Disability Aids - Blog Posts

My insulin pump doesn't make me unattractive. Neither do my scars, or all the tubes that hang off of me, or the needles and ports and machines that are attached to me at all times. Parts of my body don't work like they should. I have neuropathy in my hands and retinopathy in one eye. My kidneys need help to work. I've been on beta blockers since my 20s because my heart doesn't work right. That doesn't make me undesirable. I'm worth having sex with. I'm worth pursuing romantically and sexually. I am a whole person that deserves love and to feel good about myself.

feeling sexy and being disabled are things that can exist together. I can have medical devices and a feeding tube and still feel sexy, and i really dislike that people think that the two are completely separate and cannot exist together. I'm allowed to feel confident and love myself and the way i look even if i look a little different, and every other disabled person is too. I love myself and i have a feeding tube, not i love myself but i have a feeding tube.

Carefully frustrated

Ok so this is a sequel to 'No rest til' the sunrise'. Hurt/comfort. I drew a lot of what Remus was feeling in this fic from my own feeling with my disability, I see Remus as having arteritis if there is anything in this fic that you see doesn't fit with this description let me know I don't know a lot about arteritis apart from the research I did for this fic. I hope you like it :)

The sun dipped behind another cloud as Sirius flick the indicator to the left intending to follow the sign to the zoo.

“You have to go on the next right Sirius” Remus spoke up from the passenger seat.

“The sign says left, love”

“Yes, but that’ll take us to the queue, go right up here and we’ll cut round the back and park easy peasy”

“Is that even legal?” Remus shrugged in response as Sirius laughed lightly and flicked the indicator off and continued down the road. The right turn that Remus had indicated was more of an overgrown dirt track with several potholes. Sirius stared down the track wide eyed.

“Re?”

“Sirius your car will be fine it’s a four-by-four stop being a baby!” Remus was right of course his car was fine but that didn’t stop Sirius from pouting as he parked the car by the entrance to the zoo. The car doors were slammed simultaneously.

“Look at this!” Sirius gestured wildly “my car was clean this morning and now there’s dirt everywhere”

“Yeah, but no queueing”

“We’re British Remus all we do is queue”

“Yes and I’m sick of waiting to see the sun bears now lets go” the sandy haired man said with a smile and grabbed his boyfriends hand promptly pulling him to the entrance. Once they paid for the tickets the pair wondered around the zoo hand in hand. The sun bears were the first enclosure as it was the closest to them, but they slowly made their way around. As they approached the wolf section a plethora of jokes ensued.

“Hey, wolf wolf” Sirius started with a grin that was answered with an unenthusiastic groan from Remus “knock knock”

“Who’s there?” Remus’ voice was muffled from where his hand was in his hands.

“Howl” Remus poked his head up with renewed interested as this wasn’t a joke he’d heard from Sirius before. He still seemed unsure when he said the next line.

“…howl who?”

“Howl y’know until you open the door” the look on Remus’ face was better than the actual joke and caused Sirius to let out a loud barking laugh as Remus hide his face once more. Though it seemed like he was hiding his own laughter more than his embarrassment.

“It’s even worse that my mothers maiden name is Howell” Which set Sirius off on another round of loud ruckus laughter.

“Oh, Moony you are brilliant” he said with an air of finality dragging Remus down to plant a kiss on his cheek.

The pair made their way over to the sun bears and watched as on walked on his hind legs from side of the enclosure to the other. One of the bears was sat right in front of the window licking the glass as if it was the tastiest treat ever. They walked hand in hand down the path stopping briefly to look at the Medellin and Mangabey monkeys. They continued down the path quietly until Sirius suddenly pulled at Remus’ jacket arm like an over excited toddler until they stumbled over to the meerkats. A few of the babies ran around at the edge of the glass while the older ones poked their heads out of small holes in the logs almost imitating the game whack ‘a mole. Across the path was the lions den, the walls around it were so tall you had to climb a spiral of stairs up to the viewing platform. It wasn’t that busy, so the pair started to make their way up. Sirius bounded ahead taking it two steps at a time, Remus, however, grab the cold metal rail and started to pick his way up. After three steps an ache appeared in his right knee and caused him to clutch the rail tighter and clench his jaw in the hopes he could ignore his knee. Sirius had turned around when he reached the top and noticed his boyfriend was only a quarter of the way up. Immediately Sirius started picking his way down the narrow staircase and guilt flooded through Remus like a dam being opened. He wasn’t ashamed of his disability, but it wasn’t like he wanted it to be announced to everyone around him by the fact that he couldn’t get up a few stairs without hobbling. It made him feel so out of place, it seemed that way a lot. That he shouldn’t be here or anywhere, that he should hide away and get out of everyone’s way. But Sirius was there, with that stupid smile and those adoring eyes that never looked at him with any judgment, not once. Carefully his left hand was taken into Sirius’.

“Sorry love got a bit excited didn’t mean to leave you behind” and that’s what was so good about Sirius. He never made a fuss about Remus’ disability, never made him feel bad or different about it. he could just be so understanding sometimes it was infuriating and infatuating at the same time. How was this not annoying to him? Having to wait for Remus to climb a bunch of stupid stairs because his stupid arteritis decided right now was a good time to act up. Stupid stupid stupid. Perhaps if he was so pissed of with himself Remus could be more articulate than ‘stupid’ however he figured it was a good enough adjective for now. Together they slowly made to accent up the stairs and spent a while staring down at the lions den. One of the lioness’s was stretched out on her back basking in the sun, it seemed like a perfect nap spot and Remus informed Sirius of such. There wasn’t anywhere to sit up in the small watch tower so trying to keep all the weight of his aching joints was a task that Remus only just managed to succeed at leaning against the wall. They soon started to pick their way down the stairs and walked up to the top end of the zoo. The walk there was a little longer than Remus had anticipated at first, constantly having to put weight on his knee meant he was shifting a lot weight to his left side which made his hip start aching painfully and he didn’t even have his cain today because it had been a good fucking morning and he didn’t need it then. Logically he knew both his cain and wheelchair were in the car but that would mean walking all the way back through the zoo just to come back to this point and it wouldn’t be fair to Sirius to drag him through the zoo and back again. No, it was fine, he was fine. His teeth gritted and fists curled up tight. Sirius delicately touched the inside of his wrist and slid his hand down silently asking for permission to hold. Slowly Remus released the stiffness in his knuckles and spread his fingers out allowing Sirius hand to curl around his palm as a delicious sense of comfort washed over him. Ever so carefully Sirius pulled them to a stop and the side of the pathway and drop his voice low.

“Are you ok?” the tenderness in his voice almost made Remus cry. (and he had been holding it together so well). Words seemed to have failed him, so instead of replying with actual words Remus just gripped Sirius’ hand tighter.

“Alright.” Sirius seemed to study his next words with high regard. His gaze dropped to their joined hand causing dark tendrils of hair to fall in front of his face. When his gaze rose to Remus’ however they parted around his face framing it perfectly. “I can run back to the car and grab your wheelchair?” Shame began rising up in Remus like a tidal wave, he didn’t want to ruin the day by sending Sirius off to grab something that he didn’t need. He could walk, he could walk without any problems this morning he could walk now.

“I’m fin-“

“You are not fine you are in pain. I can see you clenching your jaw and limping on both sides like your trying to keep the weight of your entire body.” Sirius spoke with a slight tightness in his voice like he was angry that Remus hadn’t told him or that he couldn’t help.

“I don’t need my wheelchair; I’m fine I can do this without help.”

“There is no harm in you needing help Remus, you are in pain and if you don’t use a mobility aid you could cause more damage. Powering through this is helping no one.”

“I am not powering through anything. I don’t need it” Sirius softened quicker than butter on a hot day.

“Remus, love, it is ok. There is no shame in you needing help sometimes. You have chronic pain, your wheelchair or your cain is just a tool to help you move without issues. Just like James needs his glasses to see two feet in front of him and how I need my hearing aids to hear your beautiful voice” Sirius had a loving smile on his face, but his eyes were wary as if taking in everything Remus was doing.

Remus had been getting slowly more and more frustrated since the lions but a few soothing words from his boyfriend was like balm on his burning irritation. A slow nod made Sirius break out in a grin.

“I’m sorry you’re right. I just-“ The hand not wrapped around Sirius’ was dragged down his face in a huff of annoyance with himself. “today was supposed to be a good day”

“It still is love; your disability hasn’t ruined anything, and it never has. We can enjoy ourselves whether we walk a little slower for you or if your wheeling around. Being around you will always be my favourite pastime.”

“But no one else needs help walking around the fucking zoo for a day, its frustrating how my body makes me feel so weak” the dejected look on Remus’ face staring and the ground in between the couple was nearly enough to break Sirius’ heart.

“Darling, listen to me” Sirius right hand came to rest under Remus’ chin and pushed up slightly until golden flecks hidden within gorgeous amber eyes lifted to meet with grey storm clouds hidden in Sirius eyes. “Your disability does not make you weak Remus it makes you strong. Stronger than so many other people that I know. You can deal with it, persevere, and come out the other side there’s not a day that goes by where I am not in absolute awe of you Remus Lupin.”

Remus sniffled slightly and gently chuckled “sap”

“I suppose I am. Now lets get you to that bench over there and I will be right back.” And he was, it only took Sirius just over 5 minutes to grab the wheelchair from the car and run right back to Remus’ side. The weight off of his joints was an absolute god send and Sirius insisted on wheeling Remus around the wallaby walkabout. All in all it was a perfect day.

No rest 'til the sunrise

I love this fanart so much that I had to write a little one-shot inspired by it. In my head I imagine that Remus has bad early on set arteritis and uses his wheelchair if the pain is worse. Just a fluffy muggle au but can be read in magical universe if you want to. So I hope you enjoy! Use of medicinal weed

Sirius woke up to the sound of Remus pottering around in the kitchen of their dingy little flat. They had been living there for nearly a year now, it was rented so they couldn’t do anything about the boring cream colour that covered all the walls, but they made sure to cover all available surface with plants, and sometimes books and records if they ran out of space on their bookshelves. Remus usually slept in till the early afternoon unless they had plans except if he was in pain and couldn’t sleep. Considering the sun was rising and dipping into the room through the split in the curtain Remus was up early again. Sirius then shoved the duvet down and stumbled out of bed, eyes still closed trying to cling to the last of sleep that he could while checking up on his boyfriend. His arms were outstretched to make sure that he didn’t bump into anything which didn’t work as his bare shoulder knocked against the door frame of their bedroom. He crossed the small hallway and under the archway separating the space to the kitchen. Remus was sat in his wheelchair with his chequered red PJ bottoms and a soft grey T-shirt. Sirius however had on his softest boxers because summer was definitely here, which was evident as a slight breeze came through open windows. 5 Seconds of Summer was playing through the speaker in the corner of the kitchen as Remus mixed up some extra pancake batter. His soft honey voice filled the small flat before setting the batter down on the side, gripping his wheels and spinning around the area of the kitchen.

“Tell the truth and I’ll show you how to dare” his head was thrown back with his eyes closed and a sated look on his face “Flashlights, held tight, we can own this town”

Sirius pushed his back of the far wall and joined in

“Never say goodbyeeeeeee” Remus stopped his spinning to stare at his boyfriend, all of his tattoos were on show and the rising sun streamed through the windows and carefully lit him up.

“So, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me and tell me that I’ll see you again” they both sang at the top of their lungs, which would probably wake the neighbours up because it was currently 6 in the morning. The problem was neither of them cared.

“Cause I don’t know if I can let you gooooo” Remus’ hand latched on to Sirius’ and pulled him on top of his lap and sung to him with a ridiculously happy smile on his face.

“So, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me” Sirius happily obliged and smiled into the gentle domestic moments and cradled Remus head with such care as their lips were brought together.

“I’m dying just to see you again” Sirius sang back at him as they parted. His hand smoothed down Remus shoulders over the old worn T-shirt as the music settled into the background. “You in pain again?”

“My shoulders were aching which woke me up around 4 and my left hip is well, not good.” Remus pointed down to his leg which, conveniently was not the leg Sirius was sat on.

“Want me to roll?”

“Duh! That’s what I’ve been waiting for” Sirius sniggered as he raised himself from Remus’ lap to fetch the small tin at the back of the cupboard. Remus pushed himself over to the window waiting for Sirius to join him as he carefully rolled out a joint. Sirius sat on the windowsill as he passed Remus the joint and lighter watching carefully as Remus cradled it between fingers and brought the flame up to the tip. It was lit and Remus looked at the horizon, but Sirius just stared at him. Vaguely Remus waved the joint over at him not really looking until Sirius caught his hand taking the joint and carefully kissing Remus’ knuckles. The two hands were clasped together and placed in Sirius’ lap as he carefully took a drag from the joint blew the smoke out the window and into the breeze.

“Cause I don’t know if I don’t know if I can let you go” Sirius sang along with the song in the background once more and Remus pulled on his hand and sung the next lyric.

“So, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me” and he did. “Will we ever be able to listen to that song with out making out?”

“God I hope not” Sirius looked disgusted at the notion and wrinkled his nose slightly handing back the joint and watching as the smoke curled around Remus after taking a drag. “I’ll finish the pancakes you finish the joint”

“That I can do!” Remus nodded taking another drag. “Chocolate chips are in the cupboard on the left”

“I know how you like your pancakes Remus we’ve only been together 2 years” he said standing up and walking back to the kitchen area “Here’s to teenage memories!” Sirius sung grabbing the chocolate chips and dumping the whole packet into the mixture and heating up a pan. “Whoa oh oh oh ohhh. Whoa oh. Here’s to teenage memories!” The first pancake got caught on the edges and didn’t flip right so it got burnt in some places and was still raw in others. Sirius dumped it and got started on the second one which went perfectly and soon there was a stack of fresh chocolate chip pancakes on a plate. Sirius carried it round with a jar of Nutella to the other side of the breakfast bar where Remus was now sat at the little dining table they’d got together from a charity shop a few streets over. The plate was plonked in front Remus, and he grabbed the knife sticking out of the Nutella jar smothering the first pancake, picking it up with his fingers and stuffing it in his mouth. Sirius loved Remus and loved making him happy so if chocolate chip pancakes with Nutella was the way to his heart so be it. Sirius got to wide the chocolate smudge of the side of his boyfriends mouth and relish in the slightly startled look Remus gave him before picking another pancake and the Nutella knife. Remus would never trade these mornings with Sirius for anything, the pain was worth it to feel how loved he was.

I love them.. and they love each other...

In case anyone finds it helpful because mobility aids are horrifically expensive and inaccessible…

And for those people who have access to mobility devices but might benefit from a second chair they can abuse without risking expensive damage…

Erik Kondo has made a website, Open Source Innovations, that details plans for DIY wheelchairs. These wheelchairs can be made from common materials like wood, plastic, and pvc. They are lightweight and can be custom fit to the user allowing from the same degree of movement you would get from a custom chair. And they are durable and easily repairable. (he has been stress testing his latest design by dropping it down stairs, dropping it out of a car, launching it across a driveway, and throwing it off a deck). Its 12lbs and I think he said its was in the $200 ish range for parts.

He also is working on cheap, open source, accessible designs for beach chairs, off road chairs, motorized attachments (think smart drive), and so on. Plus he skateboards in his wheelchair. Cool dude, helpful info, pass it on.

yknow what? shoutout to AAC users.

people don't acknowledge those who are nonspeaking/nonverbal and use any form of AAC, but you guys are just as valid as every other disabled individual

i hope your spoons are plentiful and today goes well for you <3 /gen