Creativewriters - Blog Posts

writeblr introduction

☼ my name is avery and my blog runs two themes at once! witch themes/writing themes.

☼ if you haven't made the connection already, i'm an aspiring author and an inspiring witch!

☼ i just recently got back into writing after a two year hiatus, unfortunately stemming from a spiral in depression. i've realized that writing makes me feel better :)

☼ even better news, i've started my very first novel! i plan on attempting to get it published in early 2022, but that's a long-term goal.

☼ i love writing in my grimoire the most! something about being able to create not only memories, but test out my artist skills as well makes me feel alive!

☼ i hope to become a positive member in this community and i love making new friends! feel free to message me, especially if you want an opinion on your writing! i love reading!

☼ my favorite author right now is andrea cremer! she actually inspired this novel!

A small bowl of fruit and some chocolate milk, with some story writing? Sounds like a good start to a day.

Let's see if it is!

People buzz around me memorizing words on paper.

People stress around me telling me they'll check on me later

Because what could possibly be more important than studying for your finals

Surely it's more important, even if you think you're going to fall off the deep end.

They cast glances my way when they see me not studying

They throws words that say, "Hey you'll regret it by morning."

How do I tell them I couldn't care less

When I don't know if I'll be there by then because my mind's a mess.

What's a little losing your mind when in a few hours you've got a statistics test!

-scaredofmyvoice

Grasping ropes that were rotten and on fire

Grasping ropes as I tried to pull myself higher

Away from the water that rises at a speed I can't control

Away from the water that threatens to engulf me cold.

Maybe this is why I sought after ways

To find any sort of control

When I ate, slept and how much pain I felt

For all my bad decisions, my body went through hell.

I'm sick and tired and scared of myself at times

The world gets hazy and I can't breathe well

Someone please, save me from myself.

I'm sick and tired of looking at my arm and only seeing lines.

Filled with guilt and a terrible sense of shame

Filled with fear but I asked for help anyway.

No one's coming I've got to save myself

All I've got is me, in sickness and in health.

So I cradle my heavy heart in my arms

And tell someone I trust, that to myself I bring harm.

"I need help", these words I choked out finally

One big step towards a better rope at the end

I'm slowly making my way towards it,

Are you proud of me yet?

-scaredofmyvoice

Something happened today

Something that made me think.

We went to get food, my friends and I

We went to get food delighted and waiting to buy.

One step closer i get nervous,

Do i really have to eat?

Another step closer,

My heart starts pumping with quickened beats.

We get the food, my friends and I,

One big plate to share amongst us three.

They each grab a spoon and give one to me

They each have a bite and look at me,

Waiting to see if I liked the taste.

Was it always this scary to eat?

Was i always so afraid of their eyes on me?

No, thats not true.

But then whats wrong?

Why can't i eat even though it's what i want?

I stand there awkwardly trying to get a spoonfull

I stand there awkwardly hoping to run away if i could.

In the end I said I didn't want to eat and smiled

In the end , even though I didnt want to I lied.

I thought about it all the way home

And then i thought about it some more.

It makes me sad because I wanted to eat

It makes me mad because I held myself back.

I wanted to be like them when their eyes sparkled at the taste

I wanted to be like them when they ate each bite with no shame on their face.

Im always so ashamed to eat

Even though its a basic need

Im always so ashamed they'd see

And so i hide away behind smiles and a mumbled "Its okay I'm fine"

Something happened today,

Something that made me blink

At the absurdity of my own mind

For making me feel such shame

Over something so small,

Like having a bite.

-scaredofmyvoice

I usually wait till I have atleast a few poems written before I post but this has been on my mind for hours now and I just wanted to let it out.

It's been a rough day guys :<

I know it's true.

I ask for reassurance a lot more than others do

Because no matter how much I get

The voice in my head goes "They're lying, I bet"

It laughs, it mocks, it jeers at my pain

"Silly little girl who would even love you", it asks.

"Silly little girl you're such a burden", it laughs.

Just be quiet and pretend you're fine.

Who would even want to know that you're having a hard time

It taunts me all day with such cold cruel words

I find myself believing them

And in despair and agony i dwell.

So tell me in the end

Is it really wrong of me

To want others to give me what I desperately need.

To want them to see my flaws and love me nonetheless .

You need to love yourself first, I hear people say.

I'm not saying that I'll never love myself

I'm learning and while I do,

Can't I ask that you love me too?

-scaredofmyvoice

You might think I'm stupid and dumb

Because instead of trying to move on

I'm looking for ways to deepen our bond.

You might think I'm a little insane when I say,

That all I want

Is her in my life.

It didn't matter if we'd never date.

It didn't matter if she'd never love me the same way I love her.

Because even if as a friend I can stay,

I know I'd take it anyday.

You might think I'm foolish.

You might think I'm weak.

But I'd rather spend every waking minute loving till my heart stops it beat.

-scaredofmyvoice

I knew I loved you way more than a friend should

I knew I loved you and I would have stopped if I could.

I knew I loved you when my head went blank when you were too close

I knew I loved you when you hugged me and I thought my heart would explode.

I knew I loved you when I found myself keeping a note of things you like and don't.

I knew I loved you when I realized I wouldn't do things you disliked, I won't.

I knew i Ioved you when I answered your every text in seconds when it took you hours

I knew I loved you when to you I freely spoke about my scars.

I knew I loved you when I found myself getting lost staring at you from afar.

I knew I loved you months ago and I know I denied it too.

I know I love you

And I'm not sure what to do.

It's too hard for me to let go of you.

-scaredofmyvoice

All this pain is making it hard to breathe

All this pain is slowly killing me.

All this pain I wish that it would stop

All this pain that I know is really just love.

Love, with no place to go.

Love, that wants to scream no.

No I don't want you to leave.

No, infact, I just want you with me.

No I don't want the future to come

No because I know with me you'll be done.

It hurts.

It hurts so much

But if I can stay by your side,

My heart to bear the pain I'd train.

-scaredofmyvoice

I found myself keeping a note of things you like and don't.

I filled it up with every bit of information I knew

As if my mind wasn't already full of you.

I filled it up because I didn't want to forget even a single piece of you.

The fact that you like the moon and that your favorite colour is blue .

The fact that you're scared of spiders and what wish you'd pray would come true.

The fact that when you're happy your eyes sparkle and your cheeks have a baby pink hue.

The fact that you love kids and are good with them too.

After these little facts about you,

I write about things I could give you to make you happy

I write about how I could learn to play your favorite song,

Even though I haven't touched a keyboard in years.

I write about how I could sew you a doll,

Even though I've never once sewed before

Its just that if I could put a smile on your face,

I'd do anything and everything I ever could.

-scaredofmyvoice