Haiku Bot - Blog Posts

I want to see the haiku bot please see me me me me me

Then the bot comes by LoL

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

Lol

being on tumblr is like being in a car in a parking lot

like it's technically public, but you're also sorta in your own little bubble, and people have to be Actively trying to listen in order to hear you, if they're even aware that you're speaking at all. and then sometimes you accidentally bonk the horn with ur elbow and suddenly the whole parking lot knows you're a virgin

guys I found a photo of the eclipse from the bass pro shop pyramid

Damn didn’t know the Buried could be so-

tumblr i’m begging you please let me reblog the big tiddy coffin

So, okay, fun fact. When I was a freshman in high school… let me preface by saying my dad sent me to a private school and, like a bad organ transplant, it didn’t take. I was miserable, the student body hated me, I hated them, it was awful.

Okay, so, freshman year, I’m deep in my “everything sucks and I’m stuck with these assholes” mentality. My English teacher was a notorious hard-ass, let’s call him Mr. Hargrove. He was the guy every student prayed they didn’t get. And, on top of ALL OF THE SHIT I WAS ALREADY DEALING WITH, I had him for English.

One of the laborious assignments he gave us was to keep a daily journal. Daily! Not monthly or weekly. Fucking daily. Handwritten. And we had to turn it in every quarter and he fucking graded us. He graded us on a fucking journal.

All of my classmates wrote shit like what they did that day or whatever. But, I did not. No, sir. I decided to give the ol’ middle finger to the assignment and do my own shit.

So, for my daily journal entries, over the course of an entire year, I wrote a serialized story about a horde of man-eating slugs that invaded a small mining town. It was graphic, it was ridiculous, it was an epic feat of rebellion.

And Mr. Hargrove loved it.

It wasn’t just the journal. Every assignment he gave us, I tried to shit all over it. Every reading assignment, everyone gushed about how good it was, but I always had a negative take. Every writing assignment, people wrote boring prose, but I wrote cheesy limericks or pulp horror stories.

Then, one day, he read one of my essays to the class as an example of good writing. When a fellow student asked who wrote it, he said, “Some pipsqueak.”

And that’s when I had a revelation. He wanted to fight. And since all the other students were trying to kiss his ass, I was his only challenger.

Mr. Hargrove and I went head-to-head on every assignment, every conversation, every fucking thing. And he ate it up. And so did I.

One day, he read us a column from the Washington Post and asked the class what was wrong with it. Everyone chimed in with their dumbass takes, but I was the one who landed on Mr. Hargrove’s complaint: The reporter had BRAZENLY added the suffix “ize” to a verb.

That night I wrote a jokey letter to the reporter calling him out on the offense in which I added “ize” to every single verb. I gave it to Mr. Hargrove, who by then had become a friendly adversary, for a chuckle and he SENT IT TO THE REPORTER.

And, people… The reporter wrote back. And he said I was an exceptional student. Mr. Hargrove and I had a giggle about that because we both knew I was just being an asshole, but he and the reporter acknowledged I had a point.

And that was it. That was the moment. Not THAT EXACT moment, but that year with Mr. Hargrove taught me I had a knack for writing. And that knack was based in saying “fuck you” to authority. (The irony that someone in a position of authority helped me realize that is not lost on me.)

So, I can say without qualification that Mr. Hargrove is the reason I am now a professional writer. Yes, I do it for a living. And most of my stuff takes authorities of one kind or another to task.

Mr. Hargrove showed me my dissent was valid, my rebellion was righteous, and that killer slugs could bring a city to its knees. Someone just needs to write it.

I love you haiku bot

What if human bill cipher is just Alex Hirsch in a fancy suit

I’m not the first person to make this joke but whatever

Quick! Someone make a haiku!

look for accidental haikus with mama

rip god from his throne and set fire to his false heaven with mama

Sent this post to a friend and we had this weird and funny exchange lol

I love and cherish @the-haiku-bot posts on here with all of my heart.

Apparently, though, some people hide haikus in posts for attention.

I hope I write an unintentional haiku on here at some point.

But I'm not gonna desperately write haikus for some tumblr bot.

Why is she looking at me like I'm the one who left her and the kids.

I love and cherish @the-haiku-bot posts on here with all of my heart.

Apparently, though, some people hide haikus in posts for attention.

I hope I write an unintentional haiku on here at some point.

But I'm not gonna desperately write haikus for some tumblr bot.

He really was the savior of the peasants

merry christmas

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

baiting the haiku bot just to say: i love you!! have a lovely day!!

I have too many reasons to love this post

respecting women is actually really easy so do it