22|09|2022

There are times when I do not choose healing. I'm stubborn. I choose self-destruction instead hoping that I will learn what it's like to have wounds again. And I learn and learn and learn again

one thing i really enjoy doing in my journal is writing down beautiful poems, passages from novels, and film reviews that i come across. a few weeks ago, i watched la chimera and it was one of the best movies i've seen in the past decade. i'm still thinking about it, weeks later.... beautiful movies beget beautiful film reviews so i wrote down an excerpt of an nyt review🏺

6/3/24 | Monday

Summer desk setup. Starting to study for the August MPRE.

Little things can make a big difference

For me it's about color schemes

I generally enjoy studying but oh boy do i love doing it when i can annotate a book with a pretty color scheme.

Makes me want to look for deeper meaning into the text, to draw diagrams and make small summaries.

Today's goal is finding small reasons for happiness in everything and anything

Just because you have to study to achieve your dreams doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable

College has been a whole process for me. I did not know how to study, i did not know how to put effort into the right things, and most importantly, i did not know how to accept that my actions (or lack of) were the problem.

It took me years, but I've learned to accept that it's ok for me to need to study to be good when it comes to a subject, that college is a place for learning, not for being instantly good at something.

And now i can finally say that, without the subconscious frustration, i truly do enjoy learning new things, studying new subjects, and studying for the sake of knowing more, not just to pass exams.

It takes work, but it's all worth it.

07/01/2024

a month left and i'm not panicking (i am)...! sorry to juxtapose beautiful flowers with a cursed picture of memorizing crim at like 3 am lmao. hope everyone's having a lovely summer and good luck to those who are also studying over the summer ! summer study squad🌞📚, let's go!!! may we be blessed with good grades, passing scores, and a stress-free autumn🙏

8/29

Had a super productive day yesterday, so today things are moving a tad slower

Decided to do this in a break to take my mind off the courses

1/100 days of productivity

You're not always going to be motivated. So you must learn to be disciplined.

preparing for the presentation I have to make next week!! the closer the time comes for me to speak in front of people the more I want to puke

getting ready to study