𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐃

for the munday asks: 1, 3, 6, 17, 22, 36

* MUNDAY ASKS .

1. at what age did you start RPing?

i hardly can calculate that because i don't recall the exact year i wrote a little before joining tumblr rpc but i suppose i was 17 or 18-ish when i did write some threads with two friends at the time maybe? it was not much because i was heavily art focused back then and wanted to create my own stories via storyboarding and script, so i hardly had time for the novella type of writing.

3. on what platform did you start RPing?

that was a small rp section on a website which catered more to people who speak my language rather an english centered one, where you could share all kinds of stuff like art, fanfic, comics / doujinshi. but as mentioned before that was not much back then. tumblr is pretty much the only platform where i try to engage with other writers.

6. is there any other muse in this fandom you’d like to RP?

when it comes to ffxv i did briefly think about ardyn or ravus ( but more a versus interpretation of either ), but xv male characters tend to be too pornofied in this fandom, i might have to be too selective to get anything done there. aside from that, i'm missing my versus13 noctis and the headcanons i wrote for him. overall there are too many options and i'm a small steph.

17. what was your first muse?

it were mostly a few OCs to test the waters with writing overall, and i wanted to have the creative freedom to experiment since, back then, i felt people have too high expectations of portraying canon characters, it was too limiting and too much pressure to start.

22. what do you think of your muse’s canon ship, if they have one?

i don't stan it by default. would be a different story if they actually had room to develop their dynamic that goes beyond their prophetic ties, but since the writers thought it would be cool if noctis went fishing while his betrothed worked her ass off every single goddamn day, i sleep.

36. do you feel similar to your muse in any way?

yeah, probably a little too much, to keep it vague. but this fact made me also realize that it's not a particularly healthy thing to project on characters with something too personal imo.

𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 .    //    SEL ACCEPTING .

‘ i say this out of pure selfishness. ’    //    @peacedog​ / kazuhira.

𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐖𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆     /    𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍.    we may hide this like a nakedness, thought that covering it came close to a selfless, principled act.  but most likely it was just that.  acting.  at times, the lunar pearl, who so silently observed us like an indifferent eye, did wonder herself if this simply made us forget who we were  ---  or if our obscured self shall be left bare, popping out wrathful and mortified and exposed through our agape mouths.  and yes, agape itself consisted of selfishness, too.  we would turn to our god, angry and spiteful about our unacknowledged sacrifices, like neglected children begging for attention.  at least, you were honest enough to admit it out loud.    “ no doubt you do.  but i sense a fraction of bitterness, too.  be careful with it. “    she had warned you many times, and never packaged she it in mockery.  rather... concern than anything else.  if only she was better than this, but you never knew her without her set of needle-words ;  gently, so gently piercing into the flesh.    “ ire is a hungry, growing creature.  i shall loathe to see you more befallen by it than you already happen to be.  it would…  sadden me. ” 

I was like that: visible invisible visible invisible. There’s no material as variable as moonlight. I was climbing, clinging to the underneath of my bones,—

Alice Oswald, excerpt of Full Moon (via antigonick)

▬ ❝ On my honour as Oracle, I will not rest until the darkness is banished from our world and the light is restored.

  *  𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂    :    feelings.

𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.    being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laughter lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping.

𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.    tearing up. self-hugging. one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare. monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit. withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.    furrowed brows. baring teeth. passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑.    wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs. images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause. pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of color. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot. making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.

𝐄𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.    constantly yawning. blurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “I’m awake, I’m fine.”. shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired. passing out.

Tagged by :    @reginrokkr​ Tagging :  @asterites  /  @asteriskheart  ( aera uwu )  /  @entropyes​ /  @battleshot​  + anyone who wants to and has the time

The past beats inside me like a second heart.

John Banville (via quotemadness)

* 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒 . // @re-no

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 , 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐓 , 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐒 , 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒.    it was always the trails of her fingerprints, evidence of applying the remedies upon open wounds crying another resin’s ooze.  always sitting close and being accompanied by herbal scents or alcohol bottles.  nursing was her own love language.  adore her, adorn her with the stains of your regret, the dried smear of radiant spider-lily bloom.  by her sneaky beneficence did honey-gold glisten all over the sullying hues, forced itself onto your pallor with a warmth that, she had forgotten, would prompt your outlines to instinctively jolt.  ‘ ey, luna ! ‘  you blurted out, your treated shoulder flinched, your spine tensed up in a straight line, your brain rang the alarm for what careless thing she attempted.  ‘ i told you not to do that. ‘  and she blinked thrice, pursed her lips in surprise, chuckled then, picturing your pout turned towards the wall, away from her, away from the selfless creature she was supposed to portray.  

and it’s been difficult to look at, has it not ?  difficult to refuse it, to disdain it.  that terrible, angelic, woe-devouring thing that would conveniently not memorize your wishes.  you, at her mercy, and she possessed too easy an unspeakable power, unnatural but right just how it should be and how it always was.  it was always the patching, the undressing and dressing of a burning spot, the mercy at which the beast growled beneath her hands caressing the beauty marks.  “ oh, pray forgive me.  a force of habit, you know.  it is not easy to keep in mind that you’d prefer to suffer and complain. ”  all the remark in good jest, but it failed at convincingly delivering the actual apology.  ( please, turn to me again when all is said and done, i did not mean it.  )  

would you keep your anger in your mouth for the next hour, for the rest of the day, had she succeeded to take your pain ?  why were you so greedy with it, what did you hoard it for ?  hurt was no treasure, it was just hurt.  or was the treasure golden and you did not want it ?  never one to be able to rationalize the agreement between you and her, the side-note embedded between the lines, she simply sighed and kept tending to the cuts serving as the cause of refuge sought in the most empty inn to be booked within the next radius of a mile.  the sun now hung low to the point it dimmed out the reminders.  she raised from the couch and played god, the candlewick on, the darkness off.  she sat back again behind the subject who did not ask for more miracles, and after brief inspection of her hard work would a larger band aid be seized, planted over the marrings.  the long pause nestled within the dialogue fell apart with a delayed answer, whispering  ‘ it’s not about that. ’  and she, smiling, said :  “ i know …  i know. ” of course. of course, it's not about that. it's you not wanting her to hurt. it's you wanting the hurt to be a one-way-street.

we have known it as second nature to this woe-devouring thing for her to adore and be adored.  in truth, it frightened her to not see the limits of it.  it frightened her to have seen it in the spilt blood she dreamed of, it frightened her to see so much red that was both hers, on paper, and not.  it frightened her so much she would let her lips sink to your pain and hurt and ached to still take it but — she kissed it worse, instead.  she hurt you more, and would keep hurting you and realized what she had done, realized that the stain of regret would've always been red, oozing from the patch, limbs stitched together, her cold cheek pressed against your shoulder-blade, her heart slipping from her open mouth.  “ it won’t happen again. ” 

please, turn to face me, will you ?  even when i lie.

 *  𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐒    (  part 1  ).

01 :    main ffxv ; during her travels to awake the astrals, luna uses the absorption of star scourge with her oracle blood to slowly restore her former godhood, the fallen deity selene  (  read more here, or feel free to ask for details )

02 :    pre-game ;  any point in time before the events of the game, from luna’s childhood to kingsglaive.

03 :    post-game ;  lunafreya has returned to her divine status and has abandoned her mortal flesh.   however, tainted with cosmic tar, her glory is no longer that which it used to be.

04 :    selene ; during solheim’s presence before the war, we write in homage to myth, or, alternatively, are fully independent of the game’s lore and orient the writing to greek myth itself.

05 :    first oracle-queen ; a descendant of fallen messengers who have coupled with human women in the astral-war, gullveig of the dark land, relative of aera, has taken on the mantle of the first healer-oracle in place of both the previous savior and his fiance, each of them lost and doomed to be erased from history.  she establishes the very foundations that would soon become the nation of tenebrae, and dons the crown in parallel to somnus’ reign.  they both agreed for their blood to never be mixed for centuries to come, and by the gods’ will, form an alliance based on religious circumstance.  it is a mystery if gullveig ever discovered the truth of aera’s death, and that her life was taken by somnus’ hand.

06 :    ffvii ;   lunafreya is an ancient cetra alive during the times of jenova’s calamity and belonged to the remaining ones to band together to trap the alien god into the north-crater.  albeit passing away in the process, her existence returned to the lifestream.  traveling as an echo from the past, yet soon to be re-materialized sent by the will of the planet, rising from the dead after omega’s near activation to either erase all corruption, or continue omega’s work.  whether the remake is taken into consideration is entirely depending on the plot as the verse was created based on the OG lore.

darling moon

𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐕𝐄’𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 , 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐄.    the girl too young    /    the cross too large    /    the divinations too terrible to be bound to.  though, devastating to hear your plea, there was no such thing as a saying in the dictation of your sister's upbringing, no power over decisions she could dare make independently. and still, tomorrow,  would she invent an illusion of choice, for if she did not, how ought a bird thrive in captivity ?  how ought a flower bloom without the light ?  how ought selene illuminate the night without the sun and without the stars ?  “ stella… ”    a whisper so soft t’was barely voice-borne as she grasped two small hands with her own, gently enough she might, any moment, break apart.    “ i’m sorry… i wish i could stay, really… ”    (  i want to stay here, with you, with ravus, with mother.  i want to stay, but i can only obey.  )    “ we’ll be spending all of the upcoming week together before i depart, alright ? ”

❝ that's not fair, sister. i need you way more then solheim, why do you have to go ? solheim is way too far and way tooo boring, you just should stay here. i will hide you in my closet, it's plenty big. ❞ @moonichor