Fom Spoilers - Blog Posts

caldarus sketch 📜

Me: *grinding for days on end in-game to find dozens of gems and ingots to get the fourth item I need to unlock the next section of mines*

Balor and Juniper: Wow. She sure is determined. It's inspiring and concerning.

Me, frantically breaking rocks: MY HUSBAND IS BEHIND THIS PLOT WALL I JUST KNOW IT!

this is how my brains been looking since last week

Ayo big Fields of Mistria spoiler below. Don't scroll until you've unlocked the Deep Woods area or scroll at your own risk.

So this is what happened to everyone else, right?

𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚋: 𝙰 𝙵𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜

(Found this in my old drafts, I wrote it before the FOM update. Would be a waste not to post it here. I also made a skit related to this one with Farmer and Caldarus but more unhinged/dramatic and longer skit. ➡️ Link)

[Setting: Caldarus has just broken free from his stone prison. Dust settles, magic crackles in the air, and the Farmer stands frozen, staring at the man before them.]

Farmer: *inhales sharply* Oh. My. Gods.

Caldarus: *blinking, adjusting to his newfound freedom* Yes, I—

Farmer: *gripping his shoulders* YOU’RE HOT!!!

Caldarus: *startled* What?

Farmer: *shaking him slightly* I knew you’d be attractive, but this? This is illegal!

Caldarus: *trying to recover from both the dramatic exit from his prison and this energy* I—well... Thank you, I suppose—

Farmer: *grabs his hands, eyes shining* You don’t understand. I was ready to marry a rock. I was prepared to take my vows in front of a lawn ornament.

Caldarus: *slowly processing* You were going to what?

Farmer: *serious nod* I was mentally prepared to wake up every day and say, ‘Good morning, my beloved paperweight.’

Caldarus: *rubbing his temples* I just broke free from my stoney prison, and this is what I’m met with?

Farmer: *grinning* Welcome back to the world, my dear! Wanna get married?

Caldarus: *sighs, but there’s an amused smile tugging at his lips* At least let me breathe first.

𝙱𝚘𝚗𝚞𝚜 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙴𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐:

Caldarus: *sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose* Fine. But if I hear one joke about rocks, I’m turning back into one.

Farmer: *gasps dramatically* You wouldn’t dare.

Caldarus: *raising an eyebrow* Try me.

Farmer: *grinning* Well, that’s just stone-cold of you.

Caldarus: *visibly struggling to maintain composure* I’m serious.

Farmer: *nodding* Of quartz you are.

Caldarus: *groans* I regret everything.

Farmer: *pats his shoulder* Don’t take me for granite.

Caldarus: *sighs, looking up at the sky as if pleading with the gods* I should have stayed petrified.

Farmer: *beaming* Too late, rock husband. You’re stuck with me now.

Caldarus: *despite himself, a small chuckle escapes* At least eternity won’t be boring.

Oh, you think you’re fast? Darling, I’ve already booked the venue, picked out baby names, and sent Caldarus a very convincing powerpoint presentation on why he should choose me. May the best contender win. 😂

my condolences to yall but im getting him pregnant

Just saw Caldarus’s official design, and WOW! He looks absolutely majestic. The long flowing hair, the intricate outfit, the dragon prince aura, everything about him is perfect. You’d never guess this man was trapped as a lawn ornament for who knows how long because he came out looking legendary.

Tbh, after seeing his official portrait, I just can’t stop staring at him. Hahaha, he’s just that stunning!

I’m so excited to see all the fanart and fanfics people will create for him! The community is about to go wild, and honestly? He deserves it.

Caution: Below here is a picture of Caldarus in human form. (◕ᴗ◕✿)

(Big thanks to @azem-ghale for showing this pic)

𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎

[After countless side quests—gathering rare relics, artifacts, and questionable items,—casting complicated spells (including accidentally turning their cow blue for a week and setting a tree on fire), the Farmer finally frees Caldarus from his statue prison.]

Caldarus: *stands before them, now in human form, his dragon wings unfurled, horns glinting in the sunlight, and a tail lazily swishing behind him. The air practically hums with power.*

Farmer: *gawking, inner thoughts* Oh no. He’s hot. Like, "burn-down-my-crops" hot.

Caldarus: *stretching his wings, glancing at his hands with a satisfied grin* I’m finally free… after a thousand years. I can feel the wind again. *breathes deeply* No more being a glorified lawn ornament.

Farmer: *still staring* Uh-huh. Majestic. Totally majestic.

Caldarus: *turning to them with a charming smile* Truly, I owe you a debt I cannot hope to repay. Tell me, Farmer. What reward would suffice for freeing me?

Farmer: *already holding out a bouquet, a ring, and a chest full of their finest gold and jewels* Simple. Marry me.

Caldarus: *blinking, wings twitching in surprise* ...Pardon?

Farmer: Look, you’re tall, you have wings, horns and you practically radiate ‘mysterious ancient power.’ You expect me not to shoot my shot?

Caldarus: *staring at the offerings, then at the Farmer, tail flicking in amusement* You freed me from an ancient curse and your first thought was marriage?

Farmer: *nodding enthusiastically* Yup. Right here, right now. We can skip the long courting phase. I’ve got the ring, the flowers, and enough wealth to fund a honeymoon in every region of Mistria. Let’s go.

Caldarus: *crossing his arms, smirking* I see you’ve also conveniently ignored the thousand-year gap in life experience. I don’t even know what a 'honeymoon' is.

Farmer: Don’t worry, I’ll teach you. Lesson one: It involves a lot of cake and maybe—just maybe, romantic walks under the moonlight. Lesson two: you looking like that means I have no self-control.

Caldarus: *chuckling, wings rustling* Hmm. So bold. I do admire confidence in a mortal. But tell me, are you proposing because of my power… or my devastatingly good looks?

Farmer: *deadpan*...Yes.

Caldarus: *sighing, rubbing his temples as his tail sways* I suppose I should have expected this. You were always talking to my statue about your tragic love life.

Farmer: *shrugging* Hey, you gave great advice! Plus, you could’ve warned me that you were this attractive.

Caldarus: As a statue? Should I have etched a warning plaque? ‘Caution: Restoring this relic may result in intense attraction.’

Farmer: Honestly? It would’ve saved me a lot of emotional turmoil right now.

Caldarus: *snorts, wings twitching with amusement* And you believe a mere proposal is enough? Have you considered the implications? I am an immortal dragon guardian. Marriage is a… complicated matter.

Farmer: Pfft. You sound like you’re overthinking it. I mean, you’ve been stuck as a statue for a thousand years. Surely you’ve had time to think about settling down.

Caldarus: *deadpan* Yes. Clearly, I spent every waking moment contemplating wedding registries and floral arrangements.

Farmer: See? You’re a natural. I’ll handle the registry; you just show up looking majestic and vaguely dangerous.

Caldarus: *exasperated but amused, pacing with his tail flicking* Do you always leap into life-altering decisions without thought?

Farmer: Absolutely. Did you not hear the part where I accidentally turned my cow blue? Commitment issues? Never heard of them.

Caldarus: *pauses, glancing back with a raised brow* That… explains a great deal.

Farmer: Come on. We already have a history. Remember when I told your statue self about that embarrassing date with the cute blacksmith?

Caldarus: *groans dramatically, covering his face with one hand* Unfortunately, I do recall. You spoke for three hours.

Farmer: And yet you didn’t turn to dust. Clearly, we’re meant to be.

Caldarus: *peeking through his fingers, giving them a look* You are infuriating.

Farmer: But charmingly persistent.

Caldarus: *sighing, wings drooping slightly as he gives a reluctant smile* Persistent is one word for it.

Farmer: *grinning, stepping closer* So… is that a ‘yes’?

Caldarus: *arching a brow, giving them a slow, teasing look* Hmm. Tempting. But I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than showing up with shiny trinkets and reckless confidence.

Farmer: Wow. Harsh. After everything I did to free you?

Caldarus: *smirking, wings giving a playful flick* I am grateful. Truly. But I’ve been sealed for a thousand years. I’m hardly rushing into a binding contract with a mortal who once confessed they tried to romance a merchant for discount prices.

Farmer: *groans* Okay, first off, it was a strategic decision. Second, it didn’t work anyway. Third—!

Caldarus: *laughing now, warm and rich, shaking his head* Enough. Your desperation is amusing, but I need time to explore this world again. Perhaps if you prove yourself more… convincingly, we’ll revisit this conversation.

Farmer: *grinning smugly* Oh, you’re so into me.

Caldarus: *turning away, tail flicking with mock indifference* Keep telling yourself that, mortal.

Farmer: *calling after him* Don’t worry, I will! You will be mine!

Caldarus: *under his breath, smiling* ...Infuriating mortal indeed.

“The essence that you bring to me continues to slowly restore my power…Living in this form has certainly been an adjustment”

Call of the dragon

Local dragon takes secret showers to avoid suspicion

my man.. my man..

balor rejected me during the first star festival so this year i'm asking out a dragon god

His smile, Eee~ (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) ​ʚ˖⁺💕‧₊˚💖˚₊‧💕⁺˖​ɞ

@fieldsofmistria

caldarus, my beloved

“The essence that you bring to me continues to slowly restore my power…Living in this form has certainly been an adjustment”

WOWWOWOOWOW GORGEOUS

Local dragon takes secret showers to avoid suspicion

So cute...