*googles ‘how To Nominate Reporter For Peabody Award’* x

THIS ONE TIME A KID IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WAS LATE GETTING HOME BECAUSE HE WAS BUYING DRUGS SO HE TOLD HIS MOM HE GOT KIDNAPPED AND SHE MADE HIM REPORT IT TO THE POLICE AND HE DESCRIBED THE KIDNAPPER AS COUNT OLAF AND THEN THIS HAPPENED

i’m going through some 19th century travel diaries of people traveling from england to australia, and there’s this diary dated 1835, by a woman called eliza taylor. she’s fascinated by flying fish and dolphins, sees seagulls (”they are like pigeons but make a similar noise to ducks”), stargazes “till tea time” with the captain and another woman passenger, describes the boatswain playing the violin very well. these two paragraphs struck me, this one she writes during some party on deck:

Their merriment accorded not with my gloomy reflections both for the past and the future. I am very melancholy this warm weather and often wonder whether in any future years I shall ever have a taste of the joys and scenes of happiness I had in my childhood. My evil genius whispers No.

(what happened to you, eliza? we won’t know. just a glimpse of her sadness in a travelogue is all we’re allowed to see)

and then, on another evening, she sees something that may be bioluminescence, or maybe just starlight:

In a fine blue sea, the foam caused by the vessel at night seems full of stars. The snow white ferment, with the golden sparkles in it is beautiful beyond description. You look over and devour it with your eyes, as you would do much etherial syllabub. Finalmente, the stars issue forth, and the Moon always more lovely the farther you get South, completed the magnificience of the imposing scene.

it’s such a lovely description, so full of wonder.

I can’t stop laughing because…

like I don’t know how you can get more obvious than tweeting “I’m sure I’m bisexual,” but clearly The Sun isn’t convinced

Reblog if Talyn is just as great as Joan

So… You wanna explore the Universe.

If you are reading this guide, then you and any potential peers want to leave the comfort and security of your warm mother star and expand into the cold, dark, and unforgivable void. A mistake, really, but I am not here to stop you; I am here to lay out some basic rules that you puny mortals must abide by.

Don’t ask questions you are not prepared to know the answer to.

There’s always bigger.

Never cross the Elder Gods.

Always remember rule 1.

Fusion based energy is your best friend. If you are still using fossil fuels then your species sucks. Period.

Speaking of fossil fuels, chemical based rockets suck. Try using space bending warp drives or quantum bridges. Light speed sucks, too.

It’s not a bad idea for your species to be genocidal xenophobic maniacs to everything but yourselves. Just make sure you have the firepower to back it up.

I highly recommend total unity within your species. If you are too busy fighting amongst yourselves, what are you going to do when Needledorp arrives?

Fear Needledorp.

Always remember rule 9.

If you find a desolate, rocky planet with the only inhabitant named “Frank”, avoid that planet at all costs. I don’t care if it’s rich in resources, just avoid it.

Some black holes are alive. They are aggressive. Do not pet the black holes.

It’s just like that, sometimes.

Make sure nothing is following you.

If you have an individual with psychic powers, expect them to go insane once they leave the confines of your mother star. Lock them up in a closet with a few markers and check up on them every once in a while. If they star my screaming about an entity named “Carol”, shoot them out the airlock. They will be the distraction.

Remember rule 1.

You are immortal until proven otherwise.

Any extraterrestrial rocks may have anomalous properties. Proceed with caution, or you may get space zombies or something.

Remember rule 13.

Make sure nothing is following you.

Violence may be an answer to a dispute with an extraterrestrial entity. Copulation is a last resort (control your thirst).

If bullets don’t work, punches will.

Remember rule 17.

Your objective: survive.

Babies are not food, they are weapons.

There are cheat codes.

Don’t ask about the cheat codes. Remember rule 1.

If the void is staring at you. Make it uncomfortable.

Avoid Frank. The anomalous one.

Remember rules 1, 2, and 3.

Rules For Ghost Hunting and Such For People Who Do Not Normally See Them

1. As someone who sees ghosts, I advise you to completely cover your skin, including ankles, hands, and your face. Except for your ears and eyes.

2. Do not ever cover your ears. You will need them to hear.

3. Do not speak aloud. Instead, focus on a mental connection. Ghost don’t like voices, and some latch onto you this way.

4. Always remember Rule 2.

5. Once they are open to you, you are open to them.

6. Experiences tend to be few and far in between. My first visual was at five, then ten, and then an unsettling amount of presences and mishaps at 15. If you are constantly seeing one, it is most likely tracking you.

7. If you have read this guide in the hopes of figuring out how to permanently get rid of a ghost, sorry. The most I know to tell you is to very clearly and loudly state they are not welcome here. This is most effective if you’ve never spoken to them before. Watch out for more tailing behind.

8. If you see a young girl named Victoria with a mangled leg, get the hell out of there and get a friend to tell her to leave. A tall man with no face may come for revenge. Prepare yourself. 

9. Always be prepared. 

10. A phone is more effective than a radio or walkie talkies if you want a buffer or distraction.

11. Stay calm and be firm. Fear is easily manipulated.

12. Your feet are the most vulnerable part of you. Make sure you can run fast and move nimbly.

13. Developing ghost tend to hide under things and in shadows. Avoid that.

14. You really shouldn’t be ghost hunting. 

15. Remember Rule 5. It is the most vital thing to know.

16. It is not always plausible to close yourself from the supernatural once you are open to it. Most chose to open themselves. Ones like me are born without a choice.

17. Do not imagine anything in particular about a ghost. You will warp the connection.

18. Stay focused on your objective.

19. Everything has an objective and a personality. Observe it.

20. Do not let them touch you. You may feel them, but if you see them attempting to touch you, break the connection. They may touch you before you see them and that is less dangerous.

21. Breaking a connection is not easy without another person who doesn’t feel it. Screaming and motion can help.

22. Footsteps when you are alone is not something to be ignored.

23. The best protection is a non-believer, or someone the ghost has decided Unnecessary.

24. Avoid anything that feels off or malicious.

25. If you saw something, you most definitely saw something. Don’t disregard it. 

26. Under no circumstances, should you panic. Period.

27. Do not expect a ghost to deem you Necessary. It is usually better to be left alone.

28. Ghost mostly appear in white and black. Watch out for colors. 

29. If you’re colorblind, do not go alone.

30. Going alone makes you both more vulnerable and more open.

31. Most ghost will stare at you. If you can’t feel that, leave. Just leave.

32. You can always move. Even when you are frozen in fear. Do not allow them to render you motionless.

33. Most ghosts are tied to a location, usually a house.

34. Trust your instincts. The connection generally defies logical thinking and the ghost will attempt to push you towards certain decisions.

35. Do not let fear taint you.

36. Banging, footsteps, scuttling, and whispering are common noises for ghosts and such.

37. Avoid small areas. 

38. Avoid rooms with too many dangerous or sharp objects.

39. Bullets do not work.

40. Do not bring any weapons beyond a heavy stick. Even that can be ill-advised.

41. Make sure clothing is form fitting. No holes, no gaps, no open zippers. Jackets are a good idea.

42. If you find yourself in a verbal conversation with a ghost, be prepared for anything. Even death. Most will not speak.

43. Powerful ones can bounce thoughts back and forth through the connection. The best thing to do is to project your thoughts at the ghost and narrate the situation. 

44. Remain in control. If a ghost attempts to take control, sever the connection.

45. The more stuff you meddle in, the more stuff that can come at you. Everything is complicated and most likely, harmful. Do not strike deals or make promises.

46. Staircases are very vulnerable. Avoid ones without handrails. You will eventually have to go down if you go up and ghost can make sure you fall.

47. Remember Rule 24, Rule 25, and Rule 34.

48. Windows and doors can be locked. I advise smashing windows if locked in and avoid rooms without them.

49. Not once I have ever encountered a ghost where it was above a cool temperature.

50. Do not follow a ghost anywhere. Water, ice, underground, forest, and anything above the first floor or flammable is a trap. Do not allow them to herd you into one either.

More guides

Surviving a Desert 

How to Befriend the Monster Under Your Bed

By using a camera and computer vision software it is possible to make a fish control a robot car over land. By swimming towards an interesting object, the fish can explore the world beyond the limits of his tank. Via Studio diip

Basic Homesteading Skills

Crafts

quilting

embroidery

cross-stitch

knitting

crochet

sewing

Cooking and Baking

homemade bread

homemade butter

homemade extracts

dandelion jelly

Canning

26 canning recipes

canning jars 101

60 canning recipes

Gardening

edible trees to plant

what to plant to save the bees

cure and braid garlic

save seeds for next year

braid onions for long term storage

build a greenhouse

Animals

homemade chicken feed

raising mealworms for chickens

why to raise nigerian dwarf goats

Outdoors

starting a fire with sticks

trail signs

knotting

find true north without a compass

Medicine

homemade neosporin

all purpose healing salve