kill a physically inferior inmate.

It’s unclear. In any case, its sad and feels somewhat preventable. Were I prosecuting Haruka, though I’d have to argue he be put in prison for the safety of others, I would nonetheless seek simultaneous and required therapeutic treatment as well as targeted educational support. Because I think if he had that in the first place, he wouldnt be the danger to society that he is at all.

It was an interrogation room.

Man.

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️MILGRAM T3 SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

the scream I scrumpt the gasp I gasped the cry I crode the way my chest started pulsating I felt the dread come over me

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I miss u gang..............

just watched haruka t3 , I will never recover from this😭

Never moving on!! Always on my mind!!

Haruka is ALIVE guys!! (I'm coping)

Still can't believe Haruka is dead guys 😭

Still can't believe Haruka is dead guys 😭

Milgram 3rd trial predictions! Now that the 2nd trial is officially over, and we have to wait until like September for the next trial to begin, I thought I could do some theorizing!

Haruka: Looking at the timeline, oh he's definitely planning... something, alone. He said he'd kill himself If Muu was voted guilty, and we all know she was. If he is planning to kill himself, then I don't think it's going to work, as he was voted guilty and thus will be restrained. However... as childish as he may be, I don't think he's entirely dumb. Perhaps he's looking for ways to work around the restrictions placed on him, or he's planning something else entirely. I just really hope he doesn't hurt any of the other prisoners, but that does seem pretty likely, actually. He definitely will not take the guilty vote well, and he's probably going to be pretty hostile to Es later on... Just based on these predictions, I'm not sure if I can vote him innocent in the 3rd trial. He's so obviously unstable, and maybe if he was treated better as a child he could have learned to function properly with whatever disorder he has, but the fact is he wasn't. If being voted innocent overall means being let out of the prison, then I... I'm not sure if that's an entirely good idea.

Yuno: Her reaction to her vote all depends on whether or not she takes it as people actually agreeing with her reasoning (or lack of) for abortion and her compensated dating. I'm not sure about the Japanese side of things, but at least here, a lot of people do support her even with all that. However... there are still a fair bit of people still like 'Yuno is a girl boss!' (or something along those lines) I have a feeling she'll still see it as people not seeing her for who she actually is. She's cold and rational, and so obviously fallen to the pit of nihilism. I'm not sure if there is a reason for that, but maybe that's the point of her character? Does she need a reason? Life is good for her, but that gets so boring and just... mundane. If everything will be fine, what's the point in doing anything bothersome? She'll probably fall back even further into her cold demeanor. Or in a darker theory, maybe she'll try something drastic to get us to vote her guilty for the last trial? Like attacking someone or maybe something even worse- I mean, if she does recognize the community understands her situation and her reasoning, then maybe she'll become slightly more bubbly and stuff like her 1st trial. Probably open up a bit more. Me, personally, I still support her, and will probably vote her innocent in the 3rd trial, but again, I don't want her to think we're doing it out of our preconceived notions about her.

Fuuta: ... Just taking a look at his recent birthday messages in the timeline- he's so obviously started to listen to Amane and her cultish stuff. I literally can't imagine what a brainwashed Fuuta will look like, but I don't think it'd be pretty. He was suffering so much during the 2nd trial, and he probably did start listening to Amane's spiel because he needed something to ground him. I'm sure the innocent vote this time around did make him feel better though. He's fully aware that what he did to that girl online was bad, and I really don't think he'd be the type of person to think he's fully forgiven just because of this one vote. Though he'd definitely want Es to vote him innocent again in the 3rd trial. And if he's acting generally normal and it's clear he does understand exactly why we voted him guilty and innocent, then...I think I would vote him innocent. Unless he does something horrible because of the whole- potentially might be brainwashed into Amane's cult thing.

Muu: She will not take the guilty vote well, I can feel it. Maybe she stopped hanging out with Haruka as well. I can see that affecting Haruka pretty badly too. I can imagine her getting extremely angry as Es. Or maybe trying to go back to her "boo-hoo look at me who got bullied really badly" thing, to try to guilt trip Es into voting her innocent again. Obviously, that won't work though, resulting in Muu getting really angry/lashing out at him in the voice drama. I think she has a pretty white-and-black view of what's "right" and "wrong." She was probably struggling with herself in the 1st trial, dealing with the shock and guilt over having murdered somebody, but still desperately trying to tell herself she was in the right. Since we voted her innocent then, she was able to fully convince herself she was right, and that's why people voted her guilty then. She needs to see she is in the wrong, while also having a very reasonable motive. That wouldn't end up working though. Because these votes aren't a means to communicate with the prisoners, it's just a verdict. I'm honestly not sure if I want Muu to be voted innocent, or guilty overall. But if being voted guilty overall means the death penalty or something, I don't think Muu deserves that.

Shidou: He knows exactly why we voted him innocent 2 times in a row. I'm sure he does understand his motive can be seen as sympathetic, and he is a doctor. He can patch anybody up if the prisoners get into a skirmish again. He was confused with himself in the second trial, desperately wanting to be given retribution, yet now feeling a desire to live. Being voted innocent twice, and now firmly guaranteed he will be voted innocent overall, he'll either fully accept living again, taking back his skill as a doctor with a sense of pride, or... perhaps fall back into his old thinking patterns. I mean, that's honestly just a thought, but the distorted voice line in the 2nd trial character voice trailer really got me thinking. "You're in my way...hurry up and die." He really had a tunnel vision for saving his wife. (or kids, I'm not entirely sure) His profession as a doctor, specifically one in charge of organ transplants, perhaps did give him a vague sense of superiority. I'm not sure where, but somebody in a comment or something mentioned he may have had a God complex? I'm horrible at explaining this- but it honestly makes some sense to me that he may have had that sort of line of thinking as a doctor. His grief and guilt over the fact he couldn't save his family and the knowledge he was bringing that same pain to so many other families knocked him down a peg. However... maybe the innocent votes we gave him did bring him up again, and he goes back to that sort of mentality.

Mahiru: I sincerely hope she's feeling better after we gave her the innocent vote. Maybe she's started to recover nicely as well! I mean, it's just hopeful thinking, but it'd be nice if she's able to walk again. I do think she'll at least sort of go back to her bubbly personality. Maybe she'll make friends with Amane! Amane did mention Mahiru was nice to be around. Her view on love is obviously pretty warped, but I mean, she honestly feels like a nice lady with good intentions deep down. Unless some absolutely new surprising development happens that makes Mahiru out as really bad- I think I'll be voting Mahiru innocent again. I can see her being like, one of the few generally calm ones in whatever chaos happens between the prisoners before the 3rd trial.

Kazui: Now, in his 2nd trial voice drama, he basically begs Es to truly uncover his sin/lies, because he doesn't have the strength to at this point. It wasn't cheating, like we thought in the 1st trial, and now the leading theory is he's gay. I... I'm pretty sure that is correct, based on all the hints we've gotten so far. I think Kazui would open up to Es a bit more if that was the case, maybe even tell him the full story? I think he'd interact more with the prisoners this time around, being there to protect people if anyone tries something funny. Again, I think he'd be one of the few "normal" acting prisoners in the 3rd trial. Unless some crazy development happens, I'm fully willing to vote him innocent 3 times in a row.

Amane: Now... in the 1st trial we voted her guilty because we didn't want her to fall further into the cult's teachings. That obviously didn't work. Now we voted her innocent. The question is, will this cause her to further validate the cult's doctrines, or in some weird way cause her to realize what we've been wanting her to realize from the start: that she fully deserved to get back at her parents and the cult for everything they did to her, but what she did was STILL BAD. The reason she fell back on her faith was because we rejected her views. Because she needed something to ground her, to protect her from the shock and guilt of murder. So perhaps the opposite will cause her to open up a little more - and not double down on her faith like we predicted in the 1st trial. But the fact she somehow managed to indoctrinate/ in the process of indoctrinating Fuuta into her faith does leave me concerned. Since she's not restrained, I can totally see her trying to attack Shidou or something. Or maybe because Shidou was also voted innocent alongside her, so she wouldn't? Like- him using all his medical stuff is forgivable, but Amane's beliefs that medicine is bad are also forgivable kind of thing. I mean, personally, I'm willing to vote her innocent overall. I actually hope so - because the poor girl literally needs therapy instead of whatever Milgram is. Every prisoner needs therapy.

Mikoto: In his voice drama, John mentioned he'd "disappear" if Mikoto was voted innocent. Because the reason John was appearing more frequently was the stress the guilty vote from the 1st trial put on Mikoto, and now the innocent vote will serve to calm him down a bit more. Personally, I don't think John will fully disappear, but I'm sure John will appear a lot less. (Unless something crazy happens like another prisoner attacking Mikoto again) There's still that thought in my head that Mikoto might be lying to some degree- that he did murder somebody as himself, but with the second trial, that idea has become a lot less certain. It might literally just be as simple as - John killed a bunch of people and Mikoto himself doesn't remember any of it and was only labeled as the Milgram prisoner because he is the dominant personality. That innocent vote will definitely calm Mikoto down significantly. Maybe he'll open up a bit as well, and not like, put on that fake smile even when he's super stressed. To be honest - I'm not sure if I want to give Mikoto an innocent vote. I mean If I'm looking purely at Mikoto, then, yeah, sure. But John is still a part of Mikoto, and no matter the reason, John has done some pretty bad stuff.

Kotoko: She won't take the guilty vote well, and It isn't only a matter of her getting pissed off at Es. (which she probably will) Her vigilante shtick is literally Kotoko's life, her purpose to live, and we rejected it. She'll be grappling with herself, actually starting to question everything she's done. It will be a slap in the face for her - a reminder that she is truly a prisoner here, a murderer. I think maybe she will actually start being remorseful? Or maybe she'll just fall further back in her mindset like Amane did in the 2nd trial. I can also see that. I can also totally see somebody like Fuuta trying to get revenge on Kotoko while she's restrained. That'd take a lot of sympathy away from Fuuta, (at least for me) and will definitely lead to some drama, so that is a very real possibility. I can also see Shidou hurting Kotoko as well, actually. Though that possibility is a lot less, he did talk about "extracting the fang" in Triage. I don't know if I should vote her innocent or not if that's the case. I suppose it's like a "wait and see" kind of thing.

cross hatching haruka

TW for mentions and talk about suicide (attempts) regarding the text:

You know as a haruka kinnie it actually terrifies me to know that he died from the same method I was using in so far (hopefully) the last and probably most planned out attempt I had at suicide...I already was doing it so no one would've noticed and had that one person not convinced me, even if it was indirectly, I wouldn't have been here.

That was nearly a year ago and I've been doing better but every now and then I think back to the day I planned it, the relief I felt when I found out I would no longer be there and the fear that followed after that thought at the realisation that I was happy about that, the fear from the fact that I actually genuinely physically felt like a weight and a burden was taken off of my shoulders.

Makes me wonder what would've happened had someone seen through muu and reached out to him sooner.

Anyway I never showed this sketchpage did I? Sooo here, I actually drew this quite a while back but I never showed it even tho I wanted to, glad I shared it now lol

(Also don't mind the hiragana for sakurai being wrong by the time my friend pointed it out I was already done with the page-)

This inspired me to draw how I think haruka would react to watching a studio ghibli film for the first time

Also here is what I think some of the prisoners fav studio ghibli films would be:

Haruka: When marnie was there (he'd either absolutely love and relate to it or FUCKING HATE IT)

at first I thought he'd like my neighbour totoro but then I immediately thought he'd actually HATE THAT because 1 - animals and 2 - Children, also he'd probably dislike the boy and heron too just because of the heron

Mahiru: howls moving castle

I don't think I need to explain, it's cute it's beautiful and it's got romance, castle in the sky is a close second

Fuuta: I actually think he wouldn't really be a big fan of ghibli films, but maybe he'd say spirited away or my neighbour totoro idk fuuta stans pls help

Mikoto: maybe castle in the sky? Or ponyo- idfk dude help I know he'd probably like ghibli films I just don't know what his fav would be

I honestly have no idea for the rest so feel free to share your own opinions on this I'd love to hear them!

Does anyone else think Haruka would really like Studio Ghibli stuff??? Like??? A lot??? Because it has that??? Feeling??? Youthful, free but not quite infantilized??? And there are themes I think he’d really like to see???

Haruka nation how the FUCK DO WE FEEL????!!!

Yea I uh, I just found out today in the middle of drawing haruka uhm

Have this drawing I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep if he's actually dead

(ALSO MAPPI NATION AND SHIDOU NATION I LOVE U GUYS THEY DID NOT DESERVE THAT SHIT IF ANYONE NEEDS A HUG OR SOMETHING JUST TELL ME)