Funny Stories - Blog Posts

“I can’t be vegan, I love cheese”

Dairy industry is as evil as meat. No less harm for animals. Does it look natural that calf can’t drink milk so you can taste your piece of cheese? 

GO VEGAN. 

My brother was supposed to get a vaccination (not anymore because of Corona), but he doesn't like getting those, so he said he wanted to be sedated in his arm for his vaccination... Like, dude??? How do you think that's gonna work???

Pearls of Wisdom

I was in Bangalore for a vacation when I met my newest cousin for the first time. He didn't impress me much, just a little prune-like tot who flailed his arms around and gurgled randomly. Since he was less than a month old, there was little I could do except peep in while he slept and then beat a hasty retreat when I inevitably woke him up and caused him to warm up his deceptively deadly lungs, thus effectively kicking the rest of the family out of their sweet dreams.

Schoolwork kept me from going back to Bangalore for the next couple of years, and the memory of Cousin Ajay faded into a corner of my mind for the most part. Hence, the next time I went there, I was greeted by the shy and energetic toddler that the prune had grown into.

Ajay, I quickly discovered, was pretty smart for a two year old. He had limitless curiosity and an incredible ability to memorise everything he heard and reproduce it when it was most irrelevant. Most conversations with him went like this: (Warning: High levels of cringe detected)

Fawning Auntie: So how old are you my poochy-coo? 

Ajay: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. 

...

A few weeks after our arrival, my uncle and aunt announced that they'd planned a trip to Coorg. So we somehow packed in three adults, two senior citizens, one preteen, one teen and a toddler into a four person car and began the long journey to Coorg. The only thing we knew was that we had to keep to a particular road, and then follow it until we reached a place called Manchanabele. Coorg was supposed to be a little further from there. 

The trip was uneventful for the most part. Simply consisting of old people talk and Grandpa complaining every few minutes about the lack of clean bathrooms in the country. Ajay clearly agreed with him, since he decided that it would be a better idea to relieve himself on my aunt instead of brave those nasty bathrooms or squat in the grass like a peasant.

My aunt somehow ignored the fragrant stain on her thigh for the rest of the journey and I too managed with minimal gagging. Soon, my aunt spotted the elusive signpost saying "Manchanabele 1 Kilometre" and read it aloud for my uncle to hear. Ajay, hearing a new sentence, quietly repeated "Manchanabele 1 Kilometre?" "Yes Ajay." "Okay. Manchanabele 1 Kilometre."

That weekend passed in a blur. We visited a waterfall, spent one day on a safari, and I vaguely remember tiptoeing around on the lookout for leeches with all the paranoia of a highly strung war veteran. All too soon however, we bid adieu to Coorg and made our way back to Bangalore.

It was on our first night back in Bangalore that I realised I had made a critical error. In the week or so that Ajay and I had known each other, I had been so busy panicking about not being able to handle toddlers, that I had completely forgotten to introduce myself to him. The poor boy had been playing with me all week without even knowing my name. 

It was when we were playing Bus and Train (wherein Ajay is the driver of a magical vehicle that changes into a bus or train randomly, while my other cousin and I were passengers) that he decided to rectify this issue. So with all the innocence of a two year old, he asked me, "What is your name?"

Glad to get a not-awkward opening to introduce myself, I replied. "Kirtana."

He clearly had difficulty pronouncing it. So he repeated the question once more. And once more I replied, carefully enunciating each syllable: "Kir-ta-na."

Now he seemed to have understood, since he was nodding proudly. Having got what he wanted, he turned around to start another game, but not before uttering this pearl of wisdom:

"Kirtana. Okay. Manchanabele 1 Kilometre."

“My arm!” he looks in shock

Nandu & Co go on a tour to Camp Cramp

Nandu, in his younger days, used to travel with his friends. On one of his winter trips, he visited Mysore. Mysore is a cool place and in the winter its even cooler (esp. to us southerners). This trip was an overnight trip, Nandu and his friends did some sight-seeing and came back to the lodge they were staying at for the night and started talking and playing cards after dinner.

Nandu had a habit of placing his arm over the chair when holding cards, as the night grew darker, the room became chilled (the room didn’t have any heating as for Mysoreans it was normal, they didn’t think it was cold enough for a heater). Nandu wrapped a shirt around him without removing his hand that was over the chair and continued playing. As it passed midnight, he started dozing off, his hand was still over the chair, sleepily he buttoned his shirt and dozed off right on the chair!

Around 3 at night he half wakes from his slumber, only to realise that one of his arm had gone missing! He tries to get up from his chair, but he can’t! He can’t feel his left arm at all, he tries to move his right hand over his left shoulder trying to see where the arm went and all he found was the empty sleeve of his shirt!

Terrified he starts yelling at his friends that his left arm has disappeared and slowly one by one they wake up. They too try to see what has happened and are shocked to see that his shirt sleeve is empty! They try to get him to move to the bed but even if 2 people tried to lift him, he’s kind of stuck to the chair! Nandu then panicked and began crying that someone stole his arm.

Scared and confused, some of his friends ran down to get the lodge manager for some advice. Then Nandu slowly got the feeling back in his left arm, he realised that as he wrapped and buttoned his shirt before dozing off, he forgot to put his left arm through the sleeve and in that cold night, his hand cramped and he couldn’t feel it!

Realising what had happened, his friends roared with laughter and the panicked manager was annoyed at being woken up at that time, but he couldn’t stay annoyed as he heard the story and went back laughing.

After the trip Nandu & co came back, but his friends never stopped teasing him about this incident for a long, long time.

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

Tags for Easy(ish) Navigation

Warning: I like nsfw/lewd jokes and might reblog them. You can blacklist the tag nsfw if you want.

(If this pops up in any tags, you can ignore this post. This is just for me)