Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
My sister was watching the fifth season of the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and imma be real with y’all I forgot how devastating the mutation apocalypse was. That shit was emotional hit after emotional hit. DONNIE BEING A ROBOT?? You’re telling me. This man is now a robot? Like FOREVER???
So you’re saying he’s immortal. He’s going to have to watch all of his brothers die because he’s a freaking machine!?!? WHAT
Safe to say I have some strong emotions on the subject, and what better way to deal with them then whumping Donbot during Whumpay <3
Tw: Suicidal thoughts, and questioning reality
(Side note: one of these days I’ll figure out how to use italics and bold text on Tumblr- cuz this fic has some heavy italics- but today is not that day 🫡)
2,644 days.
7 years, 2 months, and 3 weeks.
That’s how long it’s been since Mira’s death.
His metal feet sunk into the sand, small bits getting stuck in his gears and wiring. He knew he’d have to clean it out later, the process would be long and tedious, requiring high air pressure and rusted tools, but right now he didn’t care.
He’d been alone far too long to care.
Donnie (was he still Donnie?) remembered the others. Their faces. Their voices. He remembered the way things were before the apocalypse.
Before he was metal. (Before his flesh was turned to steel, his veins to wires, his tendons to gears- before he became nothing more than a robot with a conscience.)
He couldn’t remember his own face. What did he look like? He knew he’d been tall, otherwise the metal body wouldn’t be tall. Did he have any scars? Moles? Mikey had freckles. Raph had that crack in his plastron. Leo still had the scuffs from Shredder throwing him through a window. (It was Shredder, right?)
What did he have?
…
He couldn’t remember his voice. He could hear the robotic, automated voice he was programmed with, but it wasn’t his voice. Even though he thought it was genius at the time, it wasn’t his. But it had been expressive, it sounded just enough like Donnie that he’d been happy with it.
He remembered the fear before he died, everything going black before he was looking through eyes that weren’t his own. He remembered.. he remembered his death. (Was it his death?)
Donnie remembered a lot of things. That’s the thing about being a robot, you can’t really forget. He used a data chip big enough to house the entire internet. He still remembered everything like it was yesterday.
Sometimes it still felt like yesterday.
Other times, he was reminded of his agonizing (not agonizing, he couldn’t feel, how could it be agonizing-) existence. Alone in a desert. Everyone he loved, dead. But he was still here.
(Who was he?)
Sometimes he wished he could die like the others, pull out a few wires, melt some circuits and be done.
He knew that wouldn’t work. He’d tried before, and all it did was cause unnecessary pain. (He can’t feel pain, he’s not real, he can’t feel pain-)
Sometimes he didn’t move- he just sat there, watching his memories like a slideshow.
The first day he met April.
The farmhouse.
Going to space.
Casey. His not-quite-friend not-quite-enemy. Someone he should’ve spent more time with, maybe gotten to know a little more. (He would’ve laughed. He spent too much time with him- his skull. It sat on the dashboard for years before Raph blew it up.)
He remembered Splinter. Sensei. Hamato Yoshi. His Father.
He remembered his voice, the way he’d hum when he pretended to be deep in thought. (Was it pretend?) He remembered his whiskers, every life lesson, every training session, every time he showed up when they needed help. He remembered the emergency cheese phone, the rat king, the deaths.
Donnie remembered his hugs. He wished he could feel them again.
(He couldn’t feel anything.)
The sun was blinding, bright and beating down onto his scuffed body, and Donnie walked. He knew the metal was heating up but he couldn’t feel it. He didn’t care.
The antennas twitched on his head, his arms swinging by his sides. Gears whirred, the worn metal groaned and creaked, but he wasn’t dead.
(He wanted to be dead.)
There was something so painfully mundane about his immortality. Days stretched for years but years felt like days. Everything blurred together. The people he’s met, the things he’s done. If he hadn’t installed an internal clock, he would’ve lost time years ago.
…
He missed his brothers.
Yes, he missed Splinter and April and Casey, but his brothers were… they were everything to him. It was them. The four of them. Against the world. They were everything to each other. Their rock. Their shoulder to cry on. Their biggest supporters. Their biggest bullies. They were family. They were each others flesh and blood.
(He wanted desperately to be flesh and blood.)
One by one they had all dropped, each of them passing in their own time.
Mikey had been the first to go. What was it… 15 years ago?
They were all crushed. He was the youngest. The baby of the family, the glue that kept them together, the person who kept a smile on their faces. He shouldn’t have died first.
But he did.
Donnie remembered Raph and Leo the night they found him. They were both crying ugly tears, yet they had been so silent Donnie almost didn’t notice.
They never cried.
They held each other then, giving each other the comfort Donnie couldn’t provide. He remembered sitting there, consumed in his own version of grief but unable to show it. He knew Mikey was gone- that he wasn’t coming back, and it hurt more than anything in the world. But he didn’t feel like it. He couldn’t feel it.
(He just wanted to feel it.)
He did his best to comfort his older brothers but.. there’s only so much to do when your hands are made of metal, and your voice is full of static.
He remembered for a few months how they doted on him. He was the youngest now. Donnie was the baby. Of course they never said it out loud, they didn’t want to take that title from Mikey, but Donnie knew. He knew that’s what they thought.
He didn’t want to be the youngest.
(He didn’t want to be alive.)
Leo had been next. The mutation wasn’t.. optimal for a long life span. It didn’t help that the grief had been suffocating, too much and too prominent with every movement he made. He’d been in a lot of pain before his body finally shut down.
He passed four months after Mikey did.
He remembered Raph the night they found Leo. He didn’t cry, not this time, and he didn’t scream. He was resigned. He’d turned to Donnie and clapped a hand onto his steel shoulder, giving him a grim smile.
“It’s just me and you now, D.”
(Donnie wanted to cry.)
Raph hadn’t gone for another few years, stubborn as always, even in death. He passed 12 years ago.
Maybe that’s why he was here- walking. The anniversary of Raphs death was the hardest. This date forever commemorating how he lost his brothers. Forever a reminder of Donnie’s solitude. His crippling immortality.
(Why couldn’t he let himself die that day?)
He looked up at the sight of a familiar structure, concrete and beautiful, a small body of water. The first place they had all stood, together, after being reunited.
He’d made it.
He was never sure how long it took to walk here, but he didn’t care.
(He couldn’t feel it anyway.)
In front of him stood a mural, the last thing Mikey had made before his passing. On it was the four of them, past and present. Or- past and past.
In one, they were all turtles. Splinter stood beside Leo. April next to Donnie. Casey leaning an arm on Raphs shoulder. Mikey was skateboarding right front and centre, he was in the middle of the picture. The heart of the team.
On the other side was them now. (But it wasn’t now, was it?) They were all standing in the same position, but Casey was gone, now replaced by Mira. Beside Donnie stood open air, and Leo’s body took up the space Splinter would’ve.
Donnie stared at the wall for a while. His eyes flicking between the two pictures. He wanted to go back to when times were simpler. He wanted flesh. And blood. He wanted to feel.
He wanted his own memory and his own thoughts. Not a computerized copy.
(But they were still his, weren’t they?)
(He was still Donnie.)
…
(Right?)
The lenses took in every detail, every paint chip, every mistake of Mikey’s brush, carefully fixed by another layer of paint. He wanted to cry.
(He couldn’t cry.)
He wanted to scream.
(His voice box rusted a long time ago.)
He wanted to rip himself apart. He wanted to take off the metal and find himself underneath.
Donnie.
He wanted to be Donnie.
…
(Who was he?)
If you want to see the properly emphasized version, you can also find this on Ao3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65392465
I’ve been on that Whumpay grind, and I’m back again (to no one’s shock or surprise). I dunno about you guys, but I love rescue fics. I also love the teenage mutant ninja turtles.
When I saw the prompt “Muzzled”, I knew exactly what needed to be done.
I’m pretty sure I hyperfocused so hard I blacked out lmao, but here we go
Tw: Swearing (it’s always Raph), mentions of injuries and blood
Leonardo wasn’t prepared for this.
They had been looking for weeks. Two hellish weeks. They had checked under every rock, every nook, in every cranny. They ransacked every abandoned building they came across, every tunnel in the sewers. Hell, they even broke into the Shredders lair.
They. Looked. Everywhere.
They were getting desperate, snappy. They barely slept, barely ate. Master Splinter had tried to keep the two of them inside for one day- just to rest.
He never tried that again.
It had been the beginning of the third week when they found it. Raphael had almost run straight by the building, but Leo stopped. He noticed that on the gps there was no building in this location. Not only that, but they couldn’t see an address. The structure was way too new to be off the grid, and it was easy to realize something shady was going on.
From an outside perspective it was just a storage building. Unassuming, grey brick, a blue roof made of metal, and a ten foot high chain link fence that circled the property. For a few hours they waited and watched, silently. It bustled with just enough activity that they almost left, wondering if they were making something out of nothing. That was until it hit him that the people coming in weren’t the same ones coming out a few minutes later. Leo knew it shouldn’t take hours to check your storage compartment, unless you weren’t. That’s when Raph spotted the man, an officer circling the perimeter.
“What the fuck is this? Protected storage?” He snapped, huffing with frustration. They had been up in the trees, hidden from view but still able to observe the compound.
Leo didn’t react, scanning the property for guards. It didn’t take long to realize that it was armed to the teeth with soldiers and guns.
“There’s something sketchy going on down there.” He mumbled.
Beside him, Raph snorted. “No shit, fearless.”
They fell silent once again, and Raph shifted on his tree branch. He was almost.. apprehensive. Scared.
“Do you think… Mikey and Donnie are in there?” He asked softly, looking at his older brother. Leo’s eyes hardened, his fist tightening on the branch in hand. He hoped so, he really hoped so.
“Theres only one way to find out, right?”
Raphael looked confused for a second before he smirked, cracking his knuckles with an evil looking glint in his eye.
“Tonight?”
“Tonight.”
———————————————
It wasn’t hard to break in. They slipped past the guards easily, taking them out with practiced precision. They were methodical and silent, hidden within the shadows. They made their way into some sort of elevator. They’d already stolen a keycard from one of the high ranking guards, ensuring access to every level. The first floor they landed on seemed to store old and unused lab technology. They had a laugh about how Donnie would love this, before they fell silent, the weight of what was at stake resting heavily on their shoulders.
The next floor was a lab, extensive and huge. It seemed to go on forever, door after door leading to more rooms than they could count on both hands. But it wasn’t the size that worried them, it was everything else. Tazers and cattle prods, trays full of scalpels and bone saws, dissection tables, test tubes numbered from 1-578. Then there was that room, full of giant tubes containing some sort of green goo. What they held.. well, it looked like mutants. They were probably made from scratch, floating within the green liquid.
They gave each other a look then, certain they were in the right place, and yet so incredibly scared of what they might find.
The floor below that looked like a training room, one they didn’t bother exploring.
However, the floor below that one… well, it was nothing short of a prison. Cells lined the walls in every direction, and Leo’s skin crawled with disgust. It was inhumane, unsanitary and it reeked of blood. Some cells were empty, some weren’t. Even if he wanted to save every mutant captured, he knew there wasn’t any time. He was on a mission. He needed to find his brothers.
It was one of the last cells, furthest away from the elevator, practically hidden in the darkness. They would’ve walked past without a second glance if they hadn’t heard it, a high pitched whimper, the sound of chains rustling. Then, a voice.
“Leo..?”
It was scratchy, barely above a whisper, but Leo would recognize that voice anywhere. His heart had plummeted to his feet as he rushed to the bars, grabbing at them desperately.
“Donnie!?” He whisper shouted, trying to peer into the dark cell. He could make out two silhouettes, one of them sat up against the wall, his arms hanging next to him, limply. Laid out on his lap there was a second figure, presumably asleep, curled up close to the first. With what little light they had, Leo could make out green skin and shells on both of them.
Next to him, Raph had froze, staring at the scene in front of him with wide eyes. His sais hung limply in his hands, mouth parted in horror. He stepped forward and his face tightened, twisting in guilt and worry. He had stabbed his sai into the lock mechanism, twisting it roughly until he heard a click. Raph didn’t waste any time before he entered the cell, dropping to his knees next to the two figures. Leo followed soon after, first checking to make sure no one heard the commotion. Once he deemed it was safe, he joined them inside the poor excuse for a room.
Raph had pulled out his t-phone to turn the flashlight on, and almost dropped it immediately after.
Donnie was muzzled. Leo hadn’t noticed until now- how, he wasn’t sure- but he was muzzled. Like a wild animal. He gasped from his place behind Raph, his hand covering his mouth as he glanced over their bodies. He didn’t want to look too closely just yet, scared of what he might see. What he had gathered from the once over was enough. Leo wanted to throw up, but he knew he needed to keep it together. He was the leader for Christ’s sakes! But… god.
Leonardo wasn’t prepared for this.
It was quiet. They all stood there- or sat, in Donnie’s case- and stared. Raph couldn’t look away from the muzzle. Leo was scanning Mikey’s shell, mentally noting every new dent and scratch. Donnie’s eyes flicked between his two older brothers, like he couldn’t believe this was real.
They sound of a low groan snapped them out of their silent trance. Michelangelo shifted from where he was in Donnie’s lap, letting out the same whimper they heard earlier. Leo didn’t think his heart could break anymore, but here he was, his heart breaking.
“Oh god..” he mumbled, finally dropping to his knees on the other side of Donatello. He hesitantly grabbed Mikey’s shoulders, rolling him over. He almost puked at what he saw.
His little brother had bruises covering his skin and his beak looked broken, evident by the blood dripping down his face. What really pissed him off was the collar around his neck, metal and about an inch thick. It looked too tight to be comfortable, but, it did explain why the youngest didn’t have a muzzle. Leo swallowed harshly, tapping Mikey’s shoulder.
“Mikey, can you hear me?”
His brothers eyes fluttered but didn’t open, and Leo frowned. He grabbed his shoulder, careful about any bruises or scrapes, and gave him a light shake.
“Come on Mike, we need to get you out of here.”
Finally he seemed to stir, cracking his eyes open ever so slightly. Donnie immediately pushed the t-phone out of Mikey’s face, before he gingerly brought a hand to his forehead, swiping his thumb over the skin a few times. Mikey looked up at Donnie with confusion and maybe concern, before he looked around. He saw Leo first and did a double take, his eyes widening in shock. Then Mikey was sitting up, far too quickly because he nearly fell over in the process, but it was clear that he didn’t care, throwing himself into Leo’s arms. Donnie reached after him, his arm hovering in the air as he watched the two before it dropped onto his lap.
Raph had long since started looking around for the chains they’d heard earlier. Once spotted, he didn’t waste any time before breaking both of them with his sai. He let out a small puff of air, sitting back onto his heels. At least they weren’t tied down anymore, he thought bitterly.
Leo didn’t care about anything but the turtle in his arms. He held his brother tightly, the relief was finally hitting him. He could feel Mikey’s tears soaking his shoulder, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t shedding some of his own. The younger turtle was trembling, his face was tucked into Leo’s neck and his body felt cold, but Leo didn’t care. He was here. In Leo’s arms. That’s all that mattered right now.
“Not to burst your bubble or anything, but we need to get out. Like, now.” Raph snapped, already helping Donnie to his feet. Leo noticed that the muzzle was still on his face, it must’ve been too dangerous to take it off right now. Raph wouldn’t leave it unless he had too.
Leo nodded from his place on the floor, shifting Mikey into a princess carry soon after. He stood up, pulling Mikey close to his chest. His younger brother still hadn’t said anything, and that fact alone was starting to worry Leo.
“Alright, you got Donnie?” A quick nod of confirmation from Raph was all he needed before they set off. They were careful, doing their best to be quiet. Donnie stumbled a lot, clearly dizzy and weak, before Raph wordlessly offered him a piggyback.
It was smooth sailing from there on.
They made it to the elevator and hit the main level, all of them standing in silence. Raph and Leo were relieved to have their brothers back, but worried about what happened. Mikey and Donnie were still reeling from their imprisonment. They didn’t see any guards- they were all still tied up and gagged- and made it across the property within a minute.
The first step outside of the gates felt like a huge weight lifted off their shoulders. Leo let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, and Raph was quick to call their father. He let him know that they found their brothers and that they were heading home.
They made it back about an hour later to a panicked April and a concerned Splinter. They still didn’t know what happened to them, they weren’t sure they ever would, but they were home, and that was good enough for Leo.
You can also find this on Ao3 :3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65316250
Whumpay has my going crazy, so to all the Donatello whumpee fans out there, this one’s for you.
Donnie deserved to crash out after the events of The Fourfold Trap and Leo should’ve apologized. Hence, we have this
(Uses the prompts from day 2, and day 15)
Tw: Swearing (it’s Raph), and mentions of injuries
Donnie slumps in his chair, staring at the remnants of his latest failure. The liquid was pitch black, bubbling in front of him, mockingly.
He groans, putting his face into his hands. This was the fifth failure of the night. It was supposed to work- why haven’t any of them been working?
He forces himself into an upright position, shoving the black sludge to the far side of his desk. His head is pounding but he doesn’t care, he has to find a cure to the brainworm. He forces his hands to stop shaking as he grabs a pipette, trying a different combination of chemicals. He’s meticulous, careful and calculated. Every drop feels like torture, the calm before the storm. He adds the last ingredient and waits with bated breath. For a second it looks like it’s going to work and he stands up, planting his hands on the table. He’s laughing, it’s working- he’s done it!
Of course, it didn’t work.
The mixture turns cement grey, bubbling like the last one had. He groans again, slamming his hands onto his desk. He was so close. But of course- of course it wouldn’t work. Why would it work? All he does is fail. With an angry shout he punches his desk, once, twice- he only stops when his hand starts throbbing.
His eyes burn. His head hurts. He’s so tired- he hasn’t slept since their kidnapping, too preoccupied with finding a cure to the brain worm. He wasn’t even sure he’d bandaged his burns, he just didn’t have the time. He lets out a bitter laugh, the remnants of another experiment gone wrong glaring at him. Gloating. Screaming. He’s a failure. All he’s done lately is fail- he couldn’t make the cure, he couldn’t save his brothers, he couldn’t beat the brain boggler, all he could do was fail.
He wants to cry, but he doesn’t. He’s not sure he can. Instead he takes a deep breath, running a hand over the top of his head. He can do this. He can do this.
He gives his hands a shake, cracks his neck, and metaphorically rolls up his sleeves. He won’t rest until he gets this right and finds a cure. He can’t. He has to do this for Leo. For Splinter.
————————————————————
It has been a few days since the kidnapping. Mikey had been shaken up for the first day or so, but bounced back quickly compared to the others. Raph still had the occasional headache (especially when he didn’t drink enough water) but it looked like he was on the road to a full recovery. Mikey had decided to spend most of his time annoying said brother, playing pranks on the older turtle whenever he could.
Currently, Mikey sat in front of the TV, cross legged and smiling at an episode of Crognard The Barbarian. Raph sat on the couch behind him, comic in hand. The two had been bickering up until a few moments ago, leaving them in a not so silent, silence.
Leo emerged from the dojo, stretching his arms above his head with a small sigh. He’d been spending most of his time with Splinter, meditating, and talking about Karai. This was the first time he’s been out since this morning.
“Has anyone seen Donnie?” He asked, and Raph snorted, shaking his head.
“Not since we got back.” He said snarkily, refusing to take his eyes off his comic. “He’s been cooped up in his lab, something about finding a cure? That ringing any bells?” Raph looked away from the comic, giving Leo a pointed look. The eldest narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Whether or not he did this out of frustration or guilt he wasn’t sure.
“Really?” He frowned, glancing at the large doors to his side. “Did he at least grab anything to eat?”
“Nope,” Mikey said, popping the p. He leant back on his hands, still looking at the TV as he answered his brother. “I brought him some pizza earlier, he might’ve had that.”
Leo frowned harder before he let out a sigh, once again glancing at the door. “Doubt it.”
Raph snapped his comic book shut, staring at him with narrowed eyes. “Well maybe if you hadn’t yelled at him-”
“Oh- so this is my fault now?” Leo scoffed, his arms falling to his sides. “He knew how much it meant to sensei, he wasn’t trying hard enough!”
Raph stood up, glaring hard at his older brother. “Trying hard enough? Do you- do you hear how stupid you sound!? Of course he was trying, you idiot!”
Leo rolled his eyes, adjusting his feet. “He wasn’t trying enough.” He said it with finality, a hard tone that didn’t leave any room for discussion.
Raphs forehead vein made an attempt to burst out of his skin, but he did his best to stay calm.
Leo furrowed his eyebrows, taking a few steps forward. “That’s all I told him- it’s not like I told him to make it his whole life!“ Leo was getting angrier by the second- look, he knows Donnie was trying. But they didn’t have time- they needed a cure as soon as possible.
“His- are you kidding me, fearless?“ Raph marched towards him, his fists balled. “I mean seriously, how do you not see how much of an asshole you were.”
Leo stood his ground, clenching his fists. “She needs this cure. Splinter needs his daughter. I was only trying to give him motivation-“
“Motivation!?” Raph snapped, laughing loudly. “Are you that obsessed with her that you thought bitching out your brother was the best idea for motivation?”
Leo spluttered, holding his hands up in front of him. “I did not bitch-“
“You kinda did, bro.” Mikey’s voice cut in, giving Leo a dodgy side eye. “Donnie was always working on that thing. What you said was not cool, dude.”
The two older turtles stopped, staring at the youngest. Raph held a hand out, gesturing to Mikey. If he had an eyebrow to raise, he would’ve done so. “You know it’s bad when even Mikey admits it.”
Leo stood silently, staring at the ground. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, a mixture of anger and guilt swirling in his mind. He wasn’t- Donnie should know that he wasn’t trying to be harsh. He was just stressed, and he felt like Donnie could be doing better.
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Leo frowned, looking up at the shorter turtle. Raph crossed his arms while Mikey piped up from the floor. “Apologize, duh.”
Leo sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine.”
“And take him some more pizza!”
————————————————————
Donnie had barely slept, the pizza Mikey brought over long since forgotten on the floor. He was hunched over his desk, his eyes drooping every so often. He was no closer to creating a cure than he had been a week ago, and he was starting to get extremely frustrated with himself.
That’s where Leo found him. Muttering quietly, shaky hands reaching for pipettes and test tubes, beakers lined up on his desk, all filled with the same orange liquid. Donnie was evidently doing multiple experiments at the same time, trying to cut his time short.
Leo sighed, glancing around the room. His eyes landed on the uneaten pizza and he frowned, his fingers twitching under the plate in his hand. He shifted awkwardly, waiting for Donnie to notice that he was there- usually, the sound of the door opening would’ve been enough. Today, the taller turtle was none the wiser, far too wrapped up in his experiments to notice. Leo very quickly got fed up with it and cleared his throat, walking a little closer with intentionally loud steps.
Donnie jolted, his hands seizing. He nearly dropped the test tube he was holding, just barely steadying himself enough to avoid a spill. Once he was calm, Donnie set the tube onto a holder, placing his hands on the desk, his head bowed forward in frustration.
Donnie was turning as he spoke, pinching the bridge of his beak as he did so. “Raph, I already told you, if you want me to get out you’re gonna have to-“ he paused, finally realizing which brother he was talking too. He locked eyes with Leo, eyes widening slightly before they hardened. “Oh. It’s you.”
Leo tried not to feel hurt, but the stab of guilt in his chest made that difficult. He walked forward a few steps, gesturing to the plate in his hand. “I brought pizza.” He tried, gently. Donnie eyed it up before he turned back to his desk, waving a hand over his shoulder. “Put it on the side.”
Leo frowned again (he seemed to be doing a lot of that-) before he set the plate down next to the one Mikey had brought him. “Are you gonna eat it?” He questioned, crossing his arms in a classic big brother move. “You haven’t even touched the stuff Mikey brought you.”
“I’ll eat later.” Donnie’s tone was dismissive and cold, hardly paying attention anymore. Leo didn’t know why that made him so mad.
“Come on Donnie, just one piece won’t hurt.” He tried bargaining, taking another step towards the turtle. He was a few feet away and still, his younger brother refused to look at him.
“Oh, but it will, right?” He snapped, narrowing his eyes at the beaker in front of him. “If I eat, I’m not working on the cure.”
Leo winced, opening his mouth before closing it. He let out a loud sigh, giving Donnie his best mom look. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” He snapped, turning to look at Leo. “You wanted me to try harder- I’m trying harder! What, now you’re mad at me?” He scoffed, letting out a short laugh. Of course- of course, because Donnie couldn’t do anything right.
“Of course not! I’m just worried about you, you haven’t eaten, you don’t sleep-“
“You told me to try harder!”
Leo fell silent, his eyes widening with a sudden realization. Donnie paced in front of him, tugging at the skin on his head with a manic look in his eyes. The steps seemed to echo off the walls, a deafening sound to Leo’s ears.
”You want me to work on the cure, I’m working on the cure. Now you don’t want me to work on the cure? Make up your mind!” He said angrily, gesturing as he spoke. “You don’t get to say I’m not working hard enough then tell me I’m working too hard, that’s not how it works!”
Leo shook his head, firing back a response. “Yes I can! I can when you’re not taking care of yourself! I’m your older brother, and your leader!”
Donnie let out a loud laugh, one that seemed to reverberate around the room and drown out any other noise. When he finally calmed down, he refused to look at the other. He was seething, and his arms were tense at his sides.
“I can’t win with you! I’m expected to have all the answers and when I don’t, I’m told to try harder. I am trying! I’m trying my hardest! I do everything! Everything! You may be the leader but you don’t have half the responsibility I do! You act like you do, but you don’t/ you guys don’t even acknowledge 90% of what I do! And you want me to try harder!?” He whipped his head around, staring into Leo’s soul. He was sure at that moment if looks could kill, he’d be limbo dancing with the devil. Leo watched his younger brother stalk forward, jabbing a finger into his plastron. “How would you like to figure all this out? To be in charge of all the technology, all the vehicles, all the first aid? How would you like to be the first person everyone goes to for their problems, and the first person blamed when something goes wrong?”
Every stab of his finger felt like a knife through his heart, the weight of everything he’d done settling in like a dark cloud. Choking him, suffocating in the guilt. He was cut off anytime he tried to speak, forced to listen. Something he wasn’t used too.
“You- you tell me to try harder, like I’m not telling myself that everyday.” The jabs were losing heat, barely more than a firm poke at this point. “I know I need to find the cure. I know how much this means to Sensei. I know that we’re on a time crunch. I know because I tell myself every single day.”
He stopped, choking on his words for a moment. Leo went to open his mouth but Donnie gave him a look, clearly saying ‘I’m not finished’.
“I.. give everything to this family. Everything. And what do I get back? I’m told to try harder.” His voice is quiet, barely more than a whisper. His hand has long since dropped to his side, eyes locked to the floor as he spoke. “So go. Let me try harder. Let me redeem myself. Thats what you want, right?”
Leo wasn’t sure if he should cry or punch himself in the face. The silence enveloped them like a blanket, and for the first time in a long time, he took a long look at his brother.
The first thing he noticed was the untreated burns, blistering and swollen on the side of his head. Next were his eyes. Bloodshot. Drooping. He could see the unshed tears gathering in the corners, fighting a battle they were bound to lose. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes that stretched so far you could see them below his mask. He could see how sickly he looked, pale, almost deathly so. He looked like a shell of what he’d been even a week ago- how had Leo not noticed?
He looked around at the lab next, it was a mess. There were papers thrown all over the floor, burns, dents and scrapes on every surface. Broken parts of past machines were scattered everywhere, wires were stuffed in questionable places, and there was a box on the floor overflowing with gears. The broken toaster sat on one of his shelves, next to some hand drawn blueprints of the battle shell. With every small detail Leo felt his heart breaking, his breath catching in his throat. His eyes burned with shame, how has he never noticed before?
He finally looked back at his brother, his eyes landing on the burns once again. He felt a swell of emotion in his chest, nearly choking him with the intensity, and he realized with a start that he never answered his question.
“God- no, Donnie. I’m-“ he took a breath, closing his eyes as he collected himself. When he opened them he saw Donnie’s eyes. Narrowed. Tired. Disbelieving. “I shouldn’t have said that, okay? It was stupid, I- I realize that now. I don’t ever want to see you putting work over your own well being. That’s not what I meant.”
Donnie stayed silent, his red rimmed eyes scanning over Leo. He didn’t believe him, that much was obvious, and Leo knew that somehow he had to fix that.
“I know you don’t believe me, but just- take a break. Get some sleep. Eat something. Spend some time out of your lab, this’ll all be here when you come back to it.”
Donnie shifted on his feet, glancing back at the desk, his eyes were searching- for what, he wasn’t sure. Finally, after a terrifying minute of silence, he turned back to his brother with a small sniffle, clearly trying not to cry.
“You’re not gonna let me say no, are you?” He spoke softly, like all the fight had drained out of him, leaving him exhausted.
“Nope.” Leo said, giving his brother a small smile.
Donnie let out a wet laugh, one hand coming up to cover his mouth, the other resting on his desk. He gave it one last look before he turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. He stood in front of Leo, shifting on his feet with another sniff. Before he could say anything, Leo had his arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, the unsaid words obvious between the two. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’d do anything to make this better.
Donnie froze, his body going stiff before he slowly relaxed, wrapping his arms around his carapace. The tears fell freely after that, soaking his mask and Leo’s shoulder. At some point they ended up on the floor, Donnie half in Leo’s lap but of course he didn’t mind. He sobbed, he knew things weren’t gonna be okay. He still had to find the cure, he was still the tech guy, but right now.. he was just Donnie. Being comforted by his older brother, like he used to when they were tots.
Right now, they were Donnie and Leo. Brothers before teammates. Brothers before ninjas. That’s all they needed to be.
You can also find this on Ao3
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65259853