This Is So Painfully Accurate It Hurts

HEAR THAT? THATS MY KANEJ HEART!!!!

Someone.... Give me.... Art commisions.... PLEASE 🥺😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

SCREAMING CRYING I LOVE YOU @mcntsee

Decade

Summary: Kaz Brekker x sister! reader. Facing the aftermath of crows’ departures, a dangerous job was proposed, tensions rose, and Kaz’s façade wavered and a sacrifice was made. Based on this request.

Warnings: Sacrifice, violence, grief, “death”, Kaz is ooc at one point

Y/n and Kaz stood at a crossroads, both literally and metaphorically. The sprawling city, a web of treachery and ambition, seemed to mirror the shattered remains of their once-undefeatable crew. The passage of time had etched lines of experience on their faces and shadows of pain in their hearts, leaving Y/n to bear witness to the transformation of her brother, Kaz, into a colder, more enigmatic version of himself.

As each crow had departed, Kaz had grown increasingly desperate and reckless. Inej had set sail to find freedom on the open sea, Wylan and Jesper had left the criminal life behind for a “normal” existence, and Nina had been taken from them after the heart-wrenching loss of Matthias. With each departure, Kaz’s grasp on control seemed to slip, his grip on the world loosening as if trying to reclaim the pieces that had been stolen from him.

The glint of determination in Kaz’s eyes had given way to a consuming darkness. A storm of unresolved emotions that raged beneath his meticulously constructed façade. Each separation had chipped away at the carefully crafted armor he had worn for so long, leaving raw wounds that festered in the shadows. His desperation, once buried deep, now oozed to the surface in the form of reckless schemes and increasingly dangerous jobs.

Y/n had borne witness to this transformation, watching as her brother’s demeanor grew colder and his tactics more extreme. The warmth that had once lingered in his gaze when he looked at his fellow crows had faded, replaced by a calculating edge that had been honed in the crucible of their struggles. Kaz had become a riddle even to those who had known him best, his actions driven by a relentless pursuit of control and vengeance.

The dimly lit room seemed to hold its breath as Kaz’s voice wove intricate tales of danger and deception. The details of the new job hung heavily in the air, but Y/n’s growing unease was impossible to ignore. “This sounds like a suicide mission.” she had finally blurted out, her voice a mixture of frustration and genuine concern.

Tension crackled in the air, an electric current charging the atmosphere. Kaz’s gaze bore into Y/n’s, his defiant expression a reflection of the turmoil that churned beneath the surface. Their words clashed, leaving wounds that cut deeper than any blade.

In the midst of the storm of words, Y/n’s voice softened, a tremor of vulnerability threading through her words. “I miss the old you, Kaz.” she confessed, a sense of longing in her voice. For a fleeting moment, the impervious façade that Kaz had constructed wavered, revealing a glimpse of the brother she had once known. “That version of me is dead, Y/n.” he replied, a touch of sorrow tainting his words.

The charged exchange reached an impasse, marked by an intriguing directive. “Meet me outside the club in three hours.” Kaz commanded, his words heavy with an unspoken weight.

Their rendezvous led them to ascend a towering building, the sprawling panorama of the city unfolding below them. With each step, the weight of their shared history pressed upon them, the bond that had once united them now stretched thin. The rooftop awaited, a stage where the threads of fate were manipulated by Pekka Rollins, orchestrating a cruel and twisted dance.

The confrontation erupted in a sudden burst of violence. Guards emerged from the shadows, their movements swift and practiced, ensnaring Y/n and Kaz in an iron grip. Pekka’s grin held a malevolent gleam, a puppet master relishing his control over their destinies.

Pekka positioned Kaz in front of him, the barrel of a gun trained unwaveringly on Kaz’s form. Y/n was restrained across from them, held captive by a guard’s steely grip. A chill crept down Kaz’s spine as Pekka’s grin twisted into a sinister snarl. “I’ve had enough of you, you barrel scum.” Pekka spat, his words dripping with venom. The unmistakable click of the gun’s safety being disengaged sent a shiver through the room, the sound amplifying the threat that hung in the air.

Y/n’s heart raced as the tension reached a fever pitch. In a moment of heart-stopping determination, she lunged forward, her elbow connecting with the guard’s nose with all her strength. The guard staggered back, blood streaming from his nose, and for an instant, the grip on Y/n loosened.

With an adrenaline-fueled burst of energy, Y/n sprinted towards Pekka, her eyes fixed on the gun pointed at Kaz. The guard reacted quickly, his gun drawn and fired. The first shot found its mark, striking Y/n in the shoulder. Pain exploded through her, but she pushed on, her resolve unbroken.

The second shot seared through her calf, a fresh wave of agony crashing over her. Yet, fueled by sheer determination, she continued her charge. With a surge of strength, Y/n launched herself at Pekka, a whirlwind of determination and fury that shattered the room’s fragile balance.

Their bodies collided, a tangle of limbs and desperation, as Y/n tackled Pekka over the building’s ledge. In that split second, the world seemed to freeze as Pekka’s eyes widened with shock. The wind howled around them as they plummeted, the abyss below consuming them.

Kaz’s senses sharpened as a heart-stopping clarity settled over him. “No!” he roared, his voice a raw and desperate plea. His heart thundered in his chest, his eyes locked on the figures plummeting into the abyss. His sister—his world—disappearing into the endless darkness.

As Y/n fell, a whirlwind of memories swirled through her mind. Moments of shared laughter, secret confidences, and the unbreakable bond she shared with Kaz danced before her eyes. With a final, steadying breath, she closed her eyes, embracing the unknown that awaited her.

Kaz’s gaze remained riveted on the void, his knuckles white as his fists clenched. He strained to catch a glimpse of Y/n’s form, his silent prayer echoing in the night. But as seconds stretched into an agonizing eternity, a cruel reality settled over him. She was gone. “No…”

Ten years had passed since that fateful night, a decade of shadows and whispers that wrapped around Kaz like a suffocating cloak. In the aftermath, he had become a phantom, rarely seen beyond the confines of the Crow Club's walls. He had exacted vengeance upon each of the men who had played a role in Pekka's ambush, leaving a trail of death in his wake. But the weight of his sister's sacrifice lingered, an indelible scar etched into his soul.

He had returned to the Crow Club that night, his movements robotic and his demeanor cold. Locking himself in his office, he had shut himself away from the world for months, consumed by a maelstrom of guilt and grief. Jobs became an afterthought, the thrill of the heist no longer able to fill the void that had been left behind.

However, a decade later, Kaz had finally mustered the courage to venture into Lij to meet with a contractor. The air hung heavy with memories, each step a reminder of the past he had tried to bury. As he navigated the streets, however, he found himself haunted by visions of his sister—fragments of her, an older version, lingering at the periphery of his vision. He dismissed them as figments of his tormented imagination, a cruel trick his mind played on him.

After signing several contracts, Kaz found himself wandering the market, surrounded by the hum of life that continued to thrive even in the face of his own despair. It was there, amidst the bustle and noise, that he heard a voice call his name—his real name, not the alias he had adopted to shield himself from the world. He spun around, muscles tensed, ready to face a threat. But instead, he was met with a sight that sent his heart into overdrive—Y/n, standing before him, her smile a bittersweet echo of the past.

Kaz's breath caught in his throat, his mind a whirlwind of disbelief and confusion. He muttered something under his breath, his voice wavering. "This is not real. You've lost it, Brekker." His instinct was to retreat, to put distance between himself and the haunting apparition that stood before him.

Yet, Y/n stepped forward, her gaze unwavering, and spoke words that cut through the walls he had built around himself. "You'd think after ten years my brother would be happy to see me again." Her words held a lightness he had long forgotten, a playfulness that once defined their relationship.

In that moment, something shifted within Kaz. For the first time in his life, he found himself battling the ghosts of his past, his fears, and his overwhelming need for control. His brain urged him to flee, to escape the impossible reality that seemed to mock him. But there was something different this time—an ache in his chest, a yearning for the connection he had lost.

Y/n's smile was a lifeline, an anchor in the storm that raged within him. In a swift motion, he disregarded the barriers that had once kept him safe. With a vulnerability he had long suppressed, Kaz closed the distance between them and enveloped Y/n in a hug—an embrace that was both desperate and tender.

Y/n laughed, the sound a melody that echoed through the market. She hugged him back, the weight of a decade's worth of absence and longing evaporating in that simple gesture. While their bodies were locked in the embrace, Kaz's voice trembled as he finally uttered the words that had haunted him for years. "I thought you were dead."

Y/n's response was soft, her hands gently cupping his face as she drew back slightly. Her left arm trembled, a detail that didn't escape Kaz's notice. Her words were an invitation, a lifeline thrown to a brother who had long been lost in the darkness. "Let's have some tea and catch up?" she suggested, her voice carrying a warmth that melted away the years of isolation and pain.

Kaz nodded, a simple gesture that belied the torrent of emotions surging within him. For the first time in a decade, he allowed himself to lower his guard, to let go of the fears and ghosts that had held him captive. As they walked side by side, the bustling market around them fading into the background, Kaz dared to believe that perhaps, just perhaps, he could find a sliver of light amidst the shadows.

Y/n began to walk, and Kaz followed in her wake, a hesitant anticipation in his steps. Before long, they reached their destination—a modest house that held the secrets of his sister's life over the past ten years. Y/n attempted to unlock the door, her left arm trembling once again. He stepped forward, a silent offer hanging in the air. "May I?" he asked, his voice gentle. Y/n's smile was her response as she handed him the keys, her gratitude evident in her gaze.

As they entered the house, Kaz's eyes roved over the surroundings, each corner a tableau of memories he had missed. He moved from picture to picture, his gaze lingering on each frame as he studied the portraits adorning the walls. His sister and a man stood in one photograph, their smiles frozen in time. He continued his exploration, his eyes tracing the presence of the same man in several portraits. There was a story woven within the frames, one that begged to be unveiled.

His steps carried him to a picture of two children, their innocent faces frozen in a moment of laughter. He opened his mouth to inquire about their identities, but before the words could escape, a cacophony of joyous voices shattered the silence. Two children burst into the room, their boundless energy a stark contrast to the years of solitude Kaz had endured.

"Ma!" they exclaimed in unison, their arms reaching out to embrace Y/n. She welcomed them with open arms, the love in her eyes a testament to the years they had shared. As the children released their hold, the older brother pointed at Kaz and asked a question that tugged at the corners of Kaz's lips. "Who is that, ma?"

Y/n's laughter filled the room, a melody that danced upon the air. "That would be your uncle Kaz," she replied, her voice carrying a hint of mirth. Kaz's gaze shifted from Y/n to the children, his heart a mix of awe and surprise. The younger of the two gasped, his small hand covering his mouth as realization dawned. "You have the same name as me!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide with wonder.

“Kaz, this is Jordie,” said y/n while pointing at the oldest who in response gave a shy wave, “and this is Kaz.” she said while pointing at the youngest. Kaz found himself speechless for a moment, his mind swirling with emotions that defied description. The sight of his nephews, the legacy of the family he had believed to be lost forever, left him humbled and amazed. With a steadying breath, he knelt down, his movements deliberate as he met the gaze of the two children.

"Can I get a hug?" he asked, his voice soft but sincere. The response was immediate and joyful, a chorus of laughter and footsteps that rushed towards him. Small arms enveloped him, their embrace soft but firm none the less.

As the echoes of their joyful laughter began to fade, Y/n gently turned to her children, her voice filled with warmth. "Why don't you two go upstairs and play for a while?" she suggested. Without hesitation, the young boys bounded away, their laughter and excitement filling the air. With a shared glance, Y/n and Kaz watched them go, a silent acknowledgment of the profound moment they had just shared.

"Tea?" Y/n's voice broke the stillness, the simple question carrying a sense of normalcy amidst the extraordinary circumstances. Kaz nodded, his gaze lingering on her as he made his way to the table. Y/n quickly prepared the tea, her movements deft but accompanied by the persistent tremor in her left arm. She placed the cups on the table and settled down beside Kaz, the fragility of her condition at odds with her unwavering strength.

Kaz's eyes shifted from the tea to Y/n's arm, his curiosity piqued. "Why is your arm shaking so much?" he inquired, his voice carrying a note of concern. Y/n looked down at her trembling arm, her fingers gently tracing the path of the trembling. Her words were soft, carrying a weight that only a decade of silence could give. "It hit one of the rocks in the water when I fell ten years ago." Her fingers moved in a soothing rhythm, a gesture of self-comfort as she spoke the words that had haunted her.

"Nerve damage," she continued, her voice tinged with resignation. "Hasn't stopped shaking since." Kaz's gaze shifted from her arm to meet her eyes, the concern etched on his features palpable. He regarded her with a mixture of understanding and compassion, a silent acknowledgement of the pain that had woven its way into her life.

His next question was gentle, a gesture that sought to bridge the gap between the years they had spent apart. "Does it still hurt?" he inquired, his voice low and tinged with a vulnerability that he had rarely shown. Y/n's response was honest, her eyes holding his as she offered a glimpse into her reality. "Some days more than others," she admitted, her words a testament to the resilience she had cultivated over the years.

As they sipped their tea, the room seemed to embrace the fragile peace that had settled between them. Y/n's eyes held a genuine curiosity as she turned the conversation toward him. "What have you been up to in these past years?" she asked, her voice gentle. Kaz's response was measured, his words guarded yet filled with a quiet certainty. "Just casual business."

The exchange led to a shift in the conversation, and he inquired about her life with equal curiosity. Y/n's smile held a hint of nostalgia as she began to speak of the man she had met—Ezra. His name resonated in the air, a key to unlocking the chapters of her life that had been hidden from him. "We got married," she explained, her gaze distant yet filled with a quiet contentment. "And a little while later, came the kids."

In the quiet of that moment, as the teacups sat forgotten between them, the years of separation seemed to fade into the background. The echoes of a past that had haunted them both began to soften, replaced by the tentative hope of a future that held the promise of healing and renewal.

@thescorpioscrow

This makes ALOT of sense

I like to think that part of the reason Inej is drawn to Kaz is because he's such a damn performer... I feel like it's easy to forget it bc her job in the Dregs is to go unseen, but Inej was raised in the circus. She performed until she was fourteen, and her tell is still squaring her shoulders like she's performing to an audience. I think it's fun to consider that she likes Kaz exactly because he's a bit of a showman, not in spite of it. That even though he's a conman and a thief and coddles his reputation so hard its difficult to tell where the truth even is, there's still something she finds familiar, or even comforting, in his theatricality and weakness for magic tricks.

THIS IS TRULY BEAUTIFUL 💝💝

Hi I just read enough and I was wondering if you would make another part. It doesn't have to be yn and Kaz getting another kid it could just be them in the future. Thanks

Enough, Pt.2

♡ Summary: Nina and Matthias have finally taken it upon themselves to search for a place to settle down. The downside is, it's outside the country. And saying goodbye is a bit more difficult that it usually is.

♡ Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader, The Crows x Reader (platonic!)

♡ Fandom: Six of Crows, Grishaverse

♡ Warning(s): None

♡ WC: 4.4k

Been a while, but here's part two!! I loved the direction this took when I was writing it and I hope you and everyone else who wanted a part two feel the same <3

Side note, thanks for 500 follows. Was not expecting that when I took a break but it was nice to come back to!

Please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

"Something's wrong."

Kaz turns to look at you, several pieces of paper shuffled around in his hand and slotted between the spaces of his fingers. It momentarily distracts you, seeing how ridiculous he looks.

"Yeah. You're not helping."

"No, that's not it."

You ignore the scathing glare he sends you in turn for biting your nails, eyebrows twitching from where they're pulled together.

It feels distinctly like you're missing something. Or maybe like something is supposed to be happening but it's not.

You've already been around Jesper and Wylans to drop off the pie you promised them in exchange for them coming along on a job. Nina already talked to you about her trip back to Ravka to discuss some stuff with the King. Inej wasn't due back until tomorrow, already having everything prepared for her return. Matthias was relatively self sufficient so he didn't need anything from you today. Kaz is burning holes into your skull as a way of forcing you to continue to help him.

Logically, there's nothing left to worry about. You just went through your entire list of people who you wouldn't mind helping.

Maybe Rotty needed something? But you haven't talked with him in a while. Which, really, you need to do that because now you feel bad. Pim and Anika are out of town.

So what-

Panic bubbles in your chest and spurts out your throat. "Leo!"

Kaz jumps a bit, papers making a noise as they're jostled. He stares for a moment, then tenses. "Where is he?"

You rub at your face, the question already plaguing your mind.

"He's at fifth harbor, I think."

The fact that you're not certain kills you.

"You /think?/"

"Okay listen here, Mr. 5 Star Parent." You glare at him. "I told him there was something I needed at the harbor and that it was coming..."

You pat your body, looking for a pocketwatch. Usually it's around your neck or hanging in your pant leg but it's not here.

Kaz walks up to you, jutting his torso out a bit and paper filled hands held off to the side. You grab the pocketwatch from his vest, popping it open to look at the time.

A bit of relief nulls the panic. "It came about half an hour ago, which means he should be-" you turn towards the window, slotting the little clock back into his pocket "-on his way back right now."

The curtains are already open, letting in a deep, warm orange glow into his newly refurbished office. He still intends to move to the ground floor, but for now he remains up here, with the creaky stairs and wide angled window.

You walk over, looking outside. The sun blazes into your eyes for a moment before you block it out, the cobblestones glistening up at you.

There aren't any people around, which is a little weird considering this is the time when people would be making their way back home. But, there is a dog barking up the side of a building, the sound carrying to your ears.

"I doubt you'd see him walking back home."

"He couldn't carry a stack of notebooks with him over the rooftops."

"He would try."

That he would. And he proves Kaz right by hopping down from above.

"I got your note- Woah!"

His sudden appearance is enough to make you scream, hard earned fighting instincts kicking in. Your knife in your side pouch is suddenly no longer in your side pouch, instead flying at record breaking speeds across the Barrel.

The only reason it's not in your son is because you managed to divert it before it left your hand, instead making it create a wind that rustles his longer hair.

"Shit!"

Leo loses his balance, tumbling into the office in a very ungraceful front flip, landing on his back.

"Leo! What did we say about this!?"

He doesn't answer right away, and you don't really expect him to. He groans on the floor as you go to help him up, books scattered on the floor from where they ripped against the thick paper they were stored in.

Kaz is right behind you, papers forgotten as he grips Leo beneath the arms and hoists him up to his feet. You grab a chair, heart still racing yet relieved to see him here and, for the most part, safe.

You plop him down, wooden chair adorned with a cushion.

"I thought you'd have heard me!"

You scoff. "You know I often don't, you sneaky fucking minx." He learned from the best, unfortunately, so he had nothing to say in his defense. "I really could have killed you just now."

"Yeah, you could have." Kaz decides to chime in, going back to sorting through his papers, but paying you extra attention. "That knife is now floating in East Stave, judging by the sheer power and murderous intent you just threw it with."

"Which is why we talked about this!" You examine Leo, turning his face with your fingers near where you seen the knife fly by.

Kaz sighs, putting papers back between his fingers.

"I'm sorry." Leo whispers.

You take a minute to look at him, /really/ look at him instead of searching for what you know isn't there, and see the shaken up and guilt ridden look on his face. His freckled cheeks are drained of color, but slowly coming back. His eyes are wet, and his hair is ruffled beyond repair with just your fingers to card through the progressively curling strands. His eyebrows are pulled together, and there's a noticeable downturn to his lips.

He's really scared.

You sigh. "I'm sorry, too." There's no hesitation in the way you place a kiss to his forehead, letting your lips linger for a moment as you feel the tension leave the space between his brows. "I was literally in the window looking for you, I shouldn't have been so startled."

"I wasnt gone for that long."

You huff. "It's half eight. You left at two."

His eyebrows raise. "Wow."

Kaz actually laughs, a short, sharp exhale through his nose with a curve in the corner of his mouth. "I don't think 'wow' is the word you should be using."

"It's the only word I've got."

You scoff. "Well now you're just a liar, little book worm."

Speaking of books, you turn to the space in front of the window, finding it void of your stack of notebooks that nearly cost Leo his life.

You don't even get the chance to look around for them before Kaz is picking them up from his chair, and then handing them off to you.

There's four of them, each looking the exact same as the others, much to your delight. You take them in earnest. "Thanks, love."

It's wonderful to see the shade of pink that adorns his cheeks still when you call him that.

"What do you need 4 exactly replicated notebooks for?" He clears his throat.

You set them in Leo's lap, taking the top one off and opening it.

The paper was fine and thin, a bit of a bumpy texture to it when you run the pads of your fingers over the surface. It was cream white, a slight yellow tint to some and a very slight grayish-brown tint to others. The edges were deckled, which you'd fix later, and the back cover to the book had an imprint of the sellers company on it.

"They're for little things. Ones for Leo and the rest are for myself. I was considering getting into drawing, but I think I'm mostly going to use them for keeping track of my thoughts."

Leo picked one up, flipping through the pages. "Like a diary?"

"Not... necessarily."

"Then what?"

As you try to think of a different way to explain it, though, nothing comes to mind.

You bought a book you can write in to record your thoughts and feelings. If that's not a diary you don't know what is.

As if second nature you look towards Kaz, as if he's going to help you out of the mess you made. Instead you're met with your husband doing a shit job at hiding an amused smile.

He did that a lot these days.

"If not a diary, then what is it?" He teases.

"It's just... a journal." You go back to flipping through the pages, drinking in the sound that comes from Kaz as he suppresses a laugh with a controlled breath even if it pisses you off, Leo smiling widely at the display he's managed to produce. "Just to write stuff, yknow?"

Leo closes his journal and opens the next one, going over the pages.

"Write stuff. Personal stuff." Kaz teases again.

"Well, yeah." You shrug. "But also, other non personal things. Just stuff I notice and want to keep track of, like things people gravitate to. And to help me learn languages."

You feel Kaz before you hear him. He presses a feather light kiss to your temple, holding your face with his gloved hand.

It's new, welcomed.

You close your eyes and lean gently into his hand until he pulls away. And when you look back at him, he's got that boyish charm to him that he fought tooth and nail for.

You're just glad you run warm. To ease his worries.

"A journal isn't going to help with your abysmal pronunciation of Ravkan."

You shove the journal into his chest, making him stumble away from you. His smile grows.

"I don't need sass from you, Mr. I-only-know-one-language."

He takes the journal and opens it, looking into it. "I don't need to know more than one when I'm surrounded by people fluent in several."

"Not for much longer you're not."

The comment makes the air in the room melancholy.

Along with Nina going to Ravka to discuss some "important matters," her and Matthias won't be returning to Kerch afterward.

They're going to travel around for a while, exploring the different lands available to them to settle down in. After they explore a bit of Ravka, Nina giving Matthias an ample tour of her homeland, their next stop is Novyi Zem. There they'll do much of the same, basking in eachothers presense as they indulge in the prosperous lands and rich culture.

From there they'll edge into The Wandering Isle, but not too far to avoid the Drüskelle. And then they'll take their leave to the Southern Colonies, where they're planning on taking permanent residence if they don't find somewhere else first.

You're happy for them, and so is Kaz, much as he still hates to express it.

Leo, however, is having a hard time figuring out where he stands on the matter.

Earlier, when you went to treat Nina to waffles as one of the last meals you'll share together for a long while, Leo had made it about halfway to the same little diner the three if you went to when you first found him before stopping.

He stood his ground, refusing to move even as you took his hand and tried to encourage him to even just move out of the road, and then gave you a genuine, sad "sorry" and took off back towards the Slat.

You couldn't get him to turn around and come back. And knowing he'd make himself as difficult to find as possible, you continued to meet Nina, who was as sympathetic as can be despite being disappointed.

Even now, you can see the way Leo grips the notebooks, ready to flee.

Your fingers find the back of his head, gently scratching his scalp and loosening the knots in his hair. His shoulders loosen, and he let's out a deep breath.

He's the only reason they haven't done this sooner. But now that he's older and they've had time to learn how to manage the sheer amount of money they came into possession of, it's time.

"They leave tomorrow. Inej will be back as well to see her off." It was a feeble attempt to lighten his mood.

And it doesn't work, his smile not even reaching his eyes. "I know."

You can't think of anything else to say. And Leo stands up, setting the journals on the chair, and walks out the door.

--------

Inej makes it to the harbor before everyone else. Her boat is docked right where it always is, and she's throwing herself off the side and bounding towards the group of you before you can point it out.

You pick up the pace, Nina following right after, luggage forgotten about once she gets to the base of the steps.

The both of you wrap Inej up in a hug, not squeezing hard, but hard enough that you're sure that Inej is having a bit of some difficulty breathing.

You all let go, you taking Inejs hands in yours, smiling as wide as you can. "It's so good to see you."

"You too."

Nina puts a hand on Inejs shoulder. "Are you sure you're alright with taking me to Ravka?"

Inej gives her a contented look. "I'm sure. I'll just be dropping you off, no getting off the boat."

You hardly get another moment with her before Jesper is shoving his way through. He draws out her name, slowly and gently coming down to wrap her in a hug. She reciprocates, already having seen his quick approach.

As Wylan comes to stand next to the hugging pair, Jesper swinging them from side to side, you turn toward Matthias to see him smiling at the display as well.

He's gotten so much more comfortable over the past few years, his year in prison far behind him. It's nice to see him smile so openly, so lovingly.

The boys let go of Inej, Leo having given her a hug as well.

He decided to come along silently, standing outside the Slat and ready to follow to the docks.

No one said a word, just nodded at him as he tailed right beside you.

Getting to see Inej breaks the tension within him a little. You can tell, his shoulders more relaxed and his smiles coming easier.

He moves out of the way as Nina gets Inej's attention again. Inej allows the tears to collect in her eyes as she hugs her once more, the both of them gripping eachother.

Inej sighs. "You'd think I'd be used to this."

They giggle, and so do you.

A high, sad whine escapes Nina's throat. "I didnt realize how hard this was."

"It gets easier."

"I don't think it does."

They go silent, gripping eachother just a little harder before letting go.

You suppose there's some truth to both those statements.

As Nina turns to you, wrapping you up in her arms, you find it hard to do the same.

Because sure, if you do this enough it can start to feel like routine. You lean in close, holding the other together as tight as possible, and then you say goodbye.

But there's so much more.

You hike your arms up and squeeze around her middle, only minding your pressure just a little to avoid forcing all the air out of her lungs. She does not afford you the same courtesy, and squeezes you as tight as possible.

Emotionally, it doesn't. Everytime Inej leaves it feels as if a piece of you is being taken away. And now two more pieces are leaving, a sizeable hole forming in your heart.

When will it be whole again?

When will every one of you be back in the same place, after almost 8 years since the Ice Court? With one hunting slavers and two finding a place they can call home?

Childishly, selfishly, you want everyone to stay together. To call this place, right here, their home, and settle down.

But that's not how real life works.

So you squeeze her a little tighter, and eventually when you let go, you allow the little piece of her that occupies your heart to float away with her.

"Take care of yourself." You say to her, clutching her hands in yours.

She laughs, her loud barking laugh, and tears run down her cheeks. "8 years and that's all you have to say?"

You scoff, regretting it immediately when the release of air from your lungs sends tears pouring out of your eyes. "You know I suck with this emotional goodbye bullshit."

"You and our boys all do."

You turn towards where Kaz and Matthias are standing next to eachother, Kaz's hands placed firmly on his cane and Matthias with his hands clenched into loose fists at his sides.

While he has grown more relaxed over the years, that Drüskelle rigidness has yet to be completely shed, if it ever will be.

Jesper and Wylan get their turn saying goodbye to Nina, and you walk over to Matthias.

He relaxes slightly, his body curving down ever so slightly to become just a bit more eye level with you.

"What do you want, big guy? A hug? Handshake? Fistbump?"

He smiles at the humor in your voice, rolling his eyes, and then he's walking forward, arms out.

It's only half surprising, your eyebrows raising ever so slightly as you walk into him.

He's still as solid as can be, but he's gentle in the way he uses that solidness. His arms wrap around your upper body in a way that encapsulates you, your hands flattening across his back.

The hug is much shorter than Nina's, but it's only slightly less emotional.

Your tears continue to fall. His eyes manage to get a glossy look to them, which is basically the same as you breaking down into an ugly sob if you had to put it on a scale.

You take hold of his arms, his hands holding onto your elbows.

"You take care of yourself as well. Keep eachother safe."

He smiles. "You and the demjin really do suck at goodbyes." His Fjerdan hasn't faded a bit, with you, him, Nina, and ocassionally Wylan all speaking it when he does. You and Wylan were learning to speak more like a native, you catching on much faster than him, who wanted to stay more towards textbook Fjerdan.

You're going to miss those bits of chaos, with Kaz and Jesper standing off to the side giving the lot of you looks of confusion and horror when they pick up on certain words out of context.

"Give me a break, half of you are gone now."

He gives your elbows a squeeze. "We will visit, as promised."

"You better. I'll be visiting you too once you get settled down, so you better be prepared."

"I wouldn't expect any less."

You let go of eachother, your body subconsciously finding Kaz's and standing as close as you can to him.

Leo is talking nervously to Nina. Their voices are gone with the wind, his mouth moving rapidly as hers stays slow, hands coming up and wiping away his tears.

He stops, lips turned down, and she brings him into her. Just like you, he can't seem to make his arms move at first. But when he does, they fly around Nina, squeezing her as tightly as a thirteen year old boy can.

You hope this doesn't break him. It's hard enough whenever Inej comes and goes, you have no idea how hard this will be for him with Nina and Matthias visiting so much less often.

They pull apart, and Nina wipes his tears once more. She says something, low enough that you see Inej try and lean in to hear. Whatever she says, Leo gets a serious look on his face, and then nods.

She ruffles his hair, making him giggle.

Inej takes this as her cue to make her way on over. Her eyes are a little pink and glassy, and her nose has gone a little red from where she's been rubbing it.

You hold your arms out again, and she accepts as she takes those last few steps. She's still so thin, but you know better than to think she's gotten weak. You can feel it in the firmness with which she hugs you and how tense her back is, hard muscles sleeping beneath her clothes.

"I've only seen you for five minutes and you're leaving already. And taking Nina and Matthias with you."

You feel more than you hear her chuckle. "Ill visit soon. And so will they when they're ready."

"I know." You pull away. "It just hurts."

She moves on to say something to Kaz, and you look back towards Nina to see Leo handing her one of the journals from yesterday. Usually you'd be a little upset at the regifting, but the awed look on Nina's face brings more confusion than anything else.

They hug again, squeezing tighter than before if possible, and then Leo is running back towards you.

He slams into you, and you're half ready for it. Your body stumbles backwards, his fingers digging into your side and shoulder blade. A third hand comes and stabilizes you as you put your hand on the back of his head, and your other on his back.

He's grown so much. Both physically and emotionally. He's tall enough now that his forehead can rest comfortably in the meat of your shoulder, and considering that he's only 13, you're willing to bet he'll be as tall as Matthias once he's done growing.

The people this important to him leaving will be hard, like opening an old wound, but you can tell he's been prepared for this. They've been openly preparing to leave Kerch for about a year and a half, discussing it when the topic comes up.

He knew this was going to happen.

You just hope you're prepared for how emotional this will be once they're actually gone, boat disappearing across the horizon.

You squeeze him a little tighter, wishing that just holding him like this would make everything better.

"You okay?" You ask.

He nods his head, but doesn't let go.

The other hand rubs your back from side to side. You can feel the leather through your many layers, the vibrations of the friction as he readjusts his fingers making you smile.

Looking up, you see Nina begin making her way over.

Gently, you encourage Leo to let you go. He stands next to Kaz, who does his best to comfort him, gloves fingers moving his hair from his face and behind his ears.

"One last hug before you go." You ask.

She doesn't deny you. "Youre doing a lot of that today."

"Forgive me for wanting to hold you while youre still here."

"Apologize for that again and I'll drag you with me to throw you overboard."

You both laugh, the sound coming from your bellies. Your heart stutters, and it makes you feel a whole lot better.

"Leo gave me a journal to write in while I'm away." She whispers.

"Are you going to use it?"

"Don't be stupid. Of course I will." She pulls away, wiping at her eyes. "And you can read about our adventures for generations to come."

"The size of your ego won't fit on that boat."

"I'll make it work."

You cup her head in your hands. "You always do."

Her lip wobbles, and Matthias takes that as his cue to come in and comfort her.

For a while you all stand in the middle of the docks of fifth harbor. Hoards of people give you dirty looks as they brush past, but no one could find it in them to care.

It's obvious that you're all just finding excuses to keep the conversation going. But the thing is, it's not hard. It's the easiest thing in the world. Topics flow into more topics, strings tying each one together so intricately that you loop back to the beginning several times without more than a blink, and then you're off on something else just as quickly.

And time continues, despite the unrelenting need for it to stop.

When you eventually look up, the sky is becoming a darker shade of blue than the ever lovely warm orange it sports. The sun is just barely peeking over the horizon if you had to guess, the torrential waves surrounding Ketterdam ever present.

Everyone goes silent, realizing the time, and then they begin their goodbyes.

The cycle starts with Jesper and ends with Kaz, who gives both Nina and Inej a tip of his hat, Matthias getting a handshake.

You put a hand on Ninas shoulder. "I hope you find the best piece of land the world has to offer."

"I won't settle for anything less, given what we've been through. I deserve it."

You both smile, giggles almost bubbling. "That you do."

You let your hand slip off her shoulder as she turns away to pick up her things, journal stuffed safely into her shoulder bag.

With nothing left to do, they wave goodbye with their stuffed hands, and Helnik and Inej are on the boat and pulling out of her berth and out into the sea.

The waves allow them to pass, making for a beautiful scene of The Wraith bathed in the light of the nearly set sun, and they're gone.

Nobody says anything.

You wrap your son in your arms, and take your husband's hand. Wylan tucks himself into Jespers arms, and props him up.

Everything feels like it's falling apart.

But for your sanity, and those around you. You tell yourself everything is as it should be, no matter how bullshit it feels.

Because everything is as it should be. It just...

It doesn't feel good.

A hand comes up and wipes your cheek, and you let it rid your face of the tears.

"Come. Home time." Kaz says. There's a gentle tug on your arm, and it's almost like he tugs on your heartstrings too.

He makes everything easier.

You finally look away from the waves, and you feel just a little better. "Home time."

You look down at Leo, who also has tears running down his face. He let's you wipe them away, and then nods. "Home time."

"See you tomorrow?" Wylan asks, Jesper cleaning himself up right next to him.

You hum a deep, confirming tone. "Tomorrow. Dinner."

He nods. "Dinner it is."

Kaz tugs once more, just as gentle, and you give in.

It's time to go home.

∘₊✧──────────────────✧₊∘

Tags:

@b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @a-candle-maker @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @kylie18 @morrigan-crowmwell @venomsvl @milkshake0

And I hope it's okay to tag these people as well since you guys specifically asked for a part 2 in the notes:

@curiousdarlin @beautifulbows924 @jjmaybanksrings

Some fanart I drew, the lighting ain't good tho

Some Inej Ghafa fanart it did while I was on study break

The ink symbolises hurt and like this is her during the bathroom scene

And there's the Menagerie's tattoo on the back I thought this would be a nice touch

The ink on her feet is a throwback to Matthias' first chapters in six of crows where he describes inej as a ghostly demon with light feet.

And the smeared ink in the background is her Lynx spots and the ink on her hands is blood.

And the straps on her legs is where she keeps her knives but she doesn't have her knives

The blue necklace is the one from the show, for a nice touch

Hope y'all like it

HAHAHAHAHAHA LMAOOO I LOVE THIS

"Wylan and Jesper making out on the floor"

Matthias passing by: aw, young love. So pure and delicate

"walks until finding Inej and Kaz making intense eye contact"

Matthias: OH DJEL! MY EYES! WHAT KIND OF PORNOGRAPHIC DISPLAY IS THIS?!

MODERN AU KAZZLE DAZZLE

Who else wants a emo theatre kid Kaz in a modern highschool AU, with a bad emo haircut, an obsession for sunglasses and dramatic gloves (gloves for trauma), UNO, cards, mirror selfies and takeout, and a crush on his Lil sister's bestfriend, star gymnast of Ketterdam High, Inej Ghafa and gets teased abt it by his annoying older brother Jordie.

Tag(s): @bookworm-center

I wanna know what would've happened if Jordie didn't die? Would Kaz still have met the crows- in different circumstances? Would Inej have of been freed from the menagerie?

What do u think would've happened ?

Jordie just 💀

Has this in drafts, don't know if i actually posted it or it never came out

“What do you mean you want to be in hell? Didn’t you bargained your way into heaven?”

Jordie: yeah because i wanted to be with my brother when he kicks the bucket but I have been watching him now and yeah, there’s no way he comes here”