Billy Batson - Blog Posts

Billy: Statute of limitations, but anyways thanks for coming!

Batman: That's not how the statute of limitations works-

Billy: I dropped out of fifth grade, my legalese compiles what cops've harassed me for.

The Justice League: What-

Billy: Man, I can like, trauma and info dump so much now! This is gonna be fun!

The Justice League: No it will not.

Billy telling them his identity when he hits 18 🙏

My favorite superheroes as the Weezer blue album

It came to me in a vision

Captain Marvel gets kidnapped and put under a magical truth spell except it’s the Marvel & Billy Are Separate People AU so the kidnappers don’t get any info on his (Billy’s) secret identity

Kidnapper: “Alright Marvel! What’s your real name?”

Captain Marvel: “Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what??? No! I mean your real name!”

Cap: “my real name is Captain Marvel”

Kidnapper: “what?! Ugh nevermind. How old are you?”

Cap: “I’m supposed to keep count of that?”

Kidnapper, getting more frustrated by the second: “just- just give me a rough estimate”

Cap: “at least a few million years, though I was asleep for a few thousand”

Kidnapper: “…”

Kidnapper, moving on: “well, where do you live?”

Cap: *shrugs*

Kidnapper: “you can’t just shrug! Where do you live?!?!”

Cap: “the rock, I guess”

Kidnapper: “the rock- WHAT IS THE ROCK?”

Cap: “basically a big cave”

Kidnapper: “YOU LIVE IN A CAVE???”

Police officer A: “Hey, isn’t that kid over there registered in the system as missing?”

Police officer B: “Yeah, but we don’t try and catch him anymore because last time we tried to, he managed to bite a chunk out of another officer’s arm”

Police officer A: “What about that girl behind him? Isn’t she presumed dead? We should at least ask some questions”

Police officer C: “Last time we did that, she pulled a grenade out of nowhere”

Police officer A: “Jesus, well what about the boy with the crutch? Seems like he’s also gone missing from a foster home”

Police officer B: “Oh you don’t even want to know what happened when we tried to catch him”

Police officer C: “I’m not sure if it was even humanly possible”

I love body horror Captain Marvel cause yeah, if he’s been dismembered why wouldn’t he just have his limbs move on their own like a cartoon while his fellow heroes watch on in horror

Billy, running into the room: “Guys! Miss Bambi just told me that last night somebody broke into uncle Ebenezer’s house and trashed everything!”

Mary: “oh no! That’s horrible!”

Freddy, leaning towards Mary and whispering: “how dare you trash E’s house and not invite me”

Mary, whispering back: “Miss Bambi was already helping me. You snooze you lose”

You don’t know how desperately I need the Justice League to pull up to the Rock of Eternity cause they need the help of the all powerful and all knowing Champion of Magic, only to see a kid playing with toy cars making “vroom!” noises and to face the realisation that this is the person who can control all magic in the world

Billy, talking to a war criminal like Mr Mind: “Hey! Can you please stop that?”

Billy, talking to his siblings after they mildly annoyed him: “do that again and I’ll fucking end you and your bloodline”

Let him have that Cain instinct

Billy, whose parents died from being crushed by rocks in a buried tomb, watching as the wizard is killed by a massive rock falling onto him: oh…

Something about the wizard dying right after giving Billy the title Champion of Magic hurts me.

Billy isn’t told what he’s supposed to do, he wants to help people with his new power and status, but no one’s telling him how because the only one who could died in front of him.

Now he’s stumbling blindly through life trying to get it right while everyone judges him because “clearly the old wizard Shazam picked another dud, this person isn’t doing anything he’s supposed to!”

Okay we’ve all heard the “Batman adopts Billy” thing. Which, yeah, it’s fun cause of BATson and Billy being an orphan with black hair and blue eyes, but hear me out…

Billy somehow ends up in Gotham’s streets (magic shenanigans) and since he’s so obviously a street kid and he doesn’t have any records (cause of the time bubble, Fawcett is still just getting out of the 50s and into the modern world, so the files are a bit messy) so he’s snatched up by CPS

Billy gets fostered by Bruce, but as soon as they leave that kid alone, he’s climbing out a window and they never see him again (Magic and also people are hard to track in Fawcett)

So come Captain Marvel (Shazam) identity reveal, Batman’s blue screening cause THATS the kid that left the worlds greatest detective dumbfounded?

Back with another list for you guys!!!

Weird things Captain Marvel has done

Carved his entire mission report into a slab of stone for Batman

Sat on the couch in the Watchtower rec room without moving or blinking for 2 hours straight before going home whistling

Tried to lick the sun cause he was curious what it would taste like

Carried a child (Freddy) on his shoulders for an entire mission

Wore a top hat for a day and when asked about it was very confused about why he was wearing a top hat

Fell asleep in space for 5 hours, just floating around (he only woke up when he bumped into the moon)

Sweat an actual, real bullet

Swallowed a bag of chips whole (like, he didn’t even open it up)

Accidentally turned his hair into cotton candy then absentmindedly ate it (bald Cap became a meme)

Didn’t have have his lower body for a week and didn’t say why (like, from the waist down it was just fucking gone)

Currently thinking about Captain Marvel having to take a phone call with the JL in the room

Captain Marvel: “I’m with the JL right now, what do you want??”

Capt Marvel: “what do you mean Mary has a machine gun???”

Capt Marvel: “she did what? No, you can’t do the same, Freddy!”

Capt Marvel: “because it’s ILLEGAL”

Capt Marvel: “bringing Dudley does NOT make it better!”

Capt Marvel: “yes, I know I did the same thing, but that was YESTERDAY. I’m a new man, Freddy!”

Capt Marvel: “mhm, okay fine, just don’t get caught and you have to share when I’m home”

Capt Marvel, ending the call: “okay, bye, see you soon”

JL, staring at him: “…”

Capt Marvel: “What?”

I need a fic where Captain Marvel’s identity is found out and after a lot of arguing and debating, the Justice League is like “okay fine, you can be a hero as long as you have your parents’ permission”

And Billy homeless-orphan Batson, has to jump through hoops to convince all the adults that he has parents and they are fine with him being a hero

Fanfic writers PLEASE!!! I need Billy to have a situation like Tim drake when he had a fake uncle!

I feel like Mary would be the one to give a shovel talk if Billy ever got a romantical partner (not likely cause aroace billy for the win!)

Like, I want her to be the protective one. Let her be the one to stand behind Billy and menacingly glare at whoever is being slightly rude.

Headcanon that Billy doesn’t say “I swear to god” or any variation of that cause if he says that and then breaks the promise, the gods in his head won’t stop nagging him about it until he fixes it

Do new members of the DC Captain Marvel fandom know that the concept of Thavma is mainly fanon? No? Okay, nobody tell them it’ll be so funny

Scenario where Mr. Mind forgets his voice amplifier and when he stands in front of Billy about to monologue, Billy doesn’t notice him and just steps on Mr. Mind, killing him.

So like a few months later, Billy’s just wondering if Mr. Mind retired cause he hasn’t shown up recently.

Tags from @zorilleerrant

This is the perfect addition

Don’t get me wrong, I love content where the Justice League don’t know Billy’s identity and all the shenanigans that come with that!

But something about the JL just causally knowing they have a 14 year old on their team fighting universal threats and being okay with that is so funny to me

Scenario where Billy is the Champion of Magic as usual, but he knows absolutely NOTHING about magic cause the wizard just died after giving him powers.

So all the JLD members are freaking out once they find out the dude —who can make or break their careers in magic— knows fuck-all about it!

Cue shenanigans where all the magic users are trying to teach a god stuff he should know by default.

Don’t get me wrong, I love content where the Justice League don’t know Billy’s identity and all the shenanigans that come with that!

But something about the JL just causally knowing they have a 14 year old on their team fighting universal threats and being okay with that is so funny to me

Idk where this thought came from butttt….

Batman entering Fawcett only to see Captain Marvel Jr and Mary Marvel screaming the lyrics of the Duck Song into the ears of a somehow asleep Captain Marvel on the floor.

Batman turns around and leaves after seeing that

You know the Billy Batson brain rot is strong when bully starts auto correcting to Billy

One day he just drops out of the sky fast asleep during the Justice League fighting a threat and later that day they have to send out a public statement that “Captain Marvel is not dead, one of his patrons just will sometimes pull his blessing from Marvel so he will sleep”

Billy is not happy about his lack-of-sleep being leaked to the public cause now Fawcett heroes and civilians regularly check in to make sure he’s sleeping.

Thinking about a scenario where, for whatever reason, Atlas has to pull his blessing from Captain Marvel for a little bit and Cap doesn’t know about it until it happens.

Like, he’s at a Justice League meeting, and suddenly he’s so tired and he just falls asleep on the spot.

So the JL hear a giant thud and look over so see Captain Marvel gone limp face down on the table.

And he looks dead. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t need to breathe in his marvel form so he isn’t breathing.

Cue the freak out.

Y’know the classic “Billy de-transforms from Captain Marvel back into Billy and the JL think he’s been de-aged so Billy has to pretend to be from ancient times” thing?

I want someone to write that but with Captain Marvel and Billy being separate people like they are in the old comics.

So it’s just Billy either not knowing shit about how to act like a young Cap or Billy not giving a fuck about acting and just him leaving the JL really confused about how Cap was like this when he was young.

Thinking about a scenario where, for whatever reason, Atlas has to pull his blessing from Captain Marvel for a little bit and Cap doesn’t know about it until it happens.

Like, he’s at a Justice League meeting, and suddenly he’s so tired and he just falls asleep on the spot.

So the JL hear a giant thud and look over so see Captain Marvel gone limp face down on the table.

And he looks dead. It doesn’t help that he doesn’t need to breathe in his marvel form so he isn’t breathing.

Cue the freak out.

On a lighthearted note:

Billy beatboxing at Ebenezer Batson’s funeral. No speech, just a silent room with Billy beatboxing next to Ebenezer’s coffin.

Thinking about Mary Marvel picking up Captain Marvel (Billy Batson) from Justice League missions/meetings like she’s picking him up from school. And I’m not talking the N52 Mary where’s she’s much older than Billy, I’m talking TWIN Mary!

Mary Marvel: “sooo, how was it? Make any new friends?”

Captain Marvel: “yeah! And I met superman!!!”

Mary Marvel: “that’s nice Billy”

I think one of my favourite things about the fandom is that when someone writes Billy saying “oh my god” they usually replace it with “oh my gods”.

Cause that kid knows for a FACT that there is more than one god because multiple are currently arguing in his head.

These lists are so fun to make

Things Billy has said when a JL member found him walking around as a child in the Watchtower (you decide which excuses worked and which didn’t)

“I’m Batman’s new Robin” (the blue eyes, black hair, and orphan status convinces everyone worryingly fast.)

“Im checking to see if this building’s up to code!” He had a fake mustache and a clipboard too.

“My class is here on a field trip and I got lost :(“

“Let me call my lawyer then we’ll talk!”

“Dude, did you really forget me? We’ve been working together for years!” (It isn’t gaslighting if it’s technically true)

Points behind them “OhMyGosh! A ghost!” Runs away when they look behind them.

“What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here!?”

“SIR/MA’AM, I AM HERE ON OFFICAL BUSINESS™️. PLEASE STEP AWAY AND LET ME DO MY JOB”

“Hi! I’m the Whiz Kid here to do an interview with Cap!”

“You can see me?”

“Excuse me, this is private property and you should NOT be here!”

Says Shazam and turns back into Cap “no one will ever believe you…”