Where Every Scroll is a New Adventure
Clockwork Princess - Blog Posts
*after a few dates with Cecily*
Gabriel: Gid, what do you think of Cecily?
Gideon: I think you should marry her, brother!
*later that day*
Gabriel: Well, I don’t know if I’ll regret this sooner or later, but I followed your advice and now I’m engaged to Will.
Tessa: Happy Birthday, Will! I got you a present!
*Jem walks through the door*
Will: OHMYGOD you got me JEM?
Tessa: No, no. It’s this book-
Will, through tears: HE’S PERFECT, TESSA, I LOVE HIM! Thank you!
Will: I’d like to phone a friend
Game show host: I haven’t asked you the questions yet-
Will: I know, I just miss Jem already
Gideon at 2 am: Sophie, wake up so we can discuss our love for each other
Sophie: By the angel, I love you so much!
vs.
Tessa at 2 am: Will, if you want to discuss how to exterminate all ducks on earth for good I’m leaving you.
Jem: Netflix lied to me
Jem: I’ve never seen bad boy types protecting stray kittens revealing to me their soft side
Jem: It’s always me picking up the kittens.
Jem:
Jem:
Jem: Maybe I’m the bad boy
Sophie: I keep a portrait of Gid in my purse.
Gideon: Really? I have a portrait of you in my wallet!
Tessa: Aww, that’s cute. Will keeps a portrait of Jem.
Will: He’s just so damn beautiful.
Jem: Well, I did warn you
Will: Yes
Jem: But did you listen?
Will: No
Jem: Do you ever listen?
Will: No
Jem: Are you listening now?
Will: … no
Jem: Are you staring at my arse right now?
Will: N- yes
Jem: …
Will: In my defense it’s a nice arse.
Tessa: Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow?
Will: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes and they’re specifically designed to carry the burden of my entire existence.
Tessa: … literally all you had to do was say no.
Gabriel: If you had to go on a date with anyone of us, who’d you choose?
Jem: No way
Tessa, blushing: I’m not answering that…
Will: Jem
Everyone: …
Will: oH- nO waY, i’M NoT anSweRinG tHat!
Tessa: I wonder where we will be in twenty years
Will: Dead
Tessa: Let’s think positive!
Jem: We will all have a nice house-
Will: … 6 feet under ground
Will, rolling down the car window: What seems to be the problem, officer?
Cop: Get the FUCK out of my car!
Charlotte: Let’s spice things up
Henry: But I’m allergic to chilli
Charlotte: I meant in the bedroom
Henry: It doesn’t matter in what room we eat, Lottie, I’m still allergic to chilli
Gabriel: Did you know you stole something from me when we met yesterday?
Cecily: Sorry, I’ll return your wallet.
Gabriel: You stole my hea- wait, you did what?
Jem: I just wish you would admit that you made a mistake
Will, stirring salt into his tea: No, I like it like this!
Will: You need a hobby
James: I do have a hobby!
Will: Well, being angsty and sad isn’t a hobby!
Matthew from distance: It isn’t?!
Will: [pours salt in Jem’s tea]
Jem: [sips tea]
Will:
Jem: [finishes tea]
Will: … didn’t the tea taste weird?
Jem: Well, yes. But I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Will, tearing up: Okay
At a restaurant
Cecily: Hey, are you single?
Gabriel, blushing: Y- Yes, I am.
Cecily: [takes away the extra chair in front of him]
Cecily: Thanks
Christopher: I’m scared
Gabriel: Your mom said to go to bed.
Christopher: But there’s a monster under my bed!
Gabriel: Is it scarier than your mom?
Christopher:
Christopher: *goes back to bed*
Will: I found James. He was sleeping while training again.
James: I wasn’t sleeping, someone drugged me!
Will, turning around to Tessa: Cancel that, he was doing drugs.
Jem: Ok, Will, I know you mean well and everything, but please stop being a little bitch. We need to work together!
Will: Will do. But only if you take off your shirt for me.
Jem:
Jem: Weird flex but okay
Will: I’m amazing at picking locks. It’s my specialty
Will: *smashes window with a baseball bat and opens door from the inside*
Will: See? It’s easy
Tessa: You are an ADULT, Will. It’s your job to keep our children from making stupid decisions like this!
Will: That is true…
Will: … but I was also really curious to see how many donuts James and Lucie can eat in one minute.
*When Gabriel and Cecily first meet*
Cecily: You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Gabriel: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.
[Later]
Gabriel: You’re the scariest cupcake I’ve ever met.
Henry: So, I heard you like bad boys?
Charlotte: Umm, no, not really-
Henry: Not to get you excited, but I don’t look both ways before I cross the street.
Charlotte: That’s very dangerous.
Henry: I know. I don’t really do that…
Cecily: *loses Gabriel in a crowd*
Cecily: This calls for drastic-
Will: SHUT THE FUCK UP and keep walking
Charlotte: So, what do you think?
Will: I wasn’t even listening but I heavily disagree with Gabriel.
Charlotte: Gabriel isn’t even here
Tessa: Can I please stay in your room?
Jem: Why?
Tessa: Will and I played with a Ouija board and we cursed mine
Tessa: and Will isn’t much help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits, so he just throws salt at them and yells: “Does this look like a hotel to you?!”
Will: [tapping on the table]
Gabriel: [tapping back furiously]
Cecily: What’s going on?
Tessa: They learned morse code so they could talk to each other secretly.
Will: .-.. .. --. .... - .-- --- .-. –
Gabriel: [slams fists on table] YOU TAKE THAT BACK
Gabriel: [faints]
Will: He’s not responding to painful stimuli.
Tessa: Stabbing someone in the foot over and over doesn’t make you a doctor.