Double Puff, Just To Be Safe.

I sifted through thousands of Faces only wanting to see yours.

We are on your Bed watching Movies while I stroke gently through your hair

There was this moment yesterday morning around 6:30 am. It was after a rough night. A fair amount of people had called off from work, we were short staffed, and it felt like everything that could be going wrong. Was going wrong. Eventually we got over whatever hurdle we were facing, and we moved onto our next plane assignment. The flight was an international one, so they load the pilots up with food. Sometimes they dont eat all of it, they might give out whatever is left to the workers offloading the plane. There was Cheesecake on this particular flight that they didn't eat. I got dibs on it. It was a frustrating night, and I felt gross and sweaty. I was exhausted. But there was this moment where I was sitting in the bay door, watching the sunrise, eating on some of best chocolate cheesecake I've had in a while, and for some reason my brain went to that quote that Wanda said to Vision. "You are my Sadness, and My Hope. But Mostly You are my Love." We get these moments in our lives where we can get Angry and Upset, or where all we are is Sadness and what Pain we might feel. But there are others where we get those moments in the sun, at least in my experience, these precious moments despite whatever trial and tribulation I am going through, I can whisper in quiet satisfaction to the world or maybe to myself "But, Mostly you are my Love."

We all want Happiness. However the way we pursue it is so inept and unskillful we are often times more detrimental to our causes than we are helpful. I think it is safe to assume in our lives we have been taught we must grapple, struggle, and labor to ensure that happiness is ours.

I think that there is an answer that might be much more simple. Just be faithful in what you are. Be resolute in what you want to be. Be humble. And above all else Love. Because you are in just the same way, are above all else are loved.

People will envy your strength and success but not the struggle that brought you to it.

A mouth-watering fuck-ton of hand angle references.

By Shadowcross on DA.

I will remember flowers in glass vases.

And shoeless feet in grassy places.

I will remember caramelized skin. And a smile even sweater.

And movie nights, cuddled on the couches Sitting next to the heaters.

I will remember golden-brown hair. And the the way it felt.

I will remember dark brown eyes, and the way they'd make me melt.

You are not a finished product. And no you will never be. You have to remember you often sow seeds you'll never see.

So I am gonna define a word here. Philosophy. Which meaning is regularly used as " A particular system of philosophical thought". I'm going to challenge that definition and modify it to this. "A particular system of thinking, feeling, or believing.". Now I'm going to explain why.

A philosophy, I believe, is the internalized intention. It is your thought processes, your reasonings, your logics, your feelings. These are not apparent, visible or measurable by any metric, rubric, or standard. After a certain age they become the basis for most of your meaningful actions, or at least for some of us.

Now your actions are separate from your thoughts and likewise vice versa. I am sure you have had an argument where you have you been "Oooh I could just throttle you right now.". But you don't, or won't. Another example you have probably have told yourself to get out of bed, or goto the gym. But your body for whatever reason didn't. Or at least I have that problem. I can think of one example of where my father in a moment of frustration slammed his fist into a pinball machine that he was repairing, breaking it more. His intention was to fix the problem. His actions complicated it further. (He later fixed the problem he caused, and the original issue as well)

Actions are Separate from Thoughts. They are, however, also something important, they are the externalized expression. These things are physical, they can be seen, felt, or heard. They are measurable. They are at times distinct and at other times subtle.

There is this age old question, "Who are you? Your thoughts? Or your actions?". I say to you, both. These things together, your philosophies AND your actions are who you are. If you made a Venn Diagram of these two things, that space where the two overlap is what I'm going to call "Thee Identity". These two things are symbiotic. They work off each other, they benefit from each other, they evolve and become more complex together. Or they should at least.

The integrity of who you are is based on how much those two things overlap. Think of Integrity like its a boat. If you puncture the side of that boat, you have now compromised it's integrity. It is now sinking. That's an exaggeration for dramatic effect, but if who you are becomes compromised. It's comparable to that.

Now to summarize. Your Identity, who you are, is a beautiful mixture of two contradictions. How you think, and how you act. The immeasurable and the measurable. Integrity is how much those two things overlap. It No matter what you believe, your experiences or your biases, your identity if formed by those two things. It is your DUTY as a living person to think about your actions and to act by thinking.